Oh boy, guys. Here I am again lol once again with the opening notes.
A few things I feel that I need to mention.
1) The chapters of this story will probably not be that long. At least until I can build them back up.
2) I'm nursing a painful bout of writer's block, but I'm really hoping that getting out what I can when I can will help me really get going. Please bear with me on this. The only real time I have to type is an hour during the day, and 3-4 hours during the night; Time which I have to share with every other thing I can't do during the day because my toddler is hell-bent on giving me a heart attack or gray hair before I'm 30. Like honestly, he knows his mother is one head-thump away from an anxiety attack- Okay. We get it.
3) As with my previous stories, I will be rating this story 'M' to be on the safe side. My characters are rather violent toward each other, and it's just better to be safe. I'm not even just talking about Jack. Any particularly iffy chapters will have an 'ImPORTANT NOTE' at the top, giving you fair heads up, but I won't go overboard. As much as I want to sometimes (ha), my pre-reader/beta/friend refuses to let me and I have to reign them in. ;)
Okay, I think that covers all that.
DiSCLAIMER!
Nothing pertaining to the work of SM is owned by me. Yada yada yada. You know by now. I've done this way too many times lol
And as always, please feel free (by 'feel free', I really mean I'm begging at this point) to leave a review! I love reading what you think!
Let's just get on with the good stuff. :)
Chapter One
"Look." I said, "All I'm saying.. Is it really sucks remembering a song that doesn't exist yet. Like.. I'd love to listen to it again, but it's not even thought of yet. I could probably make a lot of money, you know."
"Big into music?" Emmett asked, laughing a little.
"Uh.." I replied, "Duh. It's how I lived last time. I mean, don't get me wrong, most of the music that came out was crap, but there were some good ones. I had almost two-thousand songs just on my cell phone." He looked over at me, "Yeah. I listened to all of them, and I still had more on my laptop."
"Your cell phone?" He asked, and I laughed. I realized what he was getting at. "With your phone?" I was much more aware of what was coming out in the future than I was sure he realized.
"With my phone." I nodded, "I miss it, but I guess I just gotta wait for them to come out with the phone I used to have." I sighed, "And I guess that means I just gotta start collecting again."
"These conversations just get weirder and weirder." He laughed.
"Trust me." I replied, "Just you wait. A lot of cool stuff is gonna come out soon."
"I believe you." He chuckled as we stopped. Our usual meeting spot just outside Tacoma, "I just didn't think you'd want to think about that time."
"All the memories I have.." I replied, "They're not all bad. So much stuff happened, and yeah, some of it was bad, but.. A lot of it was good too. Sometimes it makes me sad, but most of the time, I like thinking about it. I guess it comforts me, because when I really think about it.. How many people would kill for a chance to go back? Yeah, it sucked for me, but nobody else has ever really had that chance."
"Well, I guess it's okay if you're not stuck in there with all that bad stuff." He was always looking out for me.
"Nah." I shook my head before I decided to change the subject. "Have you talked to Jasper yet?" I couldn't help asking. Of course, I was referring to the precarious situation involving the effect Jack's ability had tossed us in.
Jasper was still just as disapproving of me as he was months before, which nothing I'd done yet could fix, and Rosalie.. If anything, she hated me more because Emmett whole-heartedly agreed with having me around. She knew both Carlisle and Esme were on my side as well, along with Alice, but having the family divided like that wasn't an easy thing to deal with. All I could do was keep trying. Keep hoping Jack would come back, just so I could.. I really wasn't sure what the next step was.
"No." He replied honestly, unapologetically, and I sighed.
"The longer you put it off, the harder it's gonna be."
"I just don't see why I have to." He countered.
"Because you guys are family." I replied firmly, "All of this?" I gestured around me, "Would be a lot easier if you guys were in on it too. Just because you don't get along, I don't have much help."
"We're looking just as hard as you are, shorty." He pointed out, "I think it's better we don't work together. We cover more area that way. And hell. You would have more help if those other shorties weren't such scaredy-cats."
"Leandra." Right on time, Shannon greeted us with a smile. The salty Tacoma night breeze around us pulling her dark hair behind her. The city lights in the distance playing in her hair just as much as the wind.
"Oh come on." I whined, emphasizing Emmett's point, "It's just Emmett this time. Can't Gage and Brett meet me here themselves yet?"
"Sorry." She laughed, "You know the rules." I looked down at Reese beside her, smiling. As soon as I smiled at her, she came forward and hugged me.
"Yeah, yeah." I muttered, looking over at Emmett, "I guess I get it, though. You're huge."
Emmett had been the one assigned to escort me to Tacoma. He had to just get me here and drop me off so Gage, Brett and I could go out on our own to look for any suspicious scents. Everyone else in my family looked as well, but since Brett and Gage were the only two kids crazy enough to help me out with this, we were the fastest. They wouldn't work with my family, though. So it had to be just me.
We'd stay gone for maybe a night before we returned to this specific area in the city where Reese and Shannon would lead us back to wherever we were going next- Either their warehouse, or taking me home to Forks.
But on nights like tonight, when my escort would linger too long, they would send Shannon to collect me and take me to them. They weren't quite ready yet to trust my family, despite wanting to help me.
I couldn't help wondering, though, if there was a reason behind their continued distrust. Did they see something I didn't see? That had weighed on me for awhile.
Reese's hug was brief, as she wanted to greet Emmett as well. It took a few visits, but she'd taken quite a liking to him too, which he didn't mind in the slightest way. I watched as he picked her up.
"What about you?" Emmett asked her and she smiled shyly, "I bet you could sneak me passed Gage and Brett." Her smile staying plastered on her face, she shook her head. She knew the rules too, but of course, Emmett was only joking.
It was interesting to see how Emmett's behavior changed when Reese was around. I always knew he had a big heart, but it really showed when she showed up. I somehow sensed he was more protective of her than he even was of me. Oddly, I didn't mind that. I could easily understand where he was coming from, because I was just as protective of her.
It was probably Reese's almost-white blonde hair that appealed to his soft spot.
I looked over at Shannon, though, "Thank you for letting them help me."
"No problem." She replied easily, "We said we'd help, didn't we? Besides. We need to be just as careful anyway, so the way I see it, you're helping us just as much."
"It's kinda nice having friends, huh?" I asked, laughing a little.
"Definitely." She agreed, "The others will come around, I think. It's just taking them a little while. Amanda's a little mad at me, but she'll be okay."
"I've noticed." I winced a little, "Man, she's scary when she's mad."
"I know what you mean." She nodded with another laugh, "She'll be fine." I would have to take her word for it, because I honestly wasn't sure. Beside us, Reese dropped back down to her feet, returning to Shannon's side. That was her sign that she'd had enough interaction.
"Be careful on your way back." I looked up at Emmett, and he smiled, "And for crying out loud, talk to Jasper. Clear the air, because you guys hating each other really stinks. If I get home, and you two aren't hugging, I'm kicking both your asses."
Six months after last seeing Jack, we were still at it. Jack hadn't been back yet, but I expected that. It did make me nervous to think about what he could possibly be planning, especially considering that as far as I knew, that vision of Esme, Carlisle and I hadn't changed.
The further I got into inheriting my trademark golden eyes, the more I worried. I was weak enough as a brand new newborn. I hated knowing that that strength was fading fast, all because of my diet. I was basically choosing to let myself become weak and worthless, all for the sake of my family.
But I had yet to screw up like that again. I was pretty proud of myself, and it was pretty amazing how far pure will power could bring a person. Once I stopped doubting myself, it was almost easy to figure it out.
Even with my diet, though, I was still the fastest. It was a physical attribute of mine that didn't really depend on what I hunted. Thankfully.
My family didn't really push the meeting with Gage or Brett. Emmett teased about it, but he wasn't going to push them either. They all respected the kids' wishes to remain anonymous, which I also appreciated, because I wasn't out here looking for scents alone. Separate, we were fast but together, we were very thorough.
As long as it'd been so far, I hated to realize that Jack had probably been right. Waiting for him to show up again wasn't working with the situation he'd left us in. Particularly Jasper and Rosalie.
Rosalie hated me from the start, so it was only too easy for him to make that worse, but because both she and Jasper hated me, it created a tension that was almost unbearable between the rest of us. They weren't exactly fighting every day, but that tension between them was definitely there.
Pretty soon, we were going to have to change up our plan. We'd have to go to him, but the longer we waited, the less I felt confident I could defend myself. Carlisle wasn't the most eager to go looking for him, but I knew. The longer we waited, the more time Jack had to come up with the next step of the plan. With key members of the family divided, I felt that we were wasting our time.
"Just head south." Shannon told me, "They'll join you. Reese is coming with you this time." I nodded a little, giving Emmett one more parting smile before I crouched, pulled Reese onto my back, and I was off.
Sure enough, only a few moments into my run south, they were with me. I recognized their scents instantly, so I didn't even bother to look back.
In our silent run, I had to wonder. I often wondered about this, so wondering was nothing new. Why was I always, always more comfortable around boys? I considered Shannon a friend, and I liked Reese just fine, but that was about as far as that went. If I had my choice, I would pick Gage and Brett every time.
The same applied to my human ties. Zack and Josh, even Andrew. Very few times did I ever have a friend of the female persuasion. Maybe Alyssa, but that was different.
Especially considering the fact that I was taught rather thoroughly from the time I was very young to fear men. Moreso this time, and for obvious reasons. More than just the fact that they were stronger. It was an instinct I'd carried over, one of the strongest instincts I had, and it still made me sick to think about. That fear was always with me, so why would I prefer the company of boys than girls?
Perhaps it was because I'd never really had a chance to focus on the whole idea of what it meant to be a girl. It was so much easier, at least in my mind, to be a boy. They had so few problems to worry about compared to a girl like me.
I didn't question it too much. It was just a small part of who I was.
"Same track again tonight?" Brett asked from my left. It was the same thing he asked every night we went out, but oddly, it bothered me this time. It wasn't too bad of a feeling, but it triggered an unease in me that I hadn't felt yet.
"Yeah." Gage replied when I didn't.
So we continued on. Along the same track we usually took. It was a silent run for a minute or two before Brett spoke up again.
"Leandra," He said, and I waited, "Why do you go back?" I sighed hard, closing my eyes briefly in annoyance. It was a common question.
"You know why." I replied quietly, calmly, despite how I felt. I didn't want to bite his head off. We'd discussed this before. Often.
"He means well." Gage offered to my other side, "We worry. All that fighting can't be easy to deal with."
"It's not the same." I insisted, "Believe me, guys. I'm grateful that you keep offering.."
"..But?" Brett assumed there was more.
"But.." I confirmed that for him, "You know why. They're my family. They've always been my family." I'd let them in on my little secret. Vaguely, but they got the idea.
"Is it because you don't want to lead?" Brett asked.
That was another thing entirely. Something I had yet to even mention to my family at all. Taking a place with the Tacoma kids would pretty much place me in a leading spot. I really wasn't sure why they wanted me, of all people, in a position like that. I never listened that far, but both Shane and Gage had brought it up, and I was never really comfortable with the idea.
Maybe it was because for the passed several months I'd led these little patrols, but Shane had mentioned it was part of my personality. Something he recognized right away.
It surprised me that they would approach me with this sort of thing, because I'd always thought Shannon was the female lead of the group, but apparently not. According to both Brett and Gage, she was just the mother. The voice that spoke for them. An important role in itself, but she wasn't really a leader in the way they needed.
Shane, Olivia, and Nicole were the three oldest, but they weren't the leaders either. They protected them, but ultimately, the decisions came down to Gage and Shannon.
"I don't know." I eventually sighed. I really wasn't sure how I felt about being offered something like this. Not only was it a major responsibility, the amount of doubt I had in myself just confused me.
"We'll talk about this later." Gage added quietly, "I don't think right now is the time. Let's just pay attention to what we're doing, okay?" Thankfully.
We continued on.
Eventually, the boys broke off to circle around, and I immediately had an idea. I needed to break the nervousness I felt, so I changed my own course.
I pulled myself up into a tree, settling quietly on a dark branch above the path. I waited patiently for them to circle back around. When they did, maybe a minute later, I smiled.
"Leandra."
I could just hear Brett. I crouched, shifting the weight on my back between my feet silently, my unblinking gaze watching straight up the path from my perch above.
I heard his approach, just waiting. Tensed to spring. The weight on my back let out a nearly silent giggle, which prompted another smile of my own. Reese shifted, climbing a bit higher so she could watch over my shoulder, her little arms around my neck tightening just enough to support herself.
"Really?" Brett stepped onto the path ahead, "Guys, this isn't funny." On the contrary. I ducked back as he turned on the spot, looking for us. Gage stepped forward around him with a sigh. He was a little irritated that we'd stopped.
"Just ignore them." Gage told Brett, annoyed, "They'll follow." Just as Gage walked away from him, Brett looked up and spotted us. His smile was instant as he realized why we were where we were. It wasn't him I was hunting. Brett was bait.
In half a step, Gage had moved into the perfect position, so I let Reese drop. She plummeted toward the ground with her own giggle, landing perfectly on her feet right in front of Gage. Making him stop in just the right spot.
Before he could even react, I dropped next. My feet landed right square on his shoulders. Full weight downward, he dropped in even more surprise. I went down with him, and mid-drop, he turned, causing us both to roll.
He stopped, and I stopped, sprawling several feet off the path in the tall foliage. When we were finally still, I grinned over at him.
"Tag." I said, "You're it." I half expected him to be mad at my springing this game on him, quite literally, but he wasn't.
He flew to his feet, causing me to react the same way. My laugh leading the way as he chased me, Brett carrying Reese following along.
Scenarios like this was exactly why it often took a full night to get through our searches every other night. As much as I wanted to find Jack, for my family's sake, I couldn't help having a little bit of fun along the way.
I preferred to take my time, because going home meant more tension. When that tension was already enough to make me want to rip my own hair out, I would much rather play tag than face going home.
My smile faded slowly as I realized that I still felt off this time. Something was bothering me about the path we were on. Literally and figuratively.
So I slowed. Gage caught me, nearly running into me, but he stopped. Brett came to our side, confused, given his small frown.
"What's wrong?"
"Leandra?" Gage asked at the same time.
"Wait." I mumbled, and as soon as I said that, both of them fell quiet. We'd stopped in a thick group of trees in the middle of an Oregon state park. We weren't far from the closest town, yet it was silent here. It was eerie, the silence and stillness.
I knew how bad they wanted to ask, but the boys stood in silence as well. Watching me. It might have been silent, but I was listening to my intuition at that point. I listened to it carefully, looking around myself. It was something I couldn't describe in a million years.
It felt a little bit like that feeling of being watched, but more intense and really no reason to.
Something about this spot, where we were, made me nervous. To anyone else, it would seem just like a normal spot in the trees. There were no strange scents, and I didn't see anything out of place, but my intuition was telling me that this was a bad place to be.
I looked harder, breathed in just a little deeper. Nothing gave me a reason to be this uneasy, but I couldn't shake it. My feet refused to go another step further. Slowly, I reached down and lifted Reese back up onto my back from where Brett had let her down. She didn't resist, and she was nervous. I hated making her nervous, but I couldn't help being nervous myself.
My reaction to being here wasn't going unnoticed by Brett or Gage. My reaction told them to be alert, given the way they'd closed in on Reese and I, looking around us nervously as well. Without a word, they knew.
"Back." I finally said, "We gotta go back." They didn't ask why, which I deeply appreciated. They rounded the second I rounded, and I led the way. They just followed me. If I wasn't so nervous, I would have been pretty surprised that they trusted me so much.
I said nothing, not offering any sort of explanation. I was too focused on keeping our trail directly over the trail we'd already made. Following our tracks directly, in an effort to keep our trail hidden. Even with Reese with us.
I didn't even try to go home first. I led them straight for Tacoma, right for the warehouse. As we got closer, though, I knew the others knew we were coming.
"Heads up." I heard from above us as we reached the outer trees beside the river. It was Cody keeping watch, but he wasn't talking to us. He was letting the rest know we were coming, and coming fast.
We passed under Amanda next, then one of the twins.
We didn't start to slow down until we nearly reached the furthest large door. The city lights reflected on the still water of the river beside the darkened building, and it would have been peaceful if I didn't feel so uneasy.
"What was it?" Gage asked as we finally stopped, jogging to my side.
"Something's wrong." I replied, shaking my head a little, "Something was off."
"I didn't smell anything." Brett frowned, "What spooked you?"
"I don't know." I said, "I have to go home. Just.. Stay here until I come back, okay? Tell Shane and be careful."
With a nod, Gage agreed, and I was gone again.
I followed the same path I'd taken into the area, just so it would be easy to lay a false path away from them. It was something I always did anyway, but I took extra care this time without a second thought.
I made it home in probably record time, even for me.
Before I could get anywhere near the house, though, my path was blocked. I sighed as I stopped, shaking my head at Jasper.
"Close enough." He told me, but I knew exactly why he was out here to stop me, so I wouldn't argue with his tone. The strong sound of the heartbeat inside the house was evidence enough of Bella's presence. I hesitantly, carefully breathed. I couldn't smell her scent that strongly out this way, which I was grateful for.
I wasn't even supposed to be here tonight, so it would make sense Edward would have felt comfortable enough to bring Bella by. I knew he'd been wanting to for a few days. Since my last patrol trip.
"I need to talk to Carlisle." I told Jasper with my reserved breath, and he nodded tensely.
"Did you find something?" Jasper asked quietly.
"I don't know." I replied honestly, "I ran away before I could figure it out, but I think it's worth another look." I told him the location, and he nodded again.
"When Bella leaves, we'll check it out." He was using that tone again. He was irritated with me, probably blaming me for having to run away.
"I'm sorry."
"You probably could have handled whatever this was yourself." He sighed, confirming my suspicion, "By now, it's probably long gone."
I sighed as well. I was really tired of never being able to do anything right. To him, or to Rosalie, nothing I ever did was good enough. I knew full well that if I had stayed, he would have scolded me for staying.
I always felt really intimidated around Jasper. That was something that would never go away, as it was something I'd learned from the very start, but by now, I'd grown smart enough to understand that that isn't how it needed to be. He was still on the fence about my being here, despite how hard I'd tried to prove myself to him and to Rosalie. I also knew that it wasn't really his fault, but I wanted to try to fix it anyway.
"You're doing it again." I mumbled quietly, carefully leaning back against the tree behind me, "You know you're doing it again."
"Yeah, well.." He grumbled, "Grow up, Leandra. Stop blaming everyone else like a child."
"I am a child, Jasper." I reminded him, shrugging a little.
He stood in silence for a moment, before he looked down.
"I'm really trying."
"I know." I replied, "It's not all your fault. Just please try to hate me a little less. This is all I got. I'm doing the best I can." Talking to him like this was usually pretty effective at calming any sort of argument we would have had if I'd been irritated right back or given him attitude.
To my surprise, though, Alice came out to join us. She gave me a small sad smile.
"They're only here for a minute." She assured me, and I nodded. I felt better with her out here. It was silent after that as, sure enough, we clearly heard Edward leaving the house with her in tow. He probably rushed it, having heard what I said.
As far as I knew, Bella had no idea I was here. It was better that way, given who her father was. The last thing we needed was more human attention. It was dangerous enough letting me stay when I was supposed to be dead and gone. Especially with a family of humans that personally knew me just a little ways into town.
Once Edward and Bella were a safe distance away, I wasted no time in walking inside. Emmett passed me, stepping outside. They might not have gotten along, but when it came to something like this, they would work together. It was safer that way. They just argued the entire time about stupid things.
I took a breath as they left, sighing it out as Carlisle descended the stairs, looking concerned as he always did. The whole situation with the family was weighing on him too. I could see it, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. I felt horrible for putting him through this, and I knew it was just the same for him. He could see how badly this was weighing on me too, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.
I wouldn't bother trying tonight.
"I just don't get it." I said, looking up at him as he came to my side, "I'm doing the best I can." I knew he'd been listening while we were outside.
"He knows that." He sighed in reply, "We'll figure this out."
"You did the right thing by coming back." Alice added.
"Not to him." I countered, "Something's wrong. Jack's not coming back, and it's getting worse."
With an understanding sigh, Esme hugged me into her side. I always appreciated it when she did that.
"I'll talk to him." Alice assured me, but I looked over.
"It doesn't work." I mumbled, "I haven't even seen Rosalie in three weeks." I knew they all knew how bad this was getting to me. It wasn't just each other they fought with. Because Jasper and Rosalie were so against my staying here, they fought with Alice and Emmett. I was coming between everyone, only adding to it every time I grew too defensive or angry and snapped back, but I didn't know how to stop it. Other than finding Jack somehow.
It was true. For all I knew, she could have already left, but with Emmett hanging around, I knew she was still around here somewhere. Just avoiding me like the plague since our last real argument.
We stood in silence for a few minutes, until I wasn't surprised to hear Emmett and Jasper returning. I hadn't been that far out there. I decided to make small talk before they even got there, just so I didn't have to talk to Jasper.
I looked over at Alice, ignoring Emmett and Jasper both as they walked through the door, "Bella didn't stay very long. I know I'm not supposed to be here, but still."
"She was tired." She seemed disappointed about something.
"Well," I muttered, "I'm only here for now. I won't be around for Bella's birthday party tomorrow-"
"The party's been cancelled." Alice informed me, which explained the previous bitterness, but it also surprised me.
"Wait," I asked, "What-Huh?" That birthday party had always been one of the main major events that decided what happened next future wise. That had never changed.
"She's got some kind of stomach thing." Alice replied, surprised at my shock.
"That's not supposed to happen." I frowned in thought.
"Tell me about it." She sighed.
"No," I said, "That didn't happen last time."
"And that bothers you?" Jasper asked, "I thought all you wanted was to keep what happened last time from happening this time." There was that irritated tone again, but worse now. Like just me existing bugged him.
"I know." I replied, "But.. That just means everything else I remember happening is changed too. Maybe that's what was wrong before."
"Maybe." Emmett nodded a little, "Because we didn't find anything out of place out there, shorty." His tone was a little softer. He wasn't annoyed by me. He seemed apologetic.
"I was so sure.." I looked down, "I swear I thought I might have been onto something." Despite the fact that I had absolutely no solid evidence leading to anything out of the ordinary. I wasn't surprised to know they didn't feel the same way, but I was disappointed.
"It's okay." Emmett told me, "Don't beat yourself up."
"I just wanna fix this." I gestured to Jasper, "And Jack's the only one that can do it."
"We don't need Jack to fix anything." Jasper rolled his eyes, "As I've told you before-"
"Are you blind?" I asked, crossing my arms as Carlisle moved to my side. Hearing the change in my tone. I was starting to get argumentative, and that was never a good thing when it came to Jasper.
"There's no evidence he even did anything." Jasper argued, "It was mentioned before that disagreements were a pretty common occurrence when it came to immortal children, wasn't it?"
"This is different."
"Is it?" He asked, "Leandra, nobody here knows exactly what to expect with you."
"That's not my fault."
"I'm not saying it is your fault." He countered, "I'm saying that maybe what's been going on between us is normal. It's been said many times before that the creators sometimes grow attached. That's a given, but what about the rest of us? Those of us without a personal tie, and maybe, a shred of common sense?"
I shut up then. He did have a point. It sucked, but he had a point. I didn't want him to be right about this. I had to consider, though, that he was onto something. It forced me to consider the fact that maybe I actually was the only thing coming between them.
Eventually, I just shook my head. I wasn't going to give up that easily.
"No." I said, "I'm right. I know I'm right about this. I've seen it before."
He sighed, "Leandra-"
"Come with me, then." I snapped, "I bet you guys just had the wrong place. I'll show you."
"Fine." He replied, "But only to try to find Victoria. I'm done looking for Jack. He's done nothing to us." I fumed at that one, but didn't bother replying. It was little comments like that that really got to me. Comments suggesting that I already was no longer part of the family, and those comments came often.
I didn't hesitate in turning and leaving the house. Jasper followed, and though I knew they wanted to follow as well, the others stayed behind. Probably to give us a chance to attempt to work this out between us. I wasn't worried about it, but I was pretty pissed.
I led him straight to the area I was concerned about before. I hated the way his footsteps behind mine just pissed me off the whole way here. He'd been picking on me all night, and I was about at the end of my tolerance.
"Here." I told him, turning to look at him, but he was already shaking his head. Given his recent scent, I knew why.
"This is exactly where we were, Leandra." He replied, "There's nothing here to find."
"Yes there is." I argued, "You're just not looking hard enough." I turned around, fiercely pawing back some of the tall foliage in search of something to prove my point. I still had that same feeling, but it was stronger now.
"You're looking too hard." He countered, "There is nothing out here."
"I'm not-"
"Yes, you are."
"This matters to me!" I couldn't help yelling at him, "You might not care, but I do."
"Just let it go." He told me, and I glared.
"I can't just let it go." I replied, "Maybe you forgot, but I worked too hard to just let it go now. Just.." My voice quieted, "Try. Try to see it the way I see it."
Looking up at him several feet away, though, the silence grew cold. The look in his eyes chilled me, as it was so different from what I was used to seeing. It wasn't anger I was seeing. That wasn't it. It wasn't even irritation. The same, for sure, but chilling in a different way. More closed off. More.. Indifferent.
I felt the way my expression changed between emotions. From the anger I was feeling before, to confusion, to nervousness. His indifference was making me uneasy. The same feeling I felt before, only intensified.
"I can't." He admitted after a minute, shaking his head again, "All I can see is your last few days alive. All I can see is how stubborn you are. That stubbornness, Leandra, is what killed you. Had you just listened then, it would have all been taken care of, but you refused. Now, you're on this ridiculous hunt, and you're dragging us all with you."
That hurt, but I hid it as much as I could. It wasn't rare these days for Jasper or Rosalie to hurt my feelings. I tried not to be such a marshmallow, but sometimes, I really couldn't help it. I knew he felt it, what I felt, but somehow, that just seemed to make him more determined. Which was exactly how I knew that, at least for the most part, this was Jack's doing.
I would have to bring that up to Carlisle when I got home.
"It's not ridiculous." I snapped, "Not to me."
"That's the problem." He said, "You don't see it."
"Maybe the problem is that you don't see it." I crossed my arms insecurely, "You don't see any of it."
Taking a breath, he bit back a reply. I knew that wasn't it, though. He was thinking.
Sure enough, he spoke seconds later.
"The way I see it, Leandra.." He spoke carefully, "All the trouble we're facing now is your fault. Victoria.. Jack.. I'm sure eventually Aro.. This may be important to you, but had you never come along, everything would be fine."
I honestly didn't know how to reply to that. He waited, watching me, and it didn't take a genius to understand that he meant every word he said. I had to try, though.
"I-I.." I hesitated, "I just want to fix-"
"Stop." He snapped, and I shut up, "Stop trying to fix anything. All you do is make things worse. This is important to you? Fine. Then pursue this on your own, because I'm done humoring you."
"I didn't ask for this!"
"None of us did." He barked in return, "Bottom line, Carlisle made a bad call that night. He never should have turned you. Alice made a bad call. She never should have followed you. You were just one, insignificant little human, and had she minded her own business like we all told her to, you would have gone on with your life and we would have gone on with ours."
I heard what he meant by that. Things had shifted in the direction I never anticipated them to go. I so suddenly understood what he'd really dragged me out here to discuss. This was the decisive look in his eyes. He'd decided before we even made it out here that this was what he was going to do.
The thing was, I didn't even stand a chance.
"You.." I hesitated again, my voice even smaller, "Wait.."
"You said it yourself." He went on, "Everything would have been better if Alice hadn't made you come back." He had overheard that night, "Well, I'm relieving you of that now."
I tried again, "Wait.."
The nervousness that had settled in my stomach quickly blossomed into fear as it really hit me what was really going on. What was happening right now.
"What-"
"Don't come back." He said, proving my fear right, "Carlisle might not be strong enough to make the choice that's best for us, but I am. Don't come back, Leandra." There was no hesitation, no hint of remorse in his voice.
I'd have been lying if I said I wasn't afraid. I wasn't expecting it to come to this. I never thought he would ever get to this point. If anyone was going to do this, I always thought it would be Rosalie.
"B-But.."
"Just stop." He shook his head.
"I'll do better." I spoke quickly, "Don't do this-"
He didn't even give me a chance to argue. He stepped toward me, and in instinct, I stepped back, but he didn't stop there. He kept coming forward, so I kept moving back.
"Stop it!" I barked, jumping back once more.
"Leandra, it's done." He snapped firmly, "This isn't the place for you. You don't belong here."
"I belong at home."
"You don't have one with us anymore." He replied, his sharp tone cutting me, "Don't come back. I'm done with you. We're done with you."
I continued to stand there until he took one more step, and I retreated again. He didn't stop this time until I was in a full run.
What hit me first was the confusion. There was no real way to describe it. My instincts were telling me to run home, as I always did when I was scared, but I had to force myself to deny those instincts. I couldn't go home. Not with Jasper probably heading there. He was unpredictable, so I wasn't particularly eager to test him.
I didn't think he would actually kill me, but I was unsure about whether or not he'd hurt me to get his point across. It was far too big of a risk for me to take, and I'd already underestimated just how deep these feelings ran.
The confusion spilled over into everything else I thought I knew. I had known before what Jack could do, but this? I highly doubted that this was the result Jack wanted. This couldn't have been Jack's goal, as what good was I alone? What fun was this?
So at least part of this had to have been Jasper's choice. Something had to have been there for Jack to build on if it got this bad.
I was also very conflicted. I knew I had a place to go, but would I put all of that on the Tacoma kids too? How long would it be before they had to chase me away too?
So here I was. Out here, conflicted and confused, completely taken off guard, and out here completely alone.
First things first, though. I needed to stop running and figure out exactly where I was. I knew he wasn't chasing me anymore, he'd given up pursuit easily, so I carefully found a good spot to stop.
I took a moment to think about just how much trouble Jasper was going to be in when he returned without me and when the others found out what he'd done. I considered just staying here right where I was, in case the others tried to find me, but I felt far too vulnerable right where I was.
Besides that, I knew the first place they would look for me was in Tacoma. I had to admit to myself, though, that I was hesitant to go there. After all I'd done to insist that my coven was different, I was quite embarrassed to say that Jasper had just done exactly what they had been warning me about. It hadn't been caused by any reason they'd mentioned, but it had happened.
I didn't want to completely ruin whatever trust they might have been considering to place in them just because Jasper wanted to be an asshole.
So there went that.
Honestly, I didn't know what to do. I knew I could survive on my own if I really had to, but the thought did scare me. I knew enough of the basics of this life to make it alone, but all I wanted was to just go home.
A muted whimper left me as I crouched right where I was. Somewhere in the middle of a field in Utah, in the middle of the night. I knew I had to find cover somewhere, but for right then, fear kept me there.
In an effort to think about something else, I had to consider the fact that that spot actually had been reason to worry. Maybe not for the reason I thought, but it was a reason to worry.
After crouching still for several minutes, the fear started to dissipate, and I could think clearly again. Maybe it was better this way. I might not have the safety of my family, but this way, I could find Jack on my own. I could talk to him, tell him what he'd done, and get everything fixed without dragging them through this with me.
The problem was I had no clue where to start looking. It was very clear that Jack didn't want to be found, or he would have come to us by now. The problem was the longer he was gone, the more time he had to learn this life. If I'd already learned so much, I could only imagine how much he'd learned. Especially with someone like Victoria there to teach him.
I cringed.
Last time, Victoria's main goal was that army in Seattle. If she could pull that off, what could she do with Jack in tow? I also didn't know what to expect. Everything was so different, but the most different, was the fact that Jack and I had never been turned at the same time before. The main problem with that was his strength had only begun to even out with his diet, and mine had declined rapidly.
If I had any hope at all of defending myself should it come to that, I couldn't keep up this diet of animal blood. I knew what I had to do, but if I went and willingly did that, was there even any real hope of them taking me back if I did fix it? Did I even really want them to? I knew full well I could show back up and I would be protected, but I really didn't want to cause more problems between them. It was iffy as it was.
I also knew there would always be that fear of getting chased away again. If I could get away with never having to see the look in Jasper's eyes again, I would do anything. Just that look was enough to make me cringe and my heart to break at the same time.
It slowly started to sink in. I was alone.
That trust in anyone besides Carlisle and Esme had been broken irreparably by what Jasper had done. Even Emmett, as sad as it was to admit to myself, because I knew Rosalie would be happy about what Jasper did, but I couldn't help thinking about what I was told so often about this kind of situation.
Some of the kids were too stubborn to leave, so the option to leave unharmed was taken away from them. Exactly what would have happened if I had kept insisting?
With a sigh, I stood back up. I knew I had to find better cover before dawn, which was coming fast by now. I set off again, further away from home, toward the nearest town.
This little town was perfect. I came across two abandoned buildings before I even reached the town itself. An old barn and a small house just on the outside of some old farm, and given the scent around the area, it had been quite a long time since anyone had been out here. I chose the barn, as it smelled better.
I would stay here until it was safe to move that night. Until then, I just had to hang on until I could figure out what to do.
A/N: Yay! First chapter in, and everything sucks.
I know this seems a bit choppy, but I swear I tried. :} I hope it was worth the wait.
THANK YOU to those that continued to leave reviews. I loved the confidence boost. Just enough to get this first chapter out to you.
Chapter two might take a few days, guys. Being totally honest here, as I'm very unsure about my schedule over the next few days, but know I'll be trying. :)
Until Two, my friends!