NCIS Rules

A/N: Hey peoples! This is a list of rules for one very special NCIS agent. Can you guess which team member it is?

Now read on…

I will not spill Gibbs' coffee.

If this happens, I will run. Fast.

I will not start a paper war.

I will not refer to the director as 'Our Fearless Leader.' Her name is Jenny Sheppard. Period.

I will not take Ziva's paperclips away from her. She does not, and has never had, any degree of mental retardation.

McGee is not a human shield, and should not be treated as such.

When Abby says she can kill me without leaving any forensic evidence, she means it.

I will not ask her to test this.

I will not flirt with Ziva, Abby, Agent Lee, Agent Cassidy, Cynthia or Director Sheppard. This is harassment.

The probationary officer on my team is Special Agent Timothy McGee. He should not be referred to as Probie, Probie-Wan Kenobi, Probalicious, McProbious, McCranky, McLawyer, McGruff, McMuse, McRomeo, McShipmate, McSofty, McZero, McEgghead, McFlabby, McFlowerPower, McFreaky, McGarnagle, McGeek, McGiggles, McGoo, McGoogle or 'The Nerd'.

I am not Gibbs, and therefore should not head slap the team.

Gibbs, however, has full right to head slap me.

I should not bring up brain damage after the aforementioned head slap.

I will not glue McGee to his keyboard.

I will not call Jenny 'The Ranga'. This is a derogatory comment, and she dislikes it.

When teaching Ziva idioms, I will not change them to sexual innuendo.

Ziva is not a ninja. She is an assassin, and calling her names is dangerous.

I will not tell Gibbs he has a grey hair.

Gibbs does not have a curse. All females will not die after meeting him.

I will not scare of female Probies by telling them so.

Abby is a Goth, not an emo. There is a difference.

Gibbs and Jenny do not have any Gibblets.

It is not funny to tell McGee that Kate's ghost will haunt him on Halloween.

I will not take Abby's Caf-Pows away from her. She is a caffeine addict, and will not take kindly to this.

She will tell Gibbs.

See rule two.

I will leave Palmer alone. He is not an autopsy Gremlin.

Not everyone needs to know about Jenny and Gibbs' previous relationship.

Therefore I will not tell new agents that 'Gibbs probed his Probie'. This is crass and unnecessary.

I will not tell Ziva that 'Porn' is an abbreviation of 'Popcorn', as she will proceed to ask Gibbs if he wants some porn from the shops.

I know it's that great, but still, I hope you enjoyed it :D Please review!

Xx Kika