AN: okay hi everyone, we are not updating till we get one review. BTW we don't own any of this. You know all that crap

Chapter One

One time Steff and Hannah were chill-banging on the table at home, eating meatballs while discussing the extreme ugliness of Robert Patterson.

"Oh. My. God. Why is Robert Patterson so damn ugly?" Hannah asked.

"I dunno. Maybe he just fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch, twig, and leaf on the way down." Steff replied.

They laughed and laughed and laughed, until an owl flew in. It began dancing on the kitchen counter, while singing:

We're all in this together,

Once we know,

That we are,

We're all stars…

Hannah noticed how its eyes were a kind of… honey gold colour and it looked at them like they were something to eat.

"Oh my god! A singing and dancing owl!" Steff cried.

"With honey golden eyes!" Hannah injected.

The owl dropped two letters at their feet then sang,

Hogwarts, Hogwarts,

Hoggy warty Hogwarts,

Teach us something please.

Steff and Hannah were intrigued by its craziness, but before they had time to second guess it, the owl flew up and away - out the chimney. They picked up their letters and opened them. They read:

Hi!

You've got a place at Hogwarts for sixth year! Yay! Please find enclosed a list of required items, and two tickets to England and also for the Hogwarts express! Yay!

Thanks, Romy. (Your Headmaster) P.S I AM ONE HOT PUSSY! You know you love it.

"Oh my god! We are so going to Hogwarts!" Hannah exclaimed with glee.

"Oh my god yes." Steff decided to say (she is not very smart, just don't tell her!)

"Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?" Hannah stu-stu-stuttered.

"Dude what the feck is Hogwarts? I mean seriously! I have an SOR assignment due. I can't go off willy nilly around the country side. I HAVE COMMITMENTS, CHELLO?!" Steff blubbered.

"Yeah well I am so there. So you totes have, like, no choice. Besides I haven't even started the SOR assignment anyways." Hannah stated with pride and dignity.

"But listen to what the name implies! I mean seriously: Hogwarts is it a place where the teach you to become hog farmers whilst you develop serious cases of warts." Steff said matter-of-factly.

"Dude whatever. I don't care. You're going. I have decided. So get off your ass and go pack coz we have school in like," Hannah checks her watch, "two hours, so if we wanna go boast about this to our friends we better be ready! So get ready. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" Hannah shrieked.

"Huh?" Steff mumbled.

"Dude just get ready please." Hannah pleaded.

"Oh, sigh. Fine I'll go, but I won't enjoy it." Steff replied boredly.

Once they were ready for school, they climbed into their big jeep and funnily enough they drove TO SCHOOL. In their car that can drive them places. Like school, which funnily enough they can drive to by car, which can drive them to places like school which funnily enough they can drive to.

"STOP!!! We are here!" Steff shouted as Hannah was about to drive past school which they can drive to in their car. They then clambered out of the car and were greeted by their most loyal friends.

"Hey dudes what is hanging?" Steff asked.

"Not much, we have been anticipating your arrival since like," checks watch "two hours ago," Helga replied excitedly.

"Oh well that's… weird…and sort of disturbing. Can you like, go stand over there like, next to Ro-Weiner cause like, we don't want to get your weirdness rubbed off on us, okay?" Hannah said to her weirdo friend.

"Yeah, go stand by Ro-Weiner. Anyway, we have great news!!!!!!" Steff said, impatiently.

"Yeah! We are like, so going to Hogwarts and leaving you freaks behind! Muhahah!" Hannah laughed evilly.

"Yeah, well we have to go now, so yeah. We have to tell all the teachers that we are leaving." Steff jabbered.

Ro-Wiener and Helga didn't say anything back to them, they just whined in the corner, while Hannah and Steff walked away.

They marched into the staff room, slammed their fists on the desk and screamed, "Oi, we're going to Hogwarts right? So we're like not coming back here again, okay? So see yas."

When they were done telling the teachers, they went to the tuckshop, bought lots of hash browns and walked out the front gate. They decided to skip school that day, since it didn't really matter coz they weren't coming back.

They decided to go to the shops to buy provisions for their trip. But first they stopped off at JB Hi Fi to get some free magazines. Then they went to that little arcade thingy, played a game of air hockey, and then started their shopping.

"So how do we buy all our magic stuff?" Steff enquired.

"Well, according to Headmaster Romy's letter, we have to go to the toilets, tap on the wall, and then it opens into this place called Diagon Alley Australian Edtion." Hannah explained.

"Okay, well let's go." Steff said.

So they walked to the toilets and Hannah tapped on the wall, and it opened into the Alley. There were lots of shops and stalls and weirdos walking around. They were all wearing like robes and stuff, and Hannah and Steff were the only normal ones there.

"Do we have to wear all these gay clothes when we go Hogwarts?" Steff protested.

"I'm not. It looks crap anyway." Hannah squawked.

"Okay, so what do we have to buy?"

"Wands, cauldrons, robes, all that crap."

So they bought all their stuff and then booked a hotel room at the Leakey cauldron Australian Edition. They went to sleep that night anticipating the adventures of the next day.