June 1980
West Sussex
Lily walked to the large tree where Remus and Sirius were leaning. The funeral had been over for an hour, but almost no one had left. James and Peter stayed inside, having hushed discussions with older Order members about matters Lily was not interested to hear. Their friend was murdered, and the thought of moving forward with anything today, Emilia's funeral, was unfathomable to her. Lily guessed that Sirius felt the same way, as he'd walked across the country property in a huff until Remus had caught up to him, grabbing his arm and facing him. She'd watched them speak from the kitchen window, clutching her bulging pregnant belly as it'd anxiously kicked back.
When Lily got to the tree, neither Remus nor Sirius were talking. Their hands were stuffed into their dress robes, leaning in opposite directions from each other with their backs nearly touching. It was a strange sight to see Sirius look so formal. The first thing she'd noticed was that he'd neatly combed his hair, and Lily remembered soon after how much he'd liked Emilia.
"Good timing, he was reaching for a cigarette," said Remus.
"I wouldn't smoke around James Jr.," said Sirius.
"It's not Little Sirius anymore?" said Lily.
"There'd be too many questions," said Sirius, staring at the grass with a small smile.
Lily stood beside Sirius and gently placed her hand on his forearm, forcing him to look up. Their relationship was like brother and sister, both fiery personalities, both completely devoted to James. There was no question amongst the Marauders who would be her child's godparent.
Everything in Rogate was a deep shade of green, intensified by the usual grey of the sky. The clouds threatened rain, and the humidity hung in the air around her. Lily's wrists itched under the long sleeves of her dress, a poor choice for early summer.
"James is angry. That's why he's making plans. It's how he's getting through today," said Lily.
"He should be angry, she was 19 years old," spat Sirius. "Not even the first of our friends to be killed by a Death Eater."
Lily remembered the letter that came from Sirius four days ago. Even in ink, she could hear his frustration and sadness that the Order had lost Emilia.
Remus crossed his arms tightly.
"I'm going to kill them. Little, Malfoy, Pemberley... they're better off dead," said Remus.
"I thought you didn't believe in that, Moony?" said Sirius.
"Azkaban's under their control now. They've killed five of our friends, and scores of good people," said Remus. "There are no second chances for Death Eaters where I'm concerned."
Remus swatted a tuft of strawberry-blond hair off his face, and Lily saw that he was crying.
"How many more times are we going to have to do this together? Going to the funerals of our friends, wearing dress robes like it matters in the middle of a war. I can't pretend that this is normal anymore," said Remus.
Remus began walking towards the house with his hands in tense fists, but stopped and looked at Sirius.
"I need to go to Edinburgh for a while. I'll send an owl tonight," said Remus, before disapparating with a booming crack.
When Lily looked over at Sirius, he was still staring at the spot where Remus had left, his mouth agape as if ready to speak. Lily put her arm around his shoulder, and felt Sirius flinch at her touch.
"Remus will be back, once he's cooled off," said Lily, trying to reassure him.
"He doesn't make threats. He's really going," said Sirius.
They walked back to the gathering, their footsteps crunching along the gravel pathway. When they got close enough to the house, Lily could see James watching from a large window.
"You need to talk to him. Tell him what the hell is going on," said Lily.
Sirius was staring back at James, daring him to look away first. James walked away from the window, out of sight, and Lily saw Peter briefly take his spot and glance their way.
"James is right, the Order needs a better plan. Emilia is dead because we were too cautious," said Sirius. He moved for the door inside. "Are you coming?"
Lily felt the baby move.
"Yes," she said, "for Emilia."