A/N: This idea came to me over the weekend, so I decided to try my hand at a "Pre-Paraguay" story based on the Season Eight episode, Lawyers, Guns, and Money. IMO, the last two seasons of JAG were disastrous. Some of the characters were almost unrecognizable, and of course, more missed opportunities for Harm and Mac to get together. And face it; the two of them wouldn't win a prize for communicating with one another. This one-shot story is my idea of what could have been. Who knows? There may be a sequel sometime down the road.
Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment
May 13, 2003
1700 Local
So, this is what pregnancy feels like, Mac thought as she opened the door to her Georgetown apartment. She couldn't believe she'd agreed to pose as Clayton Webb's pregnant wife on a mission to Paraguay.
But when Admiral Chegwidden told her of the spook's request and that he "approved," she could hardly say no. The Simper Fi Marine would never think of turning down an assignment, no matter how ill-advised one might think it to be.
Webb's cases always had a way of turning sour. How many times and she and Harm bailed him out? But this time, Harm wouldn't be with her.
Mac had hardly seen him since he got out of the brig. To say their relationship of late was strained would be an understatement. She never for one minute believed he was guilty of killing Lt. Singer, but it hurt that he hadn't included her into his investigation into Loren's pregnancy.
What happened? Things had been going great between them. It was almost like the early days of their friendship. Neither of them had jealous significant others around. When Bud lost his leg in Afghanistan, the two of them supported and comforted one another.
Things began going south when they got back to Washington. They worked together defending a Marine who deserted his unit and joined the Israeli Army. Afterward, they opposed one another when a Marine was accused of fatally shooting his wife. It seemed to all go downhill from there.
Sturgis had to replace Harm as defense counsel for a petty officer accused of contaminating the oxygen in an F14, resulting in the death of a RIO. Then Traci Manetti came to JAG, and the admiral began to pair her with Harm.
Mac, on the other hand, teamed up with Sturgis. When the Singer fiasco came, she and Harm drifted further apart. She walked into her bedroom to gather a few items she would need for the trip to Paraguay, stopping in front of the mirror.
Turning sideways, she looked at her reflection, then ran her hands over her belly. I really do look pregnant. Wonder what the real thing would be like…
Her thoughts turned to Harm.
Five years from this moment, if neither of us is in a relationship, we'll go halves on a kid.
You and me, have a baby together?There was only one more year left on their five-year deal. "Like that's going to happen now," she said aloud. "So much for friendship. He probably doesn't even like you now."
What would you expect? Friends don't abandon friends, and you didn't once visit him during the month he spent in the brig.
Mac began to argue with herself.
But the admiral ordered us to stay away.
Think that would have stopped Harm?
No. He would have been there for me no matter what.
Suddenly, she knew she couldn't leave town without seeing him. Maybe he had been given her the cold shoulder of late, but it didn't matter. She had to try and set things right between them.
North of Union Station
May 13, 2003
1900 Local
Harm sat in his apartment, alone, strumming his guitar. Playing always relaxed him and after spending a month alone in the brig, even more so. Now that he was out and back at JAG, he still felt alone. Not one of his coworkers visited him during his incarceration. He had thought of them as friends, but now he wasn't so sure.
He realized everyone had their own lives to live. Bud and Harriet had a small child and were now expecting another one. Sturgis was in a foul mood about Bud's poor representation of him over the Jeremy Duncan court-martial. The admiral was still reeling over the Sec-Nav's investigation of the office.
What hurt the most was Mac not coming around. Yes, their relationship had been strained of late. He wasn't sure she'd forgiven him for the way he acted when he presided over one of her cases. Didn't she realize that he only wanted to know the truth? He'd meant what he said to Bud years ago. "The truth is everything."
He was surprised when someone knocked at his door. Even more so when he learned it was Mac. Oh well, might as well put on a good front and pretend everything is okay.
"Hey,"
"Hi," she said. "Are you entertaining?"
"I came by to see how you are after everything you've been through."
"Well, it's early yet."
"True."
Mac walked into the apartment, then removed her coat before sitting on one of the bar stools. Harm's eyes widened at what he saw. Mac is pregnant?
"Woah!"
"What?"
Why is she acting so nonchalant about this? "Something you want to tell me?"
"Plenty."
"How did you hide this?"
"Bigger clothes."
Damn you, Mac. Stop acting like this is no big deal. Harm moved closer to her, then placed his hand on her protruding belly.
Mac smiled.
"There's a story here somewhere."
"Listen, I'm going away."
"Where?"
"Can't say."
"For how long?"
"Don't know."
"This has Webb written all over it."
"He needed a pregnant wife. I'm his cover story."
Damned spook. Why did he have to pick Mac? Couldn't he get someone within the CIA?
"Is it dangerous?
"Very. I'm leaving for Paraguay in the morning. But I needed to know if you're okay. You've been through a lot lately."
So now she cares? She couldn't come to see me in the brig but manages to find time on her way out of town. Is this some attempt to appease her conscious?
Harm stepped away, then placed his guitar on the sofa.
"I'm coming back, you know."
"I don't want you to go, Mac."
"Why is it that you're only like this when I have one foot out the door? Your interest always fades when I might actually be in a position to return it."
Is that what she thinks? What about the times she's walked away from me?
Mac stood up, reached for her coat, then started for the door.
"Mac, wait. I'll answer your question if you'll first answer a few of mine."
She sighed, then sat back down. "Fair enough."
"Let's start with Sydney and why you went to Brumby so fast. I never said I couldn't let go. I said not yet. Couldn't you have waited more than twenty-four hours before throwing yourself at another man?"
Mac's eyes widened in surprise. "Harm, I didn't throw myself at him. Mic was… very persuasive. He caught me in a weak moment."
"You didn't do anything to stop him either. You didn't have to take his ring. What did you want from me? A one-night stand? Did you plan to get me out of your system, then go to that smug Aussie? Or were you planning to use me to make him jealous?"
"How dare you say such a thing? You turned me down." Mac lowered her head. "At least, that's what I thought at the time."
"I admit I didn't do a good job of expressing myself on the ferry, but it hurt like hell to see you kissing him at the airport. From what I saw, he was the one you wanted and not me."
"If I meant anything to you, why didn't you fight for me? How come you hooked up with the bi— With Renee when we got back to the states?"
"What was I supposed to do? Sit on the sidelines while you flashed that damned ring around? Remained celibate while you flaunted your relationship to Brumby around the office?"
"I didn't flaunt my relationship!"
"You didn't keep it a secret. I seem to recall a little trip to Australia not long after we returned. I'm sure you weren't there for sightseeing. Then he shows up a couple of months later. Before long he's moved in with you and you've moved the ring to your left hand."
"I… I thought you had moved on."
"Not by my choice. I was stupid enough to think I might be getting through to you on the night of your engagement party. Do the words, "You'll always have someone who loves you ring a bell?"
"I thought you meant that you loved me as a friend. I didn't know—"
"The hell you didn't!" Harm knew he should quit while he was ahead, but he was on a roll and couldn't stop now. He was tired of Mac always making him responsible for everything. "What about when I kissed you? Was that the kind of kiss friends share?"
"No, but—"
"And then you had the gall to expect me to attend your wedding! What the hell was that all about? Did you want to rub it in? Let me see what I was missing? Or did you secretly hope I would do something to stop the ceremony?"
"Well, you did manage to stop it."
Mac gave a half-hearted smile, but Harm wasn't in the mood for her feeble attempt at humor. This dance had gone on long enough.
"Don't blame that on me. The only reason I was flying in that kind of weather was to get home to my best friend's wedding because it meant so much to her for me to be there. I could have died that night, Mac."
Mac swallowed in an attempt to find her voice. "Harm, I never meant... I'm sorry. If it means anything, I felt responsible. Mic saw it, and that's why he cancelled the wedding. If something had happened to you, I don't think I could have lived with myself. A part of me would have died with you. Probably the best part." Her last words were little more than a whisper.
"So now you tell me? The night Mic left you told me you loved him. It's been two years, Mac. Two years. Why haven't we had this talk before now?"
"As I recall, we were going to talk. Only when I came back to your apartment to find Renee. You were the one who said we couldn't talk then."
"What was I supposed to do? Act like an ass and throw her out? Mac, her father had just died. Believe me, I wanted to be with you that night, but I couldn't be so cold-hearted as to turn Renee away. Surely you can understand that."
"Of course I understand! I wouldn't have wanted you to do otherwise."
"Then I get back from the funeral, you've gone TAD half-way around the world. Sure didn't act like you wanted to talk to me then. Barely gave me the time of day."
"We tried to talk, remember. I asked if you'd give up Renee for me, and you didn't answer."
"Oh, I answered you all right. You just didn't wait around to hear what I had to say."
"So, it's my fault? Harm, we're not getting anywhere. You still haven't answered my question. Why do you wait until I'm out the door before showing interest?"
"You just don't get it, do you? Have you heard anything I've said tonight?"
"All I've heard is a replay of missed opportunities."
"That's right, Mac. Missed opportunities. And I don't intend to miss another one." Harm pulled her into his arms and brought his mouth to hers. There was an almost desperation in the kiss. He had let her go before, but he'd be damned if he let her walk away this time without telling her how he felt.
Just as quickly as he started the kiss, Harm ended it. "Does that answer your question?"
She looked at him with her big, chocolate eyes. "Not exactly. I mean, we've kissed before. It doesn't change the fact that you brought this up at a time I'm about to leave for a mission. For once in your life, can't you just say what you really mean?"
"Okay, Mac. I love you. That's why I don't want you to go."
"You love me?"
"Yes. Probably have since the moment I laid eyes on you in the White House Rose Garden."
"I love you too, Flyboy. You don't know how long I've waited to hear those words."
"Stick around, and I'll tell you again and again."
"I'd like nothing better, but I've already accepted the mission. I have to go."
"When do you leave?"
"At 0700 tomorrow morning."
"Well, we have plenty of time for me to show you just how much I do love you."
North of Union Station
May 14, 2003
0500 Local
"I'm glad you're a Marine, Mac," Harm said as Mac walked from the bedroom toward the kitchen. He handed her a steaming cup of coffee. He still couldn't get used to the sight of her wearing a pregnancy suit and found himself wondering what it would be like to see her pregnant with his child.
"Oh yeah? Why is that?"
"Because you're always prepared. Having your bag already packed gave us more time together. And for you to get some sleep." He flashed her his trademark grin.
Mac stifled a yawn. "Sleep? You didn't let me get a lot of rest."
He shrugged. "Plenty of time to sleep on the plane."
They sipped their coffee in silence. When Mac finished, she took the mug to the sink. "Harm it's 0513. I need to get going. I need to be at Dulles no later than 0600."
"I still wish you didn't have to go."
"I know. I'll try to stay in touch, but I don't know all the details of this case. You know how Webb can be."
"Yeah, and that's what scares me." He drew her into his arms for a long, passionate kiss.
Finally, she broke away. "Keep that up, and I'll never get out of here."
"Would that be so bad?"
"No, except I'd have to explain to the admiral why I didn't make my flight. I can just hear him when I tell him I spent the night with you and didn't get much sleep."
"Never mind. You'd better get going."
"Yeah. Guess I'd better." Mac walked to the door, opened it, then turn back. "Harm, I'm coming back."
"I'll be waiting."