Have you ever had the feeling that you where reading all kind of things and you where thinking, some things just didn't feel right? Well I have been looking around this fandom for some time now and I have to say I haven't quite found the thing that I feel like it fits and its right. Maybe the picture in my head is to ideal. But hey? Who am I to talk about these things if I never tried to give it a shot myself. So I came to this a short time ago. I don't know where to start and where it is going to end, but let's see where my words will take me.

Am I still making sense?

Thoughts so…

Here we go!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and stuff like that bla bla bla /okay I am lazy/

It started with a letter he had gotten from one of his fans, well a fan from his other personality, Hayato. At least that was what it looked like from the first glance. Normally he never even bothered to open any of the letters he was getting nowadays as they all would contain the same old story. But today while being driven around town one of the letters fell from the bag of letters onto the seat next to him. Though he hadn't noticed the letter until the phone in his pocket made a buzzing sound. This made the blue haired idol turned his head in order to get the phone from his pocket, his eyes caught the letter laying on the seat next to him. But that was all the attention the letter was getting from him.

The cell phone was removed from the pants pocket and flipped open, the letters on the screen told him he got a message from his roommate. The message contained a question about the next dance rehearsal the six of them had planned later on today. They all made quite a progress in becoming idols, they all just needed to fix the little errors in their performance that was about to come up. They already had the headmaster on their side. But that wasn't without any trouble as the six of them had all requested the same person to be their composer for their songs. And because she couldn't make her choice they were forced to work together, well that was how it felt to him. Because he couldn't really get along with any of the other men in the group called Starish. The name Starish was chosen as the name from the group they formed, yes the blue haired idol was living a double life. One as the famous idol Hayato and the soon to be idols group Starish.

The phone was closed again and put back into the pants pocket where it had come from, again the letter was into his eye sight again when he did so. The message that he had gotten from his roommate was left unanswered. He sighed, why did he become roommate with the one person he couldn't stand the most from the whole group? The guy was loud and always smiling, yes he had the exact same persona as the one he created, Hayato. The persona he didn't want to be reminded of, but each time he saw that person he couldn't forget about Hayato and focus on his Idol career as Tokiya.

He turned his head and looked outside the window as he caught himself staring at the piece of paper that was called a letter next to him at his seat. But his thoughts kept bugging him about the letter and couldn't put his trail of thoughts together. He eventually picked the letter up annoying. "Alright." He mumbled to himself before picking up the letter, he turned it around so he could observe every inch of the letter. That made him noticed that there was no address on the back. Most of his fans would write their address on the back probably hoping he would use it to reply to them, he never did though. He could think of better things to do to pass his time with.

Tokiya moved in his seat not sure of he was to open the envelop or not. But eventually his curiosity was stronger and the letter was opened. He started to read the first sentence which only contained a sloppy 'Dear Hayato.' The hand writing was very sloppy and it was difficult to make out the letters that were written down. The next thing he could make out was that the person was asking how he was doing. The letter was not like any of the other letters he had read before, most of them didn't even bother to ask how he was doing. They were all filled with words about how great he was and how much they loved him for what he was doing and well some other things he rather not wanted to be reminded of. He continued to read on.

'Dear Hayato,

How are you doing these days? You probably don't know me and I don't you very well either. But I know your twin brother, you guys are really living in different worlds aren't you? I mean he is so hard to approach while I get the feeling from watching one of your shows that you can take on the whole world. I am not sure if you are ever going to read this, because you must be getting a whole lot of letters from all of your fans. I bet it takes a whole lot of time to read all of them! I somehow this letter gets read by you. Since I can't really say that I am a fan of yours. you probably are wondering why I am writing this letter or well at least I hope you are. Because there is something I want to ask you, it is about your twin brother. Did you know he is taking signing classes too? Well uhm of course you know, you are his twin brother after al. But I tell you this because he probably didn't tell you anything about his school life. I am his roommate. And to be honest he is kind of cold towards me, I wonder what I ever did wrong to him. But that was actually not the thing I was going to ask you in this letter so you can forget about it! As I was saying I am his roommate but I am also one of the members of the group we formed, Starish. I bet Tokiya told you about it too huh? I think it is really great that two brother actually become famous like this. It makes me wish I got a brother or sister too which I can share the passion of music with. Now actually that I think about it, maybe you guys won't get along that well. I never once seen you together or I hear Tokiya talking about you, most of the time he doesn't say anything at all. I really have no clue what he is thinking sometimes. I really wish he would talk to me more often, maybe I should start trying to read his mind.

Aah look at me again talking around the subject again. But there is actually so much to tell! Well you mostly know everything already but I like talking about Tokiya! I think he actually is a very sweet person under that mask, well you should know things like that. So that is what I kind of wanted to ask, is there anything in this world that can make Tokiya smile more often? I already tried a lot of things but nothing seems to work and the more I try the more annoyed he seems with me. I really want to improve our relationship, especially with the career ahead of us. We would spend a whole lot more time together.

Well because the paper is almost full I need to say goodbye for now, I hope to hear from you sometimes. Just send a letter back to Tokiya's room number you know what it is right?

~Ittoki Otoya'

As Tokiya was finished reading the letter, the car came to a stop. He looked up to see why the car had stopped only to find out they had already arrived at their destination. His manager had already arrived before him and was standing outside smoking a cigarette as he was waiting. The door of the car was opened for him and as soon as he put one of his feet out of the car he could hear a few girls screaming his fake name. How did a few of his fans always find out where he was to show up next?

The blue haired idol ignored the girls and stepped out of the car and followed his manager inside the building. He noticed he still was holding the letter is his left hand as he watched his own reflection in the glass door. The letter was quickly stuffed away in his pocket before anyone could see him carrying the piece of paper. Once inside he was lead to a small room where a woman dressed in a suit was already waiting for him, she showed him the other chair and he sat down. The woman didn't waste any of her time as she immediately started to question him without getting offered tea or coffee first. Though luckily someone brought in a tray with a cup of coffee for the both of them.

After an hour or so Tokiya was leaving the building after his interview. This time there were more of his fans had gather outside to greet their idol. The fans who had gathered here first probably had called their friends to know they had found Hayato whereabouts and told them to come over so they could see him too and maybe score an autograph or a hand shake. Not to mention the picture that they were taking. The security was holding them back like that had done before when he left the car to get inside the building. The idol could get back safely in the car without any trouble. He sighed deeply as he sat down in the car, the one thing he still couldn't get used to. Going outside without getting recognized and being followed around. To his luck no one had found out yet that he had been taking classes to improve himself. The door of the car was closed behind him, only a few more days and he could say goodbye to his life as Hayato and the world could welcome him as a part of the group Starish. Though that wouldn't help chasing of the fans.

The engine of the car was started and Tokiya was driven to his next destination. It would be the last task for today as Hayato before he could head back to his dorm and hopefully catch the last hour of their dance practice. He already had missed a lot of sessions with the group and they were starting to suspect him, he could feel the tension in the air whenever he was to arrive late again. The worst thing he was accused of was not being interested in taking a part in the group at all. Well he couldn't deny that was true at the time the offer was done, but he had grew over that feeling because this way he could let his favorite composer compose the songs he liked so much even if he had to share them with the others.

Tokiya continued to stare out of the cars window, he thought back at how his career had started and where it had taken him now. Even though his manger had not been pleased when he found out what he had been doing behind his back he couldn't blame him in the end. He told him he probably had done to same too if he wasn't able to sing anymore. He too had noticed that Tokiya had lost the factor that he needed in his songs. Also all the offers he had gotten where for only interviews or photo shoots. And as much as his manager had wanted him to sing too he couldn't find anyone who was interested.

As the world was passing by through the cars window, Tokiya had already forgotten about the letter he had been reading to occupied in his trail of thoughts.

So that was it for chapter one!

Since I have a small idea where this story is going, I like to have your opinion what should happen next! And maybe if you are lucky I am going to use your idea.