I have three sides to me. And they all react and cope with what's happened in different ways.
There's my Rihannsu side. This side of me I've always embraced. I always liked my slightly green skin, my upswept eyebrows. I always wished I had the V on my forehead, my ears were pointier, my body temperature were five degrees cooler, that I didn't have sweat glands. I always felt like all those things could make me more Rihannsu, and they were the things hevam always bullied me about. Why I got shoved against lockers, why I was the verbal punching bag at so many schools. But I held on to that heritage, because I felt like my hevam blood brought me down to their level. In some ways I was just as prejudiced as they were.
My Rihannsu side tells me that I'm strong. That I don't need help, that I can do it on my own, because I'm Rihannsu. I don't need another person to guide me through my emotions. Rihannsu - and even Vulcans - are more emotional than hevam anyways. I should know how to deal with that. How to come to terms with myself and what I've been through, even what I've done.
I know my two years with the Borg are like a bullet wound - the pain will eventually go away but there will always be a scar. And it's my human side that tells me you can't repair a bullet wound with a bandage. It's my human side that tells me no matter what I want to make myself believe, I need help. And that it's arrogant of me to refuse help that's being explicitly offered to me.
And that third side. It's the side that scares me, because I don't know what to do with it. It's the side that tells me I'm perfect, superior to these entirely organic beings surrounding me. The side that makes my other sides anguish, because I can't accept my inherent imperfection. I know I'm not perfect, and that kills me, because I feel that at one time I was. At one time I was perfect.
Ajoi, arhem hna temdekon.
Elements, I need help.