Closet (Schrank)
Juliette is in the kitchen attempting to make her Großmutter's, Petit Madeleine's for the bakery, but she isn't having much luck as yet. Thankfully Kerstin continues to faithfully test her random concoctions. Her frustration is beginning to show and Kerstin is thinking of ways to belay her ire, though she is fairly good humoured about the whole thing. Especially given that this is her fourth attempt in two days. Apparently faulty memory and an inability to decipher her Großmutter's… no her Grandmere's Kerstin corrects herself… spidery script is getting the better of her. Kerstin knows that eventually she will ask her mother to decipher it for her, but for now her independence is firmly asserting itself.
Kerstin is enjoying watching the tiny furrow appearing between Juliette's eyebrows, she has never looked more beautiful than she does right now, all rapt concentration and floured cheeks. Her lips are moving silently as she tries out different combinations of a word she cannot read to see what might be the most likely one.
Kerstin smiles knowing that Juliette is occupied for the time being and turns back to her own work making sure the accounts tally. She taps her pencil lightly against her teeth as she submerses herself back into the numbers. Her mind refuses to cooperate though; she'd far rather watch Juliette she swivels her chair around so that she can. Her thoughts begin to wander until suddenly she blurts out what is on her mind.
"Why have I never looked at other women?"
Kerstin watches Juliette stop what she is doing with a gentle huff of frustration; though Kerstin knows it is directed at the recipe book and not at her. She watches her dust her floury hands off on her skirt and come closer.
"Quoi ma cherie?" comes the patient response though unusually in French which indicates just how deeply embroiled she is in what she is doing.
"Why have I never looked at other women?"
"Does it matter? You love me, I love you, so that is all for me." She asks with a laconic shrug, though not dismissive of Kerstin's query.
Kerstin frowns "Of course I do, I was never questioning that, but why you?" then at Juliette's look of bewilderment she quickly clarifies "No, I mean; why so suddenly?" she smiles softly "Not why you. I know why you. How could I not love you?"
Juliette looks at her thoughtfully and realises that this is simply something Kerstin is curious about not that she is questioning them right now. She smiles "Have you ever thought that maybe you were just so far in the closet you might have been able to find Christmas presents?" she counters teasingly with a raised eyebrow.
Kerstin looks at her in utter confusion "Why does our wardrobe have anything to do with this and why would I be looking for gifts in there?"
Juliette's eyebrows rise in unison and she chuckles. A frown lowers over Kerstin's face and Juliette realises that maybe Kerstin isn't ready to see the funny side, but with Kerstin's continued confusion, she realises that perhaps it is more that Kerstin simply does not understand the phrase.
"I'm not laughing at you Kerstin. It's just a phrase. To be in the closet means you are hiding from people that you are gay, that you have not come out yet. It is not meant to be taken so literally ma cherie."
She moves to stand in front of her, gently brushing a hand across her cheek causing Kerstin to look up at her "I'm sorry. I forget. I'm sorry if you thought I was laughing at you, I wasn't, or rather I didn't mean to."
Kerstin smiles "It's okay, I was being oversensitive and I didn't understand. Are there more of these strange sayings?"
"Probably," replies Juliette smiling "but generally they are of little consequence, just in-jokes or comments. If I think of one you should know I will tell you, yes?"
Kerstin smiles up at her placing her hands on Juliette's hips "If you think so. How are the Madeleine's coming along? Are you ready to ask your Maman yet?" she asks, changing the subject.
"Hmm, now who is teasing?" huffs Juliette good humouredly her hands raising to Kerstin's shoulders her arms linking round Kerstin's neck. "Not yet, I'm sure I can work it out, if only I could remember, I made them often enough with her. It's frustrating."
"I'd noticed. You have flour on your cheek by the way" Kerstin says brushing at the offending flour with the pad of her thumb, and then winding her arms around the younger woman's waist.
"Thank you. I must be wearing more than has gone into those agaçant biscuits by now." She pauses then changes the subject "Do you want to go out this weekend? They have a gay night at La Petit Scène like the Rainbow night at Foxy's"
Kerstin looks at her uncertainly she still feels rather shy about going to places that are gay designated "Sure, but why there particularly?"
"It's not about just being around 'gay people' Kerstin." Juliette replies patiently "It's about not isolating ourselves and sometimes being around people who are never going to stare and comment. Sometimes I find that it is nice to be able to relax more freely in public"
"I thought you had never hidden who you were?" Kerstin asks curiously.
"I haven't. Sometimes though I think that you are still uncomfortable and I like going out with you, so if we went somewhere that was friendly maybe you would be more relaxed? Besides I don't shout it from the rooftops that's not really my way."
"No you don't. I still don't understand why this involves a wardrobe."
Juliette laughs and kisses her "Honestly Kerstin, don't worry about it so. It really doesn't matter. I'm going back to my Madeleine's" then at Kerstin's look she adds "This is my last attempt, but I am nearly done. If they don't work this time I will ask Maman, alright?"
Kerstin nods in relief "Okay, I can only be your guinea pig so many times. You are so stubborn; I don't know why you didn't just ask her to start with."
Juliette turns back to the kitchen muttering about being sure she was capable of working it out for herself.
"Juliette?" Kerstin calls after her "Ich liebe dich."
Juliette turns slightly "Je t'aime Kerstin" she says a huge smile on her face for she never gets tired of hearing Kerstin spontaneously saying that to her.