A/N: Ok, it's 1:45 AM, and I should be in bed right now. In fact, if my mother was to find me typing this, I would be grounded for 2wks and have my beloved computer taken away from me, and knowing her wrath, all of my precious fics deleted. That would shatter me, ok? So, if it seems weird at some points, bare with me. Basically, my friend Pan read me this Vagrant Story fic by some person who name is Ashley-something. Although, I have NEVER played the game, I thought it was good and liked it. (It was about some girl named Samantha, and it was this long monologue she has about her love, who had caused her death.) Anyway, after she had finished, I got the idea and inspiration to write a fic about something I had always thought about: What was on Aeris mind while she was praying in the City of the Ancients? What was she praying about? What was the last word that she breathed? So, here it is, short and bittersweet. Sorry, but there is going to be no special surprise guest today in the author notes. Live with it.
Disclaimer: I do not own FF7 or any of its franchises. If I did, I wouldn't most likely be sitting in my room, typing this.
"A Favor of Heaven" by Videl: Warrior Princess
Hello?
Can anyone hear me?
I know that there's some spirit controlling us. Be it God, Fate, Light, Dark, or whatever form it chooses to be. Whichever one you may be, can you hear me? Is my voice reaching you where your essence lay? Are you even listening to a mere person?
I hope you can.
I know that you must have some much more vital business to attend to than to listen to the ramblings of a single woman, but I pray that you'll hear my plead. All my life, I've been hearing voices…voices of souls some say. Others say that it's the voice of the Planet. The rest believe I'm crazy. As I am kneeling here, talking to you, I now finally believe that I am listening to the souls of my people. And they seem to agree as I do believe it is now time… Time to fulfill my destiny…
You created me, you gave me form. You breathed life into my soul and gave me meaning. When I was little, I would have visions of my Fate and consider them nightmares. I was afraid. But now… Now, I am willing to accept it, embrace it. I know it is my destiny to die.
I probably should be scared. I probably should be frightened out of my mind. And I probably should try to run away, try to escape Death. Yet, I am calm, kneeling here. And I will not run. I am not afraid of Death. If the others could hear me, I'm sure that they would try to talk me out of it and think me insane. Maybe they're right, maybe I am insane. But such details about my life such as sanity or insanity seem so pointless and trifle now. Now, as I await both my Hero and my Destroyer to come. Which brings me to the point of this little prayer that I am dearly hoping you'll hear.
I am not afraid to die. I know now the reason for my existence… You created me, you gave me life for the very purpose of dying. My meaning, my destiny, my Fate is to die. I am to die to save the Planet. My death will activate the Holy materia and give the power and hope to save the Planet. I am not complaining. I am not asking for a way out. I am not pleading for there to be another way, for I know that there is not. But…but I fear for him.
There is so much that he doesn't know. He won't understand. He won't understand why I am going to die. Or why this has to be done. Or why I am doing this to him. He might think that I never really cared or that I just wanted to hurt him. He might think that this was his fault… Oh, please! Don't let him think that!
The truth is…I love him. I love him with all my soul and more than my own life. I wish I could be there for him always. I wish I could protect him for the rest of eternity. I wish I could be the one he grows old with… But I know it's not possible. There is someone else who can take care of him and…and love him. I wish I could say that it's easy to accept, but I can't. I'm scared, because I don't know what's going to happen to him…
Therefore, there…there is something I would like to ask. I would like to ask a favor…
A favor of Heaven…
I ask that you would protect him and keep him safe for as long as his precious life lasts. I beg of you to let him live his life in happiness after this ordeal; I ask you to surround him with love and the warmth of the hearts from his friends. I implore you to always shine on him with kindness and never let him be alone. Please, watch over my dear Cloud.
I hear footsteps; it must be him. Must our time be over now? Is it really time now? It just seemed like only a minute ago I began this prayer, and now, it is time to fulfil my purpose.
I can see him in the future; he looks so lonely, please don't let him be alone! He's standing by himself on the Highwind…why is he alone? Don't let him suffer alone! Please, let him move on! It's hard enough to leave him behind, but…but to leave him with no one to love…it's more pain than I can bear!
"CLOUD!!!" I hear a chorus of two people cry out. It sounds like Vincent and Yuffie.
Oh Vincent, you are a nice man with a broken heart… I hope one day you will be able to heal it. Yuffie, a young clever girl who I wouldn't mind having as a sister or daughter… I will miss you terribly. Red XIII, such a wise and gentle creature… I was never mad at you for scaring me back at Shinra Inc. Caith Sith, or I guess I should say Reeve, always the clown, weren't you?… I wish your prediction was right about me and Cloud, but I will always watch over him, as constant as the North Star. Cid, brash and cocky and a man that always smoked… I know you'll be a great pilot and see the stars; I wish I could've rode on the Highwind. Barret, loving father and quick-tempered leader… I am glad I got the chance to meet such a character like you and to watch your kind daughter. Tifa, strong-willed and my greatest rival… I regret that I didn't have time to really get to know you; I believe that we could've been good friends.
His breathing is coming in deep gasps and pants. He must be worried or scared or just tired. My heart is nearly pounding out of my chest, and I can hear his too; it's beating with the same rhythm as mine. Oh, how I will miss him! I…I'm scared now. I don't know if I can make it through it… I don't know if I can just stand still as I watch him see me get killed right before his eyes. But, this is no time to back down. I must be strong. I have to be strong. For the Planet…for all life…for…him…
I open my eyes and stare into his. I can see my own reflection, and I can feel myself drowning in the brilliant dark sapphire-blue pools of his eyes. I wish I could stare into them forever. He stands there, right in front of me, not saying a word, but his eyes screaming at me. He wants to know what I'm doing, why I'm praying here.
There are so many things I want to tell him, but I don't know where to start. I can feel the tears fill up in my eyes, for the pain that I know I will bring him, for the happiness that swells still in my soul when he is there, for the love I know that deep down we share. I feel frozen; I can't move under his gaze. All I can move is my lips, and all I can do is smile. I love you Cloud. I love you so much. I want to tell him so badly, but somehow, I'm still scared to say those words to him.
Wait…
There is another presence…
So…he has come as well, my Destroyer. Oh my Hero, I wish I could tell you that there is nothing you could do, that this has to be done. However, I must and I will be strong for you. I will not run away like a coward. I will smile still for you.
I can hear his jacket and his hair flapping in the air as he's falling down to slay me. My muscles are tightening as I try to brace myself for it. Will it be slow and torturous, or will it be so quick I won't feel a thing? My heart is pounding faster. Soon, within a few mere seconds, it will all be over. I need to tell him, I need to tell him now while there is still time. But how? How can I explain my love for him? How can I put it into words? Suddenly, the words hit my head: Cloud, I love you. That is what I will tell him. I mentally nod as I continuing smiling at him, staring at him lovingly, taking his image in so I will never forget his face, even in Death. His face is the last thing I want to see before I die.
Something cold hits my chest. It's his Masamune. I didn't know it would feel so cold going in. I feel so weak…so very weak… My tears are blurring my vision; I can hardly see my Hero now. My hands feel so heavy as though I have rocks tied to them, and they drop to my side. I'm so weary I can't lift them up. It's so hard to breathe, I'm struggling to get air into my lungs, or what is left of them. I never thought he would stab my lungs or my heart. I feel dizzy… I feel like I'm going to fall. Quickly! I must tell him! I have to tell him before it's all over! I can't feel my body. I can't move it. It feels like I'm in a trance. Everything is going by so slowly, or is it just me?
I look up at him as I can feel my torso moving forward. "Cloud…" is all I can get out, but my voice was so soft, I wonder if he heard it. I struggle to say more, but I can't. My soul is willing, but I can't make my lips move. My body is numbing slowly all over like when you're out in the cold too long. I lay on his sword blade, my head looking down. Am I dead?… No! No, wait! I'm still alive! I want to move, I want to finish telling Cloud my message, but I'm stuck.
Ow… Oh, this hurts so badly, I want to cry, but I lack the strength. The pain is worst with him pulling out his Masamune than when it stabbed me. I can feel my veins, my lungs, my spinal cord, my heart, and my ribs curling around his blade as he slowly, tantalizingly pulls it out; and I can feel bits and pieces of my organs grinding against each other and creating a barrier to keep the tip of the blade in me. I want to move, I want to scream and cry so badly. I think I let out a small moan of pain as he planted his leather boot on my back. He kicks me off roughly, and like a little rag doll, I go falling forward. There's nothing I can do to stop it. The pain and numbness are covering my body like a fire, and I want to end it. I never thought it would be this painful.
Why aren't I laying on the ground? What stopped my fall? I try to raise my head to see, but I can't move. Instead, the warm arms carefully flip my body around. It's Cloud! He holds me in his lap, and I can feel my blood slowly trickling onto his pants. Oh, Cloud, I am getting you so dirty. My poor Hero, I am tainting your perfection. My eyes narrow, and I look into his eyes again.
They…they are filled with tears. Is my Hero crying? Oh no, don't cry for me, my Hero. Don't cry please. I don't think I can stand the sight of you crying. He looks so horrified, shocked, and sad. Are you sad for me dearest? Are you sad for us? Are you going to miss me? Did you really love me? Yes, yes you did. Why else would you be crying? Oh Cloud, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to do this to you. It seemed that everywhere I went, people got hurt, lives got ruined, homes were gone because of me. You…you were the one person I didn't want to hurt. Yet, I did in the end, didn't I? I wish I could make you understand. I wish I could let you see what I saw and show you that this is the only way. I wish I could be with you always, but…Fate has other plans. I don't regret it though. If I could go back in time, I'd do everything exactly the same all over again, well, except maybe this.
I feel so cold, despite being held in your warm embrace. Oh my Hero, will you mourn me? Will you wrap your arms around me one more time so I can remember your touch and warmth? Will you offer me one last smile before I go for good? Will you always remember me? My eyelids are feeling heavy, and I feel so tired… I want to sleep… It's now time for me to sleep. Oh, don't cry Cloud, please don't cry. It's not your fault. I can see your lips moving, but I can't hear your angelic voice. What are you saying Cloud? Can't you tell me? I can feel Death beckoning me…but I want to stay! I want to hug you one last time, I want to hear you say my name, I want to see your charming smile that you always had for me, I want to tell you I love you.
I love you. I love you Cloud Strife. And I always will. Ever since I was a little girl I dreamt of you and have always loved you. You were the only one I ever loved Cloud. I wish I could've told you. You kept your word and have done your job as my bodyguard, and you made me feel alive. My heart will always hold you in a special place. You are my love and my Hero. But now…it's time for you to be the Planet's Hero. Goodbye my Cloud, I must leave you now. It's up to you Cloud. I have done my part, the rest is up to you. I have lived my destiny…now go and live yours…
