A/N: I had to write this fic. I mean, I REALLY had to write this fic!
Elizabeth sat in her tower clearly unamused at her current state. Perhaps she should try to escape again? She had already read every book Songbird had brought her and reading was no longer a comfort. "I suppose I'll open another Tear", she mused. She stood up and concentrated carefully on her bookshelf and proceeded to tear the continuum apart. She saw she had opened up to another library and noticed a book on the shelf labeled "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer. "This might be a good book to read, it's thick enough, right?" she told herself. After closing the tear back up she sat down and began to read.
**A few hours later**
"WHAT IS THIS GARBAGE!?" Elizabeth shouted in disgust and threw the book against the wall. She was horrified! What in the world was with the people of the future? That was the kind of literature they wrote? People actually read this stuff?
The whistles signaling the arrival of Songbird went off, but Elizabeth didn't care. The kind of literature was an abomination to the world! Suddenly Songbird arrived at the window with food in hand. He sensed that Elizabeth was upset and signaled to her his confusion at the situation.
"The world! It's in trouble!" she shouted. Songbird continued to look as confused as a mechanical being could look, cocking his head to the side. Elizabeth knowing he didn't understand, picked up the book she had thrown against the wall and opened to the first chapter and began to read. At first Songbird sat and listened like the good friend he was, but as she went on he started to...misfunction. His eyes started changing colors and he was giving off steam. He HATED that story! It was messing with his ability to work properly. In fact one of his few flaws was his susceptibility to bad literature. This one gave him a particularly bad reaction and he fell from the window unconscious.
Elizabeth stopped her reading to notice that Songbird was no longer there. What happened to him? Did he just leave? The creature suddenly reappeared coughing and wheezing as if for dear life. He gave a pitiful screech and was blinking several erratically and giving off steam. He made it known to the young woman that she must stop reading that shit. Seriously.
"But you see now what the problem is? Imagine how bad it would be if we had to deal with that now, why, you'd die!"
I fail to see how this effects me, Songbird replied with a shrug.
"Okay, you're a machine, you're going to live indefinitely. What if my great-great-great-great grandaughter is up here and you listen to her read books as bad as that? What do you think would happen to you? You'd lose her!" Elizabeth explained gesturing wildly. If Songbird's eyes could have gotten wider, they would have. In spite of being a machine and having no facial expressions, the thing looked absolutely horrified.
Point made and taken, but how will you stop this? he asked. That was a legit question after all. She clearly didn't have a plan. Suddenly as if someone or something heard her, she began to hear this...noise. It sounded like some sort of steam-driven machinery. Suddenly a blue booth appeared with the words Police Call Box written on the top of it. Something from the future. Its door opened out stepped an oddly dressed man. The only thing she might have recognized about his outfit was the blue suit and tie that he wore. The shoes and coat were out of her frame of knowledge. Perhaps fashions had changed below?
"Ah well that's funny, I seriously didn't expect this to actually happen but after Kevin released the game I had to try out the theories, and wouldja look at that!" he rambled off. He tousled his brown hair and looked about. "I'm actually inside! What luck! It actually exists!"
"Um...er...excuse me...Sir, who are you?" Elizabeth inquired. The man suddenly stopped and turned around, suddenly noticing Elizabeth standing there awkwardly.
"AH! Elizabeth, in the flesh! Amazing! You look even better in person! Might I shake your hand Miss?" he asked. The girl saw little harm in that and reached out gingerly and shook his hand. He grinned broadly as if completely content with his life.
"May I inquire your name Mister?" she finally remembered to ask.
"Me? I'm the Doctor," he said simply.
"Doctor who?" the woman was a bit confused.
"Exactly," he replied.
"What?"
"No, Who," he stated, not sensing or rather, all out ignoring her confusion. Elizabeth stared into space for a moment and blinked, realizing she'd be getting nowhere to argue with him.
"Pleased to meet you," she finally said with a smile.
"So...what exactly do you do?" Elizabeth asked as they sat down and had tea. Songbird was sitting in the window begrudged eying the Doctor evilly. Elizabeth threatened to read more Twilight if he didn't behave.
"Well, I'm a Time Lord," he began explaining, "I travel through time and space and...save people." He had decided not go into too many details.
"And how do you travel through time?" she asked, extremely interested. This man might be able to help her with her quest!
"I use the Tardis", he said, gesturing over to the box he came from.
"Amazing!" Elizabeth could barely contain her excitement, "Just what I need!" she exclaimed.
"Beg your pardon?" he asked in confusion. With a flourish she stood up and began to explain how she would save the world by destroying evil literature and its sources. The Doctor felt this may be a bit farfetched but as he thought about the human stupidity he had encountered, destroying bad literature might make the world a better place.
"Okay," he agreed, "I guess this is a plausible idea. Where do we start?" he asked clasping his hands together.
"With this", she replied as she held up a copy of that deplorable and abominable excuse of a novel: Twilight.
A/N: I'm so glad you stopped by to read this horrible "so-bad-it-might-be-good" fan fiction. I have to rewatch a little bit of Doctor Who to get the 10th Doctor's speech patterns and habits right but overall I hope you found this funny. Twilight isn't the only novel on the chopping block just so you know. I'm also going to be sure that I've actually READ the books before I destroy them so nobody can accuse me of Complaining About Books I Don't Read (it's a TVTrope). If you have a book you want destroyed PLEASE PM ME!