Tracy's story part 4 of Death is my Friend.
by Anna Hulterstroem and Grit Kaerst
Tracy walked through a park. It was spring and this was the first warm day since the long winter. The first birds sang in the sunshine and the first flowers had appeared.
It had now been almost a year since Tracy met Roger, the paramedic with ALS. Tracy worked in a hospice and he moved in there when he learned that he hadn't much time left. She made friends with him after she told him that she was dying, too. He tried to help her lose her fear.
It was also almost a year ago that she met Andrew, the Angel of Death. She had already met him before she met Roger, but she never knew who he was until Roger told her about an angel who stays with dying persons and helps them and that that angel was one of his best friends. Andrew visited Roger often in the hospice and it didn't take long until the three of them became good friends. When Roger had died, it was the last time she had seen Andrew. Somehow she was a little bit upset about this, but deep in her heart she knew that he would come if she needed his friendship.
The last year had passed by so quickly that it frightened her a little bit. But Tracy enjoyed the time she worked in the hospice. She told a lot of patients there about her friend, Andrew. And she could see the peace that her sharing of that knowledge gave some of them.
Tracy reached a bench and sat down. A few tears appeared in her eyes. One year ago, the doctors told her that she had leukemia and that she was going to die, but that she still would have 2 or 3 years before it would happen. Tracy had been for a check up a week ago and now she had gotten the results of the blood tests. Her doctor told her, that the disease was growing faster than expected and the he couldn't tell her anymore how much time she would have left.
At the moment, she wished that Roger or Andrew could be by her side, because she needed someone to talk to right now. It wasn't that she was afraid of death anymore, but it was still a shock to her that her time was shorter then she always thought it would be. She didn't know how to tell her parents. There was so much she wanted to finish before she had to go.
It was a familiar soft male voice that brought her back from her train of thought, "Hello Tracy!"
When Tracy looked up, she couldn't believe what she saw. It was Andrew!
"Oh, Andrew! I'm so glad to see you," Tracy sobbed.
Andrew sat down on the bench beside her and put his arm around her. "Tracy, what's wrong?"
For a moment Tracy felt a little embarrassed. He was after all the Angel of Death, and here she was felling sorry for herself that she was going to die.
It was as if Andrew could feel how she was feeling, because he squeezed her shoulder a little and looked into her eyes. "Tracy, you can tell me everything you know, even things that you find awkward to say to me. I have heard a lot in my time and there are not many things that make me embarrassed."
Tracy still hesitated. It was awkward to have to tell him. "Sorry Andrew, but you are right it is embarrassing. I received the results of last week´s check up today. The cancer is growing faster than the doctor had anticipated. Andrew, I don't want to die now!"
Andrew hugged her reassuringly. "I know sweetie. It's a natural feeling. After all, God gave you life and a will to live. I would have been more embarrassed if you said that you wanted to die right now."
Tracy smiled wanly "Thank you Andrew, you really do know how to make a person feel better, don't you?" She relaxed against him and sighed.
Andrew smiled back. "Tracy, God gave you life and a will to live. I'm just glad that you have not let go of that will yet. - You'll see that you will feel more ready when the time comes. Now tell me Tracy, is there anything else that you need help with?"
Tracy leaned back so that she could stare at him. 'Could angels read minds?' she mused. "Can you read my mind, Andrew? As a matter of fact, there is. My parents, I need to tell my parents. They weren't too happy when I chose to be a nurse, and they were even less happy when I chose to work in a hospice. In fact they were so unhappy about it that we broke off all contact. They don't know that I have cancer."
"Do they live here in town? I'll gladly go with you, you know." Andrew's voice was grave, but full of promise.
"No, but it's not far, just an hour by car."
"Okay, that shouldn't be a problem," Andrew smiled cheerful at her. "I can give you a ride, if you like."
"You have a car?" Tracy was a little bit confused. Why should an angel need a car?
The angel laughed as he saw her surprised expression. He shook his head, "No, it's not my car. The car belongs to a friend of mine. Her name is Tess and I think she won't mind lending it to me."
Both Tracy and Andrew stood up and walked to the parking lot. Andrew put his hand on Tracy's back. He could tell that she was still a little bit frightened. He knew it was a difficult time for humans when they got to know that they would only have a short time left on earth. It often got harder for them when they had to tell their families, especially in cases like Tracy's. Andrew wished he could do more for her, but all he could do right now was to offer her his help and comfort.
On the way to her parent's home, Tracy and Andrew didn't talk much. Tracy was too deep in her thoughts and Andrew gave her that time to remember about the time when she and her parents broke up. He saw some tears appearing in her eyes from time to time, and every time when it happened he put a comforting hand on her shoulder and gave her an understanding, gentle smile.
Tracy was glad, that Andrew was with her. His presence helped her a lot, even though she knew that the moment was coming when he would have to take her Home. She remembered a conversation that she and Roger had had the evening, after Andrew appeared the first time in Roger's room and told her not to be afraid of death.
[Flashback]
That evening Tracy returned to Roger. "It really happened today, didn't it? I didn't just dream I was hugged and comforted by an angel named Andrew?"
Roger smiled. "Oh, it happened alright. Andrew is very real, and he was here today."
Tracy sat down on Roger's bed. "It doesn't bother you to have the Angel of Death as a friend? I mean to be visited by the very person who will one day kill you?"
Roger's face became grave. "Andrew doesn't kill anybody. The Angel of Death does not set the time for us. Sometimes God does, but often humans have a finger in that too, and this world." Roger saw the disbelief in Tracy's eyes. "I mean human carelessness, self destruction, and so on. Any time during these last six years a speeding car or a drunk driver or something similar could have hit me. That would not have been a time of God's choosing. God didn't give me ALS, but God did give me six good years, which is something VERY uncommon with this disease. All Andrew does is to be there for us when the time comes. We have talked about this once or twice, and it hurts him when people accuse him of being the Grim Reaper. I know it's easy to think like you have just done, but once you learn to know Andrew you'll know it's not true."
[End of Flashback]
She knew that Roger was right, but she still had gotten a sick feeling in the stomach when she saw Andrew, then. It confused her, because at on one hand, she loved Andrew very much. He was the best friend she had ever had, except Roger of course On the other hand ... his presence always reminded her that he would come for her one day.
But it was in that car now that she completely understood what Roger had meant, then, when he said it didn't bother him. It didn't bother her anymore, either. She was more than happy to have him by her side right now.
Tracy ceased her train of thought when the car stopped in front of a small white house. It was the house where she grown up.
Andrew turned the engine off and directed his attention to her. "Are you ready?" he asked gently.
"I ... I think, I can't do this, Andrew!" Tracy shook her head slowly.
"But they need to know! Believe me, if you don't tell them," Andrew sighed, "it's going to be harder for you AND for them!"
Tracy knew that he was right, but she still didn't know what to do. "Andrew, I can't just go over there, ring the door and say: 'Hi mom, it's me, Tracy. I'm only here to tell you that I'm going to die!'" New tears appeared in Tracy's eyes and started to run down her face.
Andrew took his right hand and brushed them away, "That's not the way you should tell them and you know that! Tracy, trust in God! I know how hard this is for you and He will help you through that, because He loves you!"
Tracy nodded slowly and opened the door of the car.
She and Andrew walked toward the door and rang the bell. It didn't take long until a woman with short brown hair opened the door. It was Tracy's mother, Mary. It didn't take her long to recognize her daughter. "Tracy????!!!!"
Andrew could see the joy in her eyes seeing her daughter standing in front of her, but it took only few seconds before it vanished and anger, hurt and pain appeared. "What do you want?! I told you two years ago, that you never should come back!! Can't you even listen to me about THAT??... And who is that? Did you also marry without telling us, like you started to work at ... at that PLACE ... without listening to us???!!!"
New tears showed up in Tracy's eyes, caused by the hard words from her mother. "Forget it, Andrew!" she said angrily, "I should have known better!" Tracy turned around and ran sobbing back to the car.
Part 2
Andrew called after her, but she didn't listen to him. Then he turned back to Mary, "At First, I'm not her husband. I'm the only friend she has right now!" It was hard for Andrew to keep his voice quiet and not to show the anger he felt himself about that woman's reaction. "You daughter came to tell you that ..." But Mary closed the door, before he could finish his sentence.
Andrew turned around and hurried after Tracy. He found her sitting in the car, crying her heart out. Andrew got in and put his arm around her shoulders. "Shhh, baby. It will be okay, I promise. Shhh."
Tracy wept in Andrew's arms until she had no more tears left. Finally she stirred and asked Andrew to take her home again. Andrew started the car and drove around the block. There he parked the car and turned to Tracy.
"Tracy, I think it's time that we call in some help."
"Help? What do you mean?" Tracy saw the determination shining in Andrew's eyes and found comfort in that.
"Help, that's what he means."
Tracy turned her head and stared at the ample woman that had appeared out of nowhere. "Where did she come from Andrew?"
Andrew laughed. "Tracy, this is Tess, and she is an angel too – a very persuasive angel, at that. I have no doubt that Tess will be able to convey the message that we failed to deliver today."
Tess walked up to the car and placed a hand on Tracy's arm. "Don't fear baby, trust God and everything will be okay."
The funny thing was, Tracy thought, that this was exactly what she was doing right now. Tess and Andrew were filling her with confidence and reassurance.
Tess turned to Andrew. "Better take her home now Angel Boy. I'll deal with her parents here."
As Andrew drove the car back the same way they had come, Tess set out to work. First she moved into the house next door to Tracy's parents. Mary was intrigued to see the old house next to hers inhabited again and went out to greet the new neighbor. Tess graciously accepted the invitation for dinner.
When Tess appeared for dinner, Mary's husband Paul had returned from work. He was a lawyer, and his whole dream had been for his only child to come and work with him in the family business. Both Mary and Paul greeted Tess cordially, but were of course curious about what had brought Tess to their corner of the world.
"I'm reuniting families." Tess answered with a smile.
Both Mary and Paul jumped as if they had gotten an electrical shock. "But there can't be much work around here, can there?" Mary hesitantly asked.
"Oh, you'd be surprised. There are more ways than one to separate a family." Was Tess' unperturbed answer.
Tess' eyes searched the room and found what she was looking for. She moved across the room to a small cabinet where the only evidence of Tracy's existence still resided. Tess picked up the photograph.
"Pretty girl. Is this your daughter? You must be proud to have such a pretty daughter?" Tess looked admiringly at the photograph.
"Yes, that is our daughter, but she is dead." Paul curtly replied.
"Dead? No she can't be. I saw someone looking just like her leaving here when I arrived." Tess went on.
"No, she is not dead, but she is to us." Mary replied.
"If she knew how you feel about her ..... and she still came here.... Aren't you curious what she was about to tell you?" Tess' voice was full of incredulity.
"I already know what she was going to say. She had gotten married and wanted us to see her husband. He denied it of course. She's no good so she's married a no good." Mary's voice was hard.
Tess shook her head. "If you mean the man that was with her today, then you are quite mistaken. His name is Andrew. I know him very well and he is not married to anyone"
"How can you be so sure about that?" Paul interrupted.
"Very simple. He is an angel, just like me." Tess' voice was gentle as the heavenly light surrounded her.
Mary and Paul took one step back. "What's going on? Who are you?" Paul was frightened and you could hear it in his voice.
"Don't be afraid. I'm an angel sent by God, and so is Andrew. He is the man you saw together with your daughter, Mary. Tracy came here today because she had something very important to say to you, and it's not that she is married. She want's to make peace with you while she is still alive." Tess was more gentle than ever.
"Still alive? What do you mean by 'still alive'?" Paul was skeptical.
"Tracy went against your will when she became a nurse. So, when she was diagnosed one year ago with leukemia she was afraid to tell you right out. She thought that you would blame her choice of occupation. Instead she tried to grapple with all the existential questions all by herself. A part of that was to go and work at the hospice. A year ago she was told that she would have about five years left. Plenty of time to be reconciled with you, she thought. Today the doctor told her that the disease is progressing much faster than he originally thought. She came today to tell you that she is dying."
Tess' words sent Mary sobbing into Paul's arms. "How can we be sure that you tell the truth." Paul queried.
Tess put her arms on her hips and glared at Paul. "Do you question an angel from God, sir? Why don't you phone her and ask? Or better still, go there and comfort her. She needs you now, and believe it or not - you need her." Tess was angry and she showed it.
Paul hung his head. "I'm sorry Tess. How long does she have left?"
"I don't know." Anticipating the next question Tess held up her hand. "Only the Father knows everything. I'm just his angel, and at the moment there are too many factors influencing Tracy's length of life. One of them is, by the way, if she can be reconciled with you."
Mary released herself from Paul's arm and turned to Tess, "You said, that this man is an angel, too. Right?"
Tess smiled warmly, "Yes Mary, Andrew is an angel, too. But I think you should know that he is a special kind of angel."
"What do you mean?" Tracy's father asked, but Tess could tell by the sound of his voice that he already knew the answer.
"Andrew will be the angel who will take your daughter to heaven. He is her Angel of Death."
Mary fell sobbing into Paul's arms again. "No!!"
Paul looked shocked at Tess; "Does she know about him?"
"Yes, Tracy knows who Andrew is. They met each other a year ago in the hospice. She and Andrew got to be really good friends and that is what she needs right now. Friends, or even better, a family who will help her through that difficult time!"
Part 3
In the meantime in Tracy's apartment:
Andrew opened the door and led Tracy inside. Tracy sat down on the couch, her head rested on her knees and her arms were wrapped around her legs. She had cried the whole way home and she couldn't stop crying even now. The look on her mother's face and the angry sound of her voice were too painful.
Andrew sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. With the other hand, he stroked her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear, when she leaned her head against his shoulder, "Shhh ... it's okay sweetie. I promise you, Tess will get through to your parents!"
"Why didn't she give me a chance to say why I came??" she sobbed.
"I don't know. Sometimes, humans are too busy with their own hurt feelings, their anger about something that happened a long time ago, that they just can't see when someone is in trouble and needs their help instead of their anger. Tracy, believe me when I say that your mom and dad loves you!
Every parent feels that!"
"Are you going to excuse them?" Tracy got a little bit angry.
Andrew shook his head, "No! I'm not going to excuse anyone. The way they treat you isn't right! All I want to say is that usually, children and parents have different wishes for the future. This often causes problems. Your dad wanted you to become a lawyer and you chose to become a nurse instead. Right?"
Tracy nodded slowly. Her sobbing had gotten quieter and almost stopped by the sound of Andrew's voice. "Tracy, it's okay, that you followed your dreams. That's what God wanted you to do… to use the gifts of compassion and love, that he gave you, to help others and I know you do this! But it meant for you dad, that you destroyed one of his biggest dreams. I'm not saying that you should have followed your dad's dream, that wouldn't have been right. All I want is to show you WHY your parents got so angry. Somehow it is understandable that they felt hurt, but they should have overcome that. They should have talked with you about the whole thing."
"They ... they tried to talk with me, but ..."
"... But you refused to talk; instead you started to get angry too and chose to leave. Right?" Andrew finished for her with a compassionate and calming voice.
"They didn't listen to my arguments, instead they told me all kind of reasons why I should become a lawyer. I ... I couldn't stand it anymore."
"One word led to another and none of you three really listened to the words. It often happens like this. Everybody tries to convince the other of his own opinion without listening to their arguments. Tracy, you and your parents both made some mistakes, but you took the first step in the right direction, today ..." Andrew stopped and listened to another voice and a smile appeared on his face, when he looked back at Tracy, who gazed curiously at the angel. "... and like it seems that there are some other people who have made a first step too."
Andrew smiled and pushed Tracy towards the door. "Go ahead, open the door."
Tracy hesitantly walked to the door and opened it. Outside stood her mother and father together with the angel, Tess.
"Tracy dearest, can you ever forgive us?" Mary's eyes were full of tears.
Tracy took a step backward to invite them all to come in. Then she glanced at Andrew who nodded encouragingly. "Yes, yes I think so." Tracy was still hurting and she showed it.
Mary quickly stepped inside and hugged her daughter. Then she cast a suspicious glance at the angel that would take her daughter away from her. She took a small step back so that she could have a better look at her daughter. She looked awfully pale. Why hadn't she seen that when Tracy had come by that afternoon? "Are you alright, dear?" She asked.
Tracy could not help to smile. "Mommy, I'm fine."
Paul had also stepped through the door. He too was throwing suspicious glances at Andrew. "You can stop pretending, Tracy. We know the truth."
Tracy glanced at her parents. "Well, I'm fine under the circumstances. I'm not going to die today you know." She glanced at Andrew and Tess, who had walked in and now stood beside him. "Would you like something to drink? You could at least sit down for a while."
Mary and Paul took a seat in the sofa while Tess and Andrew disappeared into the kitchen. No sooner had they disappeared than Mary leaned closer to Tracy. "Doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable with him around you?" and she nodded in Andrew's direction.
Tracy laughed. "No mother, it doesn't. It would have a year ago, but since then I have learned to trust him as a very good friend."
Paul reached out and took his daughter's hand. "Tracy, can you forgive me?"
Tracy gazed into her father's eyes and nodded. "Yes daddy, I forgave you a long time ago. It's just that I'm just as stubborn as you are - or maybe twice as stubborn since I think I've inherited the stubbornness from both of you."
The whole family laughed. "Yes, I can remember when you were three and thought you could do everything by yourself." Mary said.
"Honey, has the doctor said anything about how long?" Paul anxiously asked.
Tracy shook her head. "No, he said that the disease is growing faster than expected, so that he no longer can make a prognosis."
At that time Tess and Andrew appeared with trays laden with food and drink. Tracy made big eyes, because she knew that she didn't have that much food in the house, and there were things on that tray that she didn't even think you could buy in her town.
"Where ... where did you find that?" Tracy asked full of surprise.
But Andrew only glanced with a quick smile at Tess and replied, "You could say we have some ... special connections. You remember?"
Tracy and Tess laughed, "Sure, how could I forget that." Even her parents had to smile a little bit to at the angel's comment.
Tess and Andrew sat down too. Andrew sat next to Tracy, and Tess sat on the couch by Mary and Paul. They talked a lot over the next few hours. For the first time in years, Tracy told her parents WHY she decided to become a nurse and they really listened and tried to understand it. And on the other hand her parents told her WHY they were so hurt by her choice. Both sides felt relieved after they had spoken about it! It was as if a cloud that had hung over them for years now disappeared and the sunshine came back.
Part 4
It was a long conversation between them. During that time, Andrew could see that Tracy's parents still didn't seem to feel comfortable with him in the room. It hurt him, but somehow he could understand them. He was the one who would take their child away from them, now when they had just found her again.
Tracy had known Andrew long enough to see that something bothered him, as she looked into his deep green eyes. In that moment, she also noticed the glances from her parents at him and now she knew what was wrong. She remembered that Roger once told her, how deeply it hurt Andrew, when people saw him as the Grim Reaper and the looks that her parents gave him ... it wasn't hard to know what was wrong.
"Why did you start to work in a hospice? Isn't that a sad thing, to see so many dying people?" her mom asked with a careful glance at Andrew. Mary didn't feel comfortable talking about this with *him* around, but the question was out, before she realized what she had asked.
Tracy shook her head. "No, it's something beautiful, a privilege, to work there." When Tracy saw that her mom shook her head in disbelief, she continued, "At first, it was sad, because it reminded me everyday that I was going to die, too. Somehow, I thought I would get used to that thought, that it maybe could help me to deal with it. And it did. I met a really nice guy there. His name was Roger. He had ALS. I came to him and we talked. He seemed so different from the other patients, I couldn't explain it. Roger told me a lot about life and death. We got to be really good friends." And with a smile at Andrew she added, "It was also then, that I met Andrew. We three spent a lot of time together and this helped Roger and me a lot!" Andrew gave her a gentle smile and put his hand on her hand. "I don't regret my decision. It was the best I have ever made," Tracy continued.
Tracy could see that new tears now appeared in her mother's eyes. She didn't feel comfortable with the topic of death and dying. It hurt her mother too much to think that she was going to lose her child.
"Do you always hang around dying people? Can't you wait until their time comes!" she yelled at Andrew with anger in her voice as she saw how he reacted to Tracy's last sentences.
Everybody was shocked over the abrupt change of mood, but Andrew had waited the whole time for that moment. He knew that this would happen. He shook his head sadly; "No Ma'am, but I like to spend my time with my friends!"
Andrew stood up and walked slowly over to Mary and knelt in front of her. His eyes were full of compassion, when he took Mary's hand in his. "Mary, look at me! I know you think I'm the Grim Reaper, a creature that loves to sit around, waiting to catch your child and take her away from you." Andrew sighed heavily; he hated that picture, that humans have about him and all other Angels of Death. It made his job only harder. "I'll tell you something! I'm NOT such a creature! I didn't give your daughter that disease, and neither did God. It's a disease, nothing more and nothing less. This disease is going to kill your daughter, not me and not God! God loves Tracy as so much as He loves you! Believe me, if there were anything I could do that would change Tracy's fate, I would do it!!! But I can't! All I can do is to stay with her through that difficult time. Usually, I meet the people in their last hours, but sometimes I meet them earlier and we get to be good friends, like Tracy and I have done. I promise you, I won't hurt your little child, and I will be at her side, when you can't anymore. That's all that I can do and it's all that will be necessary. The rest is up to God."
Andrew started to softly stroke Mary's hair when her tears flowed down. "I ... I'm sorry, that I yelled at you," she sobbed. Andrew was right, he wasn't the Grim Reaper. All she needed to do was to look into his eyes, to see that he spoke the truth. "It's just ..." she couldn't finish.
Andrew smiled at her, when he lifted her chin with his hand, "It's just that it hurts too much: to know that your child is dying, to see me and to know why I'm here, to remember about the years, when you didn't speak to each other, ... right?"
Mary nodded slowly and cried harder. Andrew put both of his arms around her and held her tightly. "Shhh, .... it's okay. I'm not angry with you. I understand it and I forgive you."
Two months later, Tracy was still working, but only part time. Her parents had accepted her need to work on in the hospice and they had also respected her wish to be admitted to the hospice when she no longer could cope by herself. Her mother had moved in with Tracy and, though she was never quite comfortable with Andrew, she said nothing and accepted his visits. Slowly she began to find what Tracy already had found – strength through Andrew's strength and compassion.
Part 5
There was just an hour left of Tracy's shift at the hospice when Andrew appeared. Whenever he came during one of Tracy's shifts, he always let her know and also showed her for whom he was there. This time is was a young man, John, who had a brain tumor. Tracy did her best to help, but John was bitter and it was hard for them all. Wearily she went to her locker to change her clothes. She was so tired these days, she barely had the strength to put on her jacket. She dragged herself up and out of the building and would have collapsed on the ground hadn't it been for a pair of strong arms that caught her and gently sat her down on the steps of the hospice. She looked up and gazed into Andrew's worried eyes.
"I came by to give you a greeting from John and a thank you. He really appreciated what you did - even if he didn't show it then. He understood afterwards that he had acted like a jerk. How are you Tracy?" The anxiety in Andrew's voice was clearly discernible.
"I'll be fine Andrew. It's just that it's been such a tough day, and then John's death on top of it all." Tracy tried to sound brave.
Andrew gave her a long searching look. "There are some things that you can't hide from an Angel of Death, you know. You must take it easy Tracy, or I might be forced to come early for you. Right now I suggest that we go back inside and you ask the doctor to have a look at you." It hurt him to see his friend like this, and yet he knew it would get worse before he could take her Home.
"I have an appointment tomorrow anyway, can't it wait till then?" Tracy pleaded.
"Yes, maybe, but no work tomorrow then." Andrew tried to be stern.
At that moment Tess came cruising by in her red convertible. She pulled in to the curb and came out to help Andrew get Tracy into the passenger seat.
Mary tried to be brave, for her daughter's sake when she opened the door for Tracy. Tracy was more or less carried in by the two angels.
Mary took an opportunity and pulled Andrew aside. "How long does she have?"
Andrew gravely looked at her. "I don't know Mary, but I can see that the time is getting short."
Mary gasped and a tear trickled down her cheek. Then she grasped Andrew's hand and gazed in his eyes. "Thank you, Andrew. I never though I would be saying this, but I really appreciate you being here."
Inspite of everything Andrew had to laugh. "Thank you Mary, I appreciate that."
Andrew followed Mary into Tracy's room. Tess had led her to her bed and Tracy was glad to lie down. It had been a hard day and she was really tired. All she wanted right now was to sleep. Tess was covering her with a blanket, when Andrew and Mary entered the room.
"Honey, are you okay?" Tracy's mother walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. She could see, that Andrew was right, that her daughter's time was growing short.
Tracy smiled, "I'm fine mom, really. It was just a hard day. That's all. Let me get some sleep and you will see that I will be fine."
"I will call a doctor," Mary said and looked worriedly from Andrew to Tracy.
"No, mom! Please, that won't be necessary! I have an appointment tomorrow. I will be fine, really," Tracy pleaded. She didn't like the idea, that she needed a doctor. She knew it was childish, but it was the way she felt. When she looked into the faces of her mother, Tess and Andrew, she could see their concern, compassion and love for her and she wanted to be brave in their presence.
Mary knew how stubborn her daughter could be and she didn't want to get in a fight with her, "Okay Honey, call me when you need something. We are in the next room. Okay?"
Tracy nodded curtly. Tess gave her a cheerful smile, before she put her arm around Mary and led her out of the room.
"Andrew? Please, wait a minute," Tracy called when Andrew turned around to follow Tess and Mary.
He turned back to Tracy and smiled at her, and sat down on the edge of her bed. "What's the matter?"
Tracy had a hard time to ask what she wanted to ask. She had never had any problem to talk with Andrew about death and dying, but this time was it different. She would have lied if she had said that she wasn't afraid of the answer.
Andrew saw that she hesitated. He knew what she wanted to ask him. "Tracy," he started softly and gently pushed a few hairs away from her forehead, "you know you can talk with me about EVERYTHING."
"I know, but this time, I'm not sure if I really want to hear the answer,"
Tracy looked away. It was too embarrassing to admit that.
Andrew smiled compassionately at her and said with a soothing voice, "You want to know if this is it? If your time has come, right?"
Tracy nodded, "I think, I already know the answer to that. I can feel that there won't be many more days for me here on earth."
The angel nodded, "Yes, you haven't much time left anymore, but I can't tell you how many days are left, because I don't know. But I promise you that you won't be alone! Okay? I will be by your side, whenever you will need me."
"Thank you," Tracy replied weakly, before she fell asleep.
Part 6
Andrew walked silently to the door and turned off the light. When he reached the living room, he saw that Tess held Tracy's mother in her arms and was letting her cry.
When Mary heard Andrew come into the room, she looked up and asked, "How is she doing?"
"She is sleeping right now."
"I ... I can't stand this anymore," Mary sobbed "To see her each morning walking out of that door and to ask myself if I will see her again. Today, you brought her home, but what will happen tomorrow or the day after tomorrow or next week??!!"
Tess gave Andrew a sad look and Andrew replied with the same look and shook his head. "It's okay, baby," Tess tried to calm Mary down. "We know that this is a hard time for you and God knows this, too. He will give you the strength to get through this." Tess pulled Mary a little bit away so that she could look into her eyes, "I have an idea. What would you say, if Andrew and I stayed with you both during the night?"
A thin smile, behind all the tears, appeared on Mary's face. "Would you do that? I would really love it."
This time, it was Andrew who sat next to Mary. "Sure, we would! That's what's angels are for. To stay with you through difficult times."
Tracy slept the next few hours. Tess woke her up for supper, but she insisted that Tracy stayed in her bed and Tracy was too tired to start an argument with Tess. Beside, Andrew had already told her about Tess and that she shouldn't start to argument with her. There was no chance to win!
Mary was too anxious over Tracy to go to bed. She sat in the living room in front of the television, but the pictures flickered by without her seeing them. Tess went in and sat with Tracy. The two angels agreed that it would feel better for Mary if Tess sat with Tracy and Andrew with Mary. When Andrew saw that Mary had gone to sleep, he covered her with a blanket.
Tracy slept all night, but she still felt tired when she woke up. She could smell coffee brewing so she assumed it was morning, but she was just as tired as if she had only slept a couple of hours.
When she came out of her room she was greeted with a 'good morning' from three voices. She peered a little closer and saw that Tess and Andrew was there still. "Good morning. What are you guys doing here?"
It was Tess who answered. "We just stayed on to keep your mother company last night. And now since we are here anyway, we could give you a lift to your appointment with your doctor."
Normally she would have declined the offer, but today she was so tired that she gratefully accepted. "Thank you guys. I really appreciate it."
Tracy's mother also insisted on coming with her daughter to the doctor.
Tess and Andrew kept Mary company in the waiting room while Tracy was with the doctor. After a while the door opened and the nurse asked the three of them to enter the doctor's examination room. Tracy sat in a chair and they could all see that she was crying.
The doctor thought it a little odd that Tracy also wanted her two friends to hear what he had to say, not only the mother, but it was her wish. He motioned them to sit down. He had trouble looking them in the eyes. This was such unpleasant news, and he always hated these situations.
"You know that Tracy's illness had progressed much faster than I anticipated. Well, it has in fact progressed even faster than I though last time. I definitively think that Tracy needs to go to that hospice as a patient now. I have told Tracy this. I understand that she would rather keep on working, but I feel it is necessary for her to get full time rest now. Otherwise everything will happen very fast." He had problems with the word death. He just could not say it. He had sworn an oath to save lives, not to see people die. Death always made him feel uncomfortable. 'What was it with that guy, Andrew? He looked so familiar. Where had he seen him before?' "I have spoken to the hospice and they have a room ready for her today. I am sorry."
Mary got pale and started to cry too. "No, please! There must be something you can do!!! Please!!!" she pleaded when she took her daughter in her arms. Tess took both, Tracy and Mary, in her arms and tried to comfort them.
But the doctor shook his head, "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry! I wish I could do something, believe me. But there isn't anything I can do anymore." He hated i to tell them this. It broke his heart to see mother and daughter like this and how Tess tried to help them. She led mother and daughter out of the room and to her car.
As Andrew followed them, he turned around to say 'Thank you' to the doctor.
Part 7
Dr. Hoyer looked sadly at Andrew, "Believe me, I wish I could do something ... ."
"I believe you. It's in God's hands now and this is the very best place to be," Andrew answered with a soft voice. He remembered the man in front of him. One year ago, he was sent to take his wife Home. She too had died from Leukemia.
When Dr. Hoyer heard Andrew's last words and when he looked into the angel's compassionate eyes, he remembered WHY that guy looked so familiar. His eyes grew wide in that moment. "YOU!!! I know who you are!!!" he shouted out, when he recognized the strange guy. "You are the Angel of Death!!!"
"Yes, I am," Andrew answered with a gentle smile.
"You are here for Tracy. Right?" The shock was still written in his face.
"Yes, I'm here for her, but not like you think. At the moment, I'm here as her friend, nothing more. But you are right, there isn't much time until I have to take her Home." Andrew took a step towards the doctor.
The doctor's eyes filled with tears, "Like you took my Tiffany?"
Andrew nodded and put a hand on the man's shoulder. "Yes."
"Why?? Why does she have to die??? Tracy is such a nice woman!!! Why does she have to die. ... Why did Tiffany have to die?"
"I don't know!" Andrew replied sadly. It was a question he often asked himself when he got a new assignment like that.
"What kind of God is that?"
Andrew smiled at the man, "A loving God! Tom, God loves you so much. He also loves Tracy and He loves Tiffany, believe me!!! He didn't want them to die that way!!! That disease let them die, not God. But He promise that He will be with Tracy when it happens, like He was with Tiffany and also like He will be with you when your time will come!"
It felt strange for Tracy to be a patient in the place where she had used to work, but she was so tired that she was glad for the rest and the help.
Mary spent most of the days with Tracy at the hospice and she came to appreciate what the staff did for the patients. She also saw many patients who got very little or no visits. She noticed how much it meant to those lonely people when a nurse sat down to talk for a while. So when Tracy slept Mary began to walk around the other patients and talk to them. She even began to appreciate talking to them. It was from them that she heard just how much her daughter had meant to the hospice and the patients.
Andrew dropped by just about every day to say hello to Tracy. It gave Tracy comfort to see him turn up leisurely dressed in jeans; he came as her friend. One fine summer day when Andrew had turned up Tracy asked if he could help her out into the garden. She had been cooped up in her hospice room for weeks now and she wanted to smell the grass, feel the wind and hear the birds one last time. Andrew was happy to help her. He seated her in a wheelchair and tucked a blanket around her, and then he wheeled her outside. Tracy and Andrew had the moment to themselves. Mary had taken the opportunity to go shopping.
"Andrew, I know you must be tired of me asking these questions, but I feel myself get weaker with every passing day and I can't help being a little bit apprehensive."
"Tracy, I understand, but I assure you that once you are there - in that moment - you will see that it is as I have told you. There is nothing to be afraid of." Andrew's voice was gentle.
Andrew took a few steps over to the nearest border and picked a rose. He smelled it and then he gave it to Tracy. She too smelled the rose. Gratefully she inhaled the delicate perfume in deep breaths. At that moment life was so sweet and so beautiful that tears sprung to her eyes.
Andrew placed his hand over hers and sat down on his heels so that he could look her in the eyes. "Tracy, the beauty that you experience here today on earth is there too. Heaven is so beautiful that you can't even begin to imagine how beautiful it is."
Tracy nodded and smiled a pale smile.
Part 8
Later that day when Tracy was back in her bed sleeping and Mary had returned to her daughter's side, Andrew came and sat down beside her. "Mary, it is time for you to call Paul and get him up here this evening."
Mary's heart sank deeply, when she saw the concern and pain in Andrew's eyes. She knew that this moment would come, but now that it happened... . "You ... you mean, that .... " she couldn't finish that sentence, it was too painful for her.
Andrew nodded slowly and put a comforting hand on Mary's shoulder. "Yes. I just got the word that I have to take her Home this evening."
Tear's appeared in Mary's eyes, "Can't ... can't you give her some more days? Please Andrew, you are her friend!"
"Mary, you know that I have no influence. I wish I would have, believe me!"
Mary knew that Andrew was right, but she had to try. "Will she be in pain, when it happens?"
Andrew smiled and shook his head. "No, she won't feel any pain. I promise you!"
Tracy's mother nodded and stood slowly up to call her husband.
Paul needed almost an hour through the city before he arrived at the hospice. When he entered Tracy's room, he saw that his wife sat in a chair next to Tracy's bed. Tess was at her side talking with her.
Tracy was still sleeping. She didn't know what had happened during the last hour, but she woke up when she heard the voice of her father. Tracy had problems staying awake, she was too sleepy, but she was awake when she saw the face of her mother and also that Tess and her Dad were there. "Mom? Dad? What's wrong? What happened?"
Her mother took her hand, "Honey, Andrew was here one hour ago. He told me to call your dad."
Tracy got pale when she heard that. With a pleading look, she searched for Tess' eyes in the hope that her guess was wrong. But Andrew appeared in the room, before Tess' could say anything. He wore a white suite and was surrounded by a beautiful warm light. Everybody in the room could feel the peace, love and comfort that radiated from him.
Tracy could feel how her fear slowly disappeared, when Andrew walked to the other side of her bed and looked right into her eyes. He smiled gently at her and Tracy could see so much compassion in his eyes, like she had never seen before in her life. Tracy relaxed immediately when Andrew softly stroked over her cheek with the back of his hand.
"You are *job-related* here for me. Right?" Tracy asked slowly.
Andrew nodded, "Yes, I am, but I'm also still your friend and I will ever be. But it's time for you now to come Home."
Tracy looked back at her parents. Her mother had stopped crying, after Andrew had appeared. The peace that filled the room was too influential for her to still be crying. "Mom, Dad? I love you both! I thank God that we found each other again!" she said weakly. It was hard for her to keep her eyes open.
"We love you too, Honey!" Paul and Mary replied with a sad smile at the same time and stroked their daughter's hair.
Tracy could feel that it was only a matter of seconds. It was a strange feeling to get so sleepy and to know that she wouldn't wake up in her body again. She turned her head to Andrew and smiled at him. "Do you remember, that you told me ... that I would be more ready when the time ... would come?" And when Andrew nodded, she continued with a whispering voice, "You were right. I ... I'm not ... afraid .... anymore."
"I know," Andrew replied softly. He took her hand and sighed with relieve. "Tracy, I want you to relax. Don't fight against it anymore. It's time for you to get some rest. I promise you, you won't feel any pain. Just let go and sleep."
Tracy got so sleepy by Andrew's soothing voice. It wasn't hard for her to do what he told her.
Mary fell in Paul's arms when she saw that her daughter's breathing stopped. They both cried hard and Tess took them in her arms, like she did in the doctor's office few weeks ago.
Part 9
Tracy opened her eyes. She saw Andrew surrounded by the most beautiful light she could ever have imagined. He was smiling and offering her his hand.
She took it and he helped her to her feet. It felt so good to be able to stand on her own two feet again. She smiled back at Andrew and thanked him. Right now she wanted to laugh and dance. She was so happy. She wasn't tired anymore. Andrew carefully turned her around so that she could see. She saw her lifeless body lying on the bed and her parents crying their hearts out in Tess' arms. How could she have been so selfish to feel happiness when it meant their grief? She turned to Andrew with the question on her lips, but he seemed to understand what she was thinking.
Andrew bent down slightly so that his eyes were parallel with Tracy's. "Tracy, your parent's don't want to stand between you and your happiness, not in life and not in death. It is your time to move on. They will come after one day, but right now the Father is waiting for you. You have some friends waiting for you too. This is the time for you to be completely, perfectly happy. Don't deny yourself that. Your parents are in good hands and you know that God will always look after them."
Tracy nodded. She knew these things, but this was a new experience and quite frankly, she hadn't really thought that this was going to happen until this afternoon. She realized that there was one thing she wanted to do before leaving with Andrew. She looked up on him and queried. "Can I go over and give them a last kiss before we leave?"
Andrew smiled and nodded. "Of course you can."
Tracy walked round the bed. She could see that Tess could see her so she placed a hand on Tess' shoulder and said "Thank you." Tess nodded and smiled at her. Then Tracy bent down and kissed her father and then her mother. To both of them she said, "I love you" as she kissed them Then she walked back to Andrew. She looked at them one last time. "They don't look as sad now as they did before, Andrew."
Andrew smiled happily at her. "That's because you touched their hearts, reminding them of that a part of you will always be there." With that Andrew pointed at a point behind Tracy.
Tracy turned around to see what Andrew was pointing at. She gasped with pure joy when she saw the light. She knew she belonged in that light and now she wanted nothing else but to be part of that light.
As Tracy and Andrew walked into the light she felt it fill her with joy and love, and when the Father had embraced her welcoming her Home she was also filled with peace. Had she been asked to describe how she felt and what she saw she would have said she had no words with which to describe it with. This was something you had to experience yourself.
"There are some people I want you to meet Tracy." Andrew said.
With that they were in a new place. Tracy saw Roger sitting together with a woman she had not seen before. Tess was also there together with a couple of other angels that she had not met either.
Roger looked up. "Hi Tracy, welcome Home. Tracy this is Nancy. Nancy this is Tracy." He smiled with his whole face and gave her a big hug.
Nancy also gave her a big hug and welcomed her home.
Tess took Tracy to her bosom. "Welcome Home, Baby. I want you to meet Monica and Adam."
Tracy shyly said 'hi' to the two angels. Now she could also see that a dinner was prepared and the table was set for seven people. At that moment Tracy felt like the happiest person on earth - sorry in heaven. She had come Home.
The End
by Anna Hulterstroem and Grit Kaerst
Tracy walked through a park. It was spring and this was the first warm day since the long winter. The first birds sang in the sunshine and the first flowers had appeared.
It had now been almost a year since Tracy met Roger, the paramedic with ALS. Tracy worked in a hospice and he moved in there when he learned that he hadn't much time left. She made friends with him after she told him that she was dying, too. He tried to help her lose her fear.
It was also almost a year ago that she met Andrew, the Angel of Death. She had already met him before she met Roger, but she never knew who he was until Roger told her about an angel who stays with dying persons and helps them and that that angel was one of his best friends. Andrew visited Roger often in the hospice and it didn't take long until the three of them became good friends. When Roger had died, it was the last time she had seen Andrew. Somehow she was a little bit upset about this, but deep in her heart she knew that he would come if she needed his friendship.
The last year had passed by so quickly that it frightened her a little bit. But Tracy enjoyed the time she worked in the hospice. She told a lot of patients there about her friend, Andrew. And she could see the peace that her sharing of that knowledge gave some of them.
Tracy reached a bench and sat down. A few tears appeared in her eyes. One year ago, the doctors told her that she had leukemia and that she was going to die, but that she still would have 2 or 3 years before it would happen. Tracy had been for a check up a week ago and now she had gotten the results of the blood tests. Her doctor told her, that the disease was growing faster than expected and the he couldn't tell her anymore how much time she would have left.
At the moment, she wished that Roger or Andrew could be by her side, because she needed someone to talk to right now. It wasn't that she was afraid of death anymore, but it was still a shock to her that her time was shorter then she always thought it would be. She didn't know how to tell her parents. There was so much she wanted to finish before she had to go.
It was a familiar soft male voice that brought her back from her train of thought, "Hello Tracy!"
When Tracy looked up, she couldn't believe what she saw. It was Andrew!
"Oh, Andrew! I'm so glad to see you," Tracy sobbed.
Andrew sat down on the bench beside her and put his arm around her. "Tracy, what's wrong?"
For a moment Tracy felt a little embarrassed. He was after all the Angel of Death, and here she was felling sorry for herself that she was going to die.
It was as if Andrew could feel how she was feeling, because he squeezed her shoulder a little and looked into her eyes. "Tracy, you can tell me everything you know, even things that you find awkward to say to me. I have heard a lot in my time and there are not many things that make me embarrassed."
Tracy still hesitated. It was awkward to have to tell him. "Sorry Andrew, but you are right it is embarrassing. I received the results of last week´s check up today. The cancer is growing faster than the doctor had anticipated. Andrew, I don't want to die now!"
Andrew hugged her reassuringly. "I know sweetie. It's a natural feeling. After all, God gave you life and a will to live. I would have been more embarrassed if you said that you wanted to die right now."
Tracy smiled wanly "Thank you Andrew, you really do know how to make a person feel better, don't you?" She relaxed against him and sighed.
Andrew smiled back. "Tracy, God gave you life and a will to live. I'm just glad that you have not let go of that will yet. - You'll see that you will feel more ready when the time comes. Now tell me Tracy, is there anything else that you need help with?"
Tracy leaned back so that she could stare at him. 'Could angels read minds?' she mused. "Can you read my mind, Andrew? As a matter of fact, there is. My parents, I need to tell my parents. They weren't too happy when I chose to be a nurse, and they were even less happy when I chose to work in a hospice. In fact they were so unhappy about it that we broke off all contact. They don't know that I have cancer."
"Do they live here in town? I'll gladly go with you, you know." Andrew's voice was grave, but full of promise.
"No, but it's not far, just an hour by car."
"Okay, that shouldn't be a problem," Andrew smiled cheerful at her. "I can give you a ride, if you like."
"You have a car?" Tracy was a little bit confused. Why should an angel need a car?
The angel laughed as he saw her surprised expression. He shook his head, "No, it's not my car. The car belongs to a friend of mine. Her name is Tess and I think she won't mind lending it to me."
Both Tracy and Andrew stood up and walked to the parking lot. Andrew put his hand on Tracy's back. He could tell that she was still a little bit frightened. He knew it was a difficult time for humans when they got to know that they would only have a short time left on earth. It often got harder for them when they had to tell their families, especially in cases like Tracy's. Andrew wished he could do more for her, but all he could do right now was to offer her his help and comfort.
On the way to her parent's home, Tracy and Andrew didn't talk much. Tracy was too deep in her thoughts and Andrew gave her that time to remember about the time when she and her parents broke up. He saw some tears appearing in her eyes from time to time, and every time when it happened he put a comforting hand on her shoulder and gave her an understanding, gentle smile.
Tracy was glad, that Andrew was with her. His presence helped her a lot, even though she knew that the moment was coming when he would have to take her Home. She remembered a conversation that she and Roger had had the evening, after Andrew appeared the first time in Roger's room and told her not to be afraid of death.
[Flashback]
That evening Tracy returned to Roger. "It really happened today, didn't it? I didn't just dream I was hugged and comforted by an angel named Andrew?"
Roger smiled. "Oh, it happened alright. Andrew is very real, and he was here today."
Tracy sat down on Roger's bed. "It doesn't bother you to have the Angel of Death as a friend? I mean to be visited by the very person who will one day kill you?"
Roger's face became grave. "Andrew doesn't kill anybody. The Angel of Death does not set the time for us. Sometimes God does, but often humans have a finger in that too, and this world." Roger saw the disbelief in Tracy's eyes. "I mean human carelessness, self destruction, and so on. Any time during these last six years a speeding car or a drunk driver or something similar could have hit me. That would not have been a time of God's choosing. God didn't give me ALS, but God did give me six good years, which is something VERY uncommon with this disease. All Andrew does is to be there for us when the time comes. We have talked about this once or twice, and it hurts him when people accuse him of being the Grim Reaper. I know it's easy to think like you have just done, but once you learn to know Andrew you'll know it's not true."
[End of Flashback]
She knew that Roger was right, but she still had gotten a sick feeling in the stomach when she saw Andrew, then. It confused her, because at on one hand, she loved Andrew very much. He was the best friend she had ever had, except Roger of course On the other hand ... his presence always reminded her that he would come for her one day.
But it was in that car now that she completely understood what Roger had meant, then, when he said it didn't bother him. It didn't bother her anymore, either. She was more than happy to have him by her side right now.
Tracy ceased her train of thought when the car stopped in front of a small white house. It was the house where she grown up.
Andrew turned the engine off and directed his attention to her. "Are you ready?" he asked gently.
"I ... I think, I can't do this, Andrew!" Tracy shook her head slowly.
"But they need to know! Believe me, if you don't tell them," Andrew sighed, "it's going to be harder for you AND for them!"
Tracy knew that he was right, but she still didn't know what to do. "Andrew, I can't just go over there, ring the door and say: 'Hi mom, it's me, Tracy. I'm only here to tell you that I'm going to die!'" New tears appeared in Tracy's eyes and started to run down her face.
Andrew took his right hand and brushed them away, "That's not the way you should tell them and you know that! Tracy, trust in God! I know how hard this is for you and He will help you through that, because He loves you!"
Tracy nodded slowly and opened the door of the car.
She and Andrew walked toward the door and rang the bell. It didn't take long until a woman with short brown hair opened the door. It was Tracy's mother, Mary. It didn't take her long to recognize her daughter. "Tracy????!!!!"
Andrew could see the joy in her eyes seeing her daughter standing in front of her, but it took only few seconds before it vanished and anger, hurt and pain appeared. "What do you want?! I told you two years ago, that you never should come back!! Can't you even listen to me about THAT??... And who is that? Did you also marry without telling us, like you started to work at ... at that PLACE ... without listening to us???!!!"
New tears showed up in Tracy's eyes, caused by the hard words from her mother. "Forget it, Andrew!" she said angrily, "I should have known better!" Tracy turned around and ran sobbing back to the car.
Part 2
Andrew called after her, but she didn't listen to him. Then he turned back to Mary, "At First, I'm not her husband. I'm the only friend she has right now!" It was hard for Andrew to keep his voice quiet and not to show the anger he felt himself about that woman's reaction. "You daughter came to tell you that ..." But Mary closed the door, before he could finish his sentence.
Andrew turned around and hurried after Tracy. He found her sitting in the car, crying her heart out. Andrew got in and put his arm around her shoulders. "Shhh, baby. It will be okay, I promise. Shhh."
Tracy wept in Andrew's arms until she had no more tears left. Finally she stirred and asked Andrew to take her home again. Andrew started the car and drove around the block. There he parked the car and turned to Tracy.
"Tracy, I think it's time that we call in some help."
"Help? What do you mean?" Tracy saw the determination shining in Andrew's eyes and found comfort in that.
"Help, that's what he means."
Tracy turned her head and stared at the ample woman that had appeared out of nowhere. "Where did she come from Andrew?"
Andrew laughed. "Tracy, this is Tess, and she is an angel too – a very persuasive angel, at that. I have no doubt that Tess will be able to convey the message that we failed to deliver today."
Tess walked up to the car and placed a hand on Tracy's arm. "Don't fear baby, trust God and everything will be okay."
The funny thing was, Tracy thought, that this was exactly what she was doing right now. Tess and Andrew were filling her with confidence and reassurance.
Tess turned to Andrew. "Better take her home now Angel Boy. I'll deal with her parents here."
As Andrew drove the car back the same way they had come, Tess set out to work. First she moved into the house next door to Tracy's parents. Mary was intrigued to see the old house next to hers inhabited again and went out to greet the new neighbor. Tess graciously accepted the invitation for dinner.
When Tess appeared for dinner, Mary's husband Paul had returned from work. He was a lawyer, and his whole dream had been for his only child to come and work with him in the family business. Both Mary and Paul greeted Tess cordially, but were of course curious about what had brought Tess to their corner of the world.
"I'm reuniting families." Tess answered with a smile.
Both Mary and Paul jumped as if they had gotten an electrical shock. "But there can't be much work around here, can there?" Mary hesitantly asked.
"Oh, you'd be surprised. There are more ways than one to separate a family." Was Tess' unperturbed answer.
Tess' eyes searched the room and found what she was looking for. She moved across the room to a small cabinet where the only evidence of Tracy's existence still resided. Tess picked up the photograph.
"Pretty girl. Is this your daughter? You must be proud to have such a pretty daughter?" Tess looked admiringly at the photograph.
"Yes, that is our daughter, but she is dead." Paul curtly replied.
"Dead? No she can't be. I saw someone looking just like her leaving here when I arrived." Tess went on.
"No, she is not dead, but she is to us." Mary replied.
"If she knew how you feel about her ..... and she still came here.... Aren't you curious what she was about to tell you?" Tess' voice was full of incredulity.
"I already know what she was going to say. She had gotten married and wanted us to see her husband. He denied it of course. She's no good so she's married a no good." Mary's voice was hard.
Tess shook her head. "If you mean the man that was with her today, then you are quite mistaken. His name is Andrew. I know him very well and he is not married to anyone"
"How can you be so sure about that?" Paul interrupted.
"Very simple. He is an angel, just like me." Tess' voice was gentle as the heavenly light surrounded her.
Mary and Paul took one step back. "What's going on? Who are you?" Paul was frightened and you could hear it in his voice.
"Don't be afraid. I'm an angel sent by God, and so is Andrew. He is the man you saw together with your daughter, Mary. Tracy came here today because she had something very important to say to you, and it's not that she is married. She want's to make peace with you while she is still alive." Tess was more gentle than ever.
"Still alive? What do you mean by 'still alive'?" Paul was skeptical.
"Tracy went against your will when she became a nurse. So, when she was diagnosed one year ago with leukemia she was afraid to tell you right out. She thought that you would blame her choice of occupation. Instead she tried to grapple with all the existential questions all by herself. A part of that was to go and work at the hospice. A year ago she was told that she would have about five years left. Plenty of time to be reconciled with you, she thought. Today the doctor told her that the disease is progressing much faster than he originally thought. She came today to tell you that she is dying."
Tess' words sent Mary sobbing into Paul's arms. "How can we be sure that you tell the truth." Paul queried.
Tess put her arms on her hips and glared at Paul. "Do you question an angel from God, sir? Why don't you phone her and ask? Or better still, go there and comfort her. She needs you now, and believe it or not - you need her." Tess was angry and she showed it.
Paul hung his head. "I'm sorry Tess. How long does she have left?"
"I don't know." Anticipating the next question Tess held up her hand. "Only the Father knows everything. I'm just his angel, and at the moment there are too many factors influencing Tracy's length of life. One of them is, by the way, if she can be reconciled with you."
Mary released herself from Paul's arm and turned to Tess, "You said, that this man is an angel, too. Right?"
Tess smiled warmly, "Yes Mary, Andrew is an angel, too. But I think you should know that he is a special kind of angel."
"What do you mean?" Tracy's father asked, but Tess could tell by the sound of his voice that he already knew the answer.
"Andrew will be the angel who will take your daughter to heaven. He is her Angel of Death."
Mary fell sobbing into Paul's arms again. "No!!"
Paul looked shocked at Tess; "Does she know about him?"
"Yes, Tracy knows who Andrew is. They met each other a year ago in the hospice. She and Andrew got to be really good friends and that is what she needs right now. Friends, or even better, a family who will help her through that difficult time!"
Part 3
In the meantime in Tracy's apartment:
Andrew opened the door and led Tracy inside. Tracy sat down on the couch, her head rested on her knees and her arms were wrapped around her legs. She had cried the whole way home and she couldn't stop crying even now. The look on her mother's face and the angry sound of her voice were too painful.
Andrew sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. With the other hand, he stroked her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear, when she leaned her head against his shoulder, "Shhh ... it's okay sweetie. I promise you, Tess will get through to your parents!"
"Why didn't she give me a chance to say why I came??" she sobbed.
"I don't know. Sometimes, humans are too busy with their own hurt feelings, their anger about something that happened a long time ago, that they just can't see when someone is in trouble and needs their help instead of their anger. Tracy, believe me when I say that your mom and dad loves you!
Every parent feels that!"
"Are you going to excuse them?" Tracy got a little bit angry.
Andrew shook his head, "No! I'm not going to excuse anyone. The way they treat you isn't right! All I want to say is that usually, children and parents have different wishes for the future. This often causes problems. Your dad wanted you to become a lawyer and you chose to become a nurse instead. Right?"
Tracy nodded slowly. Her sobbing had gotten quieter and almost stopped by the sound of Andrew's voice. "Tracy, it's okay, that you followed your dreams. That's what God wanted you to do… to use the gifts of compassion and love, that he gave you, to help others and I know you do this! But it meant for you dad, that you destroyed one of his biggest dreams. I'm not saying that you should have followed your dad's dream, that wouldn't have been right. All I want is to show you WHY your parents got so angry. Somehow it is understandable that they felt hurt, but they should have overcome that. They should have talked with you about the whole thing."
"They ... they tried to talk with me, but ..."
"... But you refused to talk; instead you started to get angry too and chose to leave. Right?" Andrew finished for her with a compassionate and calming voice.
"They didn't listen to my arguments, instead they told me all kind of reasons why I should become a lawyer. I ... I couldn't stand it anymore."
"One word led to another and none of you three really listened to the words. It often happens like this. Everybody tries to convince the other of his own opinion without listening to their arguments. Tracy, you and your parents both made some mistakes, but you took the first step in the right direction, today ..." Andrew stopped and listened to another voice and a smile appeared on his face, when he looked back at Tracy, who gazed curiously at the angel. "... and like it seems that there are some other people who have made a first step too."
Andrew smiled and pushed Tracy towards the door. "Go ahead, open the door."
Tracy hesitantly walked to the door and opened it. Outside stood her mother and father together with the angel, Tess.
"Tracy dearest, can you ever forgive us?" Mary's eyes were full of tears.
Tracy took a step backward to invite them all to come in. Then she glanced at Andrew who nodded encouragingly. "Yes, yes I think so." Tracy was still hurting and she showed it.
Mary quickly stepped inside and hugged her daughter. Then she cast a suspicious glance at the angel that would take her daughter away from her. She took a small step back so that she could have a better look at her daughter. She looked awfully pale. Why hadn't she seen that when Tracy had come by that afternoon? "Are you alright, dear?" She asked.
Tracy could not help to smile. "Mommy, I'm fine."
Paul had also stepped through the door. He too was throwing suspicious glances at Andrew. "You can stop pretending, Tracy. We know the truth."
Tracy glanced at her parents. "Well, I'm fine under the circumstances. I'm not going to die today you know." She glanced at Andrew and Tess, who had walked in and now stood beside him. "Would you like something to drink? You could at least sit down for a while."
Mary and Paul took a seat in the sofa while Tess and Andrew disappeared into the kitchen. No sooner had they disappeared than Mary leaned closer to Tracy. "Doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable with him around you?" and she nodded in Andrew's direction.
Tracy laughed. "No mother, it doesn't. It would have a year ago, but since then I have learned to trust him as a very good friend."
Paul reached out and took his daughter's hand. "Tracy, can you forgive me?"
Tracy gazed into her father's eyes and nodded. "Yes daddy, I forgave you a long time ago. It's just that I'm just as stubborn as you are - or maybe twice as stubborn since I think I've inherited the stubbornness from both of you."
The whole family laughed. "Yes, I can remember when you were three and thought you could do everything by yourself." Mary said.
"Honey, has the doctor said anything about how long?" Paul anxiously asked.
Tracy shook her head. "No, he said that the disease is growing faster than expected, so that he no longer can make a prognosis."
At that time Tess and Andrew appeared with trays laden with food and drink. Tracy made big eyes, because she knew that she didn't have that much food in the house, and there were things on that tray that she didn't even think you could buy in her town.
"Where ... where did you find that?" Tracy asked full of surprise.
But Andrew only glanced with a quick smile at Tess and replied, "You could say we have some ... special connections. You remember?"
Tracy and Tess laughed, "Sure, how could I forget that." Even her parents had to smile a little bit to at the angel's comment.
Tess and Andrew sat down too. Andrew sat next to Tracy, and Tess sat on the couch by Mary and Paul. They talked a lot over the next few hours. For the first time in years, Tracy told her parents WHY she decided to become a nurse and they really listened and tried to understand it. And on the other hand her parents told her WHY they were so hurt by her choice. Both sides felt relieved after they had spoken about it! It was as if a cloud that had hung over them for years now disappeared and the sunshine came back.
Part 4
It was a long conversation between them. During that time, Andrew could see that Tracy's parents still didn't seem to feel comfortable with him in the room. It hurt him, but somehow he could understand them. He was the one who would take their child away from them, now when they had just found her again.
Tracy had known Andrew long enough to see that something bothered him, as she looked into his deep green eyes. In that moment, she also noticed the glances from her parents at him and now she knew what was wrong. She remembered that Roger once told her, how deeply it hurt Andrew, when people saw him as the Grim Reaper and the looks that her parents gave him ... it wasn't hard to know what was wrong.
"Why did you start to work in a hospice? Isn't that a sad thing, to see so many dying people?" her mom asked with a careful glance at Andrew. Mary didn't feel comfortable talking about this with *him* around, but the question was out, before she realized what she had asked.
Tracy shook her head. "No, it's something beautiful, a privilege, to work there." When Tracy saw that her mom shook her head in disbelief, she continued, "At first, it was sad, because it reminded me everyday that I was going to die, too. Somehow, I thought I would get used to that thought, that it maybe could help me to deal with it. And it did. I met a really nice guy there. His name was Roger. He had ALS. I came to him and we talked. He seemed so different from the other patients, I couldn't explain it. Roger told me a lot about life and death. We got to be really good friends." And with a smile at Andrew she added, "It was also then, that I met Andrew. We three spent a lot of time together and this helped Roger and me a lot!" Andrew gave her a gentle smile and put his hand on her hand. "I don't regret my decision. It was the best I have ever made," Tracy continued.
Tracy could see that new tears now appeared in her mother's eyes. She didn't feel comfortable with the topic of death and dying. It hurt her mother too much to think that she was going to lose her child.
"Do you always hang around dying people? Can't you wait until their time comes!" she yelled at Andrew with anger in her voice as she saw how he reacted to Tracy's last sentences.
Everybody was shocked over the abrupt change of mood, but Andrew had waited the whole time for that moment. He knew that this would happen. He shook his head sadly; "No Ma'am, but I like to spend my time with my friends!"
Andrew stood up and walked slowly over to Mary and knelt in front of her. His eyes were full of compassion, when he took Mary's hand in his. "Mary, look at me! I know you think I'm the Grim Reaper, a creature that loves to sit around, waiting to catch your child and take her away from you." Andrew sighed heavily; he hated that picture, that humans have about him and all other Angels of Death. It made his job only harder. "I'll tell you something! I'm NOT such a creature! I didn't give your daughter that disease, and neither did God. It's a disease, nothing more and nothing less. This disease is going to kill your daughter, not me and not God! God loves Tracy as so much as He loves you! Believe me, if there were anything I could do that would change Tracy's fate, I would do it!!! But I can't! All I can do is to stay with her through that difficult time. Usually, I meet the people in their last hours, but sometimes I meet them earlier and we get to be good friends, like Tracy and I have done. I promise you, I won't hurt your little child, and I will be at her side, when you can't anymore. That's all that I can do and it's all that will be necessary. The rest is up to God."
Andrew started to softly stroke Mary's hair when her tears flowed down. "I ... I'm sorry, that I yelled at you," she sobbed. Andrew was right, he wasn't the Grim Reaper. All she needed to do was to look into his eyes, to see that he spoke the truth. "It's just ..." she couldn't finish.
Andrew smiled at her, when he lifted her chin with his hand, "It's just that it hurts too much: to know that your child is dying, to see me and to know why I'm here, to remember about the years, when you didn't speak to each other, ... right?"
Mary nodded slowly and cried harder. Andrew put both of his arms around her and held her tightly. "Shhh, .... it's okay. I'm not angry with you. I understand it and I forgive you."
Two months later, Tracy was still working, but only part time. Her parents had accepted her need to work on in the hospice and they had also respected her wish to be admitted to the hospice when she no longer could cope by herself. Her mother had moved in with Tracy and, though she was never quite comfortable with Andrew, she said nothing and accepted his visits. Slowly she began to find what Tracy already had found – strength through Andrew's strength and compassion.
Part 5
There was just an hour left of Tracy's shift at the hospice when Andrew appeared. Whenever he came during one of Tracy's shifts, he always let her know and also showed her for whom he was there. This time is was a young man, John, who had a brain tumor. Tracy did her best to help, but John was bitter and it was hard for them all. Wearily she went to her locker to change her clothes. She was so tired these days, she barely had the strength to put on her jacket. She dragged herself up and out of the building and would have collapsed on the ground hadn't it been for a pair of strong arms that caught her and gently sat her down on the steps of the hospice. She looked up and gazed into Andrew's worried eyes.
"I came by to give you a greeting from John and a thank you. He really appreciated what you did - even if he didn't show it then. He understood afterwards that he had acted like a jerk. How are you Tracy?" The anxiety in Andrew's voice was clearly discernible.
"I'll be fine Andrew. It's just that it's been such a tough day, and then John's death on top of it all." Tracy tried to sound brave.
Andrew gave her a long searching look. "There are some things that you can't hide from an Angel of Death, you know. You must take it easy Tracy, or I might be forced to come early for you. Right now I suggest that we go back inside and you ask the doctor to have a look at you." It hurt him to see his friend like this, and yet he knew it would get worse before he could take her Home.
"I have an appointment tomorrow anyway, can't it wait till then?" Tracy pleaded.
"Yes, maybe, but no work tomorrow then." Andrew tried to be stern.
At that moment Tess came cruising by in her red convertible. She pulled in to the curb and came out to help Andrew get Tracy into the passenger seat.
Mary tried to be brave, for her daughter's sake when she opened the door for Tracy. Tracy was more or less carried in by the two angels.
Mary took an opportunity and pulled Andrew aside. "How long does she have?"
Andrew gravely looked at her. "I don't know Mary, but I can see that the time is getting short."
Mary gasped and a tear trickled down her cheek. Then she grasped Andrew's hand and gazed in his eyes. "Thank you, Andrew. I never though I would be saying this, but I really appreciate you being here."
Inspite of everything Andrew had to laugh. "Thank you Mary, I appreciate that."
Andrew followed Mary into Tracy's room. Tess had led her to her bed and Tracy was glad to lie down. It had been a hard day and she was really tired. All she wanted right now was to sleep. Tess was covering her with a blanket, when Andrew and Mary entered the room.
"Honey, are you okay?" Tracy's mother walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. She could see, that Andrew was right, that her daughter's time was growing short.
Tracy smiled, "I'm fine mom, really. It was just a hard day. That's all. Let me get some sleep and you will see that I will be fine."
"I will call a doctor," Mary said and looked worriedly from Andrew to Tracy.
"No, mom! Please, that won't be necessary! I have an appointment tomorrow. I will be fine, really," Tracy pleaded. She didn't like the idea, that she needed a doctor. She knew it was childish, but it was the way she felt. When she looked into the faces of her mother, Tess and Andrew, she could see their concern, compassion and love for her and she wanted to be brave in their presence.
Mary knew how stubborn her daughter could be and she didn't want to get in a fight with her, "Okay Honey, call me when you need something. We are in the next room. Okay?"
Tracy nodded curtly. Tess gave her a cheerful smile, before she put her arm around Mary and led her out of the room.
"Andrew? Please, wait a minute," Tracy called when Andrew turned around to follow Tess and Mary.
He turned back to Tracy and smiled at her, and sat down on the edge of her bed. "What's the matter?"
Tracy had a hard time to ask what she wanted to ask. She had never had any problem to talk with Andrew about death and dying, but this time was it different. She would have lied if she had said that she wasn't afraid of the answer.
Andrew saw that she hesitated. He knew what she wanted to ask him. "Tracy," he started softly and gently pushed a few hairs away from her forehead, "you know you can talk with me about EVERYTHING."
"I know, but this time, I'm not sure if I really want to hear the answer,"
Tracy looked away. It was too embarrassing to admit that.
Andrew smiled compassionately at her and said with a soothing voice, "You want to know if this is it? If your time has come, right?"
Tracy nodded, "I think, I already know the answer to that. I can feel that there won't be many more days for me here on earth."
The angel nodded, "Yes, you haven't much time left anymore, but I can't tell you how many days are left, because I don't know. But I promise you that you won't be alone! Okay? I will be by your side, whenever you will need me."
"Thank you," Tracy replied weakly, before she fell asleep.
Part 6
Andrew walked silently to the door and turned off the light. When he reached the living room, he saw that Tess held Tracy's mother in her arms and was letting her cry.
When Mary heard Andrew come into the room, she looked up and asked, "How is she doing?"
"She is sleeping right now."
"I ... I can't stand this anymore," Mary sobbed "To see her each morning walking out of that door and to ask myself if I will see her again. Today, you brought her home, but what will happen tomorrow or the day after tomorrow or next week??!!"
Tess gave Andrew a sad look and Andrew replied with the same look and shook his head. "It's okay, baby," Tess tried to calm Mary down. "We know that this is a hard time for you and God knows this, too. He will give you the strength to get through this." Tess pulled Mary a little bit away so that she could look into her eyes, "I have an idea. What would you say, if Andrew and I stayed with you both during the night?"
A thin smile, behind all the tears, appeared on Mary's face. "Would you do that? I would really love it."
This time, it was Andrew who sat next to Mary. "Sure, we would! That's what's angels are for. To stay with you through difficult times."
Tracy slept the next few hours. Tess woke her up for supper, but she insisted that Tracy stayed in her bed and Tracy was too tired to start an argument with Tess. Beside, Andrew had already told her about Tess and that she shouldn't start to argument with her. There was no chance to win!
Mary was too anxious over Tracy to go to bed. She sat in the living room in front of the television, but the pictures flickered by without her seeing them. Tess went in and sat with Tracy. The two angels agreed that it would feel better for Mary if Tess sat with Tracy and Andrew with Mary. When Andrew saw that Mary had gone to sleep, he covered her with a blanket.
Tracy slept all night, but she still felt tired when she woke up. She could smell coffee brewing so she assumed it was morning, but she was just as tired as if she had only slept a couple of hours.
When she came out of her room she was greeted with a 'good morning' from three voices. She peered a little closer and saw that Tess and Andrew was there still. "Good morning. What are you guys doing here?"
It was Tess who answered. "We just stayed on to keep your mother company last night. And now since we are here anyway, we could give you a lift to your appointment with your doctor."
Normally she would have declined the offer, but today she was so tired that she gratefully accepted. "Thank you guys. I really appreciate it."
Tracy's mother also insisted on coming with her daughter to the doctor.
Tess and Andrew kept Mary company in the waiting room while Tracy was with the doctor. After a while the door opened and the nurse asked the three of them to enter the doctor's examination room. Tracy sat in a chair and they could all see that she was crying.
The doctor thought it a little odd that Tracy also wanted her two friends to hear what he had to say, not only the mother, but it was her wish. He motioned them to sit down. He had trouble looking them in the eyes. This was such unpleasant news, and he always hated these situations.
"You know that Tracy's illness had progressed much faster than I anticipated. Well, it has in fact progressed even faster than I though last time. I definitively think that Tracy needs to go to that hospice as a patient now. I have told Tracy this. I understand that she would rather keep on working, but I feel it is necessary for her to get full time rest now. Otherwise everything will happen very fast." He had problems with the word death. He just could not say it. He had sworn an oath to save lives, not to see people die. Death always made him feel uncomfortable. 'What was it with that guy, Andrew? He looked so familiar. Where had he seen him before?' "I have spoken to the hospice and they have a room ready for her today. I am sorry."
Mary got pale and started to cry too. "No, please! There must be something you can do!!! Please!!!" she pleaded when she took her daughter in her arms. Tess took both, Tracy and Mary, in her arms and tried to comfort them.
But the doctor shook his head, "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry! I wish I could do something, believe me. But there isn't anything I can do anymore." He hated i to tell them this. It broke his heart to see mother and daughter like this and how Tess tried to help them. She led mother and daughter out of the room and to her car.
As Andrew followed them, he turned around to say 'Thank you' to the doctor.
Part 7
Dr. Hoyer looked sadly at Andrew, "Believe me, I wish I could do something ... ."
"I believe you. It's in God's hands now and this is the very best place to be," Andrew answered with a soft voice. He remembered the man in front of him. One year ago, he was sent to take his wife Home. She too had died from Leukemia.
When Dr. Hoyer heard Andrew's last words and when he looked into the angel's compassionate eyes, he remembered WHY that guy looked so familiar. His eyes grew wide in that moment. "YOU!!! I know who you are!!!" he shouted out, when he recognized the strange guy. "You are the Angel of Death!!!"
"Yes, I am," Andrew answered with a gentle smile.
"You are here for Tracy. Right?" The shock was still written in his face.
"Yes, I'm here for her, but not like you think. At the moment, I'm here as her friend, nothing more. But you are right, there isn't much time until I have to take her Home." Andrew took a step towards the doctor.
The doctor's eyes filled with tears, "Like you took my Tiffany?"
Andrew nodded and put a hand on the man's shoulder. "Yes."
"Why?? Why does she have to die??? Tracy is such a nice woman!!! Why does she have to die. ... Why did Tiffany have to die?"
"I don't know!" Andrew replied sadly. It was a question he often asked himself when he got a new assignment like that.
"What kind of God is that?"
Andrew smiled at the man, "A loving God! Tom, God loves you so much. He also loves Tracy and He loves Tiffany, believe me!!! He didn't want them to die that way!!! That disease let them die, not God. But He promise that He will be with Tracy when it happens, like He was with Tiffany and also like He will be with you when your time will come!"
It felt strange for Tracy to be a patient in the place where she had used to work, but she was so tired that she was glad for the rest and the help.
Mary spent most of the days with Tracy at the hospice and she came to appreciate what the staff did for the patients. She also saw many patients who got very little or no visits. She noticed how much it meant to those lonely people when a nurse sat down to talk for a while. So when Tracy slept Mary began to walk around the other patients and talk to them. She even began to appreciate talking to them. It was from them that she heard just how much her daughter had meant to the hospice and the patients.
Andrew dropped by just about every day to say hello to Tracy. It gave Tracy comfort to see him turn up leisurely dressed in jeans; he came as her friend. One fine summer day when Andrew had turned up Tracy asked if he could help her out into the garden. She had been cooped up in her hospice room for weeks now and she wanted to smell the grass, feel the wind and hear the birds one last time. Andrew was happy to help her. He seated her in a wheelchair and tucked a blanket around her, and then he wheeled her outside. Tracy and Andrew had the moment to themselves. Mary had taken the opportunity to go shopping.
"Andrew, I know you must be tired of me asking these questions, but I feel myself get weaker with every passing day and I can't help being a little bit apprehensive."
"Tracy, I understand, but I assure you that once you are there - in that moment - you will see that it is as I have told you. There is nothing to be afraid of." Andrew's voice was gentle.
Andrew took a few steps over to the nearest border and picked a rose. He smelled it and then he gave it to Tracy. She too smelled the rose. Gratefully she inhaled the delicate perfume in deep breaths. At that moment life was so sweet and so beautiful that tears sprung to her eyes.
Andrew placed his hand over hers and sat down on his heels so that he could look her in the eyes. "Tracy, the beauty that you experience here today on earth is there too. Heaven is so beautiful that you can't even begin to imagine how beautiful it is."
Tracy nodded and smiled a pale smile.
Part 8
Later that day when Tracy was back in her bed sleeping and Mary had returned to her daughter's side, Andrew came and sat down beside her. "Mary, it is time for you to call Paul and get him up here this evening."
Mary's heart sank deeply, when she saw the concern and pain in Andrew's eyes. She knew that this moment would come, but now that it happened... . "You ... you mean, that .... " she couldn't finish that sentence, it was too painful for her.
Andrew nodded slowly and put a comforting hand on Mary's shoulder. "Yes. I just got the word that I have to take her Home this evening."
Tear's appeared in Mary's eyes, "Can't ... can't you give her some more days? Please Andrew, you are her friend!"
"Mary, you know that I have no influence. I wish I would have, believe me!"
Mary knew that Andrew was right, but she had to try. "Will she be in pain, when it happens?"
Andrew smiled and shook his head. "No, she won't feel any pain. I promise you!"
Tracy's mother nodded and stood slowly up to call her husband.
Paul needed almost an hour through the city before he arrived at the hospice. When he entered Tracy's room, he saw that his wife sat in a chair next to Tracy's bed. Tess was at her side talking with her.
Tracy was still sleeping. She didn't know what had happened during the last hour, but she woke up when she heard the voice of her father. Tracy had problems staying awake, she was too sleepy, but she was awake when she saw the face of her mother and also that Tess and her Dad were there. "Mom? Dad? What's wrong? What happened?"
Her mother took her hand, "Honey, Andrew was here one hour ago. He told me to call your dad."
Tracy got pale when she heard that. With a pleading look, she searched for Tess' eyes in the hope that her guess was wrong. But Andrew appeared in the room, before Tess' could say anything. He wore a white suite and was surrounded by a beautiful warm light. Everybody in the room could feel the peace, love and comfort that radiated from him.
Tracy could feel how her fear slowly disappeared, when Andrew walked to the other side of her bed and looked right into her eyes. He smiled gently at her and Tracy could see so much compassion in his eyes, like she had never seen before in her life. Tracy relaxed immediately when Andrew softly stroked over her cheek with the back of his hand.
"You are *job-related* here for me. Right?" Tracy asked slowly.
Andrew nodded, "Yes, I am, but I'm also still your friend and I will ever be. But it's time for you now to come Home."
Tracy looked back at her parents. Her mother had stopped crying, after Andrew had appeared. The peace that filled the room was too influential for her to still be crying. "Mom, Dad? I love you both! I thank God that we found each other again!" she said weakly. It was hard for her to keep her eyes open.
"We love you too, Honey!" Paul and Mary replied with a sad smile at the same time and stroked their daughter's hair.
Tracy could feel that it was only a matter of seconds. It was a strange feeling to get so sleepy and to know that she wouldn't wake up in her body again. She turned her head to Andrew and smiled at him. "Do you remember, that you told me ... that I would be more ready when the time ... would come?" And when Andrew nodded, she continued with a whispering voice, "You were right. I ... I'm not ... afraid .... anymore."
"I know," Andrew replied softly. He took her hand and sighed with relieve. "Tracy, I want you to relax. Don't fight against it anymore. It's time for you to get some rest. I promise you, you won't feel any pain. Just let go and sleep."
Tracy got so sleepy by Andrew's soothing voice. It wasn't hard for her to do what he told her.
Mary fell in Paul's arms when she saw that her daughter's breathing stopped. They both cried hard and Tess took them in her arms, like she did in the doctor's office few weeks ago.
Part 9
Tracy opened her eyes. She saw Andrew surrounded by the most beautiful light she could ever have imagined. He was smiling and offering her his hand.
She took it and he helped her to her feet. It felt so good to be able to stand on her own two feet again. She smiled back at Andrew and thanked him. Right now she wanted to laugh and dance. She was so happy. She wasn't tired anymore. Andrew carefully turned her around so that she could see. She saw her lifeless body lying on the bed and her parents crying their hearts out in Tess' arms. How could she have been so selfish to feel happiness when it meant their grief? She turned to Andrew with the question on her lips, but he seemed to understand what she was thinking.
Andrew bent down slightly so that his eyes were parallel with Tracy's. "Tracy, your parent's don't want to stand between you and your happiness, not in life and not in death. It is your time to move on. They will come after one day, but right now the Father is waiting for you. You have some friends waiting for you too. This is the time for you to be completely, perfectly happy. Don't deny yourself that. Your parents are in good hands and you know that God will always look after them."
Tracy nodded. She knew these things, but this was a new experience and quite frankly, she hadn't really thought that this was going to happen until this afternoon. She realized that there was one thing she wanted to do before leaving with Andrew. She looked up on him and queried. "Can I go over and give them a last kiss before we leave?"
Andrew smiled and nodded. "Of course you can."
Tracy walked round the bed. She could see that Tess could see her so she placed a hand on Tess' shoulder and said "Thank you." Tess nodded and smiled at her. Then Tracy bent down and kissed her father and then her mother. To both of them she said, "I love you" as she kissed them Then she walked back to Andrew. She looked at them one last time. "They don't look as sad now as they did before, Andrew."
Andrew smiled happily at her. "That's because you touched their hearts, reminding them of that a part of you will always be there." With that Andrew pointed at a point behind Tracy.
Tracy turned around to see what Andrew was pointing at. She gasped with pure joy when she saw the light. She knew she belonged in that light and now she wanted nothing else but to be part of that light.
As Tracy and Andrew walked into the light she felt it fill her with joy and love, and when the Father had embraced her welcoming her Home she was also filled with peace. Had she been asked to describe how she felt and what she saw she would have said she had no words with which to describe it with. This was something you had to experience yourself.
"There are some people I want you to meet Tracy." Andrew said.
With that they were in a new place. Tracy saw Roger sitting together with a woman she had not seen before. Tess was also there together with a couple of other angels that she had not met either.
Roger looked up. "Hi Tracy, welcome Home. Tracy this is Nancy. Nancy this is Tracy." He smiled with his whole face and gave her a big hug.
Nancy also gave her a big hug and welcomed her home.
Tess took Tracy to her bosom. "Welcome Home, Baby. I want you to meet Monica and Adam."
Tracy shyly said 'hi' to the two angels. Now she could also see that a dinner was prepared and the table was set for seven people. At that moment Tracy felt like the happiest person on earth - sorry in heaven. She had come Home.
The End