AN: The inspiration for this story came from the Fanmix "Drive Sammy crazy" by nabichansaotome (links to be found at my LJ). The song mentioned is 'Innocent Bone' by Iron & Wine. Written for downfall35 - get well soon :)
Although this idea came to my head long before spoilers for S5 started to spread there is one line in it that *could* be considered a minor spoiler because Kripke obviously had a similar idea.
"Hey, Sam. Don't ya think Grumpy is a bit wound tight since he came back?" Without looking up the younger man answered: "Sure. Why don't you take him to a brothel or something to relax." "You know what, this is a really good idea! I think we'll be going out tonight..." The enthusiasm in Dean's voice made his brother finally look up. "You're serious 'bout that?" Sam's proposal really had not been anything else than a joke. But Dean was serious. He and Castiel were going to a whore house this evening.
Of course Dean could not simply stuff the angel into the impala, drive to the cathouse and buy him a bitch. They needed to get into the mood first. So they both ended up in a bar. Not the kind of bar Dean would normally visit. No pool tables, no drunks lingering in the corner, no one boozing himself to unconsciousness. The people here where in a good mood. Having a party. There was even a karaoke machine some girls were occupying. They got a table somewhere in the back next to the singing teens or tweens and Dean ordered beer for the both of them while the girls shot them approving and somehow promising looks. Castiel eyed the brown bottle wearily and watched as the hunter pored the yellow liquid into his glass producing only a small amount of head. The angel tried his best to imitate his friend but ended up having filled his glass only with about two fingers worth of beer and the rest with head. Dean laughed while shaking his head and asked the waitress for an other glass. This time he explained scrupulously precise what he did for Castiel.
It was clear to see the angel didn't like beer. Every time he took a swig he contorted his face as if he'd swallowed pure lemon juice. But nevertheless he finished his bottle. "Let's try something other. Perhaps you're more into sweet stuff." Dean didn't know all that girly stuff so he simply ordered coke with vodka. Castiel seemed to like Deans choice more this time. He drowned the glass in three huge gulps. He was determined to get Castiel to loosen up a bit. And therefore he needed him tipsy. But Cas being an angel with all those angel immunities he figured it would take more than one glass of stuff for the angel to become shitfaced. Wrong. Apparently Cas hadn't overplayed as he'd said he had lost most of his angel-mojo.
Castiel was leaning heavily on his elbows propped up on the table and blinked annoyed as if trying to clear his vision. "Somethin's wroooong, Dean." The angel looked a bit confused as his words came out as a slurred soup of vowels and consonants. "My tongue's not co... coper...tin'." He stated puzzled. "That's perfectly normal, Cas. You're drunk." "Drunk? 'm not drunk, Dean." "Sure thing, pal." The older Winchester had to smile. Angels were so stubborn. "'m 'n angel, ya know. 'n angels don't get drunk. 'cause we don't drink. 'n even if we did, we wouldn't get drunk. Allo...alllohol'sn't 'fect me." "What ever you say, buddy. But if you're gonna puke, turn that way." "Puke?" "Ya know, barfing, being sick..." "Deeean, I know what pukin' means!" A few heads turned at Castiel's volume and the hunter gestured him to talk a bit more quietly again. The girls next to them giggled. "Dean, I know what pukin' means. 'n I'm not gonna... re... regurgitate the contents o' my stomach. 'cause 'm not drunk!" "Just being cautious..." Dean mumbled. He was getting tired of their whole drunk-or-not-drunk discussion quickly.
The girls next to their table chose that moment to start another round at the karaoke machine and caught Castiel's attention. The hunter noticed how the angel watched, head slightly turned to one side, a puzzled look on his face and something different glittering in his blue eyes. Did he...? "Hey Cas, wanna give it a try?" Castiel didn't take his gaze off the girls having fun and asked absent-mindedly: "What?" "Karaoke. Singing what that monitor tells ya too." "Don't know... Should I?" But Dean just shrugged. "It's your decision, buddy." But one of the girls had noticed Cas's look, too. And after they had finished their song suddenly there was a microphone in Castiel's hands and a bunch of giggling girls pushed and pulled the confused and staggering angel enthusiastically to the small 'stage'. A hot redhead explained how to work the machine while a lot of girl eyes and a green pair watched Castiel eagerly.
Actually Dean had thought Cas would pick something like John Cale's Haleluya or an Ave Maria, but the music that came from the speakers eventually made him blink.
A banjo and acoustic guitars were playing a rumba - where did that piece of useless information come from? The music sounded light and felt almost cheerful when suddenly Castiel began to sing. Again Dean was taken aback. Not only could Cas really sing but his voice was not as deep as it normally was when the angel spoke. He sang in a soft and light tune without slurring his words too much, just a tiny hint of alcohol in his pronunciation.
"Cain got a milk-eyed mule from the auction
Abel got a telephone
And even the last of the blue-eyed babies know
That the burning man is the color of the end of day
And how every tongue that gets bit always has another word to say."
Huh? That was random. Dean had no idea what Cas was singing about.
"Cain bought a blade from some witch at the window
Abel bought a bag of weed
And even the last of the brown-eyed babies see
That the cartoon king has a tattoo of a bleeding heart
There ain't a penthouse christian that wants the pain of the scab, but they all want the scar
How every mouth sings of what it's without so we all sing of love
And how it ain't one dog who's good at fucking and denying who he's thinking of."
Dean felt himself blushing. Hearing something as profane as 'fuck' from Cas uttered in a totally sweet and casual voice was actually hot...
"Cain heard a cat tumble limp off the rooftop
Abel heard his papa pray
And even the last of the black-eyed babies say
That every saint has a chair you can borrow in a church to sit on
That the wind blows cold across the back of a master and the kitchen help
There's a big pile of innocent bones still holding up the garden wall
And it was always the broken hand we learned to lean on after all
How God knows if Christ came back he'd find us in a poker game
After finding out the drinks were all free but they won't let you out the door again."
The girls at the next table cheered enthusiastically and Dean thought he'd heard even a few other people clap their hands. The hot redhead - obviously carried away in the moment - hugged the angel and tried to kiss him before Dean could interfere. Two steps and the hunter was standing next to his stark and stiff friend. "Sorry ladies..." One of the girl asked with a frown: "Are you two..." moving her hand vaguely between the hunter and the angel. Castiel answered innocently: "Yes, 'm with Dean." The whole bunch of girls erupted with slightly embarrassed laughter that bordered on hysteric and the redhead stuttered: "Oh, I'm sorry... no offence...". The adrenaline of singing (and being kissed) had left Castiel's body and the angel started to sway again. Dean had to grip his friend tight to prevent him from falling face first into one of the sitting girls' lap. Great, they actually thought they were gay and now Dean had to practically carry his friend out. But somehow that wasn't what bothered him. Castiel was drunk and would have to face his first hangover tomorrow because of Dean's carelessness. "Come on, Cas, I think you've had enough."
The cold air hit them both hard and Dean needed both arms to keep Castiel upright so he blamed the struggle to prevent them both from falling for not knowing what happened next. One moment they were standing on the pavement in front of the pub fighting gravity and the spinning of the earth the next second Dean was leaning against a house wall in the nearest alley with the angel leaning heavily against his body breathing into the hunter's ear. "Dean..." It was nearly a moan hissed so softly that the other man was not quite sure he had just imagined it. "Dean..." Castiel softly put his cheek against the hunter's and stubble rubbed against stubble sending electric shocks through the older Winchester's body. "I know what you've planned for this night... But I don't want a woman, I just wanna be with you." Although the angel sounded remarkably sober his words betrayed him. Dean was sure he had never uttered this revelation in his right mind. "Let's just return to the motel. You're way too drunk for anything else, Cas."
While struggling to get the slightly uncooperative and highly uncoordinated angel into the backseat of the Impala Castiel managed to pull Dean down with him so the older Winchester fell flat on the slightly smaller angel. He could feel the heat of the lithe body soaking through layers of cloth. In the cool night air that felt actually quite nice and Dean had to fight the urge to just fall asleep on top of Cas. Damn, he too was anything than sober. Perhaps he should no longer drive? While trying to get his bearings again - which so didn't take that long because he enjoyed cuddling but because of the booze in his system - Castiel rambled: "Dean... You had all the scab but only one scar... And you don't only hear the cat on the rooftop you rescue her. You so are the innnnocen' bone holdin' up the walls." "Cas, 'm anything than innocent. The innocent bone in this car is y..." He could not finish his sentence because suddenly there where the angel's lips on his and Castiel's tongue in his mouth. It took Dean a few seconds to react so by the time he pulled away Castiel was already kissing him in a way no angel should kiss - at least not according to everything Dean had learned - hungrily, desperately and full of passion. "Whoa, Cas, don't... Don't do that." "'m not innocent, Dean. 'm an angel. We're far from innocent." "First of all you're drunk. And drunken people tend to do things they later regret. So please... don't..." "'kay, Dean..." Only a moment later the angel was snoring, his feet still dangling out of the car and the hunter on top of his lithe form. Dean crawled into the driver's seat. They would have to spend the night in the impala. But honestly that evening had been way better than Dean had imagined. And he had to add a new song to his tape collection.