Another Sesame Street sketch rewrite, this time, a sketch in which Kermit lectures about feelings, presented in script form. Enjoy and comment.

(Kermit is sitting on a brick wall)

KERMIT: Hi ho! This is Kermit the Frog, and I'm here today to give you the first in a series of lectures, about the different ways you feel.

Now today, I'm going to explain about happy (the camera pans to a plate with a happy face on it)

This is a picture of a happy face. You can tell that, because the face is smiling, and people who look this way, feel happy

You feel happy, when nice things happen to you. I feel happy right now, because I am talking to you about being happy. Now let's talk about things that might make you happy...

(As Kermit is talking, Cookie Monster appears, and begins eating the happy face. Kermit stares weirdly at him as he finishes talking)

Now that is NOT something that makes you feel happy. That's the kind of thing that makes you feel MAD!

I think I better talk about being mad. Now I get mad, when people do things I don't like, such as when a monster eats something he's not supposed to! You can tell I'm mad by the things I say to the monster.

(Kermit turns angrily to Cookie Monster)

YOU BIG DUMB STUPID ROTTEN MONSTER!

(Cookie Monster turns scared and depressed)

YOU MAKE ME SO MAD! MAD! MAD! MAD! YOU ARE A VERY ROTTEN AND NASTY MONSTER! I'M GOING TO TELL ALL MY FRIENDS HOW ROTTEN YOU ARE! AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOUR MOTHER ON YOU!

COOKIE MONSTER: Not my mommy!

KERMIT: I'm telling your mother, and she's not going to be happy with you.

(An upset Cookie Monster grabs Kermit)

COOKIE MONSTER: Please don't tell my mommy!

KERMIT: I am!

COOKIE MONSTER: I would be so sad if you told my mommy! So sad!

(Cookie Monster begins crying as Kermit turns back to the camera)

KERMIT: Look at this. The monster is sad. And that's great, because now we can talk about being sad. If you want to see sad, look at the monster.

(Cookie Monster continues crying)

See the monster? He's crying because he's sad. And he's feels sad because he did something bad.

(Kermit turns back to Cookie Monster)

Hey listen you. Don't feel so sad, because I forgive you.

COOKIE MONSTER: You do?

KERMIT: I certainly do. You just showed everyone what sad is. Hand me that thing below.

(Cookie Monster pulls up a plate with a sad face on it)

Now that is a sad face. I drew that sad face to show everyone about being sad, but now you just saved me the hassle of showing everyone the sad face.

COOKIE MONSTER: I helped you?

KERMIT: Yes you did! Now I don't need it, and now I'm happy again.

COOKIE MONSTER: You don't need sad face?

KERMIT: No I don't.

COOKIE MONSTER: You sure?

KERMIT: I'm positive! You just helped me show everyone about…

(Cookie Monster eats the sad face. Kermit makes a face)

I think I'm going to have to talk about being MAD again!

(Kermit turns angrily to Cookie Monster)

LISTEN YOU BIG DUMB STUPID ROTTEN MONSTER! HOW DARE YOU EAT MY SAD FACE! GO AWAY AND NEVER EVER GET NEAR ME AGAIN!

(Cookie Monster begins crying again as Kermit continues to yell. Fade to black)