Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first episode of KNOW YOUR STARS – LA CORDA D'ORO!!!! Today, I have with me the very cold, very respected and well known Tsukimori Len! Welcome to the show!
Tsukimori Len: *stiffly* thanks
*gong noise*
Announcer: Now, let's begin!
Tsukimori Len: begin what?
Announcer: Tsukimori Len, when you sleep at night you murmur Hino's name repeatedly!
Tsukimori Len: no i don't it's Tsuchiura's!
Announcer: so you murmur Hino's name AND Tsuchiura's name?! You sicko!
Tsukimori Len: i don't murmur Hino's name!
Announcer: Tsukimori Len, has wet dreams of Yunoki Azuma!
Tsukimori Len: no i don't it's Saotome-sensei!
*people can be heard gagging*
Announcer: SAOTOME-SENSEI? You're in love with your –
Tsukimori Len: i'm in love with my violin
Announcer: so now you have WET DREAMS ABOUT YOUR VIOLIN?????
Tsukimori Len: the colour, the sound of the strings, the bow, the tuning... it's so well bodied, and so capable that it's completely captivating...
*Announcer can be heard coughing*
Announcer: ahem... Tsukimori Len, dances when he's sleepwalking!
Tsukimori Len: how can you sleepwalk and dance?
Announcer: well, if you look to this video...
*video shows Tsukimori Len fast asleep, waking up out of bed and moving about in what could only be called dancing. Hip-hop dancing with a lot of hip action, to be precise. His mouth, which showed nothing usually, shows him smiling like a maniac*
Tsukimori Len: I was trying to stretch!
Announcer: you hip-hop dance while you're sleeping, show off your booty AND thrust it out when you dance? Actually wait, don't answer that...
Tsukimori Len: huh?
Announcer: JUST ANSWER "..." FROM NOW ON!
Tsukimori Len: well, okay, ...
Announcer: Tsukimori Len, never gets sick coz he's got a robot inside of him
Tsukimori Len: the robot's not just inside of me, it is -
Announcer: OY, i told you to answer "..."! now, what is your answer?
Tsukimori Len: ...
Announcer: actually, i'm too curious now. Do you have a robot in your body?
Tsukimori Len: i've never been touched with anything sharp!
Announcer: are you sure??? How do you answer why you did THIS then?
*video shows Tsukimori Len putting on girl's clothes, girl's makeup, high heels, fishnet pantyhose... and walking around the Tsukimori mansion*
Tsukimori Len: ...
Announcer: HEY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS. SPILL!
Tsukimori Len: i just wanted to know what it was like as a girl...
Announcer: and? What did you learn?
Tsukimori Len: i kinda... really liked it...
Announcer: OH MY GOD. NOW I REALLY, REALLY NEED TO KNOW. you hip-hop dance while you're sleeping, show off your booty AND thrust it out when you dance?
Tsukimori Len: that's what everyone does, doesn't it? I think it's sexy...
Announcer: DO YOU EVEN HAVE A CLUE WHAT SEXY IS? THAT ISN'T SEXY AT ALL...
Tsukimori Len: WHAT?! I'm turned on looking at that! Why else do I thrust it out when I dance?
Announcer: OH MY GOD... NO WAY... Tsukimori Len - wait, I don't even care, do I... go ahead, I'm sure there's another reason to this...
Tsukimori Len: well it seems... I don't have anyone to practice on...
Announcer: of course you... WHAT?! Wait... what did you WANT TO BE before you became a musician?
Tsukimori Len: i wanted to be in AVs
*Announcer completely speechless, gaping*
*People are all quiet and gaping, too*
Announcer: you... you... WHAT THE F***?!
Tsukimori Len: i adored all the AV actresses and actors... i wanted to join them so much...
*Announcer looks to camera-man, who nods*
Announcer: *sigh* Tsukimori Len, loves the taste of fake semen!
*audience gapes at accusation*
Tsukimori Len: not just that, I love going into 18+ shops and checking out all the inflatable dolls. In fact, there was this one time...
Announcer: One time you did IT to an inflatable doll?!
*gong noise*
Announcer: ahh! It looks like KNOW YOUR STARS - LA CORDA D'ORO has come to an end already! Ladies and gentlemen –
Tsukimori Len: wait, I haven't told you about all the other things yet!
Announcer: what other things? I don't even want to HEAR!
Tsukimori Len: but surely you want to know about the incident with the dog...
*Announcer looks at Tsukimori Len gaping, wondering how worse could it get*
Tsukimori Len: Ren dog was the best, if only he didn't loll his tongue around when he tried to hump me
Announcer: GOD DAMMIT! You Tsuchiura-murmuring, violin and Saotome-sensei wet-dreaming, hip-hopping when he's sleepwalking, cross-dressing, AV-wannabe, fake semen inflatable doll 18+ shop loving, dog humper...
Ladies and Gentlemen, KNOW YOUR STARS – LA CORDA D'ORO know we'll see you next time! Till then, goodnight!