In the light of my own relationship problems, I've poured my heart and soul into this. Enjoy a meaningless one-shot.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I groaned and looked at the clock. 11:30. Hmm. Another day in my life.
Most kids my age were up and at college by now, but not me. I spent my days playing video games with my friends. Particularly my best friend, but he hadn't been recording with me much. I secretly wondered if he preferred Ryan to me, but I knew he couldn't. The viewers thought we were in love, so didn't that prove something about our relationship?
Well, the fact that part of that was true may have helped with that idea.
My name is Mitchell Hughes, and I'm head-over-heels in love with my best friend. And before you ask: no, my best friend isn't a girl and no, I am not bi. If I ever told people about this I'd probably lie and say I was. There's too many people who think people like me are disgusting and need to be corrected. At least those who are bi might fall in love with a girl and live a normal life. Not me, though.
It never really bugged me until the feelings came back. Sure, when I first met Jerome I knew what I felt wasn't normal. How do you think I figured out I was gay? But after not seeing him for two years I got over it. As we started talking again I felt strong feelings of friendship, but never this love. The jokes were real then. But now... for the past year or so we made videos together every day. We made each other's channels. The Merome jokes, as the fans call our ship, were starting to get to me. Now that they were dying down I was alright. It was hard, but I could always admire him from a distance.
I put on my signature hoodie and began walking to breakfast. I saw my face in the mirror as I started to go out the door. It looked happy and confident. I smiled back at myself. Today would be a good day.
We had pancakes for breakfast, and for once most of us were there. He wasn't, though. My heart sank a little as I piled food onto my plate.
"Do you really need that much, Mitch?" Ian raised an eyebrow as I put another pancake on my stack.
"It's my food, dawg. This is barely anything." I swirled some more American syrup on top. Still not as good as real Canadian stuff.
Adam chewed on a pencil. "You'll get plenty of time to eat later tonight. That is, if we get this darn party planned."
"How hard can planning a Christmas party be?" Quentin asked.
"It isn't." Ty said. "But when you get someone as stubborn as Adam..."
Adam lightly punched his arm. "I'm not stubborn. I'm picky."
They playfully argued as the rest of us discussed plans for future videos. I really had nothing to say since Jerome wasn't here. He and I had some special things planned.
Arms wrapped around my back, sending a shiver down my spine. "Guess who." Said a sweet voice.
I chuckled. "Jerome, you're the only one who wakes up this late."
He grinned and plopped in his seat beside me like always. "I'll take those, thank you."
I frowned as he plucked a pancake off my plate. "Don't take my food."
He ignored me and started conversation with the others. I sighed until a goofy grin crossed my face. I loved that guy.
The party was going well so far. A decent amount of people had shown up, and the guys seemed to be having a great time. I socialized as well, but it was hard to have a conversation without girls flirting with me. I had learned to get used to it but it made me discouraged to talk. I eventually settled for leaning in a corner and sipping punch, my eyes carefully observing the scene.
"Mitch!" A voice called out. I looked over and saw Jerome running towards me. I immediately grinned. "I need your opinion on something."
"Anything, Biggums." I said cheerfully.
He looked at me with a nervous yet excited look on his face. "You make think I'm crazy, but I want to propose."
Propose to his girlfriend? My heart sank, but I tried to play it off. "To me, Biggums? I'm flattered, but..."
"Not to you." He smiled. "To Lousie."
"I know." I said. "Well... Only do it if your positive this is the right choice."
He smiled again. "Thanks buddy. I knew I could count on you!" He dashed back into the party and I sighed.
We all collapsed onto the couches as the last of the partygoers left. I was exhausted yet wide awake. I had claimed my normal chair and the others filled the two couches, but Jerome stood still. He looked around before shoving me over.
"#Merome, buddy!" Jerome said as he climbed on next to me. I felt my fingertips tingle when he brushed against my arm. He was so perfect, the way he effortlessly lay on the chair. Everything about him was amazing. Except for one tiny thing: he wasn't mine. I sighed silently.
"That was one amazing party." Jason said. We nodded our heads in agreement, but I was focused on something else. My gaze shifted to the happy couple. Ty snuggled closer to Adam, and I frowned. They looked so adorable. I could practically see the admiration and affection in their eyes. They were obviously meant to be. I couldn't take it.
I ran out of the living room and to my bedroom, my heart pounding in my ears. "Mitch!" Adam said as he chased after me. I slammed the door and collapsed on my bed letting the tears fall freely. I didn't care about pretending to be tough anymore. It didn't matter. Nothing did.
Adam knocked and slowly opened the door. "Mitch! What the heck?"
I sniffled. "Sorry, not in a good mood."
"You just burst out of the room for no reason. Everyone's worried, but I told them if we all went it would overwhelm you. What's wrong?" I mumbled a response. "Mitch, I can't help you if you don't speak up."
"It's Jerome." I said a bit louder.
His harsh gaze softened and he sat down on the bed. "Tell me." He said softly, finally realizing this was a private conversation only he could understand.
"Everyone around me is so happy." I said. "I want to be happy."
"You can be, if you let him know your feelings." Adam suggested.
"I can't!" I snapped. He glared. "Sorry, it's just... He has Louise and he's happy. He'd never want me, even if he was bi."
Adam gave me a smile of pity. "I know how you feel. I didn't think Ty would ever want me-"
"But you got him." I interrupted. "You get a happy ending. Me, on the other hand? I'm forced to watch everyone else be happy." I sighed as I remembered my conversation with Jerome before. "You know what he told me? His next paycheck, he's going to buy a ring and propose. It's hopeless. I'll just be alone forever."
His eyes filled with pity. "I know what you mean, Ty and I-"
"No you don't!" I yelled. "Ty loved you and we all knew it! He didn't propose to his girlfriend, and he is now happily in a relationship with you. For all I know, Jerome will be disgusted with me for liking him."
"Mitch, I know-"
"You don't know!" I shouted. "Get out, Adam, and stop pretending you understand me! I'm done with this." I pushed him to the door and slammed it in his face.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I saw my face in the mirror. What had I become? A monster, that's what I was. Why couldn't I just like girls?
No. I wouldn't let this get the best of me. I was Mitchell Hughes, and I could fight this. I could learn to like girls, right? It couldn't be hard. I had a million fangirls dying to do so. All I had to do was take out the creepy ones, the underage ones, and I'd be fine. I could do this.
I shakily walked down the stairs and back to the room. "Mitch! What happened?" Jerome asked.
"I...uh...you know." I said. "I thought I was going to throw up."
The others said they hoped I felt better, but I saw Jerome's eyes dart to my fading tear stains. I could hardly lie to him anymore, but he nodded and wished me well. They continued party talk and only gave me occasional glances, thankfully. After a while I really did feel sick. I asked to go get some fresh air, but I heard footsteps following me.
"Mitch, what really happened?" Jerome's hand wrapped around my small wrist.
"I'm fine." I said quickly as I tried to free myself. He held on tightly.
"I can tell when you lie. What's bugging you? You can tell me." He looked at me with those eyes and I was tempted to admit it.
It's nothing." I said finally. "It's a stupid problem I wouldn't want to bug you with."
"Tell me." I flinched as his grip tightened.
"Oh, mistletoe!" Ian yelled from the couches. I looked up and saw the cursed plant above us. Jerome looked at me.
"Well?"
"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" They chanted.
"I can't." I said quickly.
"Mitch..." Jerome looked at me. "It won't change our friendship. Give the people what they want."
The chanting and his looks all swirled inside my head. "I can't because I like you!"
My hands immediately covered my mouth as if I could take it back, but it was said. The guys all looked around the room as silence overtook us. The shocked look on Jerome's face made me want to die.
For the second time that day, I ran.
I sat on the curb and stared into the street. Darkness had engulfed the city and left only a few lights on. It was so late that only someone as stupid as me would be outside. I was such an idiot. Why did I ever think he'd love me?
"Hey." I felt a body sit down next to me, but the voice made me shiver.
"Hi." I squeaked.
"So..." Jerome seemed to be at a loss for words. I just wanted him to leave me alone. He was too good for me. I was a monster.
I finally mustered up enough courage to speak. "You don't have to talk to me. I know you think I'm disgusting."
"Why would I ever think that, Biggums?" The name made me blush, but he probably couldn't see that. "You have a crush on me. How does that make you disgusting?"
"Jerome, don't you get it?" I murmured just loudly enough so he heard. "I like guys. I'm a freak."
"Adam and Ty are bi." He said calmly. "There's no shame-"
"You don't get it." I spat. I interrupted people a lot. "They like girls too. They can live a normal life without anyone ever knowing. But me? I'm gay, Jerome. I've never liked girls. Don't you remember the bYd podcast where we talked about going into that strip club?"
Despite this upsetting moment for me, I watched his lips curl into a smile. "Yeah. So?"
"You all made fun of me for caring about money when girls were giving me a lap dance." I said.
"But you really..." A lightbulb practically shone over his head as he put two and two together. "Oh."
"I only cared about money because I didn't want to be there!" I said, voicing his thoughts. "I've known this for a while. Why do you think I decided to be Atheist when I was 11?"
"I don't know what that has to do with this."
"I used to be Christian, Jerome." I said flatly. "I was 11 when I realized my whole religion despised my existence."
Jerome stared quietly at the road. "This has been a burden for you, hasn't it?"
"Yeah." It felt good to finally let it out, though my heart was still in shambles. "It's been hard."
"I'm sorry, buddy." Jerome said after a long silence. "Why didn't you tell me?"
I looked at him in awe. "I was in love with you. It'd be pretty hard to explain how I knew I was gay without giving you some names."
"You could've told me before I started going into detail about my relationships-" He facepalmed. "I told you I was going to propose."
I held back the tears. "Well, don't worry about it. I never expected you to love me back, in fact I never expect anyone to love me. If you want to go propose to her tonight, go right ahead." I got to my feet. "I'm not stopping you."
"Mitch, wait." Jerome grabbed my ankle before I could walk into the house and cry in my bedroom. "Now I'm not sure."
"Not sure of what?" I asked hesitantly.
"I don't know if I want to marry her." He said.
"Don't make it because of me-"
"Don't be conceited, it isn't all about you." He gave me a weak smile to show he was joking. "I've been having doubts for a while now."
"But why did you seem so confident about this earlier?" I sat back beside him.
"The idea was thrilling. Louise kind of dropped hints, though, so it wasn't all my idea..." He stared at a tree across the street. "I just don't think I'm ready to throw my life away. Marriage requires commitment and responsibility. I'm not sure I'm ready."
"Jerome, you are the most committed and responsible person I've ever met." I said. "You'd be an amazing husband. Don't ever doubt yourself."
He smiled. "You think so?"
I returned the smile. "Absolutely. Now go back in and enjoy the party. I'll join you soon."
He was about to get up, but he hesitated. "Just one thing first."
His face was getting uncomfortably close to mine. "Jero-"
I was cut off by his lips pressing against mine. He tasted like sugar cookies, which I assumed he had eaten at the party. As amazing as I had always dreamed it would be, I couldn't kiss back. It wasn't right with him being in a relationship and not truly loving me. My eyes just widened in shock.
He pulled away. "I just needed to know how that'd feel. Goodnight." He turned and walked back into the house as the last light on the street flickered off.