"Of course we'll be there! I can't wait! Alright then, see you tomorrow. Bye Claire." my mom hung up and set the phone on the counter, turning back to the dishes.
"Who was that…?" I asked suspiciously. Claire was James's mom, but I couldn't imagine what she'd be calling out.
"That was Mrs. Diamond," she began and I could see from where I sat behind her that a smile was spreading across her face. She hoped James and I would get married one day. "The boys are coming home for the summer. She's having a welcome home party and she invited us."
"Oh." I moved from the table, rushed upstairs, and slammed the door. I collapsed on my bed, shutting my eyes. Memories from the last night I had talked to him played over in my mind.
"I saw the picture, James…" I whispered, looking up at him. He looked confused for a minute before he realized what I was talking about.
"Han. It's not what you think…" his eyes were wide as he tried desperately to explain, but I didn't want to hear it.
"How can it not be what I think? I've honestly been waiting for the day when something like this would happen. I know you're too good for me. But I'd rather have you tell me you don't like me like that, than pretend you do just to make me feel better about myself. I know I might look it, but I'm not stupid, James!" I said, my voice shaking as I voiced my greatest fears. I ran from the kitchen, down the darkened hallway, off the porch, and into the street. My vision blurred as rain began pouring.
"Hanna, come on. I've told you a million times… You're beautiful. I don't want anyone else. And I could never do that to you. I... I love you. But if you can't grasp that… If you can't trust me, then maybe we should just…" he grabbed my hand, and spun me to face him.
Although his voice was sincere and I had never seen a sweeter, gentler look on his face, it only caused me to be come angrier. "You're turning this around on me, James? Okay, fine…" He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine. It wasn't like one of those romantic rain-kisses you see in movies that every girl dreams of experiencing; it was desperate, with a touch of anger. I tried pushing him of, but to no avail. No matter how angry I was, I could never deny his kisses. When he finally pulled away, I stared at him. "We're done."
That was the last I'd spoken to him, almost two years ago, right after my sixteenth birthday. I had considered calling him many times, but each time I began to dial his number, I imagined him answering and hearing a girl's voice in the background telling him to hang up and come back to bed, and I immediately set the phone back down. Now that he was coming home, so I couldn't continue avoiding him. In such a small town, it was only a matter of time before we bumped into each other somewhere. I wondered what I would do when I saw him. I was pretty much furious that he was coming back. He left me without warning and hadn't even bothered to try to keep in touch. Granted, I had been ignoring him, but we'd gotten it wasn't rare for us to fight and we always made up eventually. On top of that, I had just convinced myself I was over him. It'd taken a long time to ignore the feelings I still had for him. I had just found happiness with someone else, someone who always treated me right, who I didn't have to stay up worrying that he'd hurt me, or worse, hurt himself with his crazy, daredevil schemes. Just as I was beginning to find some emotional stability in my life, he was coming back to wreck it. However, I couldn't deny the part of me that was excited; I hadn't talked to him for a year and a half. That was a long time to spend away from someone you love, even if you're over them and even if you hate them. I let out a long, frustrated sigh. Even when he was a thousand miles away, he had the ability to make me feel more in a moment than I thought I could feel in a year. The longer I thought about him, the more memories surfaced. I thought about the time we went bowling and he had taken a hit after telling some guys that were trying to pick me up to back off and the time during the summer before freshman year when we had slept over each other's houses every night.
At some point during reminiscing about James, I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to my boyfriend, sitting at the foot of my bed, smiling.
"Morning, sleepy head." Zack said as I rubbed my eyes.
"Hey," I croaked, a small smile played at my lips, "What are you doing here?"
Shawn's eyes danced with amusement. "Your mom told me to come wake you up... It's one thirty."
"Seriously?" I asked, sitting up.
"Yeah. We're leaving for the Diamonds in an hour, so you might want to hurry up and get ready." he said, moving for the door.
"Wait… You're coming to the party?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. He and the guys had been good friends. They'd grown up together, just as the boys and I had.
"Of course. Is something wrong?" he looked puzzled.
"No, everything's fine," I said and kissed him, "Now get out, I have to get dressed."
Zack looked at me for a minute, then turned and shuffled out of my room, closing the door behind him. I moved towards the mirror, staring at my reflection. My eyes were bloodshot and my face was puffy. Had I been crying in my sleep? I let out a long sigh as I sorted through my little bag of cosmetics. Eye liner, mascara, cover up… Eye shadow? I tossed the plastic case back in the bag; James had once told me he loved it. Then, I went through all of my drawers. Shirts were scattered around my room and tried on four different pairs of shorts. I opened my closet ten times, hoping that the contents might change. After fifteen minutes, I gave up on the idea that I'd find the perfect outfit and slid into a willowy, light blue sundress that stopped just above my knees. Finally, I tackled the beast that I called my hair. I contemplated straightening my wavy, butt-length, sandy blonde hair, but instead, I twisted it into a braid. It was way easier and it didn't seem like I was trying to impress anyone… Which I wasn't. Right? I went back and stood in front of my mirror. I glared at the figure in the mirror. It was all wrong. There was no way I could go out of the house like this. Luckily, my dad yelled up the steps that 'I'd better be downstairs in five minutes or they were leaving without me' before I had a chance to begin the entire process over again. However, I decided, in a moment of complete nostalgia, I lightly sprayed myself with James's favorite perfume.
By the time we arrived , the party was already in full swing. There were three tents set up in the backyard, each one was decorated with hanging lights. Trays of different homemade foods were opened, but seemingly untouched, while the different colored sodas were all half full and only a few beers floated at the top of the cooler.
"There you are! We were thinking you'd never show!" Mr. Diamond called, sweeping my family into a round of hugs and kisses.
"It's great to see you!" my mom gushed.
I tuned out the rest of the conversation. I intently scanned each tent, looking for those beautiful, golden brown locks. I saw Mrs. Pena and my neighbor, Helena gossiping quietly and a bunch of older guys shouting about hockey stats. James was nowhere to be seen. I let out a sigh and turned, ready to go search the house for him, when I collided with someone. I gasped as beer spilled down the front of my dress.
"Hey!"
"You smell really good." he mumbled back. I looked up and met his gaze. And then the whole world seemed to freeze.
Hi! Sooo, I hope you're enjoying LRCKR so far. If you read all of that, I love you very much and would love you even more if you would post a review. Just to let me know that you're interested or not interested, for whatever reason! Also, in case you were confused, in this story the boys left Minnesota the year before they were about to be Juniors and is set the summer after what would've been their senior year. Right! So, I'm going to post the second chapter soon, whether I get reviews or not because I write for my own fulfillment, but I'd love some encouragement. Thank you! (:
