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Disclaimer: I obviously don't own The Fault In Our Stars!

Blue POV-

I am not depressed, I promise! I would just rather spend time in my room reading than socialising with people! I mean, I don't mind my family but sometimes the sheer amount of them annoy me! I don't have a mum or dad. They both just left us when we needed them most. When I was diagnosed. But it is ok. All of us brothers and sisters live together now! This is the order of them, oldest to youngest. First, there is my older sister Cameo, she is the oldest of us all and she is 22, then my oldest brother Coen, he is 20. Then there is my other older sister Aliz, who is 17. Then there is the triplets who consist of me, my sister Scotland and my brother Arian, we are all 16 and probably get on the best. Coleman my brother is 13, Maxon my only other brother is 10 then my sister Cameo's daughter, California who is 6 and my brother Coen's daughter, Raphaela who is 18 months. Cameo and Coen's partners don't live with us because neither of them have partners anymore, they claim it was because they were both just not interested in having a relationship with anyone. I know the real truth and that is that they were too stressed with me because my condition is only getting worse.

"Hi, I am Blue Clarke and I am 19, I have Primary Cardiac Tumour , also known plainly as heart cancer, which is really rare and my condition is only getting worse. I now also have Cardiac Fibrosis, which is stiffening of the heart muscles, Marantic Endocarditis, which is Interference with the heart valves and obstruction of blood flow through the heart, which were all caused by Primary Cardiac Tumour. " I say in reply to Patrick.

Then the cycle continues with everybody talking about themselves some people find it incredibly difficult, like me, whilst others find it easy, like Jess. Jess is my best mate, she goes because she has Squamous Cell Carcinoma (Skin Cancer). Jess has a surprising amount of confidence. I mean, she has scaly, has raised skin on the area where she has the cancer (her arm). That is what I really lack in, confidence. It is because of all my scars. I have had so many operations and none have them have lasted. I have horrible scars all over my chest, neck and arm. People call me for them. I try to hide them but they hurt to touch. Especially the most recent ones! That is another reason I don't leave my house. Sometimes people come to my house. Wait, no, that was a lie. Sometimes Jess comes to my house. But sometimes, people can reach me even when I am at my house. I have had things put through my letter box telling me I am ugly, people have thrown rocks at my window with notes attached calling me Scarface. They don't understand. They don't know I have heart cancer, because I never tell them. They don't know I am going to die, but I do and every day I know I am one day closer to my death. I vow not to get too close with anyone knew. I was to leave as less of an impact as possible, because I know, I am like a grenade that is going to go off at any moment and leave people hurt.

When the session has finished. I go to leave but am stopped by someone. I turn around and it is somebody from the support group. He just stares at me.

"What are you staring at?" I ask him

"I'm sorry but I just find you gorgeous!" He replied. I give him a confused look.

"Oh I forgot, I am Alex and you are?" He asks.

"Blue." I say shaking his outstretched hand. He slips something into my hand then, simply walks off.

Open the crinkled piece of paper Alex pressed into my hand. It reads:

Alex- 07946754986

Call Me 3

I am so flattered. And confused. I'm not sure why he wants me to call me. I mean I am ugly as! I decide I will call him later tonight. So I look interested but not desperate. Jess meets me outside as she is coming round mine. We get a lift home of Coen and then he goes back out to get us some chips, well chips for everyone but me. I can't have fatty food as it mess' up my heart even more so I am gonna just bung so chopped up potatoes in the oven and pretend they are the same! I mean I am not complaining! Enough people have told me not to complain because I am lucky I have lived this long! Most people don't know how long I have had my cancer. Even Jess doesn't know! I have had it for 6 years now. But I told Jess I have only had it for 2 years as it was 2 years ago that my doctors started making me go to this stupid support group, which Jess was already a member of. I remember that day so clearly. I remember the look of pure shock on her face. I didn't even tell her I was going in to hospital apart from one time when she was meant to be coming round but I had to cancel and it was the day of an emergency operation I needed. But even then, I just told her I had fell over and that Cameo was getting paranoid because to be honest with you, Cameo is a very paranoid person! You can really see who are the paranoid ones in my family. The day I realised who was paranoid and who wasn't was a week after I had an operation and I had been discharged and I began to get chest pain. Bad, chest pain. Scotland and Arian were really worried that something had gone wrong. So then Cameo and Maxon started to worry as she believes me, Scotland and Arian have some weird ability that because we are triplets we can sense when something is wrong with the other person. Whilst my other siblings; Coen, Aliz, Coleman, were arguing that I was fine. They were saying it was probably just the stitches. To be honest, I actually agreed with them. I was wrong. It turns out it was an infection but I am getting carried away now!

Once Jess had gone home, me, Arian and Scotland snuggled up on my bed and watched Kerrang like we do every night. We have to share a room because there is nowhere near enough for one each. Cameo, Coen, California and Raphaela share the biggest room, Maxon and Coleman share the next biggest room as apparently they need more space to play and stuff. Then finally, me, Aran and Scotland share the smallest room. To be honest none of us care because we are actually really close, with being triplets and all.

Anyway, we are watching Kerrang and I think all the best bands are on it! I mean, Paramore, Asking Alexandria, Korn, My Chemical Romance, Evanesence, Nirvana! It is literal perfection! We indulge in dried apple slices and homemade low fat toffee sauce, it actually tastes a lot better than it sounds! Whilst it is the advert break, I slip out and call Alex. My hands are shaking. He answers,

"Hello."

"Erm, erm." Is all I manage to say.

"You know the usual response is "Hey!"".

"Ha ha very funny." I say sarcastically. That is basically how the rest of the conversation goes. After about 30 minutes, he tells me he has to go because his favourite band has a program on Kerrang, then we have a quick conversation about Paramore (that is what the program is about) and we both agree that the Riot album is the best! Then we both go back to watching Kerrang after arranging to call at this time tomorrow night and an argument about who hangs up. I ended up hanging up by the way.

I get back to Scotland and Arian and we snuggle up in my bed, I have the bottom bunk, Scotland has the middle and Arian has the top, even though the ladder doesn't reach that high(he just jumps off). Then, it gets late (well late for me). So we all go back to our own beds and go to sleep, we have to wake up early tomorrow. Or Arian and Scotland need to get up early for school and I get woken up by them.