It's a relatively warm spring evening outside the Lima Courthouse. Several crocuses are pushing through the dark, damp soil of the gardens, and a bird is perched in a large oak tree, whistling a lazy tune. On the outside, everything is calm and sleepy. Inside the building is another story. In one of the rooms, the entire wedding Hudson-Berry/Berry-Hudson wedding party is gathered, minus one key girl- the maid of honour, Quinn Fabray.
"Rachel, you said five more minutes like, ten minutes ago! Our slot is totally gone!" the groom, Finn Hudson, groans again, now slumped in a chair by his groomsmen. The tiny brunette bride ignores him, tapping away on her iPhone, sending the thirty seventh frantic text of the hour. Quinn hadn't been answering for far too long- if the blonde had decided not to come, she should have just told her- now she was worried.
"This isn't right- she should have answered by now!" she murmurs to herself for the fourth time, pacing nervously. Quinn had every right to be upset with her after what happened at the bridal store, her last ditch effort to prevent the marriage, convince Rachel to choose her…
Mentally shaking herself, Rachel returns to her phone, answering a call the second the name 'Bee' flashes up on her screen.
"Hello, Quinn? Where are you? I refused to start without you but we're running short on time-"
"Is this Rachel Berry?" a distinctly older, female voice asks tentatively. Rachel stops pacing, her stomach twisting uncomfortably.
"Yes, this is her… Who's speaking?"
"Judy- Judy Fabray. I'm Quinn's mother?" the woman- Judy- takes a deep shuddering breath that sends Rachel into a mini panic attack, then utters four words that send her life into a tail spin.
"There's been an accident."
She's screaming at her fathers to drive faster, slapping away Finn's hands as he tries to lay one on her shoulder to try and calm her down, clutching the driver's seat so hard her knuckles are white, the skin around them so taut it's almost painful. All she can think of is Quinn, trapped under twisted metal, covered in blood… She gags, the contents of her stomach roiling at the idea of her Quinn, injured, in pain… It's a reality now, and she can't stop the tears that escape her eyes.
Kurt is on her right, Finn on her left, and both are watching her warily, like she's an injured animal who might lash out at them. That assumption would be correct- she feels like a caged tiger as they pull into the hospital parking lot.
She's over Kurt and out the door before her Daddies are parked, lifting her skirts and sprinting through the doors to the receptionist's desk, demanding where she can find Quinn Fabray.
"Are you family?" the woman is in her mid-forties with dull brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and a cool demeanour, obviously used to frantic visitors.
"No, but I'm her best friend, and she's supposed to be my maid of honour, and her mom just-" Rachel babbles tearfully, cut off as Judy walks through the doors, her eyes red rimmed.
"Oh, Rachel, thank God…" Judy sighed, holding the door open for her.
"What's going on, Mrs. Fabray? Is she okay?" Rachel follows her through the doors, Finn, Kurt, and her fathers on their heels as Judy leads them to a waiting area.
"The doctors are doing everything they can, but she was plowed into by a huge truck directly to the driver's side- and they say there's only so much they can do…" Judy's voice sounds small and lost, even to Rachel, which only spurs more tears.
"Oh god," Rachel whispered, burying her face in her hands, shaking off comforting hands on her back. She sits, hunched over and crying into her hands for an immeasurable amount of time, hearing the rest of New Directions filter in, Tina's sobs easily heard over the quiet, sombre conversations of the others.
Footsteps echo throughout the room and her head shoots up, watching the man in the white coat desperately, wishing she could run up to him and cling to him like he's a life preserver delivering her good news, but the expression on his face makes her want to curl into a ball and pray for this nightmare to be over.
"Mrs. Fabray, her left lung has collapsed and there are massive amounts of internal bleeding," the doctor begins, tone apologetic. Rachel realizes she's standing when the room begins to spin and she stumbles, feeling faint.
"We can only wait."
"For what?" Rachel manages to choke out, clutching the arms of the chair next to Judy's, lowering herself into it unsteadily.
"For her condition to improve, or…" he trails off sadly, eyes full of pity as the brunette began sobbing again.
"You can, of course, go sit with her. One at a time, though."
She wants to stand, to run to be by Quinn, but Judy is gone, halfway to the hospital room by the time she feels steady enough to walk. She's stuck waiting in the drab, depressing beige room with the dark green chairs, the fabric flecked with caked on stains and small drops of paint. She tries counting the tiles on the floor, but can't get herself to concentrate.
It feels like an eternity later when she hears the click of heels on the tile and sees Judy Fabray, cheeks still damp and eyes puffier than when she left. Before she can say a word Rachel is out of her chair and sprinting, barely hearing her when she calls out Quinn's room number.
After several seconds Rachel finds room 284, and pushes the door open, a strangled cry trapped in her throat at the sight of the girl in the bed.
It doesn't look like it's Quinn- the girl looks small with white plaster all over her boy- covering both legs, part of her waist, one arm- and bandages wrapped around her head. She can hear laboured, shallow breathing; Quinn's breath hitching like it hurts her to inhale and exhale.
"Oh Quinn…" Rachel whimpers, rushing to the chair next to her bed. Quinn opens her eyes and focuses on the brunette, smiling at her.
"Hey Rach. Sorry I couldn't make it to the wedding," she breathes out.
"Don't apologize. I shouldn't have been texting you like that when you were driving… This is all my fault-"
"Don't be ridiculous, Rachel," Quinn interjects softly, lifting on hand to brush a tear off the brunette's cheek. Rachel holds the pale, cool hand in place, letting Quinn stroke her cheek. "I was the idiot who was texting in a car, you were being safe. It was me who broke the law and got in an accident." She adds reassuringly, coughing and wincing as her body moves.
It brings tears to Rachel's eyes as Quinn lowers herself carefully, looking exhausted, eyes half closing, breathing shallower, the heart rate monitor slowing.
"Don't cry… Please don't cry…" Quinn whispers, wiping away the tears on Rachel's cheek with her thumb.
"Rachel… I love you, Rach." Quinn breathes out, smiling up at her, eyes glassy with tears. Rachel nods face crumpling.
"I love you too, Quinn. So much. Since we were fifteen," she promises vehemently. "I'll love you forever. I'll love you tomorrow, and when we get married, and when we have kids, and when you're sitting next to me when I win my first Tony-" Quinn's fingers move to cover her mouth and slide to the back of her neck, pulling her down to kiss her softly on the lips.
"I always wanted to do that," she said quietly as Rachel rested her forehead against hers.
"Don't cry… I'll always be with you, I promise. I'll never leave you…" Quinn told her, coughing again, whimpering in pain. Rachel gripped her good hand as her breathing became shallower and less frequent.
"Quinn, you're going to be okay, come on Quinn," she begged, squeezing her hand.
"I'm so… Sorry I won't be there… For your Tony, Rach…"
"No, you will be! Don't give up on me, please, Quinn," she urged, crying again.
"So… Sorry… Baby…" Quinn breathed quietly. Rachel leaned down to kiss her, and felt Quinn kiss back. Then she began to withdraw, body going slack on the hospital bed.
"Oh god, no… Quinn, no!" Rachel sobbed as the monitor flatlined.
"Quinn! Please, Quinn!" she screamed as the nurses and doctors filtered in, one nurse ushering her out. She collapsed against the wall, her sobbing nearly drowning out the sounds of the doctors shouting "Clear!" and demanding higher electrical charges.
After several minutes, the only sound left was a flat, constant note she knew would haunt her forever.
She misses the funeral. She'd been in bed since the day at the hospital, barely eating, hardly sleeping- just laying in bed, staring blankly ahead or crying. Whenever she slipped into sleep, she relived the night at the hospital, heard the monitor flat lining, saw Quinn with her eyes still half opened but unseeing… And she woke up screaming for her, every time. Nothing could comfort her.
Eventually, she gets out of her bed. She manages to walk across the stage to accept her diploma. In the summer, she stays at home, mostly. She goes for long walks in the woods by herself, just thinking of the girl she loved. Sometimes she'll put on a bathing suit and float in her pool, but she mostly stays inside, in her pajamas, watching Barbra movies.
When it's time for her to go to Julliard (after missing her NYADA audition while hibernating after the accident, she was grateful she'd already done her Julliard auditions), she's reluctant. Still, she packs all her belongings in the car with her fathers and they drive for several hours. She surprises herself by laughing and talking. For the first time in a while everything feels okay- then I Feel Pretty starts playing and she falls quiet for the remainder of the ride.
Her roommate is blonde, and that's enough to make her cry herself to sleep the first night, Quinn's picture under her pillow.
She throws herself into performing at Julliard, devoting herself to her craft. She stars in the production her second and third years, then moves on directly to an off-Broadway show she'd started workshops for a few months earlier. It's hardly glamorous, just a supporting role, but when she performs for the first time she feels happier than she had felt in several years.
After doing a few more shows off-Broadway, she gets several roles on-Broadway, at first in the chorus, then as supporting characters. She's waiting for her callbacks when an old acquaintance calls her up. It's an old friend from Julliard who is now director of the West Side Story revival, asking her to come audition for his casting directors. She almost passes out after receiving the call, booking an appointment and planning the audition in her mind. When she gets there, it's all a blur of reciting monologues and singing with every fibre in her being. At one point, she swears she sees a flash of blonde hair in her peripheral vision.
When she gets the role, she's ecstatic. They go through rehearsals and four months later she's on a stage performing. Every night it feels like she has Quinn watching over her, like the blonde is standing right beside her as she pours her heart and soul into her portrayal of Maria.
When she's nominated for the Tony, she cries- loud, heaving sobs, partly because she's so happy to be nominated, partly because it reminds her of a promise she made when she was eighteen that she can never uphold.
She goes to the Tony's alone, preferring to accept defeat against Sutton or Jennifer in solitary, surrounded by other actors, clapping coolly with just enough happiness for the girl who wins. When it's her name that's called she freezes. Someone pushes her up and she manages to get to the stage without fainting or falling. When they hand her the golden award she cries, and grabs the microphone.
"I want to dedicate this, and every performance I've ever done, to Lucy Quinn Fabray, my guardian angel. She'll always be with me, and even though I miss her so much, more every day, she's always in my heart, I love you, Bee." She says, glancing upwards, before leaving the stage.
When she closes her eyes, she sees an achingly familiar blonde woman beaming at her proudly.
"Good job, Baby," Quinn whispers to her.
Rachel smiles.