Pain
Set after "Aliyah" when Ziva left. For the girl I love. Tony pov.
I leaned back against the wall of the plane and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe I had done this. How could I of been so selfish? Doing this? To the girl I love?
I couldn't ... WOULDN'T admit that I was jealous of Rivkin. Not to Ziva. Not even to a mirror. And I hated myself for it.
If I could change ... had the ability to go back in time ... not let Gibbs arrest him ... not put a bullet in him ... stop Ziva from leaving us all forever ... I would do it in a heartbeat. But I can't. The deed is done. She is gone and there is nothing I can do about it.
I opened my eyes and looked up again. Gibbs was sitting there, across from me, with his poker face on, but I knew he was hurting; just as much as I was.
I hurt Ziva. Gibbs. Probie, judging by the look on his face. I couldn't believe I had done this to my team. My best friends ... and the love of my life.
I don't think I could ever live through the pain.
A/N Emo much? Yeah, I know . But I think Tony would feel something like that (or he should) when Ziva left after Rivkin died. I know its how I feel after doing the same thing (minus the killing). Thank you, D, I love you.