Step by Step

Author's Note: Well, I finally returned with another story that only took me countless months to actually finish writing and then more weeks than it should have to finish proofreading and finishing it all up. But, it is done! I'm not sure how interested anyone is going to be in this one since it isn't all an original story. I loved the idea when I first started, but I'm not sure how it turned out. Basically I used this story as a reason to rewatch season 13. Feel free to use it that way too since each of the chapters are based on one of the episodes from the show. Original dialogue and scenarios don't belong to me.

Chapter One – The Beginning of the End

May

"They're too close."

"You think I should split them up."

"Not unless you want to lose you two best detectives."

Don Cragen sighed and rubbed wearily at his eyes. The doc couldn't have known how right she would be. He had seriously hoped that the loss of one member of his top pair wouldn't necessarily mean the loss of the other as well. Unfortunately that seemed to be exactly what was happening. The shoot-out in their squad room had unsettled all of them, but Olivia most of all. Her entire demeanor had changed, and they'd all noticed. He lifted his head and turned to gaze out the windows of his office so he could observe his detectives. Fin was on the phone, and John was nowhere to be seen, though Cragen wasn't worried. His gaze shifted to Olivia. To an outside observer it would look like she was working on something on her computer, but Cragen knew that wasn't the case. He knew her too well and had seen this far too often lately.

Olivia was gazing off into the distance over top of her computer. While Cragen was too far away to see if her eyes were focused on anything, he would bet money on the fact that they weren't. He had seen the blank expression on her face before. She was in her own world at the moment. More often than not anymore that was exactly where he'd see her.

He sighed heavily, unsure what to do with her. She'd adamantly refused any time off he'd offered, yet when she was at work she wasn't really there. Physically maybe, but mentally she wasn't even on the same planet. As much as he hated saying it, she had the expression of a lost puppy. It was painful to see. She'd been so far off her game since Elliot's abrupt departure that he'd needed to pull her into his office more than once. Eyes were on them at the moment, and cases needed to be closed. Before she'd been his top closer, but she had fallen a long way. Because of her lack of focus and the emotional turmoil the loss of her longtime partner had caused, she was barely holding on to a middle ranking now. The last thing he wanted to do was call her out on her inattention once again, but she couldn't afford to remain unfocused.

Cragen stood and left his office, slamming his door purposefully as he did. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Olivia jump in surprise, but he continued past her without a word. His unneeded trip to the bathroom had already served its purpose. Olivia was back in the land of the living and hopefully working again. For the moment his problem was solved, but until she truly pulled herself together it wasn't really over. Unless she figured things out there would be another long discussion in his office in Olivia's future, and he would need to start considering more drastic options. He had already set about adding a new detective or two to the unit. Even with the additions he didn't want to consider transferring Olivia, but if she continued the way she was going he might have to weigh his options.

Thankfully Cragen didn't have to remind her to stay on task anymore that morning. In fact, she'd almost buried herself too far into her work. It was a constant pendulum. She'd sway to extremes, first barely working and then almost breathing the job. The latter was far more common though. Many of his detectives got too deep in a difficult case and needed to be reminded, if not outright ordered, to take a break or get some rest. Olivia had always been one of the biggest culprits. With all the experience he'd gotten with her and the others, he knew how to deal with it.

He'd gotten so caught up in his work that by the time he glanced up at the clock it was a little after four. Olivia was still typing away, occasionally stopping to add something to her handwritten notes. After a brief moment of hesitation he left his office and approached her.

"Liv."

Olivia made a vague sound of recognition but didn't glance up or pause in her work. Cragen honestly doubted that she'd even heard him. Reaching out he rested a hand on her shoulder and called out to her again.

"Olivia."

This time she swiveled in her chair and looked up at him.

"Yeah, Cap?"

"I was going to grab something to eat, do you want anything?"

"Ah, no thanks. I'm not really hungry."

Of course she wasn't, which was what he was worried about. He would stake his career on the fact that she hadn't eaten lunch. She would never openly admit that of course, so he had to get a little bit creative. So far she was just proving his belief that she hadn't eaten. Subtly cornering her was the only way to get a real answer.

"Big lunch?"

Olivia simply shrugged and turned back toward her computer. It was all Cragen needed to know; he had her trapped.

"Liv, it's almost five. Have you eaten anything today?"

Her eyes flashed up to his, burning with anger. They weren't just flickering embers either, but a full on flame.

"Yes."

"Besides coffee?"

She continued staring daggers at him for a moment before her eyes dropped. Once again she turned away from him, refusing to acknowledge the question. Cragen didn't need a verbal answer though. He already had one.

"You need to eat, Liv," he told her softly.

"I'm fine, Captain."

She turned her eyes up to him again, some of the hardness in them gone. Olivia was silently pleading with him to let this go. Part of him wanted to do as she was asking, let her handle things, but he knew he couldn't. Knowing Olivia, she would continue ignoring her body's needs and would push herself until she collapsed. If she wouldn't look after herself, Cragen would do his best for her.

"Olivia, you can't do this. You need to eat."

"I'm a big girl, Captain. I can look after myself."

"I know you can. Get something to eat and make sure you go home on time today. You don't need to be spending all night here."

Olivia gave him a curt nod and returned to her work. Cragen wasn't sure she would follow his directions, but he couldn't push any harder. Olivia needed to make her own choices. Leaving her to her work, Cragen returned to his office. With his back turned to the door so nobody would notice, he pinched the bridge of his nose. What was he going to do with her?

( o ) ( o ) ( o )

The squad room had been quiet for the past few days. Quieter than usual, but functional. Everyone was busy working, including Olivia. Typically the squad room was filled with gentle banter even when they were working a case, which was the case now. While that was fine, he still wanted to check on his detectives. One in particular really. From what Cragen could tell Olivia was keeping mostly to herself though, which was rather unusual.

"Fin," he called as he stuck his head out of his office and motioned to his detective with is first two fingers.

Fin glanced up, a confused expression on his face. Munch patted his partner sympathetically on the shoulder.

"I wish you luck. Just don't dig yourself into a bigger hole."

"I ain't in a hole, and Cragen isn't pissed off either."

"Guess you're not in a very big one then."

"Can it, Munch," Fin shot over his shoulder as he headed toward Cragen's office.

The door closed with a gentle click once Fin had entered. Cragen motioned toward the chairs in front of his desk.

"Grab a seat if you want."

Unsure what this was about or what to think, Fin stuck his hands in his pockets and watched Cragen carefully, like a mouse eying a snake it didn't know if was hungry or not.

"I think I'll stand."

Cragen leaned against the edge of his desk and resisted the urge to rub at his face.

"You're not in trouble, Fin."

Fin visibly relaxed, though Cragen could still see the wariness flickering in his eyes. The question of why he had been called in was still there.

"How's Liv?"

Immediately the walls came up again. Fin wasn't as close to Olivia as Elliot had been, but he'd still stick his neck out for her. That was the way the entire squad was. None of them would turn informant on the other. Cragen knew that, but it wasn't really what he was asking Fin to do.

"I'm not looking to jam her up, Fin. I just want to check up on her. You interact more with her than I do."

Fin sighed and settled uneasily against the wall. It wasn't like his silence would really keep anything hidden. Olivia's behavior was obvious to anyone who knew her and likely to some who didn't too. Cragen already knew Olivia was hurting, that she wasn't completely right in the head at the moment. He couldn't possibly have missed the indications in her job performance. Since whatever Fin said couldn't do much harm, he finally relented.

"She's quiet, Cap'n. I'm used to gettin' some form of greetin' from her in the mornin', but lately it's just been a word or two. Even bouncin' ideas off her about a case hasn't gotten me much. Just short, clipped answers. Thoughtful, ya know, but not like her usual explained or connected ideas. More like what we write on our paperwork."

Cragen nodded in silence. He wasn't surprised considering Fin's admissions weren't exactly revelations to him. Even when she wound up in his office to explain herself she kept the discussion as short as she possibly could while still getting her point across.

"Can't convince her to grab a bite with me when we have down time either."

Little did Cragen know that Fin kept the fact that getting her to go out for a drink after work had never been easier. It wasn't something Cragen needed to know in Fin's opinion. At least not yet. Even if Fin had mentioned it, Cragen would have been far more worried about the fact that Olivia wasn't eating. Even under stress, he trusted her to handle her own drinking. She'd had a very clear example of what could happen if she had too much, and he seriously doubted she would ever risk even coming close to walking the same path her mother had.

"Has she been on track with her cases?" Cragen asked. "Investigating, interviews, interrogations?"

Again, Cragen already knew most of those answers, so Fin couldn't really deny what was happening. Besides, Cragen hoped Fin trusted him to use the information Fin was giving him in the right way. Cragen cared about Olivia. He'd stuck his neck out for her before, and this time helping her wouldn't require it to extend out quite that far.

"She's been fine. Maybe even a little over focused. She'd pushin' hard, 'specially in with perps."

Once again Cragen wasn't getting the whole story. Fin kept the fact that a few days ago she'd missed something on one of her cases that would have given her a break. He'd had to point it out at first, though the second he had she'd run with it on her own. Still, it was something Olivia rarely missed. As for the interrogations, he'd only been in with her on a few. Sometimes she was on her game, but other times she'd started toeing the line to the point that he'd had to cool her down. Typically that was her role, so it had been strange for Fin to take on the task of being g the leash handler so to say. Cragen had been watching some of those interrogations, and Fin had shared a mixed look of surprise and worry with is boss when it was over. The message was clear to both of them. Someone needed to keep an eye on Olivia to be sure she didn't become completely unhinged before she managed to tighten the screws on the door to her anger and control.

Cragen nodded but didn't seem particularly pleased. "Overly focused" was certainly an interesting way to put Olivia's recent behavior on the job. He would almost consider it as a political answer. In fact, he could have even used it with one of his bosses. Not a lie, but not revealing the real truth of the matter either.

"Do me a favor, Fin? Keep an eye on her."

"Course, Cap'n. Always."

Cragen nodded once again before sitting down behind his desk, concluding the discussion and giving Fin permission to leave. For now he would leave this mess in Fin's hands. Fin would be able to take what Olivia was dishing out and hopefully help her get through it before any official note needed to be made in her file. There was only so much Cragen would be able to do before he would need to make that notation, and that was something he would really prefer to avoid. Olivia didn't deserve that on top of everything else, and Cragen had to believe that she would pull through in time.