A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for checking out my story. Warning you now, this is a Bella/Carlisle pairing, so if you don't like that please don't leave any nasty comments. Flames are for burning witches :) This is my first Twilight fanfiction, so leave lots of nice reviews ok? Pretty please with a cherry on top! xD Lots of love, Karen

Ps: This takes place during New Moon, starting off with Bella laying in the forest after Edward abandoned her.

Bella's POV

I once heard that true love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations; it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart. I now know that the person who wrote that was either in complete denial, or had hit the liquor cabinet a little too early. When I believed myself to be in love, it was never equal or pure. I was treated as though I couldn't handle my own life, so someone else lied to me about it while feigning interest. It was never without violent demonstrations. Whether physical or otherwise, I was constantly in pain during the course of my relationship. Somehow my body or heart always ended up in pieces next to him, appearing weaker than ever, further proving his point. It was never seen with white hairs. My love ended too soon for me to reach old age, something he would never greet anyway. And please tell me how true love could be eternal and infinite when Edward, who was the very same, found it so easy to extricate himself from my life.

And now look at me, laying on the forest floor, waiting for any sign of life to return to me. Waiting for them to return to me.

I knew he wasn't coming back to me. He made that perfectly clear when he said that he didn't want me to go with him. Was I really that much trouble? Did I attract so much danger for everyone that he could no longer deal with me?

No, I thought despondently, heart searing as though it was wrapped in white hot wires. That was only part of it. He would have been able to deal with that. Vampires could deal with an eighteen year old girl. He just… he couldn't… Edward didn't love me, I thought. My heart ripped open as I acknowledged this, the wounds just as fresh as when Edward left me standing alone, as dead inside as the trees around me. It was as though the forest felt it when he abandoned me, reflecting my pain, a mirror image of my heartbreak.

I shivered as I lay there, the first time I had moved in hours. I have no idea how long it had been since I collapsed on the ground in defeat, but I didn't particularly care. It was night now, and it had started to rain. The raindrops felt like ice, mixing with the tears that were still flooding my face. I didn't bother to wipe them away. I no longer had the strength to do anything but continue to lay curled up and hurt. I refused to look up at the sky, which I knew was pitch black and devoid of stars. Even the moon refused to make its appearance tonight. The darkness of the forest enveloped me, dragging me further into the abyss. How I longed to get lost in that darkness, to welcome unconsciousness with open arms. But instead I just lay there on the hard-packed earth, rocks digging into the bare skin of my arms and neck. I don't know what happened to my jacket, I must have lost it in the woods somewhere. All I remember was chasing after him, tripping and crying as I went on oblivious of my surroundings or where I was going. I kept thinking that if I just kept running a little farther I would find him leaning casually against a tree, the warmth in his golden eyes sparkling as he waited to pull me into his arms. He wasn't there. He was gone from here forever, and he didn't care. Why should he? And why should I still care?

Because you love him, and you know he still loves you, I told myself fiercely.

Don't be an idiot, Bella, you know very well he doesn't give a damn about you. Otherwise he wouldn't have left you, my mind argued back angrily.

Exhausted and not wishing to hear myself think anymore, I foolishly cupped my hands over my ears like a child. I was acting like I was five years old, but who cares anyway? There was no one left to impress. It shut out the thoughts to my relief. All that remained was the sound of the rain landing sharply on the leaves around me.

I was completely numb. I felt as though someone had dulled my senses in order to make the pain I was feeling that much greater. And while I somehow managed to block my swirling thoughts, I still could not control the image that would forever be burned into my memory. Edward's eyes, his beautiful golden eyes. They had been like liquid gold, melted precious metal, bottomless irises that could see right through you and read your very soul. Much too intelligent, too gorgeous, too perfect to be human eyes. That picture had been replaced by one that filled my heart with horror and agony. The warmth in his eyes had been gone when he left me. All traces of light had disappeared. The liquid amber had frozen, seeming to leave the hatred and blank stare they held permanently etched on his face. This image terrified me, would not let me forget what he had done. So I just lay there, crying as I gave in to the nausea and sorrow.

Another hour passed, and I remained where I was. I started to wonder why nobody had come to look for me yet. Or did everyone share Edward's point of view, and just not care what had become of me?

Maybe they are looking for me, I thought listlessly. But they just can't find me. Where am I anyway? Am I even still in Forks?

It didn't matter. The farther away the better I guess. I didn't even want to be found. I just wanted to be alone forever, not have to deal with the emotional abuse that inevitably came with being in contact with other humans.

Or vampires, I thought dismally.

That sparked an idea in my head. A dangerous, stupid idea that Edward would definitely not approve of. But he wasn't here anymore.

I could run away.

It was that simple. Why stay here when there was nothing left to hold onto? I was miserable here, and the only things that kept me happy were the Cullens and Charlie.

Well, one of those two things was gone forever. And the other…well, he had lost me before. Once more wouldn't kill him, but it might kill me to stay. I love him with all of my heart, but how much more love can I give him now that my heart was shattered?

I had made up my mind. Forks could live without me.

It took all of the strength I had left just to push myself up to my knees, arms shaking dangerously. I worked my way, slowly but determined, to my feet and stood for the first time in hours. I was freezing and aching all over as I started to make my way through the forest, tears still streaming down my pale face. I must have looked like a zombie, staggering through the woods, no expression on my face other than that same fleeting look of pain I wore every few minutes since Edward had taken his leave.

The rain eventually stopped. I walked for what I guessed must have been a few more hours, searching for some scene other than the one of endless trees that continued to surround me.

It must have been close to morning when the forest started to thin. I finally broke through the tree border, my shoes slapping loudly against the pavement of the street and echoing down the road. I jumped, almost losing my balance and catching myself quickly on a tree branch before my face smashed into it. I had grown accustomed to the silence of the woods, the mud muting my footsteps as I walked.

Stupid, clumsy Bella, I thought dully, quietly wishing that I had hit my face into the tree and lost consciousness right there. This town will be glad to see you go. No one will want a depressed, awkward, empty shell of a girl around.

I looked tiredly up and down the road. I was close to the town limits. A few more minutes walking and I would be free of this nightmare, of Forks, forever.

Another thought occurred to me just then. I realized what else lay just down the road, minutes from the town border. A certain side road that would lead me to a place where I had always felt safe, always comfortable, free to be myself and nothing more. But this place may also fill me with more heartbreak, crushing me as I discovered it empty as I knew it must be. It would truly make this Hell real.

And yet for some reason I couldn't bring myself to believe that. I had a feeling that this was the right thing to do now, and nothing else really mattered anymore except following what I thought I should do.

With an unexplained newfound strength in me I ran the rest of the way until I found the hidden road, sprinting clumsily to the abandoned Cullen house.