At Midnight, she came.
1
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'Cause I know that time has numbered my days
And I'll go along with everything you say
But I'll ride home laughing, look at me now
Then the walls of my town, they come crumbling down
'Cause I know my weakness, know my voice
And I'll believe in grace and choice
And I know perhaps my heart is farce,
But I'll be born without a mask
You'll build your walls and I will play my bloody part
To tear, tear them down,
Well I'm gonna tear, tear them down
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"What made you change your mind?"
He moved the hair from my shoulder and held my gaze in the mirror. Possessive fingers were placed on my neck, the soft pad of his thumb rubbing circles under my ear.
"You said it yourself."
The girl in the mirror spoke in a detached, hollow voice-but her eyes were brimming with a hidden, hungry fire. Tom grinned in a way that made the tragic beauty of his face twist into an ugly mask. He wore it extraordinarily well.
"Ah, but I want to hear it from you, my dear."
It felt like a hand had closed around my windpipe, making it difficult to speak or breathe. The gray of his eyes swirled and churned like storm clouds. The roof of my mouth had gone dry-why did he have to look like this. He watches as my tongue darts out, to wet my lips, the storm in his eyes darken, lightning dances and sparks-
"Because I have nothing else to lose." It's pushed through clenched teeth; a child forced to admit to a lie they had so convincingly believed was a truth.
His lips replace his thumb and a frigid jolt goes down my spine.
"Right as always." He sings this into the curved cavern of my ear, the small dip at the top of his lips catches on the edge and it echoes in my head. I want to smash my fist into the glass, shatter his smug face. Instead I stand statue still and bite my lip so I don't scream. He places a lingering kiss on the erratic thumping of my pulse, straining under my skin and I remind myself none of this is actually real. I only think I'm feeling it, it's all in my mind-it's this damned mirror-
"I'll be waiting, love."
-and then it goes blank, his touch still burns, its in my head, and I'm alone once more in my room. No one hears the smash or the shower of tiny broken shards through the thick layer of a muffliato spell.
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"I've never known any of your plans to not turn out." He pauses and there's pain pinching his features, he leans closer over the table.
"But this, this is never going to work." I can feel the curls on my head bristle like an agitated cat, but there's a deep sadness in his green eyes that doesn't allow me to get too angry with him.
"I-of course I've considered failure. But if I do succeed, this could be it, it could be over Harry." This doesn't seem to satisfy him, his hands clench on the table top.
"But at what cost, Hermione."
"It's not like I'm the only who's sacrificing something."
"There has to be some other way."
"If there were I'd be doing it."
"Hermione."
"Harry."
He sits back and regards me with a sort of brotherly disdain.
"This isn't like you. You've never been reckless like this." I shrugged and tried for a playful half smile but it has no effect on the boy who lived, lives still.
"I like to think it's my Gryffindor courage."
"But it was always a smart courage. You're walking right into his trap and you think you're doing us a favor." His tone dripped with exasperation. I pursed my lips and let him continue.
"You really think he's just going to drop everything and stop once he has you? There's no victory in this, we are the ones losing the advantage, losing you-and he's getting everything he wants. What you're doing isn't heroic, it's just plain stupid." That last word cut the distance between us like an arrow, piercing me right in the heart and I felt the rising sting of tears in my eyes. I willed them away and kept my composure.
"I told you, I have a plan." I said tersely.
"A plan."
"I don't need the parroting Harry."
"No offense 'mione, but Riddle always seems to be one step ahead of you. He knows you have a plan, whatever it is, he's not an idiot. He knows you're not coming willingly, even if it does save everyone-he knows you'll try something and I bet you he has a plan B and C. You can't beat him"
He read the expression on my face and sagged a little in his seat. He reached across and grabbed my hands in his and I let him.
"Hermione...I can't lose you too, not now-not ever."
"Everyone will be lost if I don't do this Harry. Please..don't make this harder than it already is." I squeeze his hands reassuringly, imploringly. He squints at me, and I could tell he was having some internal debate-and people called me the open book; his verdant eyes shifted back and forth from thought to thought like tall grass in a breezy meadow.
"I just wish you'd wait until we find another horcrux, maybe then this plan of yours might work and we can-"
"Harry. It's now or never."
"Well I'm wanting to choose never." I worried my lip between my teeth.
Stubborn arse!
"Well it's not about what we want, it's about what needs to be done." I snapped.
His face pinches again and I took a deep breath to reign in my mounting frustration.
"I need you on my side…" I swallowed thickly.
"You know I am."
"Then trust me. Trust that I do know what I'm doing." I said softly and I could feel the guilt roiling in my stomach like magma. I subconsciously pressed my lips together to keep it from rising up and out of my mouth. Harry retracted his hands and rubbed at the back of his neck, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with scar riddled fingers.
Oh good, I've finally worn him down.
"Alright-I...I trust you. Do what you have to do." It was a begrudging, almost petulant surrender, but I knew he meant it. I surged ahead before he could change his mind-or mine. I rubbed sweaty nervous palms on my jeans.
"Thank you Harry, and I, I'd like to-"
"I know," he cuts me off with a tired voice, "this stays between us."
"Not even Ron." I said sternly, sadly. He nodded, lips rigid, and stood. I craned my neck to look up at him, my hands now balled into tight fists on my lap under the table, nails biting-the afternoon sunlight reached weakly through the closest window and cast somber shadows across his face. It was like this dark and heavy mantle fell over him suddenly-no, it was there already, always-and I could see it's weight on his shoulders, he hunched forwards, drawn into himself and I saw the war reflected on his face.
I felt the full force of my selfishness hit me like a stunner, like a solid blow to the stomach and I choked on the truth as it tried to pry itself past my teeth.
Steady, Hermione.
I stood too, knees bumping into the table as I twisted around it to wrap my arms around his neck. I pushed my face into his throat, and I'm sure my hair swallowed his. He held me steady as I leaned into him, but I pulled away before he could hug me back properly, and before I cracked and fell to pieces in his arms.
Steady.
"This isn't goodbye Harry Potter." I said firmly, a hint of a teasing tone underneath.
Inside I wilted.
He smirked and the light in his eyes returned and I finally saw a glimmer of hope in them. His arms came up, he held my face in his large hands, the warmth of his skin spread through my head, down my body to my toes.
Bloody wilted.
He searched me with his eyes for a moment, and I could guess at what it was he was trying to find, but whether he found it or not-that I didn't know.
"If I could go back, I'd do so many things differently." He said softly, almost more to himself than to me. He was looking through me now, into the past, or maybe a would be future. The look in his eyes made my stomach clench, and my heart beat a little differently. He grinned, white teeth and dimples and he was Harry again, my best friend, and not whatever he just was in that moment.
"I'll see you tonight." He kissed the top of my head, at the hairline, and it was like a knife twist to the heart.
I waited until I was sure he was gone before sinking back into my chair and pulled the book from my bag. I laid it on the table in front of me, hands hovering just over the leather bound surface, feeling the static magic that enveloped it. Titleless, nondescript and old, so very old.
"I have a plan." I whispered in the quiet of the library.
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AN:Review?