Disclaimer: How I wish the boys were mine. But no, they belong to someone else.

Thanks to Rosa241 for checking this for me.

This story was written for the TIWF uncovered challenge.

Up here on Thunderbird Five I have lots of time to do my own thing sometimes I would just sit and think or dream about things.

Sometimes just being quiet and calm helps, sometimes I would listen through my brothers watches as they tell someone, a mother, father or even a child that their loved one had passed on. My heart breaks every time a child starts to cry, that's when I want to be down there, to hold that child and just let them know that everything would be okay. I know that my brothers hold that child or whoever might be crying at the time.

I know that every time we go out on a rescue Mom would be right alongside us, helping and protecting us, and that no matter what the outcome something good always comes out of all that had happened. It would make us stronger and make us try harder the next time we were called out.

When my brothers are back home and the debrief is over, I would let go. If someone lost their life I would cry for them and pray that their family would be okay. When those who were rescued were safe again I would smile and thank God for helping those people.

After I've said my goodnights to my family I would remember that even when I'm not down there I'm the voice for International Rescue, the first point of contact, the first and maybe the last person the caller might hear.

When times gets tough, when I feel helpless way up here, I would write a story or song to keep myself together. No one knows about my moments of weakness, only I know about it.

My brothers would call me in the middle of the night, sometimes in tears, frustrated, angry and confused. They would talk to me, or just yell and ask questions until their voices gives out on them. I would try and comfort them, they always know that I'm listening; they know that no matter what I'll stick with them until they had gotten rid of all their frustration and fears.

When I return home it's like coming home to a different family. They would be a bit closer, a bit stronger every time.

There are times that I would have nightmares. I would dream of a brother dying, a brother getting lost somewhere never to be found again. That's when I would wake up screaming their names. I'll then call them just to make sure that they are still there, alive and kicking.

I always remember to hug my family and friends when I get to see them, or when they pay me a visit on the station. I never know if the hug I give them is going to be the last one.

I always try to make time for those around me. Sometimes I play pranks on my brothers, they are not as good as Gordon's pranks but I don't care about that. I always make sure that they find out that I'm behind those pranks and I'm always where they could catch me and dump me into the pool.

My life changes everyday. It's stressful but I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm always up here, waiting, listening, always ready to help, always willing to talk…whoever you are…where ever you are, International Rescues just a call away.

It's the end of my month up on five and I can't wait to go home for a change. As soon as Alan came into the control room I was all set and ready to go. I didn't have any major channels for him to keep an ear on which was a relief for us both.

There'd been a really hard rescue the day before and somehow I had a feeling that it would catch up with me soon. I knew that I had to be out of sight and out of reach when it happened. Saying my goodbyes to my little brother I left my beloved station behind and headed into Thunderbird Three. Scott looked a bit run down which didn't surprise me at all. Alan wasn't on the rescue the day before; he had been to the mainland with Tin-Tin and Grandma.

Scott didn't say much on the way home, only that everyone has missed me down there. I knew that already because Tin-Tin and Grandma would hug me so hard that I would be breathless at times. I just had to smile at that, it was the way they always greeted me each time they saw me and I loved them for it.

When I had finally greeted everyone in the villa I went up to my room to get myself into something that's not another uniform. That done I took my watch off and left it on my bedside table, knowing full well that I'll be in trouble over it tonight, but I just had to get out of the villa and somewhere where no one would find me and find out that I had broken down. We never show our weakness to each other, okay we do show it at times but I'm always the one to talk to when something had happened.

Keeping everything locked deep within my heart like treasure in a treasure chest was the only way for me to cope. Yesterdays rescue had added to the weight I was now carrying along with me where ever I go. A little girl had called begging for help, any help she could get. I had answered that little girls call and I had also been the last voice that girl ever heard.

I had, had that little one on hold for a while to inform my family that we had a rescue. When my brothers got to the danger zone it was already too late for that little one and her family. I had spoken to that little one till the end. She had thanked me for being there with her, for being her friend for a while and that she wasn't scared to die anymore. Before she died she had whispered. "I love you mister International rescue."

She had said it like only a little child would say to their Mommy and Daddy before bedtime. I just about managed to hold myself together when we had the debriefing and when I had to write out my report on the rescue. So here I am, walking down to the beach. I wander off to the familiar path on my right up to a clearing where I could let myself go without one of my family finding me.

As soon as I had found my spot in the middle of the clearing I had sat down and gotten out a small notebook to write a little letter to the little girl, I know that it wasn't my fault that she had died but I couldn't help to blame myself for it. So writing to her and saying sorry for not being able to help her and not being able to do anything else to get her out of there was the only way for me to let go. I would write to every person who had died on those rescues when we couldn't save everyone and tell them that I was sorry for not being able to do more than just listen.

I know that it sounds silly but I can't talk to my brothers or even our Father. What if they thought that I'm nuts or a baby? I know that they wouldn't think that of me but I … I just can't talk to them about how this is affecting me. So here I am, writing to those who died yesterday and all the weeks before that. They had to know that I'm so, so sorry for what had happened to them all.

I must have fallen asleep after writing the last letter to whoever it was I might have forgotten when I woke up with a start, someone was rubbing my back softly humming as they did so. Opening my eyes I saw Tin-Tin looking down at me with tears in her eyes. Sitting up I looked at her and wondered for a moment why she looked so sad. Looking down I saw that she had my little book in one hand and I knew that she had found me asleep and had seen the book, ending up reading through it. For just a moment I felt angry at her for reading through it, for even picking it up, for finding my Secret place. I new that some day someone would find it and find my book, I just didn't expect Tin-Tin out of everyone on this island to be the one to find it all.

She must have known that I was hiding something from everyone, I mean who wouldn't. Feeling a soft tap against my hand which was resting on my lap I looked down to see that Tin-Tin was holding my book out to me. Taking it from her I looked back up at her. I could see that she understood why I never told anyone about how I felt after something like this had happened, why I had to find a secret place to be alone for a while. I didn't have to say a word to her; it's as if she knew exactly what I thought about when I'm on Thunderbird Five, how I would feel after a rescue gone wrong. I realized that there was more to Tin-Tin than what we thought. She was a kind, playful, helpful, funny and loving person who understood us more than what she led on.

Before I knew it I felt Tin-Tin's arms around me, holding me close she whispered to me to let everything go. For a moment I felt nothing, no sadness, no anger, nothing. Then it happened, my dam broke and before I knew it I started to cry my heart out. Silently Tin-Tin had rocked me back and forth like a little child, not saying a word to me.

I could feel myself getting sleepy and my body relaxing. Before my eyes closed I heard Tin-Tin say. "So this is your hearts treasured Secret." Giving me a soft hug she finished. "Your Secret will stay with me as long as you promise to talk to me about it whenever things get's too much for you Johnny boy, like all those times that you are there for us when we need you, we'll always be there for you. Remember that."

Drifting off to sleep I new that one day the secret of my heart will be uncovered by my family just like Tin-Tin had uncovered it, but then I would be ready to let them in and except it. No secret can stay hidden forever.