A/N: Hey people! I've been reading fanfiction for a little while, but this is my very first time actually writing fanfiction. EVER. It's a bit of a cliché setting, high school, but I wanted to do it anyway. In this story, Axel and Roxas are best friends. No more, no less. And they're straight. I added the homosexual based insults because Axel and Roxas are typically paired together as lovers in many other pieces fan work, so it's kinda like the two guys are teased for it in my story. By the way, I do like yaoi, lemony stuff, and lemony yaoi stuff, so I'm not making fun of that. I'm making fun of Axel and Roxas :D. Also, there are a couple open ended lines in here. I did that on purpose. I'm hoping to do more bits and pieces in this setting related to some things mentioned here, but only if this turns out okay. I'm hoping to do some other stuff, too.
Finally: I do not own the Kingdom Hearts series and everything related to it. The only thing I own here is the plot. Okay, here we go...
Meme Whore
Roxas is a meme whore.
What I mean is he really, really enjoys memes. He's usually the first person to show me new sources of "lulz," as the people on the internet so eloquently put it. And while I enjoy a good laugh here and there, too, Roxas tends to drown in the meme-tastic glory from time to time. He's told me riveting tales of staying up all night, surfing various websites while trying his hardest not to burst out in fits of laughter. If his mom heard him, he would get in so much trouble. His mantra for controlling himself?
"White piece of paper. White piece of paper…Nothing is funny about a white piece of paper. It has nothing on it. It's blank! It's meaningless. It's. Not. Funny," Roxas would say. Of course, that would make us both laugh uncontrollably since it always reminded us of that one time when we…eh, that's another story.
Anyway, Roxas' meme-ohalic tendencies get him into less than favorable situations once in a while. The latest incident was a week ago – last Thursday.
Roxas had been having conflicts with Marluxia since the Monday before last Thursday. For some unknown reason Marluxia had decided to pick on Roxas, and he had been doing it for 10 whole days before the incident.
I told Roxas to ignore it. Let it go, you know? Marluxia tends to be an ass. I mean, c'mon – the kid hangs out with Larxene. On purpose.
"Ugh, you don't understand, Axel!" Roxas whined. He's saying all sorts of annoying shit to me. And the way he's doing it is so stupid, too!"
"Doing it?" I asked him. "How is he doing it?"
"He whispers it to me. He says his garbage just loud enough so that only I can hear it. To a passerby, it looks like he's just glancing in my direction as he walks on. But NO! In reality he's saying a world's worth of rubbish!"
"Heh heh, 'rubbish.'"
"Shut UP, Axel. I'm serious! You wanna know what Marluxia said right after lunch today? As he was throwing out the rest of his food, he hissed in my ear, 'So when Axel fucks you in the ass, can you even feel anything? I mean, I heard that kid's dick is ti-ny! But then again, yours must be smaller since you're the one taking it in the ass in the first place!'"
"Hmm…" I thought for a second. "A straight up lie rolled into a homophobic-based assumption, followed up by an insult against someone who isn't directly involved in any of this nonsense, finished off by coming back to the initial insult, essentially calling you a bitch with more words than necessary…Yep, that's Marluxia for ya. Though I have to admit, saying all that in the little amount of time it takes to get up and throw out your trash is quite impressive. Huh…"
"AXEL!"
"Oh! Sorry. But seriously, try not to react to it too much. That's where he's getting the thrill. And I'm not kidding when I say this – the guy really enjoys his thrills. (I wouldn't be surprised if he's getting a raging boner from this.)"
"What?"
"Nothing. C'mon, let's get going," I said.
Last Thursday, Marluxia must've felt the need to go the extra mile. As Roxas and I headed off to our last class of the day, Marluxia walked by Roxas, turned his head for a moment, and sped off. Roxas was fuming a second later. And me? I didn't hear a thing.
"Damn! That was so…sneaky! He must have a bit of ninja in his blood, because that was something else! …Roxas?"
At this point, Roxas was beyond pissed. He was LIVID.
Last class of the day, AP Biology. Roxas and I sat at one of the two-person tables together. Marluxia, who got to the room before we did,moved from his previous seat to the one right behind Roxas. Oh God…
During the lecture, silent insults fell upon definitely not deaf ears. And I didn't hear a thing. No one did. It was just Marluxia and Roxas. But at some point, Roxas was clenching his fists and shaking. I could see he was burning up with rage. Oh crap…
"Roxas, don't do anything stupid now," I muttered between gritted teeth.
"You better listen to yo man, Roxas, or else he won't sex you up tonight."
Okay, that time I definitely heard Marluxia. Before I could respond, though, Roxas jumped up and turned around to face his assailant, knocking over his chair in the process. He had hit his limit.
"YOU ASS WIPE! I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP!"
Now, remember how I said Roxas was a meme whore? Yeah, well about a couple weeks before this incident, Roxas ran into a very "interesting" meme: Bitches don't know. It's basically a picture of some guy wearing a black shirt with white words stating, "Bitches dont know bout my dick." And like any other meme, this one had a lotof variations running around the internet.
Roxas found this particular meme so funny, he bought a shirt in that style off the internet. Yes, words and all. He told me it was the best $5 he had ever spent.
He wanted to wear that shirt everywhere. But seeing as it had inappropriate language written out in big, bold letters, he couldn't wear it around his house or at school.
Oh, but he found a loophole. He decided to wear it as an undershirt any chance he got…
And on that day of all days, last Thursday, he was wearing that makeshift undershirt beneath a blue, pin striped collar shirt. I watched in dreadful slow motion as he reached towards the gaps between the buttons of his shirt. Before I could even think to tell him to stop, he did it. He ripped open his top layer and yelled,
"BITCHES DON'T KNOOOW 'BOUT MY POWER LEVEL!"
Yeah, Roxas was a fan of Dragon Ball Z back in the day.
Puffing out his chest, displaying his battle cry on his now visible undershirt, he was ready to kick some ass. You could see him beginning to glow in anticipation.
Everyone in the room was silent while staring at the commotion. Some students' jaws dropped open. This was definitely a "dot dot dot" moment. I had my face in my palms. Seriously, if Roxas was planning on going all out, why would he yell a phrase like that? It had to have been the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Ludicrous, even!
Someone else in the class must have thought so, too, because there was a soft chuckle in the background. It grew louder and louder until it became fits of hysterical laughter.
Everyone turned their attention to the new source of disruption, Roxas and Marluxia included. Those whose mouths managed to stay shut during Roxas' outburst had dropped now. Those who already had their mouths open – well, their jaws were barely held onto the hinges at this point.
The teacher was doubled over, laughing. She was laughing so hard, she was crying. Pounding her fist against her desk, she progressed to silent laughter. You know, the kind of laughing where you're not making noises anymore – you're not even breathing. Your face is frozen in that moment of hilarity while the rest of your body is wildly convulsing. This went on for a good minute or two before the teacher took a gasp of air and tried to calm herself down.
"Oh my…Oh my God, Roxas," Mrs. Ruby started, bits of leftover giggles still escaping her lips. "That had to have been the funniest thing I've seen all week!"
She laughed a little more before continuing.
"I was having such an awful week, but somehow this managed to lighten my mood a bit."
She laughed again, albeit lighter than before. By this time though, some of the other students joined in. And then the rest of the class. And then myself, followed by Marluxia.
Roxas was still trying to hold onto his anger, but ultimately he, too, succumbed to the hilarity of the situation.
"Hahahahahaaa! That waspretty funny, wasn't it?" Roxas offered, his voice full of mirth.
"Indeed it was," Mrs. Ruby began. "BUT!" She had instantly stopped laughing, which caused everyone else to stop abruptly, as well.
"You, sir, have earned yourself four days' worth of detention!"
"WHAAAAAT!" Roxas screamed. "But WHY?"
"You're wearing an inappropriate shirt, you swore at the top of your lungs in class, you disrupted the class and other students' 'opportunity to learn,' and you're instigating a fight," the teacher sternly listed off.
"What? B-b-but, Mrs. Ruby! Marluxia—"
"No 'buts'! Now you march your behind down to the vice principal's office this instant!" The conversation was done.
Roxas picked up his chair that got knocked over during the outburst, gathered his belongings, and left. Surely, he was muttering swears under his breath. As he left I could see him turning red from anger, and most likely embarrassment.
Mrs. Ruby picked up the classroom phone to inform the vice principal that he had a little guest coming his way. She promised she would email him the Disciplinary Form once she got a chance to fill it out.
After she hung up there was more silence until,
"Bwa-hahahahahaaaaa! What an IDIOT!" Marluxia proclaimed.
And that was last Thursday.
Roxas somehow managed to get two more regular days of detention plus a Saturday detention on top of the four days Mrs. Ruby gave him. Note to self: Calling a teacher a crazy c*** while yelling at the vice principal is never a good idea. NEVER.
Anyway, today was Roxas' last day of detention, so I offered to pick him up and take him home when he was done. When we got there I decided to hang out with him for a bit. Along with the detention, Roxas' parents had him on total lockdown: No friends, no video games, no internet, in bed by 10pm sharp every night, and chores, chores, chores. Now that he was free, Roxaswas really in the need of some company.
We were hanging out in his basement when his mom called out. "Roxas, honey, I forgot to tell you. A package for you came in today."
"Oh! It must be it!" Roxas said to himself while bounding the stairs.
I sat downstairs waiting until he came back with the hugest grin ever.
"What was it?" I asked, puzzled by Roxas' eager face.
"Oh God, Axel. It's the best $5 I've ever spent!"
He held up a shirt that had a picture of Tom from Tom and Jerry looking around a metal beam while making a face. Bordering the top and bottom of the picture read the big, bolded words, "If I see that fucking cat one more time…"
I could only put my face in my palms.
"What is this I don't even…"
-END-
A/N: So, how was it? Please let me know. Remember to be nice! Please don't flame me. This was my first...