Waking Nightmare Never Ends
"Look at that which surrounds me, I'm supposed to call this home..The dark has become so overwhelming, so why don't I just go..? "
It has been so long, this existence composed of darkness itself. A life in which dreams are reality, and reality is a dream. A nightmare in which one cannot awaken from. A nightmare known as immortality. I have been on this Earth from the beginning, and I will remain until the end.
Though I am enshrouded by shadows, I am not evil. But what really determines the difference between good and evil? Human perception and nothing more. Darkness is not evil, it simply just has to exist. Without the dark, there is no need for light. Without the dark, light is inexorable. I am here to retain the balance. Not just the balance between light and dark, either. The balance of space and time rests itself in my hands.
The events of Alamos Town have occurred throughout numerous eras. Dialga and Palkia have encountered each continuously throughout history. And every time at every place, I was there. I am the only one with the capabilities of stopping the Gods of Space and Time from wreaking their havoc amongst the undeserving. Their unending grudge with each other would be the end of all things if I was not there to stop them.
This responsibility has taken its toll on me. Though I cannot truly die, there are times that I wish I could. I could just let Palkia and Dialga annihilate each other and destroy space and time itself, but that would be far too easy, as well as go against my true purpose. I am just so exhausted from it all.
The ones I am meant to protect are the ones that shun me the most. I am feared and ridiculed by many because I communicate to them regularly through their nightmares. It is not always done with harmful intent. It's all that I know. My mind is an unending nightmare, a cruel reality. The nightmares are meant with a purpose. They are meant to display to them visions of the future.
These prophecies cannot be displayed in any other way. I show what's true, and those are not events that can be seen in one's dreams, because the events themselves could be considered nightmares. Showing these events in horrific adaptations are the only way I am able to be convincing, though most who experience them just shrug it off as another bad dream.
There are some I have unintentionally hurt in permanent ways. Those are the ones who don't wake up. They spend the rest of their lives within the shackles of psychosisdue to me. How am I supposed to know that the mind I have entered is not strong enough to handle my abilities? I don't have a way to know that, and I hold much remorse about the ones I have hurt. I was just trying to tell them something, not become a permanent fixture in their mind.
Not everyone who receives my nightmares gets them for warning purposes, though. If one inflicts harm on me, I will throw it back at them tenfold. That is only just punishment for the ones who try to interfere. The Pokemon become collateral of their trainer's wrongdoings.
In many instances, a Pokemon trainer has challenged me in hopes of claiming me as their own. They desire to put me in one of their Pokeballs to consider me a trophy of their prowess as a 'Pokemon Master'. One cannot 'master' a god. There is no technology to contain and control me, as I have always been above them. I do however show mercy to the ones of true naivety, as they do not understand what they are doing.
The ones set out to destroy me are the ones who receive the worst. They think that by destroying me that they will solve some sort of problem, yet the contrary is true. If I were to be destroyed, the world would succumb to chaos. I cannot be destroyed by their methods, but I punish them because they have intent to do so. The mere intent to rid the world of me shows that they intend to tear apart the balance of all things. I show them who and what I really am through the most terrifying of dreams. It's my way of proving that I am a force not to be reckoned with.
Though I am prone to vengefulness, I am not soulless. There are desires within me that I am unsure of how to express. If I were to express them, who would be willing to let me express them to? No one has been able to get close enough to me for me to trust. I cannot trust those who fear me. Even those that I have helped still retain some fear towards me. I desire so much, though.
I want to be understood, not feared. There's a need in me to be shown compassion to, not anger. I would also at least just once be loved and not hated. Destiny has put me in the darkness, but I feel a part within myself that wants to know some sort of light. As a deity of the shadows and darkness, am I even allowed these desires? There must be more to my eternity than this, I know it.
There are those I have encountered who have shown me some mercy. I saw it in both Alice and her grandmother during my residence in Alamos Town. I was welcome in the garden, and that served me ample peace for some time. However, I was only accepted there. Their inner feelings of fear prevented the both of them from feelings anything beyond acceptance towards me. I could not truly bond with either of them, due to the fact that neither of them were able to comprehend my inner self. I have since left Alamos, but I will remain grateful to those that were my allies there.
I do harbor much resentment towards my parallel, Cressalia. She is revered as a deity of light and dreams, while I am shunned as one of the shadows and nightmares. Cressalia and I cannot even occupy the same space as each other. I was meant to rule the dark, she was meant to be of the light. Nightmares and dreams just are not able to co-exist with one another. She is unable to provide for me the understanding I am looking for.
I shall remain in the shadows of life itself, while performing my duties. However, the hopes that one day I will see the light remain. I will find what I am looking for. I too shall once know love and compassion, empathy and reverence. Until then, not knowing arrives before knowing; the future arrives before the present. From this moment, past and future are the same in different directions, but I am going that way and not this way. When I get there, the speed of light and the speed of dark will be the same.
Okay, now for author's note stuff..This is the first thing I've written in a long time, so be nice to me about it..The quote in the beginning is from the song 'The Exit' off the Razia's Shadow album from Forgive Durden. I though it'd work quite well for this fic. Also in the final paragraph, I directly took a quote from the book 'The Speed of Dark' by Elizabeth Moon. I have not read it, my fiancee has and suggested the quote. So yeah. Reviews make [emo shaman] less emo, so please?