Tales of the Irrepressible Sirius Black
A/N: I always seem to be inspired to write fics based on songs I'm listening to, I'd love for this to be based on something sweet and romantic...alas it is inspired by a song from the Bloodhound Gang called "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo". Yeah, real classy stuff!
Disclaimer: Everything in the Potterverse is not mine. Sirius is most certainly not mine, no matter how much I wish he was, nor is anyone else except the characters I make up. If you don't know who's made up by me, don't fret, JK does...those would be the ones she wouldn't be suing over if I claimed it was all mine. Which I don't. So no law suit. And we all live happily ever after!
Chapter 1 – A Casanova In Training (aka. Girlish Delight on the Hogwarts Express)
The handsome young boy strolled along the platform at Kings Cross Station. He was dark and mysterious with a slight air of arrogance about him. At only 14 years old he knew how to charm his way around people, but he wasn't yet aware of the effect he had on females and there could be no doubt there was definitely an effect. Pushing the trolley containing his trunks and school things further down the platform, girls, even women around him turned to watch. He caught the eye of a pretty brunette and she smiled beguilingly at him. He grinned at her as a yell of "Padfoot!" caught his ears. Sirius Black increased his pace in order to catch up to a boy with messy black hair. The boy was pushing a similar trolley to his own and was standing near the barrier between platforms 9 and 10.
"Prongs, fancy seeing you here, I thought you were supposed to get here early and save us a good compartment on the train!" Sirius announced as he briefly embraced his best friend while glancing around the platform to see if many people were paying attention to them.
"Why Padfoot, you old dog! Isn't that what we have Moony for?" James Potter asked, running a hand through his hair and laughing.
"I knew there was a reason we keep that bloke around." As he said this, Sirius cast an eye over the platform once more before leaning against the barrier and disappearing. James, still laughing, quickly followed.
--
They appeared on the other side of the barrier, in the middle of an archway, underneath a sign proclaiming them to be on "Platform 9 ¾". The effect of Sirius Black's arrival on the female presence was immediate. Pushing his way through the crowd ahead of James, girls ogled him and whispered to their friends as they passed. Utterly unaware of the stir he was causing, he grabbed his trunk and jumped onto the train, James in his wake as they looked in compartment after compartment till he saw the two people he was searching for. Sitting in a compartment together were Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, the other two members of the group who called themselves The Marauders.
"Moony! Wormtail! I have arrived! Oh, and Prongs is here too." He jerked his head to the side to indicate their friend's presence.
"Hey Padfoot, Prongs." Remus said as Sirius and James entered the compartment, hauled their luggage onto the rack above their heads and sat down.
"How was your holiday?" Peter asked.
"Not too bad, shut the door would you, Wormy?" Sirius responded and dutifully, Peter got up and shut the door the two had left open.
They talked companionably for the next hour, swapping stories of their summer holidays when all of a sudden Sirius jumped out of his seat.
"I'm famished! You blokes want anything?" Sirius queried, halfway out the door.
"But the food trolley's not here yet?" Peter stated, sounding confused about where Sirius was going to get food.
"Not yet, Wormtail, not yet. I, however, am hungry now so I'm going to the other end of the train. I'll crash someone's compartment and get us food before anyone else can!" Sirius winked at them all.
"Pumpkin pasty for me, Padfoot." James grinned at his friend.
"I'll have one too then," Peter seconded, "and I wouldn't say no to a chocolate frog."
"Just a liquorice wand for me, thanks." Said Remus. "Want any money?"
"Nah, not an issue Moony, you know that!" Remus looked a tiny bit put out, but Sirius didn't notice. He never bragged about being wealthy, in fact, he never really gave it much thought at all. Growing up in one of the oldest pureblood wizarding families, money had never been a concern and in all honesty it was for this reason that Sirius had never really learned the true value of a galleon. Even after four years of friendship, Remus wasn't used to the way Sirius threw gold around like it was growing on trees.
--
Sirius sauntered up the passageway on the Hogwarts Express, glancing into carriages as he went. He was sorely tempted to stop and taunt Severus Snape, a member of the Slytherin house and hated enemy of Sirius and his Gryffindor friends. Seeing as the compartment was full of nasty looking Slytherins accompanying Snape, Sirius hastily dismissed the idea of stopping. Reaching the front of the train, he checked out the two compartments. One was the prefects' carriage including five prefects and the other contained three girls from Ravenclaw house looking to be fifth years. He decided against inviting himself into the prefects' carriage. Having found himself on their bad side on too many occasions to count, he didn't think it wise to annoy them at this early point of the school term.
Flinging open the door of the other compartment, Sirius smiled widely at the girls inside.
"Hello ladies, fancy seeing you here!" He sat down next to a stunned looking blonde girl who soon frowned at him.
"Can I help you?" she asked coldly.
"Not really," Sirius replied, not at all put off by her demeanour, "I just came to visit and see what was happening in your neck of the woods."
"You're Sirius Black, aren't you?" A girl across from him with long, curly, brunette hair raised an eyebrow at him.
"The one and only!" He announced with pride, "Who might you girls be?" He asked cheekily.
"We MIGHT be about to hex you into next Sunday, Black." The blonde girl said with a great deal of venom.
"Awwwww, don't be that way babe," he winked at her, "I just came to spend some time with the prettiest girls in the school! So come on, tell me your names so I don't have to spend the next two hours calling you sugarplum."
A previously silent girl in the corner of the carriage who was tall and thin, with short black hair spoke up.
"I'm Arabella Teddington, this is Wanita Halkett," she indicated to the brunette, who had just tilted her head to the side and was giving Sirius a once over. "And that is Danika Valentine that you're sitting next to."
"Teddington, Halkett, Valentine. Duly noted. Was that really so hard?" As he said this, Sirius turned so he was mainly speaking to Danika. She was quite a curvy girl, with her straight blonde hair reaching just past her shoulders. Her piercing blue eyes caught Sirius' grey ones.
"I suppose not." She conceded and just as Sirius was about to make a wisecrack, he was interrupted by the sound of the food trolley coming past them.
"Anything off the trolley, dears?" The witch who pushed the trolley poked her head into their compartment.
"Absolutely," said Sirius, jumping up from his seat. "Three pumpkin pasties, a liquorice wand, a packet of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and a chocolate frog, thanks."
"Hungry are you, love?" She smiled at him as she took his money.
"Errrr yeah, you could say that." Sirius moved aside to let the girls make their purchases and as they sat down he turned to them. "Well, it's been real nice ladies, but I've gotta jet. Don't be strangers now!"
He left the compartment with difficulty, his hands now full of food, but as he turned to walk down the train, he found his way blocked by the food trolley.
"Excuse, could I possibly get past?" Sirius asked the witch who was now serving the compartment next to the one he'd previously vacated. Her wide bottom and even wider cart made the idea of passing a hopeless one.
"Sorry love, I don't think that's possible right now, you should probably just go back to your seat, dear." She smiled at him and turned back to her customers.
"But that's what I...never mind."
--
Sirius made his way back into the girls' compartment. As he opened the door with his foot and edged his way in, he heard the sound of giggling coming to an abrupt halt.
"I thought you were leaving us?" Danika watched him with interest.
"Yeah, I thought that too." Sirius muttered, returning to his seat beside her and dumping his goods in between them. "Prongs will probably kill me."
"Excuse me, WHO will kill you?" asked Wanita.
"Oh Prongs, I mean James Potter, my best friend. I was meant to be getting him a pumpkin pasty but now I'm stuck here."
"Well don't make it sound like you're enjoying it too much, Black. We'd hate to think you like us!" Wanita stuck out her tongue at Sirius.
"Ahhhh I didn't mean it like that, Halkett, you girls are the prettiest things I've seen all day." He winked at her and she blushed.
"Hey Black, has anyone ever told you that you tend to err on the chauvinist side of caution?" Danika scowled at him.
"Never anyone as pretty as you, Valentine! And don't pretend that I'm not the prettiest thing YOU'VE seen all day!" He raised his eyebrows at her suggestively.
"Black, you are an incorrigible flirt!" She announced, laughing now.
"I'm not flirting, am I?" Sirius sounded sincerely confused. All three girls were laughing now and it was Arabella who spoke up.
"You most definitely are, Black. That's okay though, we like it. You know you're hot." She winked at him and was rewarded with a large smile.
"You're right, I do know I'm hot and so do you. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you know you're sitting with the hottest guy at Hogwarts. Go on, you don't have to deny it!"
"Hottest guy at Hogwarts? I don't know..." Arabella pondered, "maybe once you grow into those ears, or your hair gets a bit longer..."
"You don't like my ears, Teddington?" Sirius asked as Wanita snorted with laughter, "are you sure you don't like them? Maybe you'd like to look closer?" He moved to sit next to her and pulled his hair back from his left ear.
"See that? That is a sexy ear, go on, you can admit it Teddington, you want my ear!"
"I don't know about your ear, Black, but I do want your wand!" Danika looked scandalised and Wanita laughed harder than ever.
"You want my...my WHAT, Teddington?" Sirius spluttered.
"Oh for Merlin's sake, your LIQUORICE wand! You lot, all three of you, get your heads out of the gutter!" The three of them were laughing at her and soon Arabella joined in.
"Freudian Slip, Bella!" Danika coughed.
"It was not a Freudian Slip, Dani! I simply meant that I wanted his candy!"
"His...candy..." was all that Wanita could manage as she continued laughing.
"That's what she said, Halkett! Think she meant it?" Sirius felt pleased with himself.
--
Sirius left the carriage twenty minutes later and headed back to his compartment with only half a packet of Bertie Botts and a cold pumpkin pasty in his hands. He sat down in the seat next to Peter, across from James and Remus.
"Oh look Moony, he returns." James smirked at Sirius.
"And oh my, Prongs, he hasn't got our food with him." Remus replied, looking at Sirius also. It was a game the group played often.
"Good thing we bought our own food, Moony."
"Might have starved, Prongs."
"While waiting for our dear friend to bring us food, Moony."
"I wonder if he had a good time though, Prongs?"
"Doesn't look like he met any Slytherins, Moony."
"A good time involves Slytherins, Prongs?"
"A good time involves Slytherins and hexing, Moony."
"Or girls, my friends," Sirius interrupted the banter between James and Remus, "hexing Slytherins, or flirting with girls."
"You met some girls, Padfoot?" Peter sounded eager for news.
"Most certainly, Wormy. Fifth year girls. Ravenclaw girls. Hot girls. Couldn't get enough of me." He grinned at them all.
"So, chatting up fifth year Ravenclaws?" James clapped him on the back. "Well done, I can forgive you for letting me almost starve to death if you hook me up with one of them!"
"Anytime, Prongs, anytime. You know boys; I think this is going to be the start of a wonderful new way of life. I've been wondering...do you think I could get a girl to snog me by the end of the day?"
A/N: I wish I could've been inspired by a nice song, but most particularly the lines "in lieu of the innuendo, in the end know my intent though" and "I don't wanna beat around the bush. Foxtrot. Uniform. Charlie. Kilo." reminded me of Sirius Black who, let's face it, is a terrible cad! So I thought I'd write a fic in which he goes about becoming and being, you know, THE Sirius Black.