A/N: Hey! I'm working on the next chapter of Wedding Bell Blues and I hope to have it up by at least tomorrow at the latest, but I desperately needed to write this one shot. So I'm not holding my breath for any real closure of the Ryder and Marley saga in this week's upcoming episode and I felt like they really needed to have an honest conversation like the one in this one-shot. I really wrote this to live out a canon fantasy of mine and also as a way to release some of the feelings I've been having about the fact that the show is unjustly moving to New York. Sorry, but NY is not the Glee I fell in love with. So, the inspiration really came from ryleysyder on Tumblr when I asked for headcanon ideas and she had one about the song that Marley gave Ryder in the Nationals episode really being about him and she tells him. I do refer to the song, but I'm not a songwriter, so it's in vague references, sorry. But the title is inspired by J.T's song by the same name because it really does feel like their song. Especially when you read some of the things that Ryder says to her. But please remember to read and review and I own nothing related to Glee. Hope you enjoy :)
Oh and follow me on Tumblr to either chat or give me an idea that you'd really like to see written out if that's your thing at: teamnewdirections (I can't link it, but that's my username) THANK YOU!
"Hey. What are you doing in here?" Ryder asked as he saw Marley all alone in the auditorium with tears in her eyes after the graduation ceremony for the seniors was over. He was wondering why she wasn't in the choir room with everyone else, celebrating with them.
"Oh! Hey Ryder. I'm just sitting here, thinking about the end of Glee Club. I know Mr. Schue wanted to bring back the graduates to share their memories but I hate how they had all those great moments and we just don't have a place to go anymore." she admitted sadly.
"Well, I can't guilt trip you for quitting Glee Club for Accounting Club anymore. But this whole thing sucks. I mean, Artie said when the club first started, they still kept going even though they lost at Regionals; and then they still kept going the year after that even though they placed 12th at Nationals. We get 2nd place and apparently we aren't good enough for anyone to care anymore." Ryder said, almost with a bitter tone in his voice as he sat down next to her in the red chairs. "But a lot of good things did come from joining Glee. I met some of the best friends I've ever had this year." he continued with a smile as he put a comforting arm around Marley's shoulder.
"Even with all the drama?" Marley said with a smirk.
"Life without the drama would've been too boring." Ryder chuckled. "But Holly and April said they were staying in Lima and running an after school music program. And you could always do community theater. Either that or do YouTube cover videos." Ryder continued, trying to cheer her up.
"It's not the same though, I think I'd miss seeing you cheering for me in those plastic chairs when I do an assignment the most. And what about you? Aren't you going to try and do April and Holly's class?" Marley asked.
"If it doesn't interfere with football practice. I love singing but I don't know if it's the thing I'm passionate about." he replied.
"What are you passionate about then?" Marley asked curiously.
"Football, I suppose. I know it'll probably never happen, but I'd like to maybe play on a pro team someday. It's kind of the only thing I'm really good at. Some of my best memories, especially the ones with my dad are when I learned how to play. It was the only time I ever felt like he was proud of me. Maybe he'll feel less bad about having an idiot for a son if I ever win the Super Bowl." he said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Don't say that. You're not an idiot. And there are so many other things you are. You really are a great musician and you really are smart and you're the only one who has ever made me laugh enough that I forget about the bad day I'm having. " Marley said, smiling at him.
"So what about you? You still want to be a singer?" he asked, trying to detract the conversation from himself.
"Yeah. I don't know, but it's the only thing that makes me feel alive. It's like I can lie to someone's face, but I can't lie about what I feel when I write a song. I guess it's the only way I know how to express myself. I've never been great at opening up to people, and the only way I don't get hurt is if I focus on my music instead." she answered.
"I guess that's why when I hear you sing, it's like I can look into your soul and really know how you feel; but when you talk, it feels like you're holding something back." Ryder replied.
Marley mumbled something under her breath and Ryder recognized it as some of the lyrics to a song that she showed him in LA.
"What was that?" Ryder asked as she looked blankly ahead.
"Nothing, what you said reminded me of a song that I wrote.
"Yeah, it was one of the ones you gave me." he reminded her.
"Yeah. Listen, about that song, there was a reason why I gave it to you. I didn't think you would give it to Mercedes, I kind of thought it would be between us." she started nervously.
"What is it?" he asked curiously.
"It was about…you." she admitted.
"What? Why didn't you tell me before?" he queried, not sure how to feel about it. A part of him was a little bit hopeful, but the other was a little confused that she never told him about how she felt. He hated when their friendship finally gets to a good place, one of them, usually him, blurts out something that makes it complicated again.
"I was scared. I could handle losing a boyfriend because a part of me knew that it could happen and I would probably move on just fine. But I didn't want to lose you as a friend if we ever got to that point. Which is why, as selfish as it probably sounds, that I was okay with us not becoming romantically involved." she answered honestly.
"Are you saying that you have feelings for me?" he asked her point blank.
"I can't just say it even though I do, because it will just complicate everything." she said with a frantic tone. Ryder knew she was getting scared, but after the roller coaster his emotions had been on, all the nights that he thought of her, it even hurt to see her everyday and not know how she was feeling.
Marley started to stand up, covering her face so he couldn't see her cry. She was running away again.
"Marley, the only thing complicating this is you not being completely honest!" Ryder blurted out. "Why didn't you fight for me?" she finally asked.
"What?" he answered in confusion.
"Back in November, when you had to cancel the date, I really was looking forward to it. I felt something backstage during Grease that scared me a little bit but I knew that what was happening was real. I felt like you were the only one who saw me for who I was. A part of me knew that I was just a trophy for Jake, even though I stupidly ignored that. The only times he ever proved that he really wanted me was when he could lose me. It never felt real, I was just a phase to him. But Kitty said something after you left me at my locker, she said you weren't really into me. And I knew Jake told you about the first date because he said he wanted to be the one to do it. And you cancelled our plans and I thought for a second that Kitty was right. And it seemed like you accepted what Jake said when he told you about us way too easily. And I thought maybe I was wrong after all about Grease." she replied, her blue eyes heavy with emotion.
"I know it looked like I didn't care, but I really do. And I couldn't compete with Jake, I mean you met him first and I knew that we couldn't really be happy if you weren't over him yet. But the only fighting I could do at that point was to let you do what made you happy in that moment, even if it killed me." he replied as the air felt heavy between them. Now everything has changed. They've finally hit the point of no return, despite a year of dodging that place.
"I don't want to lose you. Almost everyone in my life has let me down, and I thought maybe you could be that one constant. I don't want to screw this up if we decide to start dating. But I don't want to see another girl talking to you and know that even though I lost out and it's my fault, that you'll feel the same way about her that you felt about me." she finally said after a bit of silence.
"How we feel now, there isn't a guarantee that it'll last. But my parents met when they were our age and they've been together since then. And the only thing I've ever wanted was a relationship like theirs. Not perfect, but close enough. We can't just keep skating over this and pretending like our feelings don't matter." he said softly as he approached her. She finally looked him in the eyes and both of their resolves were breaking.
"I know that you've been waiting forever for this. But you don't want to be with me. I'm not that perfect dream girl you want me to be. I'm a time bomb and I could go off at any moment, and just hurt you. I ruin everything good that happens to me and I can't stop thinking that I'm just not good enough for you." she admitted.
"I know you're not perfect. And I didn't start falling for some perfect dream girl in that bathroom during Grease. I fell for you, Marley Rose. The girl who tries to keep it together, but can break easier than anyone else I've ever met. And you're the girl who fights harder than anyone, even if it scares her. And you're the girl who has always been alone, but you don't have to be anymore. I promise that I'm not going to screw this up and I promise that I won't let you either. We can have a forever. It doesn't have to end like you expected it to." he answered truthfully.
"I'm not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. I over think everything, I can be emotional and irrational, and I have way too much baggage." she continued.
"We haven't had the easiest friendship, but we still made it this far haven't we?" he answered.
"You aren't giving up that easily are you?" she said as she cracked a smile.
"Nope. Because every reason you're giving me to not want to be with you is only making me fall for you even more. Now stop looking for a reason for this not to work and let me kiss you." he replied as he lifted her face to his. But instead of Ryder moving in first, he was surprised that she beat him to it.
Her soft lips connected with his and it felt as if time stopped moving and they were the only two people left in the world. The kiss only lasted for a few seconds, but Ryder didn't want it to stop. Everything was coming full circle and he was afraid if the moment ended that she would try to run away from her feelings again.
"I want to be the guy who you can trust. I want you to know that even when talking to another girl about something stupid like homework, that I'm thinking only of you. I want to be the first one you talk to when you're upset, even if it's at some inconvenient time. I want to know what you're thinking about, even if we aren't talking in that moment. I want you to play your songs for me and I want you to watch me play football. And I most definitely want to be the man who can give you the happy ending you deserve." he continued as he rubbed his thumb over her cheek.
"Promise?" she asked with tears in her eyes. "Promise. We don't even have to tell anyone about us until you're ready. We can just make it about us. We don't have to make it weird, we can just hang out and laugh and talk the same way we did before. Just because our feelings are changing, doesn't mean our friendship has to." he assured her.
"Okay. So this summer, we see where this goes and maybe when we get back to school in August, we can tell our friends. But I just don't think I'm ready for Instagram pictures and changed Facebook statuses just yet. Our friends seem to complicate our relationships even more." she agreed. "I think this is the first time I've ever really fell in love, not just had a short lived crush on someone." she continued as they laced their fingers together.
"I'm falling in love with you too. It's nice to know that you feel the same way and we're falling together." he admitted. After ignoring all of their feelings, they're finally facing the inevitable. And maybe, just maybe, it'll last.
"So you want to go back to the party in the choir room?" he asked as they left.
"Um, maybe we could just stop by for a few minutes and say bye to everyone? And you could come back to my house? My mom's making spaghetti and meatballs and I know that's your favorite meal." she suggested.
"Ooh, meeting your mom? I don't know if I'm ready for that. She'll probably hate me." Ryder joked as she nudged his ribs.
"She knows you make me happy, I think she'll live. I think she was secretly rooting for us from the beginning." Marley replied.
"You know, once we walk out this door, I think everyone will at least have their own suspicions about us? You sure you can handle it?" he asked as they got ready to leave the auditorium.
"Yeah. Let them talk. They have no idea how we really feel anyway and they don't have to know." Marley said as she took Ryder's hand in hers and opened the door. And maybe they had finally broke through their walls and they could truly be happy now that everything was out in the open.