Just another Overwatch shitpo... I mean story in between some more serious stuff I'm working on. Sometimes you just gotta y'know?
Mei was sobbing in her room.
"Nobody likes me!" She said to herself as she buried her face deeper into her pillow. "I tried everything to make people like me! Chocolate, flowers, other small gifts, favours, EVERYTHING! But everybody just keeps killing me. I only have one friend and that's the person who revives me: Mercy!"
Meanwhile downstairs
"Mercy why the fuck do you keep reviving Mei? Nobody likes her!" Ana yelled at Mercy.
The doctor looked up from her phone with a bored expression on her face.
"Cuz 1: I'm a doctor, I'm sorta forced to do that stuff.
And 2: Because I know nobody likes her and reviving her is just another way for me to annoy the shit out of you lol!"
Then Ana shot her with a special bolt of her sniper rifle and turned Mercy into a man. Then Roadhog entered the room with a box of chocolates and flowers.
"MERCY! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I'VE FINALLY BUILT UP THE COURAGE TO TELL YOU..." When he saw that Mercy had a dick (which was randomly exposed because of reasons) he started vomitting violently. His vomit made Ana slip and she landed pretty poorly with her neck on the edge of her table and a loud cracking sounded through Overwatch HQ.
Symmetra ran inside and looked at what was going on. She saw Roadhog almost coughing up his stomach, Ana's corpse on the floor and Mercy covering her new peepee.
"Well shit!" Symmetra said and she ran back downstairs where Widowmaker and Junkrat were just chillin'.
"Guys, you're never gonna believe this! Ana broke that new table we bought at Ikea yesterday!" She said.
"THAT BITCH!" Widowmaker said. She pulled a kukri out of Junkrat's dickhole and ran upstairs. When she entered Mercy's room, she took a second to take in what she was seeing. Roadhog had pretty much emptied his stomach (which is pretty fucking huge as we all know) on the floor. Ana's body was now floating in the pool of vomit and Mercy tried to get his new manly body out of his clothes.
Widowmaker realised Mercy was quite handsome as a man. A very muscular body, deep voice, beautiful blonde hair and not to mention beautiful blue eyes.
Mercy on the other hand was sort of oggling Widowmaker. Her pretty curves, silky smooth skin and her beautiful face.
It was only a matter of time (like, 3 seconds) before Orisa walked in on them fucking in the pool of Roadhog's barf. After seeing that she initiated her self-destruct sequence and completely destroyed the left wing of Overwatch HQ, killing Soldier: 76, Reaper, Sombra, Genji and McCree instantly.
Everybody gathered in the main hall and saw what had happened.
"Fuck! What do we do now?" Torbjörn asked.
"Well if nobody's gonna finish the job, I might as well do it!" Junkrat said and he pulled out his grenade launcher.
"Cool, I'll help you!" Hanzo said and he strapped dynamite to his arrows.
"WAIT!" Zenyatta said. "First I must meditate and ask the spirits if they will grant you permission to do that. I also need help from Dva, Tracer and Zarya."
The four of them gathered in a circle and went into meditation mode with the help of some cocaine. After snorting for 10 minutes straight Zenyatta said: "The spirits told me that you could do whatever you want! YOLO!" Then he and the three girls had a massive drug induced gangbang which ended in the four of them overdosing and dying of syphillis on the spot.
Junkrat and Hanzo then destroyed the right wing of Overwatch HQ with their bombs and then decided to bomb the rest of the building while they were at it.
So now everybody was kinda dead except for Mei. She had gotten out of the building while Roadhog started being sick in Mercy's room and now she was all alone. Until a meteorite crashed into earth and pretty much ended all life on the planet.
Then Jeff Kaplan came around the corner and made a class-based first-person-shooter game based on the now dead people.
THE END
Why do you people even read this stuff? Much love either way :3