My First Steps Were Towards You And You Left Me
Chapter One: All For John.
John Winchester was full of regret. He didn't want to see his son go, but this opportunity was too good to pass up, and it wasn't like he would be leaving Sam on his own. He'd be staying with his brother, Dean, who he hadn't seen since he was twelve, for reasons John didn't quite understand. Dean had announced that he had ambition for something in his life, and he had to leave here if he was ever going to achieve his goals.
John was proud of Dean for all of his success over the past few years, but he was still pissed off that his oldest left them without so much as a backward glance.
In fact, yesterday was the first time he had spoken to his son since the day he left. John wanted to call him all the time, to ask how he was doing—to see if he missed him and Sam. His pride had gotten in the way.
He had to call him. Sam didn't have any family elsewhere. Dean had been very reluctant on the phone. So reluctant that John was willing to turn down the offer of a lifetime presented to him. Finally, however, Dean relented, giving John his location, and what time would be best to drop Sam off.
First of all, he had to tell Sam that he would be staying with his brother from now on. Sam had stopped asking about Dean by the time he was fourteen, so John didn't see the conversation playing out too well for him.
He had to do this for himself, though.
Sam was old enough to make his own decisions, so he could find his own place to live if he didn't want to live with Dean. It made no difference to John. He'd prefer that Sam stayed with someone in the family, so John knew that someone was looking out for him. If push comes to shove, he won't be able to avoid it.
John was waiting in the living room for Sam to return from a friend's house. He wasn't sure how long Sam planned on being there, but it was coming up to the time that Sam usually got home, so John had a pretty good idea.
He had a bottle of whisky with him and a glass as he waited. Just to calm his nerves. Sam was really good at guilt-tripping. John was more than certain that he got it from his mother, Mary—and the Campbell's. The stubborn gene was what they would have been best known for, had there been labelled genes for every different family group.
When Sam was eighteen, he asked to go on a holiday with his friends. John had immediately said no. He wanted Sam to be with him, so he would always know he was safe. Sam somehow managed to convince him to say yes. He couldn't quite remember how. His youngest son was slippery that way.
John's head lifted when he heard a key going into the lock. He waited in anticipation for Sam to come through the door, refilling his glass of whiskey, while listening out for any unwanted company dragging their asses along with Sam.
The lock turned and Sam pushed the door open, waltzing in with a couple of bags gripped between his fingers. John briefly wondered what was in the bag. His wonders ceased when Sam made for the kitchen, not bothering to check the living room first like he usually did.
John heaved a sigh, pulling himself from the couch. He called his sons name, as he followed him down the hallway. Sam craned his neck in acknowledgement.
"I need to talk to you," John said, allowing Sam to lead him into the kitchen.
"About what?" Sam replied, taking a few items from the bag. John assumed he would be making something to eat, since most of the contents was food.
The older man took a seat at the table, advising Sam to do the same. Baffled by the unusual actions of his father, Sam accepted the invitation, his eyebrows coming to life when John placed his hand over his.
"Um," Sam mumbled.
To his son's disbelief, John soothed his thumb over Sam's hand. "Sammy, I've been given an opportunity of a lifetime, and it requires me to move away from here. I've made arrangements with your brother for you to move in with him," he announced, hushing his son when he started yelling at the mention of Dean. "It's okay. You don't have to live with him if you don't want to—you can get your own place, but I am taking this offer, Sammy. Regardless of how you feel."
"And I want you to," Sam admitted.
John brings Sam's hand closer. "I'd prefer it if you live with your brother, Sam. At least that way I know you have someone looking out for you."
Sam laughs sarcastically. "Looking out for me? Really, Dad? Dean hasn't been there for us since I was in the sixth grade. He just up and left us. So, sorry if I find that hard to believe." They both see hurt in each other's eyes. They feel the same way about Dean leaving them. Family is family, and Dean was the only family Sam would have left when his Dad leaves.
"Like I said before, you can get a place of your own. I'd just prefer it if you were with Dean."
"I know, Dad," Sam mutters, taking his hand back.
John missed the closeness, but lets it go. He was never touchy to begin with. Only Sam brought out this side of him.
"Dean has great connections as well. He can get you in a really good university, if that's what you still want to do? And he has friends in high places, if you just wanted to work?"
Honestly, Sam appreciated how much his father was trying to sell Dean to him. How much he wanted Sam to be at least happy with this decision. Sam wasn't pleased. That was it. He didn't want to live with Dean. He didn't even want to see Dean. He left him astray. Sam didn't remember doing anything wrong at the time. As far as he knew, they had a pretty good brotherly bond, which he cherished—even if Dean didn't.
Sam would live with him. Not because he wanted to. Not because Dean was there. His father deserved this break, and Sam was going to make it easy for him. If he wanted Sam to live with his big brother to give him peace of mind, he would.
All for his father.
Not for himself.
And especially not for Dean.