Note: I realize I haven't put disclaimers on any of my fics so I'm gonna say it now. I don't own Ben 10 AF. If I did, there would be a novel and the movie would be going to theaters.
St. Kevin's Prayer
Gwen cried that night.
The last time she had ever remembered crying was long before she had even went on that stupid, amazing, incredible, life-changing road trip with Ben and Grandpa Max and as many positive effects that adventure had on her, it had just as many negative effects.
Gwen had been the most promising Junior Girl Scout in her troop; she quit the moment she got home, even though her mother was willing to drive her three towns over for meetings. Gwen didn't even bother trying to make new friends at her new school. Well, that wasn't entirely true- she did try. The problem was that every single person she met didn't get it- they didn't get the feeling of belonging to something bigger than themselves, of having a greater purpose, of knowing what it was like to almost die several times over.
If they weren't cousins, people would've thought she and Ben were dating (although some people who knew they were cousins, still thought that). They spent their lunches huddled in the corner whispering about how much they longed for the summer so they could go on adventures once more. Gwen's parents were constantly busy so she would sometimes go to Ben's house to spend the night- they would stay up way past her bedtime watching movies on the Sci-Fi Channel and laughing at the ridiculous ideas some people had about alien life.
They were separated four years later; Ben began attending Bellwood High School and Gwen enrolled in The Bellwood Belles Academy, an all-girls school with a male counterpart right across the street. Although Gwen would never admit it to anyone, least of all herself, the separation from Ben affected her more than she could bear.
But Gwen was not a crier. She was never a crier- except for that night. She had simply walked up the stairs to her room, undressed, tossed her ruined school uniform into her wastebasket, sat down on her computer chair and stared at the window. Whenever she looked at her window, all she could picture was the night she found out about her Anodite heritage; the way Kevin climbed through her window (Ben was there too, but Ben climbed through her window a lot when they were younger). That thought- Kevin climbing through the- Kevin climbing- Kevin- Kevin- was all it took. Gwen stood from her chair, laid down on her bed, dressed only in a bra and panties and began to cry.
At first she didn't make a noise; the tears just fell in big drops from her eyes, but then- slowly, surely- a whimper escaped and then a gasp for air and finally a long moan of anguish that ripped her apart at the seams. Then another that clenched at her stomach and another that tore at her throat and pounded against her head until she began screaming into her pillow, rehashing the terror and adrenaline that had flooded and rampaged through her body only a few hours ago. She shook so severely her teeth shattered and, without knowing what was wrong, Gwen started pulling at her hair and clenching her face, all the while tears flowing from her eyes like blood from an open wound- like the one Kevin had sustained earlier. He'd managed to hide it from Ben, who was still ecstatic about their victory, but Gwen had seen it. It was on the side of his leg and wasn't serious enough to begin with, but neglect and abuse had resulted in a large and unsightly blood spot on his jeans. Gwen had wanted to tell her to take care of it, but she hadn't been able to find the words.
Kevin prayed that night.
His mother was never really a big prayer and his stepfather wasn't either. His stepfather had been the greatest guy; he always tried so hard to ignore what was wrong with Kevin and instead focus on his good qualities. It didn't matter in the long run, though. Kevin still heard those things his mother had said and he still left and he was still alone.
He had actually first prayed inside The Actor's Chapel, when it was raining one day and he snuck in. He caught the tail end of Mass and hung around afterwards as long as he could to dry off a little. It was an older woman who looked like she was 150-years-old (or at least too old to be walking around by herself without a cane or anything for support) who sat down with him and obnoxiously asked if he had found Jesus. This happened when Kevin was a virgin to the ways of surviving on the streets of New York so in the deepest part of his heart, he still believed that there was someone who could love him- who would love him. The idea of an omnipotent being who was on his side enchanted him and that old lady led Kevin in the first prayer of his life- it had been St. Theresa's prayer, Kevin remembered. He had asked if there was a St. Kevin's prayer and the old lady laughed.
Of course, a few weeks took care of any ideas Kevin had of someone caring about him without wanting anything in return.
But that night, when he got back to his garage, filled with tires, tools and all sorts of knick-knacks, without his car, Kevin stopped to think. He sat down in a car and thought about what had happened only a few hours ago. For a moment, he wasn't sure those things had actually happened. After all, one would think that after effectively saving the world he would feel like a completely different person, full of proud and happy thoughts. Except they hadn't even been close to saving the world.
It was too coincidental, Kevin thought. That Ben happened to realize the Omnitrix could help the DNAliens; that Cooper happened to know exactly how to create those lasers; that Dark Star happened to actually help them (although he did run away in the end); that they actually managed to make it to the control tower; that he didn't get killed; that Gwen turned back...
She had thanked him after everything was done and over with, but Kevin knew he wasn't responsible for anything. There was no way that he could've saved her like she claimed. He wasn't strong enough to have saved her or smart enough or lucky enough. Kevin was convinced that some higher power had played a part in helping them out that night, because there was simply no way they could've managed what they did by themselves.
So Kevin prayed.
"Hey, Jesus," Kevin said, looking up at the ceiling for a moment, "So, um… thanks, man. I know you helped us and I just wanted to, you know, say thanks? And, uh… sorry that we haven't, you know, kept up to date."
Kevin knew that Jesus was probably up in Heaven laughing hysterically at his sad, sad attempt at praying.
Kevin made himself a cup of coffee. He wanted to go to sleep, but he couldn't bring himself to- he would dream about the fight they had been in, he knew. He would dream about Gwen almost going crazy, and that was fine, except for the fact that he knew in his dream, she wouldn't change back. She would try to use her power to stop the Highbreed as he begged her to come back, Gwen! Please don't do this, please! and before anything could be done, she would die at her own hand. An accident that could've been prevented if only he hadn't been so weak, if he had begged more, if he had told her he loved her.
Kevin usually put cream (and no sugar) in his coffee. He was out of milk and cream but his hands started shaking so much that he took an overdrawn sip of his drink just the same, hoping it would calm him down somehow. He thought he was fine after having that entirely pathetic and one-sided conversation with God, but no.
The knock on his door startled him so much the coffee flew straight out of his hands and scalded his knees, "Shit!" he grabbed a towel and tried to ease his burning skin. Another knock, "I'm coming! Jesus!" Another knock, faster and more urgent, "Just wait!"
Kevin threw the towel on the ground and mopped up the coffee quickly with his foot. The knocking turned into pounding. This only served to annoy him; he was not in the mood to deal with anyone right now, especially someone who was being impatient with his stupid door. He was tired, sore, freaked out, unable to sleep, burnt, shaking and… was that someone crying?
He stood up straight as the wails on the other side of the door reached his ears. The pounding continued but beneath it was someone in such utter agony and filled with such terror that he started running despite the wound on the side of his leg, his heart pumping more adrenaline than should've been available in his body because of everything that had happened earlier. He tore the door open and-
"Shit," he knelt down in front of the girl curled up on the pavement, "Gwen! Gwen, what's wrong? Gwen!"
She kept her hands up against her face as Kevin gently unfolded her from the fetal position she had been in. Her entire body shook and he realized she was dressed in a sleeping tee and her coat.
"Gwen! Gwen, please, what's wrong?"
She stopped for a moment and lowered her hands the slightest bit. Kevin could barely see her eyes, wide, bloodshot and terrified staring at him.
"You…" even her voice shook, "You… you didn't answer."
"I spilled coffee," his mind was whirling around in his brain as he looked for any signs of injury- had something attacked her in her sleep? Were there renegade DNAliens trying to take revenge? Did some Highbreed not get the message that the war was over? Worst of all… Kevin's blood ran cold. Had someone seen how much he cared about her and…
But she wasn't harmed. Her legs were flawless and beautiful except for the bruises he knew were a result of their earlier battle.
"Inside." He said finally. He helped her stand up and they walked inside. She kept her face covered by her hands. He closed the door and bolted it shut before leaning down to be face to face with her, "What happened?"
"I…" she slowly dropped her hands. Several blood vessels in her face had burst, making her skin swollen and blotchy, "I came to give you back your handkerchief." She reached into the pocket of her coat but didn't extract anything from it, "But… but you didn't answer the door and… and…" her eyes filled with tears but she held her composure, "I'm being stupid. Sorry."
Kevin grabbed her shoulder and put his cool hand to her cheek, "You knew I was in here."
"Yes, but…" Gwen choked, "But you weren't answering and I thought that… that something had…" she took a long breath, "Happened."
Kevin fell to the ground, pulling Gwen with him. She curled into his lap perfectly and began crying once more. His hand shook as he tried to brush her hair in an attempt to soothe her, but it wouldn't obey him. Instead, Kevin just let his hand rest on her back.
Slowly her sobs quieted, morphing into the occasional hiccup and sniffle. He held her, his heart breaking more and more with every violent spasm her body would inadvertently make.
He looked up for a moment and then buried his face in her neck, smelling salt, dirt, blood and apples. He took a deep breath.
He wasn't talented with words. He wouldn't know the right thing to say, he knew this (little did he realize, at that moment anything he said would be the right thing to Gwen). So instead, he just held her until they both fell asleep just as the sun started to rise.
AN: So… I wanted to try and do something a little heavier. I think I did okay, right? In case my readers hadn't noticed, I LOOOOVE making parallels between what Kevin goes through and what Gwen goes through in all of my fics. I figure until I get sick of it or someone else does, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm not very religious myself, so don't think I'm trying to be preachy or anything. What happened is I went to NY last week and visited the Actor's Chapel (neat place even for people who aren't religious) and decided that it would be the sort of place Kevin might've gone during his street urchin days since it tends to be a little dark in the corners (at least it was anytime I went) and would provide shelter and be a safe haven at least for a little bit, if that makes sense. Anyway, yeah. Gwen's always been a really strong character in Alien Force. I figure that sooner or later she's gotta break down, right? Just to make it clear, Gwen coming over is that same night. As always, comments and criticism are welcome!
P.S. For anyone who's curious, St. Kevin's prayer is Thou wast privileged to live in the age of Saints, O Father Kevin, being baptized by one Saint, taught by another and buried by a third. Pray to God that He will raise up Saints in our day to help, support and guide us into the way of salvation.