Promises to love
"Ah, finally the day that was meant to come is here..."
We've been best friends for many years, we have been through a lot together; He rescued me from hell, we've betrayed each other, there was even a moment in time when we were separated because he walked away and left me for a stupid sense of guilt and still my will to forgive him and have him around was so intense that I never gave up until I succeeded, and now here we are ...
"Dean, wanna do it with me?" This guy's face is so melancholic, relaxed it makes my heart hurt and yet the expression on my own face is one of slight confusion despite having grown accustomed to this human Cas that doesn't repress his emotions and doesn't keep his thoughts to himself.
" This is a mistake. He's just horny, that's all "
"Today, I..." he looks away and that's just so... weird.
"Hm? Sorry, but... I'm not really into that sort of thing"
"I can't believe I'm turning him down"
"Yeah, neither am I"
"Then just go find a girl"
"I want you to promise me something" we keep chatting while drinking, I feel relaxed.
"About what? I mean, we're not talking my hand in marriage here, right?" My expression is condescending and mocking.
"That's… not quite what I was thinking, but… now that you mention it… well…" his expression hasn't changed at all.
"This isn't good…"
"So sudden..." I think with some surprise "All right! Just say the word, and I Dean Winchester, will make you Castiel, happy for the rest of your life! I swear it!" I say with a confident smile, but he seems mildly surprised and my face suddenly becomes a calm one.
"Hmph" the smile he has now is a calm one and ...
"There's nothing I can do… to resist that smile on his face"
"Hmm… now that I've said it, though…" my eyes unconsciously sidetrack from his "made this vow with you Cas… I feel like kind of an idiot"
"Of course Dean, you'll be a fool for the rest of your life" I feel a kick on my knee under the table, our words ... these insults aren't said with malice. Cas has learned to be sarcastic and make jokes since his fall.
" Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, but…" I mess up my hair with something like resignation "...mh?" I feel his foot in my crotch.
"Dean, this can't come as a shock" he says with a poker face and I'm not sure how to react.
"Cas… What are you… you're serious about this?" My voice faltered a bit
"I'll swear it too. I'll make a vow" Why? Why are you still keeping that quiet and resigned expression like that? "How about a toast?" His foot is still touching my crotch and unavoidably has excited me "or would you rather find out what I like…" The reaction in that part of my body gives him the answer before I can say something "Yeah... that's what I thought"
"Ah, this is not good, I can't help my weakness"
"Ugh..." I thrust quickly, feel the warmth of his body "In a place like this...? But I guess we're stuck with doing it here… right?" I slip out a bit and return to fuck him harder, it's raining and we're in an alley near the bar where we've been drinking but I can only think how good it feels to have him this way.
"Ahhh! You ... You could have at least warned me!" Does he mean that because I approached him in this alley? Or because the speedup in my thrusts?
"I thought for sure that you would like to doing it with men" I say this to tease him and I really hope it does.
"NH-... no... aah, I... n-no... it's not-so..." hear his breathy voice only increases my lust "Assbutt... I thought you were in denial and that's why you didn't do it with men" he says trying to tease me.
"You... son of a bitch" I speedup my thrusts, his moans increase, I can't take it anymore.
"I truly… have gotten used to getting along with this 'pitiful Cas'
I finally get to hold Cas the way I should"
"Cas... tell me... does it feel good?" I have him lying on the bed in my bedroom, Sammy is probably sleeping already and we keep doing it "Don't you like me doing this to you?" he keeps moaning while I keep fucking him "Well, I… hope you do because it feels so good"
"Is that… so?" Still he carries this calm face but now has a slight tinge of fond, he starts caressing my hair gently "What a relief ..."
"Come on, don't say that! I asked how it felt for you!" I thrust again and he lets out a gasp of surprise and pleasure.
"Feels… so good…!" That surprises me but I keep going.
"I'm gonna… come too…!" I come inside him... I just kiss him calmly and with some tenderness.
"I'm weak for everything Cas does…
At least I can help to warm his body"
"Cas… I think maybe… we really should get married!" I put my forehead on his, to watch him, both still trying to catch our breaths.
"Maybe I can't keep all of my promise, but this I can do it"
"…You're right. And so... it'll be, 'Til death do us part'" his gaze is fixed on mine.
"I'll turn myself into what Cas needs me to be"
"What do you mean, 'til death?'...? Even when we die, we'll do it together" the smile on my face ... I'm sure it's a sad smile "We'll pledge to die together, too" I take his face in my hands to make sure he hears me, and he does because his eyes are still fixed on me.
"I'll become his light in the darkness ...
My feelings trickle down like water ...
Like rain during a storm ...
Like a flood, I'll sink into them...
Until the end…"
Dawns and the rain is still falling, I listen as it falls while lying on my bed, Cas is no longer lying beside me, I hear him change his clothes but still keep my eyes closed in the same position.
"I've made you a lot of promises, but instead of accepting them, you've chosen loneliness "
"Dean..." he calls me, he knows I'm awake even if I try to hide it "I'm... I'm going for a walk..." I hear his steps.
"Okay..." I answer with closed eyes but the tears begin to escape and eventually I open them to see him move towards the door "When you get back... I... I'll make you happy forever!" my voice comes out choked "So, don't worry about anything!" I try to smile and close my eyes to feel the tears streaming down my face.
"I understand" I open my eyes again and while turning the doorknob he turns to me and with the same calm smile he says goodbye "Dean... thank you" my gaze is lost and tears continue to fall, he gives me a last look... and crosses the threshold of the door.
"He said that, and then went on a really, really long walk..."
"Damn..." I try to calm myself and wipe the tears "ah..."
"I've always thought a day like this would come...
I wondered what I'd do when I'm so weak for him...
When he'll go to find his own answers to feel at peace...
But I want Cas to live his life the way he promised me..."
"I can't help it... I love him so much" this time I cry with all I have without caring if Sammy will listen to me, I cry with all the sadness I feel at this moment.
"So I can't run after him... I won't chase him...
And now I make promises of love to my loneliness"
END