Have you ever

Needed someone so bad?

(It was three in the morning and all night, he stayed awake with the wide-eyed wonder of a child who knew something bad was going to happen. Downstairs doors slammed and things cracked and smashed but through it all were the voices. The shouts. The screams. All this noise in the dark, it cut his sensitive ears like ruthless blades in the nights and he lay there, waiting, listening.

The noise stopped.

There was a microscopic breath of silence. And then he tore out of his bed and dashed out the door, as fast as his short legs could work. The main door was flung open.

'Dad!' he yelped, and ran out the door with him. In the dark of the night there was no light but streetlamps, and there he was nothing but small and shrouded in shadows. The tall man halted and bent down. And there, facing such a wide precipice his young naïve mind could not comprehend to leap, they stared at each other with confusion, hurt, hate, anger, pain, regret, sorrow but there was no love. Not from the tall man.

The boy dropped to his knees, still not understanding one bit the depth of the reality cast down upon him but he knew, somehow, that he would never see his father again. He wondered for the first time that day, how people could smile when they weren't feeling happy.)

He wandered the lonely planet, aimless, for a long long time. Going back wasn't an option. Not now when a restlessness invaded his bones and indecision stood at the crux of his mind. The mission was done. They saved the world. The end. It was over. Except, it was not. It couldn't be, not when he hadn't a clue what to think, what to feel, what to do. He didn't know what he should do now, feeling empty still when he had done all he could, all he was supposed to.

Where was he going to go? He didn't know. He's walked these paths a hundred times over for the past few weeks he's had them etched into the crevice of his brain. He was lost in such a familiar place he didn't know which way was right. So he let himself drift, and let his feet walk. On. And on.

And on.

('Moms are tough.' she said with a smile. And he knew then that this wasn't going to have a happy ending. But because he still had a future to live for, a goal to fight for, he rebuilt his inner fort and gathered his strength. Moms are tough. He believed that.

When it invariably happened the way he envisioned it worst, he screamed and cried and yelled out in disbelief and distrust and pure, cold shock. Time stilled, catching his vision in the picture perfect image of her graceful fall. Roaring red flames hungered after her. Till this day he can hold the picture in his head, untouched, unreal, so damn unbelievable. All through his numbness he wondered how people smiled, when they knew they were going to die.)

Sulyya Springs. It was a pretty place. Calm. Serene. Sheltered. He could live there all his life and nobody would ever know. Nobody would ever care. Nobody would look for him, send out a search party, because there was no one for that now. Not here in this part of the universe. So he sat down on a rock and looked into the crystal surface of the pool, getting lost in its hypnotic watery swirls. Round and around and around, going nowhere.

(He saw her for the first time, that day in brown robes glowing blue and it made her green eyes shine. He avoided them the whole way, because there was something about how they made his belly warm like a hearth and it felt so much like home he feared it all a trap. So he kept his head down, and kept walking. Although he would unavoidably be meeting her, and talking with her and travelling and eating and laughing and crying with her in the weeks to come, he didn't know that just yet. And so all he could hope to do was stay out of trouble, out of her line of sight; when she seemed to ignite a flame in everything the spoke to, and wonder, quietly, how a person could smile with such paralyzing simplicity, thinking you the most beautiful soul she has ever met.)

His reflection marveled him. Disheveled hair, dirty face, bloodshot eyes all those were a given. But he stared at the lean cheeks, the defined cheekbones, the muscled shoulders. He did not recognise who he was. What he had become. Who was he? What was he. He did not know anymore. And the more he stared at blue flirting with shades of green, the more he wished he wasn't here alone and so he dipped his hand in, to touch her; even if the pools were only false illusions of her tears.

(They were both laughing like the youths they were, filled with life and heart and energy like the fates of the worlds didn't rest on their small shoulders. And they were so, so happy. When he looked at her he could see the feral beauty carved into the curves of her face, so naturally, the same way her lips cradled unparalleled joy. It lit him aglow in all the dark recesses of his mind. Something small and perfect settled into the bottom of his belly, and he understood for the first time, with a smile, how hers could so effortlessly embody pure, untamed happiness. She made him breathe life. Take a leap of faith. And when he leaped with her, they soared.)

He cupped water into his hand, thinking to wash his face but he stopped short when he could only envision her, in all her raw emotion staring back at him with glistening eyes that lit up her soul. And there, sitting on a rock at the edge of the world he broke into a thousand shards of inescapable reason and suppressed humanity. Out of every pore he bled. He cried. He wished. And he cried some more because for all that was worth he was alone without the only person who swore never to leave and it hurt.

He held the crystal liquid in his palms so gently, like she would evaporate into a million untraceable colours. But there was a voice in his head that sounded desperately like his own and it told him some people leave, and never come back. And as he thought about all the lost smiles he took and he gave, it hurt hurt hurt more than anything else in the world when it was hers he found, he wanted to feel the most.

He missed her. He missed her hair. Her soft fur skirt. Her colour. He missed her smell, of wild tiger lilies and morning dew he missed her warmth. Traces of sundew that ignited his bones her touch, her hugs her laughter like a waterfall of bells he missed her smile. He missed her. God, he missed her. A whimper escaped his throat and hot wet tears stained his dusty cheeks. He clutched a trembling fist to his aching heart. Soon water drained between his limp fingers and as her perfect image diluted, he dissolved the part of his heart which she used to always reside in, with the plain simple sorrow of a boy who lost the other half of his soul.

('You promised me, that we'd come see Gran Pulse together. Right?' He blinked and babbled in confusion, cheeks heating up under the laughter of her gaze. In the end their pinkies intertwined with their beating hearts, and he was already drowned in the newfound understanding of what was peace. 'Did I? When?'

'I don't know…' she laughed openly this time, head thrown back and lips parting. They curved into a lazy smile, one that traced the gold in her irises and relighted the fire in his soul.

'Another lifetime, maybe!')

A/N: Not much of a plot line, and this piece wasn't really planned out nicely, it more of went with the flow of a tired and emotional day. This is the second time I'm trying out this structure of writing, and I do hope it worked out alright. Constructive criticism is always appreciated!