Author's note: After continuing the struggle between loving the old fluff I wrote, and wanting to be a bit more realistic, here's a bit of fluff that I think could have happened. I have to apologizeto the R/H ship, though I've said nothing bad about Ron, I've also sort of squashed any idea she may view him in a romantic way, though she loves him dearly.

Hermione's POV, pre-OoP in tone, open to continuation. Dedicated to pumpkins everywhere.

Disclaimer: All characters above belong to JK Rowling, and the publishers affiliated with her. No infringement is intended, and my only profit from this is the enjoyment of spending time in my head with Hermione.


Friendship Turns to Gold


We've been back at school for close to a month. It's been quiet, almost too quiet. Everyone is still here though. Harry, Ron and I had expected some parents to keep their kids home, after hearing about what happened here at the end of term. Now it seems pretty clear that Cornelius Fudge managed to smooth things over, and find excuses for the things that happened. We don't know what he said, but I know it bothers Harry, a lot more than he shows it most of the time. Things always stay with him, the good and the bad.

I wondered whether the kiss I gave him so impulsively would change things between us, but he seems to have taken it the way I meant it. After the horrible time he went through, seeing Voldemort come back, and having to face everyone with Cedric's death, I couldn't let him go away with just the usual hug. I didn't intend it to be romantic, although you'd never be able to convince Ron of that. Of course I knew Ron had feelings for me of some kind, or at least thought he did, just the way Harry would get that silly look on his face when he was around Cho.

It's a funny thing about those two guys I call my best friends. They are my best friends. I'd do anything in the world for them, and I think they know that. The idea of Ron having those kinds of thoughts about me is just, well, I hate to say it, but it's comical. Ron getting that look on his face Harry had when he looked at Cho? He'd be too busy teasing or picking apart everything I do. And as for kissing Ron... I don't think so. It's not that I find him physically repulsive or anything, but he's just Ron. I love him for what he is, and I never have to wonder how he's feeling, it's all upfront and showing. More often showing too much and too loudly for anyone's comfort.

Would I want Harry to look at me that way? Honestly, I don't know.The way he looked at me the night of the Yule Ball hurt and felt good at the same time. He had never really looked at me before, I don't think. Oh sure, he'd be able to describe me to someone, though I think I wouldn't want to hear him do it. He hadn't thought of me as a real female who could smile instead of scold about his lack of studying. Or have hair that smelled and looked nice, instead of the bushy rat's nest it usually was. I liked it though. I liked it more than having Viktor Krum try to talk to me, or flatter me.That look felt good enough for me to decide that I don't want to be "just" Hermione, the bossy, the clever, the dependable one.

Over the summer I did other homework, besides going through stacks of books and making my summer essays five rolls of parchment longer than they had to be. It was not easy at first, even telling mom I wanted to buy new clothes, and try a little makeup. I thought she might laugh, or tell me it was about time, but I needn't have worried. We went shopping for new things, and I was surprised how little it took to make such a big change. Instead of coming back embarrassed, wishing I'd never brought up the subject, I came back feeling so good about myself. Mom told me the people in the shops weren't just flattering us, but what fifteen year old thinks about whether she has a "classic" style that "wears clothes well"?. Or that she has "good" skin?


All I ever saw was the other girls coming back from Hogsmeade or holidays with clothes and jewelry that might have been the latest thing, but I knew even I would burst out laughing at the sight of myself wearing them. So here I am, back at Hogwarts for the fifth year. To no one's surprise, but with a lot of teasing from Ron and Harry, I was made a prefect. I don't mind, although it doesn't thrill me the way I would have expected it to, way back at the beginning of our first year, when I was the smart, new little Muggleborn. Maybe one reason is that I now know I'm not truly prefect material, not in the truest sense. Over the years I've discovered I'm a risk taker and a rule breaker, maybe not on the surface but in my heart.

Maybe that's why getting the prefect news wasn't as nice a feeling as the look Harry gave me when he saw me at the station. Happy, and a little surprised, but puzzled. It took him a full week to mention any changes, and even then, he went red as only Harry can. Maybe it's not a good sign that I remember his look, and each of the few words he said.

We were taking one of our walks around the lake, Ron was doing some of the extra work he had, suddenly having decided to become serious about his subjects. It was nearly dark, and Harry had been giving me funny little sideways looks, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't. He might not have said anything at all if we hadn't both tripped over some branch that we never did see. Somehow, catching each other's arms to keep from falling, I felt his hands tighten on my arms and knew I'd done the same to him.

I guess I'd been sort of self absorbed, but until I'd grabbed Harry's arm for support, and nearly fallen, I didn't truly focus on the changes he'd gone through. He wasn't a foot taller and certainly hasn't piled on lots of bulk, but somehow he seemed put together better and more right in his own skin. Harry's always looked slightly uncomfortable, and growing up as he did, is it any wonder?

Before we broke entirely away, he suddenly smiled, a smile that only Harry has, and said, almost in a whisper, " I always liked the Hermione I met on the train, but looking at you now, I can see this Hermione is still herself, only better and better." Then, miracle of all, he, shy Harry Potter put both arms around me, and gave me back the hug I'd given him first year. I wasn't horrified as he had been, although in my shock, I'm not sure I returned his hug as hard as I'd have liked to.

And best of all, nothing was awkward and we walked back to the castle, laughing and talking just as we always did. With Ron, we're still the three best friends we've always been. I'd almost think it was my imagination if this hadn't happened so many times. Sometimes, we'll be studying, either in the library or in the common room, just as always, and I look up and reach out to get another book or a quill.. Then I see Harry, just barely looking at me, but with just a trace of that smile that I love to see. I smile back and we go back to what we're doing, and no one else has noticed.

I don't know what this year is going to bring, we never have a year without some danger and this one even more so. Voldemort is there, whether in plain sight or in some disguise. The only thing I do know is that we can't stop living, laughing and loving each other. We've got lots to learn still, OWLS coming up sooner than we'd like, and we've got to prepare for everything.

And one other thing. one that I wouldn't care to admit to a living soul. Harry's smile and the memory of that hug haven't gone away.

I wonder what this means.