Lightning Bolt
I'm not quite sure when it happened, when I fell in love with my boss. It just happened, even after I swore to hate him after Lisa was mur…became deceased. That sounds cold, doesn't it? Deceased. A word I will never have to apply to him.
I remember when I first met Jack Harkness, we met at a bar for my interview. Of all the places he could choose. He hired me as soon as he saw me, no need to look at my CV, just bought me a drink and told me I looked good in a suit. He winked at me and told me where to go on Monday. I couldn't believe it was that easy. Mad, insane. Two words commonly associated with Captain Jack Harkness. I swear he pinched my ass on the way out.
I turned up at the tourist office where he had told me to wait at 9 am. It was in complete disarray. I couldn't believe anyone could live like this. As was natural habit I started putting things into decent piles. Better but not brilliant. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the door opened, revealing the Captain himself. I allowed a cool exterior when inside my stomach went to mush, sign number one.
He smiled and beckoned me to follow him. That was the day I met the rest of the team. Tosh struck me as a high-class lady, like me I guess, except in girl form. Owen, total stuck up prat and Suzie…I didn't really know what to make of her. The glove had just turned up that morning and she was working. My first job; make everyone a cup of coffee each. I smirked internally; I knew exactly what blend each person would like. My Mam always commented that were coffee was concerned I was physic. I wasn't wrong. First Test passed and an ass squeeze from the boss.
"Careful Sir, that's harassment." He found it hilarious and I found myself using it time and time again. I sneaked Lisa in on that first night, having worked out the building plans that very day. A quarter of the building was practically unused. Perfect. I suppose I knew at the time that Lisa was beyond salvation, but I couldn't let her die without trying to save her. It was too hard to see those beautiful brown eyes and not believe there was something still there, a little light inside her eyes, the hope of humanity.
Everything was fine for a while, I got settled in, totally overqualified for my job but it was satisfying to see the place look and feel clean. It also helped that without my coffee they wouldn't get half their work done. Then Gwen stumbled onto the little secret. I'll admit it amused me seeing her walk in with those pizzas. I tried to reassure her that she was safe and ok, but she was too innocent to realise. She had no idea what she was getting into. Torchwood left scars on people. That's what Canary Wharf did to me. People dying all around me, hiding from Cybermen and Dalek alike. It was a close one. I was one of just under 30 survivors. 1 of 1000 employees. That was a cold day. I pushed aside the hurt and pain, lived only for Lisa.
I was shocked by Suzie's betrayal I'll admit, but not overly surprised. No one leaves Torchwood without being severely affected, whether it be by death or Recon. I was not surprised, but shocked, when Gwen joined the team. She didn't belong in Torchwood. Difficult decisions, events happened too often; her innocence wouldn't be able to take that sort of beating. I'll admit I was wrong; I underestimated her again.
The events that followed were sheer hell, cannibals, weevils and the like. Each event pushing me closer to Jack. Even Lisa's death pushed me; Jack made me see that sometimes shit happens, you just have to deal with it. I think that was the closest I ever came to realising I loved him at the time – but I disguised it as hate. I had just lost what was left of my time at Torchwood 1. I ended up in Jack's bed after the cannibal incident. Or rather he ended up in mine. He had taken me home, carefully dressing and re-dressing my bruised ribs. We didn't have sex, but he did stay with me all night. It wasn't until a few weeks later we made love.
Then Tosh mentioned to Gwen about the real Jack Harkness, about how absolutely 'Titanic' it was that our Jack had to leave him for duty. I remember that night well; I wouldn't let Jack through my front door. In the end I got sick of him pounding, even after I told him to go away. I snuck out the back door, down the alley, went to the local pub and got a drink. Ironically the same one Jack and I first met. He sat next to me and ordered a pint, his eyes never once leaving my face. I resisted the urge to look at him. He knew I knew. We drank in silence. He gently touched my back, letting me know nothing. He offered no excuses, just a simple:
"I'm sorry I hurt you."
Not sorry that he'd snogged another man though I suppose. But I had to remember, we had no formal arrangement, he wasn't exclusively mine and I wasn't exclusively his. This point hit me.
Ironically a good-looking man then walked over, proceeding to chat me up. I gave Jack what I hoped was a nonchalant look and danced with the guy. I took the stranger home, but when it came down to it, I couldn't. I asked the grumbling man to leave, his parting words to me being, "If you love him so much, why did you bother leading me on?" It wasn't the second part that bothered me, I'd been called worse, but the first part. I loved Jack Harkness. I could barely believe it.
The next day he 'died'. I couldn't believe it. I just stood there, shocked, I guess I thought it wasn't possible. I had to get out of that room. Gwen sat there hoping, I went around in a daze hoping. Neither of us wanting to totally give. I did everything I could to revive the images of Jack, I smelt his coat, I walked in his room, I even went down to his room, though I was there only a minute, I touched nothing. Then he came back, I stood there, watching him hug Tosh and Gwen beaming a smile which made me hope for her too, then he kissed me and my hope was revived. Everything would be all right, wouldn't it? He had forgiven Owen, Gwen, Tosh, me. I forgave him.
Then he disappeared, and my world came crashing down.
COOKIES