Too Much Bloodshed
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. End of story.
Summary: The Doctor realizes that there's been too much bloodshed for him to atone for.
Chapter 1: The Blood Of A Pond
Rory knelt on the cold floor, cradling Amelia Pond's body in his arms. He wanted to cry, but couldn't. When he turned to face the Doctor, shivers went down the Time Lord's spine, and for good reason: he knew the expression on Rory's face, knew the feelings seething behind Rory's eyes. It was fire and ice, burning rage and freezing calm, hatred and pity undeserved.
He looked into the Doctor's eyes, and said, without raising his voice, "She's dead, Doctor. Amy's dead because she followed you. My wife is dead because you insisted on taking us along. This is your fault, Doctor. Amelia Pond is dead, and you're to blame."
The Doctor nodded. "I am. And I am so sorry. I know nothing I say can make it better. All I can say besides telling you how sorry I am is that I deserve whatever you're feeling toward me right now."
"You're right. You do deserve my feelings. But there is one thing you don't deserve." Rory said flatly. His hand reached out and pulled the gun from the hands of the dead Sontaran lying nearby, the same one that killed Amy. He aims it at the Doctor, and prepares to fire.
"Rory, I'm not going to try to stop you." The Doctor says.
"Good. I don't want you to." Rory says.
"But I do want you to let me tell you something that you deserve to know."
"What's that?"
"River dies. In my past, she dies. The first time I meet her, in fact. At this one planet, the Library. She dies to save 4,022 people. More than that, she dies in my place, to make sure our time together is unchanged. I tried to save her, Rory. I tried to convince her to let me do it, like I'd planned. She refused. She died, Rory. Because of me. That's why she didn't show up with me to Christmas dinner before this trip; in her timeline, I'd just taken her to Darillium, to see the Singing Towers. And then she was right off to the Library. To die. Too much bloodshed, Rory. That's what there's been. Too much bloodshed. I can't tell you why, because I don't know, but, to me, the blood of a Pond on my hands weighs more than most. The blood of two, that's torture, Rory. So go ahead. Shoot me. I can't atone for their deaths any other way, but, if pulling that trigger gives you closure, do it. I won't regenerate. I won't let myself."
Rory's expression went through several stages. Confusion, understanding, sorrow, and anger. "You killed my daughter. Your wife. She's dead because of you as well." he said, then lowered the gun. "You don't deserve to die." he said.
"Rory, if there's anything I can do…"
"There are some things you can do. Take us home, Doctor. So I can bury her. Take us home, one last time." Rory said.
The Doctor nodded. "Come along, Rory." he said, walking into the TARDIS. Rory carried Amy's body into the TARDIS after him. They were silent as the Doctor set course and they arrived in Leadworth. They buried Amy in silence, and then Rory turned to the Doctor, who was heading back to the TARDIS.
"Wait, Doctor." he called.
The Doctor stopped. "What is it, Rory."
"There is one more thing you can do. Can this thing disintegrate?"
The Doctor had a sneaking suspicion about what Rory had in mind, but he answered truthfully anyway. "Yes." he said, walking over and setting it accordingly. "Now, what can I do for you?"
Rory raised the gun and fired it at a nearby rock. The rock vanished. "Perfect." he said.
The Doctor closed his eyes and braced himself for death as Rory aimed and fired, but it didn't come. He opened his eyes and looked around, and saw that Rory had never meant to hit him.
Rory glared at the Doctor. "You can live like any of the rest of us, Doctor. You can live with the grief of their loss. You can honor them by not running again. You can wait for it to get better. You can wait, like you made Amy wait, with only the faintest hope that what you're waiting for will come."
With that, Rory left, leaving the Doctor staring at the spot where the TARDIS had once been.