Kathryn was kicking herself as she walked quickly through the Academy grounds. She was late and this was the one night where she wasn't supposed to make any mistakes. After that whole soul wrenching experience of writing her diary entry earlier that day, she had promised herself that she would not hurt him anymore. She was sure that he would be wondering if she had once again decided to brush aside his overture. Unfortunately, she had been stopped by Admiral Thomas, an old friend who wanted to say hello, and she couldn't very well be rude. He had been one of the few to support her decision to resign, although he had let her know that the service was losing someone of great value. She halted and took a long look around now that she was at the edge of the Arboretum.
"Damn it," she muttered. "Where is he? I can't screw this up again."
Finally she spotted him sitting on a blanket with a picnic basket and a meal in stasis packs spread out before him. There was also a high hat with a chilling bottle of wine next to him. 'Thank God he's still here,' she thought as she forced herself to move forward at a more dignified pace. Her eyes narrowed their focus solely onto him as she approached and she appraised him mentally. His full frame and rugged looks excited her as she thought of all the times she had seen him as a truly Angry Warrior. At the same time she saw the grace and fluid motion that he was able to achieve when he was at rest. She would never admit it to him, now because of embarrassment, but she had spent many hours over the years watching him very gracefully work on a PADD or the console between their command chairs. Now he looked even better, in her opinion, and she was slightly jealous of the fact that men seemed to age better than women did, although she was immodest enough to think that for a woman of about 45 she was looking very good.
"I thought you'd never get here," he said in an amused voice as she got to about ten feet of him.
Kathryn shook her head. His hyper-awareness had always surprised her, and now he was displaying just how aware of her he was. He'd probably known she was there the second she had entered the Arboretum. "A friend stopped me as I arrived at the Academy and I visited for a short while," she explained as he turned to face her, still seated. She noticed that he had picked a spot near Boothby's famous rose bushes. A smile graced her lips as she thought fondly of their late friend.
"I miss him too," Chakotay said, as if reading her mind.
"You always could do that," she replied as she sat down next to him and took an offered glass of wine.
He raised a brow in silent question.
"Read my mind," she shrugged, though inwardly she was pleased that something of their incredible ability to sense the other was still there, and obviously not very diminished.
"For the first few years I could easily, but not as much later on," Chakotay told her a little flatly.
"Yeah," Kathryn said, also a bit on the morose side. She'd been hoping to avoid any strong emotional issues for a bit, but it seemed as if he was not going to pull any punches. It was what she had expected at some point, though, so she had no one to complain to but herself for making assumptions. "We really do need to talk about some things," she commented.
"We do, but let's not ruin dinner with that," he said as he opened the stasis containers. He quickly set out the food and handed her a wrapped napkin with fork, spoon, and knife. "I hope pasta is all right."
"Lovely," Kathryn said. She was trying to figure out what was going on. She had assumed he was trying to start a relationship now that they were home and Starfleet had blasted her views to atoms once and for all, but he was acting more like this was a meeting of friends who weren't going to see one another for a while. Never timid, the past seven years of her personal life to the contrary, she asked for an explanation. "What are we doing here?" she asked him.
He swirled the remaining wine in his glass as he contemplated the question. "Having dinner," he said with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.
"Besides the obvious," she said, rolling her eyes in frustration.
"I invite my best friend to have dinner with me in the most romantic place in the Academy grounds and she asks what we are doing here? I must be losing my touch," he replied. He saw her ready to throw her wine at him and he raised his hand in mock surrender. "Okay I'll answer," he chuckled. "I wanted to see if it was possible for us to still salvage enough of the past to make a relationship work."
Her breath caught and she blinked rapidly. He'd told her exactly what she wanted to hear. "And that means talking," she pressed a little, though she'd known for years that if they ever got home there would be a lot to talk about regardless of the possibility of a relationship.
"Exactly," he said with a small grin.
"You want to know why I resigned," she commented calmly. Taking a bite of the pasta, she groaned in pleasure. While he had always harped on at her about her poor eating habits while on Voyager, she really did enjoy good food.
"I have a pretty good idea already," he informed her. His knowing look told her that he had likely been in contact with Owen Paris since Owen would have wanted to find out what was going on before confronting her.
"And that idea is...?" she pressed again.
"You want to try and move past the last five years of mistakes regarding us and you're angry with the Brass hats and how they preach protocol and then tell you that you were wrong," he said very succinctly. "I'd also wager you don't like the idea of having superior officers again monitoring your every decision."
"Guilty," she said, somewhat deflated. While cathartic, the diary entry could only dull the anger and hurt she felt. Hearing someone speak out loud about what was troubling her was difficult to endure. "How can you stand it, knowing I was such a damn fool, wasting all those years and hurting you so much?" she asked.
He leaned back against a rock outcropping that had been placed in the area. "I seem to remember an evening on a planet five years ago when I told you a story," he tried to explain. "Remember when I said that the Angry Warrior had found the true meaning of peace? That also meant that he knew of war and the horrible mistakes that come with war due to human fallibility and the fragile nature of emotions. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Kathryn, and unfortunately I had no one to stand by me to make it easier to bear. I wasn't going to watch you make your mistakes and remove the one positive constant in your life, whether you wanted that constant there at the time or not. That was my promise then, and I kept it, regardless of how reckless you became. I plan to continue keeping that promise no matter the nature of our relationship."
Kathryn was still. She hadn't thought that it would be possible to move her more than his original Angry Warrior legend had done all those years ago, but these simple, direct words had done just that. She warred within herself trying to decide whether to launch herself at him and hug him fiercely, or cry, or maybe both. In the end she did neither. Looking him directly in the eye, she allowed him to see the full extent of her emotions. "I think I'm finally ready to talk about everything," she told him. "Not here, though. I want to enjoy this lovely picnic, but then we can go to my apartment here in the city and talk. There's a lot I have to make up for, and I'm sure you have some things to say to me about the past seven years, but I want to begin tonight."
Chakotay smiled widely. "I think I'm finally seeing the real Kathryn Janeway for the first time in years," he told her. He held up his glass in salute. "It's good to see her again. She's been missed."
Kathryn slowly awoke and blinked. The early morning sun filtered into the living room of her apartment and she realized that the two of them had fallen asleep on her couch. She was leaning to the side against his chest and her legs were tucked up onto the edge of the couch. Obviously his doing sometime in the night. His gentle, light snores amused her, and also gave her a calm feeling.
They had talked for hours about every conceivable topic. Chakotay had let her know his genuine feelings about the way she had done things on Voyager from Tom's covert mission to the Borg Alliance, the Equinox, and also Fair Haven. He had held back some feeling from the last since he was adamant that while hurt by her rather unbelievable stance on protocol, he honestly believed that it was her decision to make. She in turn had let him know how some of his actions over the years had affected her, especially his occasional dalliances, though she admitted that it was her cross to bear since she had refused him to begin with. Kathryn had also taken the opportunity to genuinely apologize for what she had become. Finally she had admitted her terror at seeing what her future self had become and the realization that she was on the same path of self-destruction. It had been thoroughly draining, but she felt released from the inherent dishonesty she created with her narrow conceptions of command.
She squirmed a bit and felt his morning erection digging into her backside. Looking at the clock she sighed in disappointment. Her own arousal was almost painfully obvious to her as she tried to tamp it down. "It figures that I finally willing to admit having a real use for you and we have to go to my Mother's instead," she muttered a chiding comment towards a certain piece of his anatomy. After a last moment of enjoying the feel of him against her, she carefully got up without disturbing him and made her way to the bathroom to take a quick shower and change her clothes. She almost jumped out of her skin when he showed up at the open door to the bathroom with a cup of hot coffee. She had been putting on her makeup and was wearing her peach satin robe.
"I thought you might like a cup to start the day with," he said as he gave her an appraising look.
Kathryn loved the attention and gratefully accepted the coffee, taking a healthy drink of her personal elixir of life. "The second best way to start the day," she said with a wink. She enjoyed the look of shock and arousal in his eyes at her teasing entendre.
"And the first?" he grinned.
"Too bad we have to be at my Mother's in a short while or I'd show you, but if you behave and charm my Mother with your wit and manner I'll definitely show you tomorrow morning," she said with a quick bump of her hip against his. "Now get out of here while I finish and then you can shower. Why don't you replicate some breakfast?" she asked.
The next hour was a rush as she finished her toilette, had breakfast and he made himself a bit more presentable. Not much was said as was their custom during breakfast, but Kathryn was nervous. It didn't make sense, but she felt almost like a teenager bringing home a boy for her parent's approval. In a way she was as Gretchen still was an important part of her life and she craved her Mother's approval, especially after so many years of not having her wisdom to help guide her.
"We'll have to walk to the transporter station I'm afraid," she told him.
Chakotay smiled. "Unlike you, I haven't resigned my commission yet so I can just call us a transporter beamout from here," he informed her. He tapped the side of his head. "It pays to have a backup plan."
Ten minutes later they materialized on the front porch of her Mother's home in Indiana. Before they had even had a chance to look around, the front door flew open and the imposing figure of Gretchen Janeway appeared framed in the doorway.
"It's about time young lady," Gretchen said firmly. Inwardly she was enjoying this immensely. She had been very pleased that Kathryn had finally found herself and she was also thrilled to meet the person partly responsible. That didn't mean she couldn't have a little fun a her daughter's expense, though. What was the point of being a parent if you couldn't embarrass your kids every now and again? After all, it had been seven years since she'd had the chance with Kathryn. "I've been on pins and needles since you left here yesterday so quickly I didn't have a chance to ask you what you were talking about. Freedom? Another piece of it? I'm assuming this is who you were referring to," she prattled on and took an appraising look at him. "Turn around young man," Gretchen ordered as only the former wife of an Admiral could. She could see the shocked look on their faces and had to fight to keep from laughing. As Chakotay hesitantly turned around she placed her chin in her palm and nodded her head a few times. Looking at Kathryn who was obviously trying to figure out how to hide and never come back, she smiled. "Very nice, Kathryn," she said warmly. Gretchen flicked a rakish eye back at Chakotay and then focused on Kathryn again. "He will definitely give me some beautiful grandchildren," she continued, bringing up her absolute favorite topic of conversation since Phoebe had graced her with three in the last few years. "When you can move from those frozen spots you seem to be inhabiting I could use some help in the kitchen," she said as she turned and went into the house. She paused and looked back over her shoulder. "Remember, Dear, Freedom always comes with a price, and the price you get to pay is listening to me and my wish for lots of grandchildren to spoil, so I suggest you get to work. I'm not getting any younger." She walked away after that parting shot, a wide smile on her face.
After her horror had worn off and she had a moment to think about the 'grandchildren' that Gretchen wanted, Kathryn got a wicked grin on her face. "Remember that little demonstration that I was planning on giving you tomorrow morning?" she asked. "How about we cut to the chase and spend some 'quality' time in a hayloft? I don't know about you, but when my Mother says 'get to work' I listen. Now that I have it, I intend to embrace my Freedom fully, if you know what I mean."
Chakotay caught on instantly as his dreams of seven years were very quickly coming true. "Yes, Ma'am!" he said as he swooped her up in his arms.
Turning to Chakotay she grinned, delighted. "Finally! Someone who knows when it's crunch time!" As she was being carried down the steps, the submissive feelings of which were surprisingly arousing for her, she hollered out "We'll be busy for the next few hours, Mom!" Tucking her head into his neck, she began to nibble a bit. While she may be enjoying a bit of submission, she wasn't above sneaking a little reverse aggression in to continue moving things in the right direction. His growl of arousal told her she was on the right track.
Unbeknownst to them, Gretchen, Phoebe, Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry Kim were watching them through the window of the living room as Chakotay carried her towards the barn.
"You are evil," Tom said with a shudder. "Now I know who she got it from," he said with a nod towards Kathryn.
"Trade secret, Tom," Gretchen said as she watched her daughter and future son-in-law. "Maybe someday B'Elanna will let you in on the joys of being a Mother and having a wicked sense of humor with your kids." While everyone made their way back to the kitchen, she continued watching the two outside. She may have been happy yesterday to see the real Kathryn, but now she felt truly content. "It's about damn time," she said to herself in acknowledgment of the feeling. Seven years of tension and stress was way too long.