1First Time

For Second Chances

I watch him wrap my wrists. His gentle ministrations remain careful of my injuries. He's so... serious. So sober. I am taken aback by his sombre... almost sane... behaviour.

Of course, truth to tell, I haven't seen 'daft Jack' since he walked into my cabin. Before even. Since before (or maybe just after) I slapped him. Though, in all honesty, I have yet to leave my cabin since then.

Jack ties off the bandage. My arms now have matching bracelets. Very large, bulky bracelets... I really don't want to wear these. "Sorry, luv. You were able to cause the need for them. You can wear them 'til the need passes." Damn him. How dare he... I've already been through this. I've just got to calm down. Just got to... let go.

I've decided to let him in... I can't just back down now. Not out of some irrational fear. His hands linger over mine. The urge to pull away is overwhelming. I can feel the warmth of his hands through the bandaging. The weight of his hands is both comforting and scary. My heart races as he inches closer. I haven't told him about my fear yet. I've not told him about Barbossa. If I did, how would he react? Would he still feel this way about me? Would he still want me with him? He believed my reasons for hurting myself. He accepted the fact that I won't stop overnight. Would he still accept that if he knew the total truth?

His hands move gently up my arms, resting at my shoulders, along the base of my neck. My heart pounds an unsteady, fast-paced rhythm. I can't let fear take over my life. I'm Anamaria, a woman pirate, and the first female First Mate, and the ship I'm First Mate of is none other than the Black Pearl... I'm not a sissy. I'm not a poppet. I'm just as strong, just as powerful, as the rest of the crew. After all, courage is not lacking fear, but being able to overcome your fears, right?

He pulls me towards him, gently. The kiss he places on my lips is even gentler than the first. He takes longer this time, waiting until I am ready to let him in. I don't know if I'm ready or not, but I open my mouth to his probing tongue. His tongue slides against mine. The sensation is... unusual, to say the least... He tastes how I pictured him to. Like rum, my tears, and the sea. My first kiss, well real kiss at least, and I don't know what to make of it. His tongue feels... strange. Invading, yet... somewhat welcome. I want this. But... I don't know. He caresses my shoulders, my neck, hands running along my clothed body. He is avoiding touching the places I'm sure he wants to feel most.

He's afraid of scaring me off. He wants to hold me. I can tell by the way his arms keep moving as if to embrace me, only to back off again. His hands linger on my sides, just below my breasts. His eyes search mine, looking for a sign. I know one isn't there, I'm just not that good at acting with my eyes. But I want him to love me. I want to feel him hold me. I long to be able to wake up beside him. But I'm afraid. The only thing holding me back from having a real life. A real, honest happiness. Yet all I can think of is the pain those caresses can cause. How much it hurts. How Barbossa... What he did to me.

The only way to overcome your fear is to face it. The only way to stop being afraid is to prove there's nothing to fear.

I take his arms and guide them to the buttons of my shirt. I help him unfasten the first two before he understands that this is what I want. At least I think that I want it. My heart aches to have him hold me. My skin longs to feel his against it. I long to have him fill me...

At that thought, my heart flutters into a wild frenzy. I do want it. I want to have him prove that it can be pleasant, rather than painful. The memories flood back and I nearly sob with the need for my knife. I'm able to hold in the sob, but a tiny...squeak-like sound escapes. His mouth, pressed against mine, captures the sound. He pulls back, worry written in his... lust filled eyes.

I smile slightly. I hope my acting abilities are enough to take the worry off his face, out of his eyes. His hands are frozen against my shirt. He still has a few buttons left to undo. I start to work his shirt open, eager to feel skin on skin contact. Desperate for his warmth to take away the chill that settled over my body with the resurfacing memories.

He finishes unbuttoning my shirt, and I his, and they flutter to my bed. At the moment, we're both sitting up on it, facing each other. But that soon changes. He lowers me, gently, to my back, my exposed breasts exhibiting dozens of scars, some on, most just beneath. His fingers trace the raised flesh, softly feeling the defacement of my otherwise smooth skin.

The touch leaves trails of fire in their wake. The cool air, compared with the warmth of his skin against mine, causes a shiver to run down my spine. I pull him closer, needing to feel more of his flesh against my own. His warmth is so inviting, so welcoming.

His hand follows an exceptionally large scar, crossing from my left shoulder to my right hip. That one wasn't self inflicted. That one was from everyone's favourite pirate. Barbossa's blade sliced through both my skin and my clothing just before he... Yes, well... um... You know.

His touch is so gentle. He stops just short of the end of the scar. It continued on down to the base of my hip, passing very near my... more intimate area. I cover his hand in my own, guiding it past the waist of my britches, taking the offending article of clothing with.

With every exposed inch of flesh, my nervousness grows. As does my longing. The britches catch on my... arse. I lift myself enough to slide them down, exposing my most intimate area.

I get the overwhelming urge to cover myself. I feel so... helpless. I know Jack will never do anything. I... I'm just so insecure. The cold of a lone tear makes its way out of the corner of my eye, getting lost in the tangle of my hair. I'm so confused. I want him. I need him. I long to have him make love to me. But I don't know if I can.

The only barrier between us are his britches. Jack wipes the salty trail off of face. How did he even know? It's too dark to see a tiny tear. "We don't have to do this." He moves to lay beside me. "Your tear caught the light." I remain silent. "I understand that this is your first time. You've a right to be nervous. You don't know what to expect." Only I do know what to expect. And it's not a fun memory. "We can take it slowly if you want..."

I nod. It's just a slight movement, very subtle, but I know he sees. He lays his arm across my waist. For some time, we just lay in silence...

-.. ... . -.-. . - .. -. ..- . -.. -..-

Well, that's it for now. Evil cliffier, I know. Sorry. But would you rather get this much now, or have to wait another month? I've been working a lot lately, so my chances to get to the library to go online is limited. As such, I can't update very often.

Please Read and review. I did my best to make it as non–risque as possible. Too bad that's not what Jack and Ana had in mind. I am having real difficulty writing the next part to fit in even the "R" rating. If anyone thinks this is too... graphic already, I'm sorry, yell at them. I'm doing my best here...

As for Sibling Rivalry, I'm getting to it. I just need to find a viable plot for SRIII before I can post SRIV (which is completed) Ideas are welcome. Review just for that... if you can't think of anything else to put in a review about my fic.

Thanks and I hope you liked it!