Disclaimer
1 - The author does not own One Piece, it's characters or likeninesses
2 - Story for entertainment purposes only
3 - There's two easter eggs around. One is pretty obvious, the other not so. For the later, think videogames.
4 - Comments, opinions, and "aw, c'mon!" more than welcomed
A door opened, and Sanji lost his breath for a bit. This Okama Kempo Master would not be easy. He saw the back of a very curve figure, wearing white tights with red bolts on the sides, clinging to the tushie in a way that leaves few to the imagination. He could see suspenders going up to a very short, bolero navy-style jacket. Cascating at the shoulder length, jet black, curly hair. Turning around, Sanji saw the form of a nice sized breast, not big, not small, perfection on the cook mind.
Lars turned a bit more, revealing a face with a bushy mustache.
Sanji jaw dropped to the floor, and he felt the desire to bleach his eyes.
"My name is Lars. You dare to show your face, your big disgrace."
A metallic staff hit the ground, before Las pointed it menacingly to Sanji.
"I will beat you."
"Other Masters tried. Épaule!" Sanji rushed to the Okama, who defended before striking back.
After some back and forward attacks, Lars was lying in the floor.
"Death on two legs, you are tearing me apart."
"Hand me over the recipe and let's get over with it."
Lars stood up, just to hear a Den Den Mushi inside. Sanji didn't like that. There could be – and usually there is – an ambush of lesser okamas, trying to put him in some frilly clothing. But this time the surroundings were surprisingly quiet. Lars came after a minute with the Recipe.
"You earned a few hours of truce, cook. Feel free to rest on my house, no one will bother you."
"You look distressed. Did you just received bad news?"
Lars head came side to side, maybe too quickly.
"Just Den Mushi ga-ga, Den Mushi goo-goo. Think nothing about it." Lars was now carrying fire arms together with the staff, a baby Den Den Mushi on a backpack, and leaving in a hurry. Sanji bite his cigarette hard.
"I don't care about you guys, but I would not be a good guest if I don't offer my help. So. What is wrong?"
"And we would not be good hosts putting our guest in outside danger." Sanji saw the okama's hands quickly covering the mouth, a clear sign of someone talking too much. A foreign danger, and a sizable, too, if Ivankov is calling for back up.
"There is something wrong."
Lars sighed.
"Come with me, the Queen will decide. Don't lose your head over it, hear what I say. We're waiting the visit of the Marines."
"Uh? The Marines? What they want here at Kamabakka?"
While they walked, Lars here and there used the Den Den Much as a speaker:
"Calling all boys, calling all girls, calling all people, emergency meeting at the palace agora."
"The Marine Force does not want anything, cook. Some of their bad apples there, on the other hand…The Captain Booree and crew found a few years ago that blackmailing the okamas could be very profitable, so every few months they came to get their bribe."
"They do that very often?"
"Until six months ago, when they faced the powerful Queen Emporio Ivankov, and got their ship almost blow to smithereens."
"Since they're back, I think the key word is 'almost', Lars."
"Sadly, so. This time, they have three or four ships. There's no shortage of corrupt marines for Booree to recruit."
"More than a reason for me to help."
"Please, we have Ivankov now. She is a killer Queen, gunpowder, dynamite with a laser beam."
The rest of the racewalk – because of course okamas racewalk – was in silence, until they reached the castle. Inside, Ivankov was giving orders here and there, okamas getting rifles and swords, moving around in a disciplined martial form. A more noticeable difference was behind Ivankov throne. As far as he knew, the kingdom did not have an official flag, but he saw before, in that room, several purple-and-pink flags, some bearing Ivankov Tattoo with the skull and two bended swords, some were artistically surrounded by lace, or sport delicate patterns. Today, every pole was empty, but one, with a simple red pendant. No frills, no message, no nothing. Just a triangular red flag. Sanji made an effort to remember if he saw that before, without luck.
"So, what our cook-boy is doing here, Lars?"
Sanji took a step forward and spoke for himself.
"I wish to help defeating the Marines."
"No need. As you can see." And pointed to the battalion of okamas "Kamabakka is a kingdom where, when needed, men are men."
And, after a pause, laughing:
"… seven times out of ten."
"Despite our challenge, I am living here, fighting and becoming stronger. It's a matter of respect I help you. Plus, I'd wish to request something from the enemy ships."
"You have everything you need here to cook. And, if you weren't o stubborn, could have every other comfort available, too. What can you possible want…?"
Sanji took the paper cylinder out of his mouth and looked at it, with a sad face. He did not dare to call that weak, menthol-laced thing a "cigarette", but was the only one available in the island – he would not dare to get close to the ones that taste like mango, peach, roses. The Okama Queen looked at him.
"Ah, I see. Awful habit, you know. However, I have some rare cigars from the famous farm of Ana Vah. I would share with you, if you ever give me a reason to celebrate." The okama said, leaning closer to Sanji."
"In that case, we'll smoke our particular poisons alone."
"Your reluctance amuses me. Soon, wanton boy, soon. Right now, I must defend my kingdom. I fought you. Didn't found that impressive. Then again, you survived my winks, and defeated several Kempo masters already. Inazuma."
The okama with the two-tone hair approached.
"You will lead the assault on the right ship. I will take the two of the center. Lars, the left ship forces are with your girls. The candy boy will be under you, if you so desire. If the opportunity arises, save the tobacco from the ship before sinking it."
Sanji felt a slap in his back from the mustached figure.
"Young fighter, no time for doubt."
Sanji followed Lars, watching as the okamas quickly form a military-ish unit (only with mascaras and frilly dresses)
"Listen all you people, come gather round, I gotta get me a game plan. Any info on the type of ship? Devil fruit users on board?"
After a while, the Okama Army was ready to face the four heavily armed ships that appeared in the horizon.
"Girls, hold your fire until you can recognize the cloth of their sails." Said Ivankov.
After some minutes, the first cannon balls were deflect by Ivankov Winks, Inazuma blades and Sanji's kicks.
As the ships got close, Sanji felt something sharp cut the beach sand and hit some okamas.
"Just our luck. Booree is on our ship." Said Lars "Watch out for her whips."
"No worries" answered Sanji "I've faced wors… wait, wait. 'Her'? You mean, like a woman?"
The cook turned to the ship, and sure enough, the impose figure of a woman with a whip on each hand dominated the deck. She didn't look any way the curvy figures he dream of. No, Booree body was more on the shape of an apple, and her face clearly showed she had a decade or so more of sea and salt than Sanji's nakamas. All that made her more fearsome and bossy. But no matter. It was a woman, a real woman, and that's all in Sanji's mind. He only reacted when the first crack of the long metallic whip was slithered at his side, sound deceptively nom-menacingly short, creating a fissure on the ground making some okamas fly away.
He can't hit a woman.
Lars was bravely rallying the troops to advance. He saw some of the soldiers in drag struggle to get up.
But Sanji can't hit a woman.
The whip cracked again, and he jumped to avoid it, but that didn't helped the glitter army behind him. He looked to Ivankov, but the Queen was busy facing a scorpion artificial devil fruit user called Geroverreah. No help from there.
And Sanji will not fight women.
Nevertheless, he saw a whip coming for the third time, ripping the air with a sinister whistle. This time, he jumped towards it. It was a fraction of seconds. Barbed metal from the whip met the sole of Sanji's leg midair, collapsing in the floor like a gigantic snake mortally wounded.
Captain Booree made a desapointed sound but did not wasted anytime, lauching her second whip, that time straight at Zoro. The deadly leather and his leg raced at each other, in a fight to get the advantage. The weapon curled itself around Sanji's calf. Twisting his body violentelly, he made the handle fly from Booree's hand, depriving the Marine from one of her weapons. Getting free, Sanji jumped on the enemy's boat, focusing on taking out as many enemies as possible. Anyone but Booree.
Because he still would not fight a woman.
The complete crew of the ship would make him busy for a minute, give or take some seconds. Time to think about what to do. Even with only one whip, Booree was making quite a number on the Okamas. The cook was thinking about asking Ivankov to change antagonists. At this moment of distraction, the whip caught his leg and throw him overboard.
As Sanji went back to his feet, he saw Lars, arm bleeding, trying to rally the okamas, some hurt, some crying over fallen comrades:
"Keep going. Inside our heart is breaking, our makeup may be flaking but on with the attack!"
Sanji raises his head in direction of the enemy ship.
"Captain Booree" he calls "I want you to know that I vowed never to hit a woman."
"Great" she said with a grim "Them I will not lose" The whip came to action once again, only to be deflected by Sanji's kick.
"No matter what, I keep that decision. I was battling Bon Clay once. Number 2 at Barroque Works. He made me notice that people are not what they appear to be, they are they hearts. That's all that matters. Often I forget that" Another whip crack died at Sanji's nimble feet. "And Booree, dishonoring your Marine uniform for some dirty money, attacking others without reason proves you have no heart at all." Sanji leaped in the air shouting "Concassé!"
Booree closed her eyes and raised her arms to protect herself from the impact. Nothing happened. She looked around to see Sanji, at her side, leg extended a few centimeters from her.
"After all that speech you missed?" She laughed.
"No. I don't hit women." And jumped away. Booree noticed, with horror, the deck start to crack everywhere thanks to the pressure of Sanji's attack. Before she could reacted, it collapsed, sending her, her crew, cannons, everything on the hull below. Sanji perched himself on the figurehead, raising his leg menacingly.
"Give me a reason to spare the remainings of your ship."
"We're leaving! Ok? We're leaving to never return."
The cook lighted a cigarette.
"You know, Lars said you kind of promised that before." And jumped again.
Too bad, thought Sanji. On the Going Merry and the Sunny, the crew exchanged tales of Dracule Mihawk and Ace wenting thru ships with one hit. Himself witnessed Usopp doing the same with a cannon. He just split a ship in half with his leg, and will not be able to share the tale later, because that would involve the okamas. Better to avoid the teasing that would bring. The okamas. He looked at the tattered army. He still had a lot to do.
Ivankov castle ballroom was transformed into a big infirmary, busy with people treating and being treated. In the kitchen, Sanji was leading a small troop of cooks, all preparing healing soups and beverages non-stop. It was well after midnight when the need for the curative meals decreased to a rhythm that allowed the Straw Hat to take a break. Instead of smoking, he went to deliver soup to some of the injured ones, leaving Lars for last.
"Ready to jump on the front of another enemy, now?"
"Who wants to live forever anyway, cook?"
"Tsk. This kind of attitude reminds me of my captain. And somehow he always survives."
There was a bit more of small talk until an okama talked with Sanji.
"Mister Sanji, by the grace of our Queen, the truce on your arrangement with her has been extended to tomorrow at midday. She thanks you for your services and asked me to escort you to a room in the guest wing."
"Go, Death on Two Legs, you worked too much already."
It was almost a shock to Sanji. After so many times sleeping few hours a day in the woods, or hidden in some shed, anywhere that could provide protection against the okamas, the luxury of the room was overwhelming. King-size bed, gigantic bathtub, a small cooker with a kettle and a variety of teas by the side. Sanji was about to collapse in the bed, when he heard a knock on the door. He opened it and there was Inazuma, in the male form, holding a coathanger.
"Hello, cook. I will be brief, so you can rest. Ivankov requests your presence for breakfast, tomorrow. It's, by all means, a meeting with royalty, so we took the liberty of making you another suit." He gave Sanji the hanger. It was a almost perfect copy of his own suit, done with great care and the finest materials "No offense" Inazuma finished "But yours was starting to look – and smell – quite battle worn. Luckily for you we have the best cloth designers and tailors of this Blue. With a single look at you, they can guess the exact measures."
Without thinking, Sanji took a whiff of his arm, a mixture of sweat, blood and onions.
"So, anything else we can do for you?"
"Everything is more than perfect" Sanji was still amazed by the suit. "Thanks a lot"
Inazuma raied his glass of wine and was exiting, when
"Inazuma, wait!" Sanji quickly scribbled something on a paper. "Can youget me one of these?"
The okama read the note, raised an eyebrow, but smiled "That will be a very simple task."
Emporio Ivankov was not a person to be caught off guard. She survived the horrors of Impel Down, escaped the hellish prison, rules her own country. Even so, she gasped seeing the cook guest waiting for her. Around his neck, a pink tie with delicate white flowers.
"You are giving me some hope, monsieur Vinsmoke." Said Ivankov, hugging Sanji.
"I guess we are learning something with each other."
"Ah, mayhap. Learning is good. And what would this be?"
"People are not what we see, people are heart. Some time ago an okama taught me that."
"I see. So, maybe we can rework our deal?"
"Don't push your luck."
"At any rate, you deserve some reward for the long hours on the kitchen yesterday, and helping defeat Booree. So lets have a breakfast free of other thoughts."
A couple of hours later, Sanji was on the streets of Kamabakka. He choose to use the later truce hours to gain some ground away from larger concentration of people and closer to the next master with a recipe.
After walking a good hour, he stopped for a cigarette break. It was only then that he noticed, on the internal pocket, two of the finest cigars imaginable.
Really, thought Sanji, people are heart. Creepy, nightmare-inducing, but people are heart. He may disagree with the okamas, but would do anything to save people like Ivankov, Lars or Bon Clay.
The End
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