Paedo-Hunters Direct
Putrid Paedophiles
A Stuart-era man showed up to say, "Paedophilia had been a problem for centuries and Hetalia fangirls just love accusing care-taking countries of being paedophiles."
He pulled the screen to reveal a French father named Francois Bonnefoy, hearing his small son Mathieu screaming. He reacted with horror, and, as he rushed to the boy's room as fast as he could, Arthur Kirkland, off-camera, announced, "Have you heard your little child screaming in the night?"
Kirkland continued, "Enter the child's room to find it in shambles?" as Francois opened the door to reveal his son, sobbing on the floor, the room in shambles.
Mathieu continued to sob as Kirkland explained again, "Child sobbing on the floor?"
As he gazed to the broken window with terror in his heart, Kirkland concluded, "Then your child could have been raped by a paedophile!"
Cut to Arthur Kirkland, an Englishman, next to a stake and surrounded by a bunch of doting fangirls, announcing, "So get in touch with us at Paedo-Hunters Direct! We'll find some innocent person, say he's a paedophile, and have him burned…TO DEATH!"
Arthur then came to a traumatized Francois, cradling his sobbing little boy Mathieu in his arms. The Englishman then explained, "Mathieu Bonnefoy, son of Francois Bonnefoy, appears to have been raped in the night by a paedophile. So he called in Paedo-Hunters."
The next day, Francois appeared to be whispering something into Arthur's ear as Arthur nodded his head.
Arthur then continued, "And we decided the child had been raped by a certain Spaniard named Antonio Fernandez Carriedo." Arthur gazed at the person the fangirls were pointing at. He was indeed Spanish, having brown hair, dark skin, and green eyes. He seemed to be teaching little children how to read.
The rabid fangirls then kidnapped Antonio, who protested along the way.
"Yes, him!" exclaimed Arthur.
"¡No soy un pedófilo!" shouted Antonio in protest.
But Arthur insisted to his fangirls, "Yes, he is! He's Spanish and hangs out with kids and looks a bit evil, don't you think?"
The fangirls all nodded while Antonio angrily shook his head.
As the fangirls dragged Antonio away, Arthur continued, "So we had him dragged away and given a fair trial."
That afternoon, Arthur sat at a desk, while Antonio was standing in front of him. Arthur then asked the Spaniard, "Do you care for children not of your own?"
Antonio responded, "Sí. Mi sobrino. My nephew Lovino."
The Englishman then angrily stood up and cried out to Antonio, "THEN THOU ART A PAEDOPHILE!"
As the fangirls tied Antonio to the stake that evening, Arthur announced, "He was put to death, and his nephew we left homeless."
Arthur then turned to his audience, exclaiming, "So if you suspect your child of being raped, call Paedo-Hunters Direct! We'll find some innocent man, be he French or Prussian, Spanish or Russian, and blame him for it!"
As the fangirls set the pyre on fire, the Englishman gave a really nasty smile as he said, "Paedo-Hunters. Because all Spaniards deserve it!"
As poor Antonio was being slowly consumed by the flames, some small script ran across the screen saying, "In Hetalia fandom, confessing to being a paedophile could result in burning. Not confessing to being a paedophile could result in being tortured until you said you were a paedophile. Then in burning. Not all paedophiles were burned. Other punishments included prison, hanging, beheading, stoning, gas chamber, and the electric chair."
I do not support the idea of Spain being a paedophile. I just think that those fangirls who think that Spain is a paedo are not unlike the Stuart-era witch-hunters of the 1600's. So, por Dios, STOP THIS INSANITY RIGHT NOW!