Fake Smiles and Glass Tears
By: Yuki Shizuka
I wake up this morning with a feeling of dejection deep in my heart. The heavyheartedness I feel has not yet defunct and is still weighing me down. I continue to dress myself even if I feel horrendous. My persistence to look normal is sickening. It sends havoc into the very depths of my unrepaired soul. As I look to the mirror, I smiled. Oh! How easy it is to smile! I have already trained myself to smile in front of my confidants, or so they seem to be. They all know me as a happy and normal person but they do not know who I really am. Nobody does and I do not think no one would even care. But enough of this, I must get ready for my concrusion with the people who call themselves my friends.
People started asking me why I look precarious these days. Well, I'll give them credit for noticing me but I only turned and smiled at them saying not to mind me. Wow… I am the most pretentious person I have ever met. But these pretenses are what saves me. Saves me from the demons that slowly consume what is left of me.
Why don't they just leave me alone? Why do they have to make so much a fuss about me? They are only wasting their energy. These fake smiles are the only ones that save me from the glass tears that I so much refuse to flaunt from me. They are also the prime source of my hurt. The hurt that I so desperately seek.
My counterfeit nature started as a rebellion. It was purely a rebellion against myself, against religion, and against other people's ideas of what was "normal".
As some people delve more into nihilism, in which I view as an overreaction on their part, I went in a separate direction and became more hedonistic. Some people don't realize this, thus they only subconsciously realize that what they are doing is also an act of rebellion. Maybe that is what I really am… A rebel. I know… I am a misfit in this society that has been ignoring the silent cries for help by a person thriving to survive its cruel realities. I am considered a freak in their basis of normalcy.
What is normal? What is popular? Some would say popularity is dependent upon how new, different and exciting something is. However, when something becomes so popular that its normal, it stops being new and exciting.
After this tedious summing up of how important these fake smiles are to me, my acquaintances arrive greeting me with their perfect smiles as I smile to them in response.
"Fake tears may hurt others, but Fake smiles hurt only yourself"
…..The End…..
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