Don't Let the Silence Do the Talking
Summary: Sam is shocked to learn what happened before he got his soul back. Castiel/Sam. An extra little scene we didn't see in 6x12. Slash, boy kissing, implied sex.
'You let me in, but then sometimes,
Your empty eyes just made me feel so cold inside,
When I'm with you, it's like rolling dice,
Don't know how or when you're gonna make me cry.'
Sam just stared at the angel in front of him. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He, Sam Winchester, had almost killed Bobby just so he wouldn't have to take his mangled soul back into his body. Almost. From what Castiel had told him, if Dean hadn't been there then Bobby would be dead, all because of his selfishness. He let his head fall into his hands, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. He felt a dip in the bed, Castiel sitting down next to him, a comforting hand upon his back, rubbing circles.
"Sam, you were not yourself. You were someone else entirely. You grasped no sense of emotions or feelings. That is the consequences of an absent soul. I'm sorry," Castiel said from next to Sam. The younger Winchester turned his head to the angel.
"I killed you before I went to Hell, Cas," he said. "I can't forgive myself for that either." Castiel sighed.
"Once again, you were not yourself. You were Lucifer. You, once again, had no grasp," he said calmly. Sam felt a few tears slide down his cheeks. He hastily wiped them away, trying to keep some of the dignity he had left. Suddenly Castiel stood from the bed, standing in front of Sam.
"Why didn't Dean tell me this?" Sam asked, looking up at Castiel.
"I suppose, as a brother would, he did it to protect you. You know he'd do anything for you, Sam. Even save you from the things he didn't want you to know," Castiel said. Sam looked down at the floor again. He was so ashamed; he had been so hell bent on not getting his soul back he'd went to drastic lengths, almost resulting in death. That wasn't him. He would never kill Bobby Singer, his surrogate father. And even when he'd been watching from his own possessed body before he jumped in the hole, he had seen 'Lucifer' kill Castiel, watching him blow up into a million pieces. Then he'd broken Bobby's neck, Dean's scream of 'no' still echoing around his mind before he had proceeded to almost beat his own brother to death, all while possessed by the devil.
"Sam?" Castiel's voice was soft in the silent room, like a whisper on the wind. He still stood close to Sam, his hand hovering in front of him as if to place it on the younger Winchester's head, or shoulder, or something that would bring him comfort. Sam lifted his hand from the bed, placing it against Castiel's stomach, his fingers gripping the tie that hung loosely there, his head still bowed to the ground. He pulled Castiel closer, Sam's head pressing against Castiel's stomach, his cheek against the fabric of the angel's shirt.
"Sam?" Castiel whispered again as his hand finally found somewhere to go. He placed his hand against the young man's cheek, his fingers cupping his jaw ever so gently as his thumb wiped away the wet streaks the tears had left.
"Can you forgive me?" Sam whispered, his hot breath seeping through Castiel's shirt, tickling his skin. Castiel took a deep, unneeded breath.
"You have done nothing that would cause you to ask for forgiveness," Castiel whispered, swallowing hard.
"I killed you ..."
"I'm here now, Sam," he said, making Sam look up at him. "I'm here with you now, and I'm not going anywhere." Sam stood slowly, the unmistakable rustle of fabric between them as their clothes rubbed together. Sam towered over Castiel before bending slightly, taking Castiel in his arms and hugging him tight against his chest. Sam's hands clawed at Castiel's trenchcoat, holding him tight as if the angel would slip away if he made one wrong move. Castiel reciprocated, holding Sam tightly before Sam lifted his head from the crook of the angel's neck to look down into his eyes. Sam gripped the collar of that damn trenchcoat, thrusting a thumb under the jawbone, pushing Castiel's face up to meet his. Castiel breathed heavily, not that he needed it, when Sam's top lip brushed his, the younger Winchester's own breath coming in steady pants at their closeness. Castiel brought his palm up against Sam's cheek in a gentle manner before he cleared his throat.
"Sam ... we shouldn't ... we can't," he began, the first time Sam had ever heard the angel stutter for words. Sam watched the angel for a moment before he suddenly wrapped his arms around Castiel waist, lifting him from his feet. Castiel's eyes widened, his hands gripping Sam's shoulders as he was lifted. But he realised he was the same height now as the young Winchester. Sam suddenly pulled him in, their lips meeting in a deep kiss, Castiel's arms wrapping possessively around Sam's neck, holding himself up as their lips worked each others, fingers gripping clothes and threading through hair, all to gain dominance in their kiss. Castiel felt strange not to have his feet on the ground but the possessive nature of the kiss and the stance had Castiel's stomach in knots, something he'd never felt before as Sam suddenly pressed him up against the weak motel room wall.
"I want you ..." Sam moaned against the angel's chapped lips.
"You have me."
The motel room was quiet, except from the low panting from the hunter and the angel. They lay together in a mass of sticky, scratchy motel room sheets, bodies drenched in sweat and other bodily fluids. Castiel pressed his sweaty face into the crook of Sam's neck, pressing kisses against the moist skin.
"Y'okay?" Sam asked sleepily.
"I am perfectly content," Castiel said, in a hushed whispered. He sighed gently. "Perfectly content."
"I am sorry for everything, Castiel," Sam said, making Castiel prop himself up on his elbows to look down at the hunter underneath him.
"God does not forgive all sins, but your sin was not committed by you, personally. You were possessed. You're here now. I'm here now. Let us lie here together and just be thankful for that," Castiel said. Sam watched the blue eyed angel for a moment before he nodded.
"You're right," Sam said. Castiel leaned down to pressed a kiss to Sam's lips.
"I'm always right."
My first Castiel/Sam fic. Hehe. Proud! Hope you guys like it. You know where the button is ;)