A Star Trek Fiction

"For all the times Bones says 'Damn it Jim, I'm a Doctor not a…' because who doesn't love that line? It defines their entire relationship."

Doctor vs. Captain

5xs Jim Stole Bones' Line & 5xs Bones Said It

Story 1: Psychiatrist

Bones plops down beside his blond friend, pushing the extra bottle towards the kid. Jim takes the bottle greedily and pops the cap off, downing it in a few swallows. The Doctor doesn't say much, he doesn't need to, Jim already knows what's going on.

The starship Captain swivels around, examining his best friend closely, "Would you quit staring? I ain't that pretty." Bones growls with a thick southern drawl, but it doesn't make the blond flinch.

"Only checking out your good side." Jim chuckles, licking his fleshy lips; they feel weird when they're not cracked or bleeding underneath his tongue.

"Well if you keep checking me out, everyone's gonna think you aren't gonna be checking out any ladies-if ya'know what I mean." Bones replies sharply, ordering another round.

Jim purses his lips, drumming his fingers against the counter, Bones watches him closely, "I'm fine thanks for asking." Bones grumbles and turns back towards his drink.

Jim's eyes narrow down on his skull, mouth gaping, "I wasn't asking."

"Of course because the only problems that matter around here is yours." The Doctor snaps and Jim rolls his blue eyes at him.

"Oh please, I think I've heard enough about your issues." The Captain laughs, brushing Bones' glare off.

"Well just be glad you don't have any children, they make matters worse." Bones tells him, taking his next drink.

Jim looks at him, "There's a thing called 'protection', if you use it, you don't get any kids…usually." The blond informs the older man.

Bones just snorts, "Jim we were married! Why would I-never mind." The Doctor gasps, shaking his head in disapproval.

Jim just chuckles at his friend, hands spinning the bottle.

"How would you handle the situation?" Bones asks suddenly, expecting a serious response.

Jim gazes into Bones' brown eyes, formulating an answer, "I would have skipped the marriage part and jumped straight to sex but that's just me."

The Captain earns some smacks to the back of head, "Seriously Jim? God damn it, no one around here gives good advice."

"That's what you're for." Jim points out.

"But seriously Jim, what should I do?" Bones questions, hoping for a better answer, "I just honestly don't know what to tell them, I have no idea…" He continues, not meeting Jim's gaze.

Jim sighs, putting the alcoholic drink down, "Do what's ever best for Joanna. If they really need the money, I'd agree to it, but if your ex-wife is just trynna hose you, then say screw it and walk away." He tells his friend, placing a hand on the Doctor's shoulder, "… and damn it Bones I'm a Captain not a psychiatrist!" Jim exclaims loudly, giving a chuckle.

Bones glares at him, "Bitch, that's my line."

"Not anymore." Jim remarks, feeling quite proud.

"That was weak, gotta do better than that kid." Bones informs him with a smirk.

Jim rolls his eyes, "Whatever, I'll get better at it."

"No you won't, because you are never going to use my line again. Understood?" Bones grumbles and Jim smiles devilishly.

"Sure Bones, I won't use it again." He responds sarcastically, which just earns him another whack to the head.

"Psychiatrist my ass." Bones mutters and gets up, leaving Jim to pay the bill.

Jim frowns, pursing his lips, "Damn it."