Tie My Dreams
Rating: T (Will be M eventually)
Pairing: Eventual KanamexZero
Summary: Yuuki marries off to another pureblood. Kaname is devastated and Zero silently despairs. But a disaster befalls on Yuuki's new family and Kaname and Zero find themselves bound by a promise. Can they forget their past for the sake of Yuuki's orphaned baby?
Warning: Before I forget, let me say that Zero had never told Yuuki that he will kill her and all other purebloods. Sure, he is bitter towards her because of how things turned out to be about her race and he still hates Kaname for using him like a pawn. But nothing more than that.
I have made some changes about Pureblood physiology for the purpose of the story.
There will be Yaoi, eventually... Domestic situations… Much angst, because of character death (not the boys). OOC-ness, even though I will try my best to not fall into that. Typos and grammatical errors, since no one Betas me -cries-... I know some of you might be thinking why I don't update Moon Drop, but my muses are taking a coffee break on that story, yet I am writing the next chapter of it now. So, don't worry XD
There is a huge flashback scene, marked with: -0-
Enjoy and don't forget to review.
-
Chapter 1: A Beautiful Dream Gone Wrong
"Shishou, it's me, Zero." The silver haired youth murmured monotonously to the receiver after he had heard the message sound of the answering machine.
"I won't be there tomorrow. Again..." A short lived pause… "But I… I want something from you, Shishou." The words felt stale and meaningless even as he spoke them. "Please visit my place tomorrow morning. It's… It's very important…" He fell silent again, taking a glance at the small bundle of blankets and tiny arms and the sleeping face lying against him on the unmade bed he had been occupying for several torturous days now.
"You have to come here tomorrow morning… No matter what, Yagari Shishou..." And he sighed into the receiver which almost sounded like a pained whimper. He cursed himself silently, settling deeper into his beddings, hoping to keep the growing pain off of the shores of his cloudy consciousness.
"No matter what…" He murmured again, eyes watery, hands weak. And he hung up, the cell phone falling on the mattresses uselessly.
Turning to his side with much difficulty, with a hurting stomach, and a pounding head, Kiryuu Zero, the feared vampire hunter, the pitied Level D vampire, the orphan, the abandoned, the lonely silver haired youth looked down at the sleeping figure beside him, silent tears falling effortlessly down his temple and the bridge of his nose.
How long had he been lying there with this helpless thing beside him as his only companion? How long had he been sleeping and opening his eyes to the sight of this pale, tired looking, weak creature that had only him as its life line, looking up at him with huge eyes as if it understood what he was going through, as if it wanted to help with the constant whirlpool of pain and emptiness and suffocation?
How long?
Every time he had taken the Bloody Rose in his hands, it cried. Every time he had examined the sharp side of his hunter knives, it wailed. Every time he had tried to drink up that vial of poison it woke up and wept like there was no tomorrow…
Surely his Bloody Rose could not hurt him more than he was hurting now, those knives could not make him bleed more than his heart was bleeding now, that poison could not scorch his veins more than they were burning now. Why was it crying the heavens down every time Zero simply wanted to end it all?
It was sleeping now, after much struggling, many tears and now with a coarse little throat. It was in the land of dreams now, into where Zero was intending to follow it. His sleep would be of an eternal kind, and hopefully when his little tormentor would wake up, his Sensei would be here and it would be in trusted hands from then on. Not left in the hands of one weak, pathetic excuse of a man like himself who had been unable to tell his love to the woman he longed for deeply, who could do nothing when that woman had been turning to ashes, who could not even keep his promise to her and was about to leave the last remnant of her life into the hands of strangers…
He was a mess of broken shards of his soul. He was an escapist. He simply was not man enough.
He was the worst…
Even that Kuran Kaname could still bear with the pain and continue living. Didn't this mean that he was worse than the pureblood who was able to hang on, who was able to face each day with that cold heart of his and with that cruel eyes that had not given even a glance at this warm, lonely, tiny bit of life that Yuuki had left behind.
"Take it with you." Kuran had said. "Take that creature with you until I arrange something about it… I don't want to see its face."
That face… The face of their beloved, with its big doe eyes, small pursed lips and uncomprehending, innocent expressions…
Kuran didn't even hold it in his arms as its mother turned to nothing and was erased from the face of the earth but forever carved into their hearts with deadly talons of misery.
Was Kuran right? Was his reaction to be expected after everything Yuuki had made them go through? Zero didn't know. All he could now comprehend was the fact that he was a failure and his tremendous conscience was going to kill him even before the vampire sedatives he had taken before going to bed.
The large medicine bottle was resting on the carpet, cap off, and its contents gone. Large doses are poisonous, was written on its side. And Zero hoped the whole bottle would be enough to kill this pain nestled in his being along with his body.
Coward, coward… His conscience was screaming at him. You are just a coward, had run away all your life, had escaped and then pathetically crawled your way on your hands and knees… Afraid of anything and everything… All you had ever done was barking and growling; and look, you aren't even able to do that anymore…
He whimpered in pain again. It was right… So damn fucking right that it amused him and caused him to smile at his own incompetence and the fragility of his resolve. His abdomen hurt as if there was a swarm of worms eating him inside out, slowly killing him, and drawing out the excruciating agony of breathing through his ragged heart and tattered soul.
He wanted it to end… God, he never wished anything with such a want, with such desperation. He wanted to fall asleep and forget everything. He wanted to never remember the way how Yuuki's body burned itself out just a few days ago among that crumbling house, everything aflame, like his mind, like his very being was now.
He was sweating, feeling hot, heart hammering in his chest so wildly, so pitifully, so desperately trying to hold onto life that he was feeling ashamed, he was feeling nauseated at his body's instinctual struggle to fight off the medicine, to live on, to survive… The pain was mind numbing and he was silently crying, looking at the small face, remembering the girl who gave birth to it by forsaking her own health.
God, please end this… Before it wakes up… Please let me go where Yuuki is…
But he didn't know if he had any right to plead for something like that after abandoning the innocent that Yuuki had entrusted in his care….And Kuran's.
-
The very reason why Zero was lying in his bed, alone in this rented, run-down excuse of an apartment was the decision Yuuki had made after the fifth month of her awakening. She married off to that pureblood and left everything of her past shattering on the way of her own happiness. Including Zero's will to continue to live…
- 0 -
Yuuki never remembered a time in her young life when she had been happier than she already was now. The doctors told her that she was pregnant, that a new, tiny life was growing within her, that she would soon be a mother to a beautiful baby.
The idea of being a young mother was both exhilarating and making her somehow nervous. Would she be able to take care of it as good as the baby deserved? Would she become a good mother for the baby? But most importantly, would her dearest Onii-sama forgive her and get closer to her husband Hiroki for the sake of the baby? Wouldn't Kaname be happy, too, once he saw the new life with all its tiny cuteness and defenseless dependency to a strong and loving family that every baby should be born into?
Yuuki was getting upset and nervous each time she thought about it. Her brother wasn't himself since the time she had boldly declared that she liked that pureblood whom she had met at the party that Kaname had thrown for her sake as a means of her introduction to the vampire society. All he had done was to nod at her declaration and let her meet Hiroki of the Sasaki family and watch over them on their earlier stages of dates and what not. Kaname wasn't smiling anymore, Kaname wasn't touching her or holding her in his arms the way he would had done before. He was slowly turning into a shadow in her daily life, no longer occupying every single one of her thoughts the way he had used to do in the past when she had still been a human.
Slowly but inevitably, Yuuki had realized that she wasn't in love with her brother. The infatuation that her human self had nursed for Kaname and the sisterly love her young pureblood self had felt for her brother didn't mingle into love in a romantic sense like she had hoped. She had understood that Kaname would be her cherished and loved Onii-sama, but nothing more. It was cruel of her, she knew it. She knew that she would be forever grateful for what Kaname had gone through for her sake, for her love. She knew that Kaname's love was the best thing any woman could earn or strive for. Yet she was given that love freely, without boundaries or expecting something in return. But what she had done with that love was to reject it for the sake of another's.
She was selfish and cruel. But wasn't it even crueler to deceive this generous brother of hers by continuing a lie and building a forever upon it? Forever was a long time and Yuuki didn't think that she could use that beautiful love in such a repulsive lie even if that meant Kaname would be happy for a short while. Sooner or later he would suspect that she was fooling him, that she pitied him by saying that she loved her brother the way he loved her, that she would stay forever by his side the way he wanted to stay by hers, that she would touch and kiss him the way he desired to touch and kiss her.
Yes... Forever was a long time and her Onii-sama deserved better than her already taken heart. No matter how cruel her betrayal was, Yuuki believed that to be betrayed once was better than to be betrayed forever.
-
Sasaki Hiroki was a fine young man with a fortune nearly equal to that of the Kurans. He was an orphaned child, raised by a close acquaintance of his deceased family, alone in the world with no relatives he cared or no sisters or brothers to be loved by.
He had been a popular bachelor among the ladies of the neighboring city both due to his wealth and his astonishing looks. He was charming in a docile way that disarmed all of his admirers, blessed with deep blue eyes and shoulder length raven black hair. But what had made Yuuki fall head over heels with him was that sweet smile of his and his effortless politeness when he had been around her.
He had been brave, too, for approaching the cherished and very much loved pureblood princess of the Kurans even when Kaname had glared daggers at him, tried to threaten him by unleashing his aura whenever he had been around Yuuki. But soon, Kaname had understood that the other pureblood's intentions were sincere and he was even ready to face the wrath of the head of the Kuran family just to be able to feel the closeness of Yuuki for a moment. Most probably, he had mistaken Kaname's aggressive reaction to his advances for Yuuki as his brotherly instincts trying to keep Yuuki safe from a heart-break or worse, a scandal. Hiroki never knew how naively wrong he was.
Within half a year, he was able to persuade Yuuki into marrying him and leave the Kuran manor for good. He was fully aware the dangers that came from loving the Kuran princess and associating himself with the Kuran name, but he was determined to take Yuuki away and protect her by giving her his own name and cutting her ties with her mysterious and dark brother's past and present enemies. He knew that Kaname was very much reluctant to let Yuuki go from his sight, but after having a talk with the enigmatic brother of his fiancée, during which he gave voice to his concerns about the immediate yet hidden dangers that surrounded the Kuran name, Kaname seemed to relent but on one condition.
The dark pureblood demanded Hiroki to settle into this city, too, and stay within his reach in any case. Hiroki mistook the condition as a brother's concern again, getting the concern part correctly but the brother part was totally misplaced. Nevertheless, Hiroki accepted Kaname's demand and even before the legal procedures of their marriage had taken event; he and Yuuki had got a splendid villa in the city which was fairly within the reach of Kaname.
He was sure that all his business and social connections had been investigated thoroughly by his cold and distant brother-in-law and he had been kept under check since the time of his marriage. But all the hassle and trouble had been welcome to him, because he would do anything to see Yuuki smile at him and embrace him every night.
Apart from Kaname, there had been this moody, all too serious and tormented looking ex-human hunter that Hiroki had had to bear with since the young man was so precious to his wife, Yuuki. Kiryuu Zero was his name and Hiroki had known the grumpy and silent hunter from his fame even before he had met him in a vampire soirée that he and Yuuki had attended whilst they had been still engaged.
Kiryuu was a distant and cold person, but whenever Yuuki had approached him the expression his fine features would take on had been a concern for Hiroki. It was obvious that Kiryuu was in love with his wife and was silently suffering for it. Many times he had tired to pry a word about him from Yuuki's mouth. But all Yuuki would do was to smile ruefully and painfully, telling him that she was the most cruel of all the women on earth for what she was and what she wasn't able to become for her loved ones. And Hiroki thought that some secrets should better remain as so for their future happiness as a family.
But he had never known how deluded he could be then.
-
The doctors had told Yuuki that bearing a child this early and in her condition would result in serious problems for her. She had been a human for long years and her body wasn't doing a great job of getting adjusted to being a pureblood again. Even though it had been almost a year since her second change, her pregnant body was having severe attacks during which she would bleed from there all of a sudden without even a reason.
During the last months of her pregnancy, she was always bedridden, afraid of moving even an inch unless it was for her daily care necessities. She would suddenly feel blood trickling past her inner thighs, her belly heavy with its load, her hands covered with her own blood that shed itself without a cause. Fear would grip her heart, crying and begging Hiroki and Kaname to do something to keep the baby she carried alive, without even thinking what might be happening to her.
Her brother and husband had poured their wealth for her, finding the best doctors that money could buy; trying desperately to keep Yuuki and the baby alive until the time it was safe for the baby and her to have a C-section. Yuuki was delirious most of the time, talking nonsense about how she would never let her baby die even if it required her last breath and Kaname's hatred grew and grew. His eyes turning murderous each torturous day, his face paling every passing minute…
During that time, once or twice, Zero had visited Yuuki, too. But he had never entered into the sterilized hospital room, choosing to watch her from the window. Nodding at Yuuki's bleary, tear filled eyes and silently encouraging her with his own sleepless lilac ones, keeping despair at bay to not let her see how much he had died within this one year and a half by first watching her happiness and then her torment like this... from afar.
Kaname was amazed to realize that he now had something similar to Zero, something that connected them invisibly, deep inside, like a sinuous and thorny vine... Their pain was caused by the same woman's refusal to keep them as an anchor in her life. They were both turned down yet stubbornly and selfishly kept within reach as if Yuuki was neither able to love them the way they wanted nor able to forget them and move on at the same time.
Understanding looks were exchanged, although nothing was spoken. Standing side by side before that window that presented them with the torture their beloved was going through for the sake of another man's, a total stranger's child... It was enough for Kaname and Zero to forget their enmity and stand there as they watched how their own dreams and hopes for a future involving this fragile, beautiful girl crumbled before their eyes. Yes... It was that simple. An unspoken understanding and finding courage in the other's misery...
Zero had never dreamed of having Yuuki as solely his, but he wouldn't believe it had someone come and told him that Yuuki wouldn't choose her beloved Oni-sama as her husband, either. But he had always pictured their lives, her life, as safe and sound, filled with happiness; and Zero had been willing to witness Yuuki's happiness from afar, even though he had never nursed a hope in his chest to be able to share it with her.
Now Yuuki was not even Kaname's... Somebody else held her heart and Kuran was a spectator of it all just like himself. Had Yuuki not been in so much pain, Zero would have laughed at the sick sense of irony the Fates had.
This man he was standing beside had robbed him off of many things, and now this little girl, who was struggling to have her own little baby, had robbed Kuran off of himself.
Somehow... It wasn't even amusing anymore.
-
Yuuki's baby was a healthy, beautiful girl. She was so silent and docile that she had become everyone's darling in the hospital in a few days. Everyone had fawned over her; her father had been absolutely love-struck as he had cradled her in his trembling arms, weeping silent, private tears of joy for having a healthy baby. Yuuki had been deadly pale, still bleeding, but happy.
"She is heaven-sent!" Yuuki had been smiling through her tears, trying to feed the little girl with her warm milk brewed from the depth of her heart of hearts.
The vampire society welcomed the little baby, named Ran by her mother who was still sickly looking even after the fourth month of the birth of her baby. Even Zero had seen the joy of Yuuki's heart, catching a glimpse of the tiny face of the new born from afar, not daring to come closer, for he had feared to fall into pieces before his hunter colleagues who had visited Yuuki to congratulate her and her husband. He had stood back, again side by side with Kuran, without exchanging any words but reaching to a silent compromise that they both hated the sight even though it was their Yuuki who was bubbling with rapture and excitement.
Kaname had thought that they were both despicable, but he knew that he was the one among them who was the more damned one, for he despised even the sight of that baby in Yuuki's arms, who had stolen Yuuki's health and shine with its birth. But he couldn't help the feeling. He couldn't even hold Kiryuu's cold and remote eyes even for a second, afraid that his sick nature would reflect in his eyes for Kiryuu to see.
But what had ruined this tenuous balance between love and despair and joy and envy happened all in one night, catching Yuuki vulnerable during one of her never ending sickness periods and Hiroki all too lonely to cope with the terrifying force of it. Kaname and Zero had been too late to save anything from a storm of agony except for one helpless little life.
-
Yuuki was in her own room, enjoying the tranquil moment she shared with her baby as she breast fed her even though her life force was slowly going waste between her weak thighs. She was content to at least see little Ran all happy and comfortable as Yuuki nestled her small face against her bosom and silently wished to become healthier again for her baby's and Hiroki's sake.
There was too much that bothered her apart from her weak and unstable body. Her brother had never held Ran in his arms during this four months; he had never even touched her to comfort her even when she had been in excruciating pain. He was lost in his own anguish and Yuuki despised herself for being the cause of it. It was heartbreaking to watch Kaname act like everything was fine and going wonderful for him when Yuuki very well knew that he was just keeping up a strong face as he was breaking apart within.
Zero was no different. She had only seen him once and his perfunctory calmness and acceptance was just a facade to veil the calamity that wreaked havoc in his soul.
Was she being punished for causing this torment to her loved ones with a never recovering bad health that deterred her from enjoying her new life and her baby? She honestly didn't know, but admitted that she deserved it if it was a payment of sorts she was charged with for stealing away her brother's and best friend's happiness from them.
The serene moment was disturbed as a servant came knocking on her door. Even though she was weak, she could still sense the distress and fear in the servant girl as she accepted her in.
"My lady... There are... There are men, vampires outside. Lots of Level Es and even a few hunters led by a couple of Nobles..." She hurriedly explained. "You must hide yourself and Ran-sama. Sasaki-sama is out of the house. He sent me to accompany you."
And just as the fear stricken girl finished, a loud crashing sound was heard and flames covered the east side of the villa.
Yuuki scrambled to her feet, holding Ran tightly to her bosom. Her mind registered the panic that her husband was feeling through their bond. Suddenly a terrible, cold sweat covered her body. She rushed to the balcony, handing Ran to the servant girl, she looked down.
A scream died on her lips as she saw how Hiroki and their men were fighting with numerous attackers who were wielding bows, blades and torches. The violent fight was spurred on with the smell of the blood; screams and taunts reaching to high heavens, the barbaric scene was illuminated grotesquely by the flames as the rampant Level Es set the front of the house aflame with their torches, laughing, gurgling, attaching maniacally.
Without even calling out his name, Yuuki reached for Hiroki through their bond. The black haired pureblood turned his head to her and smiled up at his wife ruefully, silently beckoning Yuuki to go inside and look after their baby girl. He was sporting a deep gash across his back, his pale face splattered with blood, crimson eyes momentarily flashing to their true blue color.
Go back inside, Yuuki and don't be afraid...
Tears streaming down her face, Yuuki nodded at once, even though her body and heart ached to be beside her husband, she could never say no to that beautiful smile of her Hiroki... Come back to us safely, beloved...
Then everything was a blur for Yuuki, her maid ushered her to the safest place of the house, guarded by strong doors, without windows or any other exit or entrance. In her frenzy, Yuuki managed to phone Kaname and Zero, with few words pleading them to come to the villa and save baby Ran, before the lines were cut abruptly.
She sat in the small room with Ran and her maid, heart trembling in fear for Hiroki, seeking the connection she had with her husband through their bond, trying to send him her love and encouragement as she hugged Ran to herself tightly, not understanding why this was happening to them, why she was so weak and helpless even though she also was a pureblood.
Minutes passed and her heart stopped when she realized that her connection with Hiroki was broken and forever silenced.
She let out a blood curling wail, her crying blending with that of the frightened Ran's.
- 0 -
The rest was like a nightmare from the book of hell for Zero. He only remembered bits of it. The flames, the dead bodies of the human servants and hunters, the ashes of the vampire bodies swirling in the cold, harsh wind, the delighted screams of the still surviving Level Es and blood… Lots of blood… Painting the frozen ground into a sickly tone of blazing crimson, shining under the light of the burning house, illuminating the carnage and brutality that had destroyed a once peaceful and happy home…
Zero recalled being half crazy with the fear for the life of Yuuki. All reason forgotten, all humanity forsaken, he had attacked to the crumbling house with the rage of one insane vampire, opening his way through the flames with bullets and knives…
He didn't remember clearly, but he had killed many, taken a few small wounds on his way up to the stairs where he could feel the tremendous presence of a pureblood and one waning presence that his logic was unable to comprehend as Yuuki's even as his heart told him otherwise.
When Zero had reached to the top, the first thing he had seen was Kaname, his dark frame among the flames, his back was to him, there in his hands were two hunters, caught from their necks, their screams feeding the deafening sound of the cracking and burning timber.
Their necks had been broken under the force of the fury in the pureblood's hands even as one of the men's head exploded in the pureblood's blind rage. Blackened eyes had turned towards him and for a single moment Zero had thought that Kuran was going to kill him, too, mistaking him as one of the attackers. The air thickened, as if the devastated room was vacuumed of its oxygen. Zero's ears had popped due to the intensity and he had screamed at the top of his lungs, breathing in the clogged, burning air, his mind stuck on one thought.
Where was Yuuki?
His answer had come in a tiny whimper. "Onii-sama, stop…"
Amidst the flames, Zero had recognized Yuuki who was lying prone on the floor with the incapacitated bodies of two Nobles by her side. The men had been wide-eyed, craze painted on their faces; bodies broken to mere pulps but they were still breathing.
But what mattered was Yuuki, who was crying among the scorched furniture, blood pouring down from her several wounds, some of which were bite marks. In her bosom was a bundle of blankets, her baby Ran, crying and wailing through the thick air, tainted with smoke and the smell of death.
Yuuki was dying, but she was still trying to protect her baby, cradling it in her weak arms, trying to save her with the last bit of her extinguishing life.
"Save her… Take her out!" She was saying this like a mantra.
Zero had run to her, taking her broken form in his arms. He remembered how he had tried to snap Kuran out of his dazed stupor as he had tried to get him help him in taking Yuuki out. But all Kaname had done was to sink beside his sister, watching her die with unseeing eyes, clawing at himself to let his blood out and make Yuuki drink it.
Now that Zero thought, Kaname might had understood it even before he could; that Yuuki had been already turning to ashes starting from her once pearly skin, deep into to her now broken and irreparable heart.
The way Kuran had shredded his wrists, his neck, his arms with his own talons and collecting his blood in his own mouth to make Yuuki drink from him would have been enough to break Zero's heart apart if it hadn't already been broken into splinters.
Yuuki had stopped them, her eyes looking half crazy due to her bond mate's loss; she was bitterly smiling at their efforts, at their pain. Her skin was cracking just like a burning paper.
"Promise me one thing…" She was saying, "Promise me that you two will hang on and keep my little Ran safe forever. Promise me that you'll forgive me for all my cruelty and betrayal and love my child as you once loved me. Promise me Onii-sama, Zero…"
Neither could talk… How could they? Neither could understand the magnitude of the thing that was being asked from them.
"Promise me, or I can't die! Zero… Please don't give my child away, please look after it! Onii-sama, please save Ran, forgive me for being this selfish to the end… But… But, promise me! Even if you hate me, this is a mother's pleading. Promise me to always be by her side, Zero… Kaname…"
How could they have refused? How could they have not promised her? Hell, they would have promised her anything, even their hearts gouged out straight from their chests if it meant that she would survive, if only she would have wished for it.
They had promised, making Yuuki smile as she closed her eyes. "I am one selfish woman who wanted everything but couldn't keep any of them in her hands…" She had lamented, her lips crumbling like sand paper.
She had given a one last squeeze of her arms to her baby, and whispered, to whom they didn't know, "I love you, never forget that…" And she had disintegrated into thin dust, shiny, just like the fragments of a combusting star; its incandescence was but a fleeting memory.
How Zero had held on his sanity at that point, he didn't know. He had taken the baby in his arms, it was suffocating in there. He hauled Kaname from his doubled up position, trying to get him out. The baby was dying. And if they had stayed any longer, they were to die, too, even though the idea had seemed very appealing and as a salvation against the dreadful days that awaited him.
But what had stopped him was the baby, its heart wrenching crying, its ash covered face, its will to live as it struggled within his grasp.
No, the baby had to live… He could always choose for himself otherwise at a later time, but he hadn't had the right to choose for the baby, no…
Maybe with the help of the delirious pain of his loss, maybe because of the constant cries of the small bundle in his arms, Zero had managed to reach downstairs, burning himself here and there, but not letting go of neither Kuran nor the baby, shielding them with his own arms and hands that had been seared by the flames. He had felt his tears burn his face even as they fell and scald his skin like boiling water.
"Kuran… Kuran, get a hold of yourself!" He had been screaming at him, trying to urge him to walk by himself, trying to not suffocate the baby with his strong, fearful grip even before the fumes and smoke had a chance.
"Yuuki will be sad!" He had been blabbering, mind fixated obsessively to the idea of saving them, even if doing so would kill him. "Yuuki will cry in the heavens if we can't save her baby!"
The stairs had been moaning and groaning under the sizzling fire, ready to collapse. Timber piles had started to fall down, obscuring his way. They had been done for! The baby had been silent; it was not making any sound! Yuuki… Yuuki would be sad, she would cry…
With one last effort, he had hugged the baby between his and Kuran's body, his burnt arms encircling the shaking shoulders of the pureblood, Zero had buried his face into the crook of his nemesis' neck and cried.
"Kaname, help me!"
Zero didn't know what Kuran had done after that or how they had been saved. But the next thing he remembered was opening his eyes to the starless skies, the baby still in his arms, alive and agitated.
Kuran was a few feet away, his back turned to him, shoulders hunched, and clothes burned and tattered, tears cleaning the black splotches on his face like rain.
Zero had lain there, allowing the freezing midnight air to clean the baby's lungs as it had frozen his now icy tears.
People had gathered, authorities had arrived, and the fire had been extinguished. Yet, the three of them had stayed like that for how long Zero didn't know, didn't remember.
All he knew was he was dying now, that he was a liar, that he was egoistical and… And so, so very lonely…
Who would have guessed that Yuuki's mere existence had been his anchor, his reason to wake up, his painkiller, his dream-catcher in each nightmare filled night?
Yes, because you are a coward! Because you are weak enough to tie all of your dreams to a fragile girl, expecting worlds from her silently while you wallowed in your own apocalypse. You are afraid of her!
Tormenting… Even his mind was tormenting him. Zero was shaking, his heart rate decreasing, his bearing slipping away. Black splotches were dancing before his eyes as he tried to will them to have a last glance at Yuuki's baby.
"Forgive me, Yuuki… Forgive me for being not strong enough…" He murmured, the baby shifting beside him as if it heard him.
The accusing eyes of the woman he loved conjured before his vision, berating him, crying with an expression full of hurt. You can't, Zero… You can't…
His mind was playing him tricks, as he watched Yuuki approach and touch her baby, calling for it. Ran, wake up, little one… Wake up and tell Zero that he can't go…
And as Yuuki's vision disappeared from his sight, his ears was filled with the wailing of the baby, its voice ringing in his ears, alighting his sickness, feeding his guilt, torturing him.
This baby was going to be alone… Kuran didn't want it; he hated the mere sight of it. This baby was going to be like him… Deprived of the warmth of a loving family forever, never to fall asleep against the nurturing bosom of its mother, never to see how its father would fawn over it as if it was the most beautiful, most precious thing on earth…
Always lonely… Just like he himself was.
Where was the justice of it all? And who was he to decide in its place?
It… How deprecating was it to consider a living human as it, as a thing, as a creature… His Yuuki's baby… had a name. Ran, it was and now she was trying to wake him from his weakness, from his self-pity, from his egoistical escape.
Yes, he was afraid of her… He was afraid of Ran. Because, even this tiny baby was stronger than him… He was terrified… of devoting himself to something, of losing it again, of falling apart like this… He was terrified.
But as she cried her heart out, as if telling him that he had to live on, he had to survive for her sake, guilt overran his reason and shame assaulted his selfish decision.
He was a fool… He was a fool to hope that he could trick the little baby beside him into letting him go with a weightless conscience. He could never do that… And he wondered if he was too late.
His hand reached for the cell phone, speed dialing a number he would never have guessed that one day he would call with his own volition.
The baby was crying; his stomach was tearing itself apart, his mind was completely numb… With an excruciating pain, his body convulsed and blood and bile oozed from the corner of his mouth…
The phone was picked up after a many dialing sounds, a soft voice sounding on the other line, "Kiryuu? What is it, Kiryuu?"
"Home… Come here…" He managed out, voice raspy, head pounding like a million suns. "Quick…"
And all he could remember was how the four months old little Ran took a grasp of his shirt sleeve in her struggle, as if she was strong enough to keep him alive with her hold.
And indeed, she was strong enough for the two of them.
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TBC…
So, what do you think? Was it too boring, melodramatic or a waste of time? Please tell me your ideas. XD