Disclaimer: Black Butler and all of its characters belong to its respective owners. I own no rights to Black Butler or its characters.
Author's Notes: Some dialogue is directly from the anime. All credit goes to the respective writer(s).
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For three days Ciel had refused to leave the bed in the small, dingy room that Sebastian had rented. With little desire to make their way into hell yet Sebastian had found a low establishment inn, Beelzebub's Pleasure (Ciel had been too exhausted to note the irony of the name in regards to their current situation), for them to recover and figure out their next move.
As a demon Ciel didn't require sleep; physically his body felt well rested. Emotionally and mentally, however, was a different story all together. Thoughts and emotions raced through the young demon's mind. The initial relief he had felt from losing his soul and reawakening as a demon had all but vanished under the weight of indecisive thoughts and fickle emotions.
The loss of his soul made Ciel feel like he was free floating in that lake where Alois Trancy and the demon Hannah had stolen it. On one hand Ciel's life was now safe from virtually any threat. Beyond demon swords held within the breasts of female demons the young demon was essentially untouchable. On the other hand, Ciel was now an immortal being, an eternal child destined to never find peaceful rest and to be alone forever with no companion other than his eternal butler.
Thoughts of Sebastian in particular were what was torturing the young demon's psyche the most, prompting him to order Sebastian into a separate room, unable to stand the sight of the older demon at the moment.
Since Ciel had become a demon, a complete change in Sebastian's personality had occurred. Literally overnight Sebastian had gone from a cheerful and generally amused individual to a distant and cold creature. The sudden change in the demon's disposition reminded Ciel way too much of the Trancys' demon Claude. Beyond Claude's sickening obsession with him, Ciel had taken an instant and instinctive dislike of the demon. Where Sebastian had adapted to acting human so well that at times Ciel was convinced he was, Claude was a stoic stature, an apathetic thing with no desire other than devouring any soul that struck his fancy at the current moment. Ciel had once asked Sebastian if he desired to eat other souls to tie him over until the day came when he would devour Ciel's. Sebastian had instantly responded that Ciel's soul was the only one he desired and that no other soul could possibly measure up to the delicate perfection Ciel's soul apparently was. Instead of being frightened or disgusted Ciel had felt a warm pleasure at the thought that Sebastian considered his soul superior to all others.
As memories of the once cheerful butler ran through his mind, Ciel felt an increasing frustration. He found the changes in Sebastian disturbing, (the thought of spending forever with a second Claude was distressing to say the least) but what baffled Ciel was the fact that he cared at all.
His soul was gone; the life force that was the essence of humanity had been apparently obliterated from his demon body. Yet Ciel was still Ciel. He didn't care about material things; he had been perfectly honest when he told the servants he could care less if they burned the mansion down and when he told Sebastian he didn't care where their current destination was considering they were both going to end up in hell eventually. Despite this new found carelessness Ciel still had feelings. He could have devoured the souls of everyone he knew; it would have eliminated any suspicion of his so-called "death" for as he's told several enemies in the past before Sebastian eliminated them, the dead tell no tales. Not only had Ciel not done that, he had no desire to do it. For if he had given in to his demon nature, had he consumed the soul of Elizabeth during their last dance for instance, not only would he have been unsatisfied he would have actually grieved the loss.
It just didn't make any sense; it defied all rationale and logic that Ciel should feel any emotion at all. He was soulless, a demon, one of the damned. If the soul was the essence of a person, an origin point from which all feelings and emotions were born, how was it that he could still feel beyond mere physicality. Why couldn't he just accept things the way they now were and begin his eternal existence as a demon without a second passing thought of his once human life? Most importantly why couldn't he stand the sight of Sebastian without feeling crushing guilt? That's right, to his complete disgust Ciel had banished Sebastian from his presence, had not moved from this crummy bed for three days because unexplained guilt filled every inch of his body.
Ciel snorted angrily (why wasn't it apathetically at the very least?) and threw the pillow he had been lounging upon across the room with a snarl of irritation.
He had never felt guilt in the three years of acquaintance with Sebastian. After Sebastian had plucked him from his cage of misery and had in turn given him the power to extract his revenge against those who had humiliated and destroyed his life, Ciel had vowed to never again feel any sort of guilt for his actions. He would live and die free from guilt, regret, or remorse, cutting down all those who dared stand in the path between him and the vengeance he so craved. Why was it then, that the sight of Sebastian, a mere pawn in the game he had played in life, a demon that was going to kill him in the end and make a meal out of his very soul, a mere servant, inspired feelings he had never felt before and most certainly should not feel now?
Ciel clutched his head as if trying to stifle the unwanted thoughts and emotions that tormented him. Why was it that as a demon he seemed to feel more than he had ever felt as an ensouled human? Another question sprang into the young demon's mind, causing him to sit up straight as a rod. Where was his soul now?