Please hear what I am not saying.

Author's notes: Waaa! I just finished my VERY first Gravitation fic! I don't usually write these kinds of fics… so sad! I'm a Gundam Wing parody writer so please don't rant about how it sucked!! -_-;; Hehe! New Genres…! :) Oh, btw, I won't put the legends and stuff. I', sure you'll understand the fic anyways… Enjoy my friends!

-I don't own Gravitation. I don't own Rukawa Kaede. I don't own Slam Dunk. I own the fic. You won't sue me!

-Iceladys

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"Please Hear What I am Not Saying"

Chapter 1: Deaf. Just Plain Deaf.

Shuichi Shindou. Bad Luck Vocalist.

Day 1

I can only write what I can't say… it's the only thing I can do. It's irrational for me to do this. But I guess I've had too much of a bad thing. Yuki… why are you like that. I've lasted 12 months of your crap. I don't know if I can go on like this eating whatever muck you want me to take. I can walk out the door and leave you now. Right now. Right this instant. But I guess I'm just an old softie and stay… why? Cause I love you… that's why. But you never seem to care. Never seem to show your affections. I know it's hard for you. I know you're not the vocal type like I am. But please, can't you give me a chance? Do I have to always stoop down for you? Just for your affection?

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Eiri Yuki. Novelist.

Day 1

Why? Why can't I say what I want to tell him? I know that I've caused him so much pain… it hurts me too. I wouldn't wonder if he'd leave me. I've treated him like shit from the time God knows when. Why can't I open up to him?? This so hard. It's so hard. You feel like you want to grasp your lover's hand… You think you have the power to do so… and then you'd realize that… that… you're numb. You can't move. Then you feel like you can't breathe as the hand you sought after, the hand that you need, the hand that you live for starts to fade away. Then you can't breathe. It's so hard to be me. Why can't I do this?

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Day 2

I don't understand. Why I have to be so nice. I know that if I leave you, you'd go insane. Maybe… maybe not. But still… You know I'd do anything for you. You know that I'll always be here when you need me. Can't you be there for me too? I can't believe I'm writing this… thought. Actually, THESE thoughts. It seems so not me. Okay, so I've repeated myself again…

I came home today and I saw you, Yuki. You're in front of your computer. Typing away. I came in with the usual smile on my face… putting aside the pain you've caused me. I was jolly, happy and I even kissed you… but what did you do? You pushed me aside and said, once more, the things that you always say when I get home. "Shut up, stupid. You're distracting me. Can't you come home a bit more late? Haven't you had enough talking for a day? You've been singing the whole time you're away and you still have the energy to talk." I'm getting sick and tired of this. When night comes that you'd use me as your sex slave, I can't help but give in. Sometimes, I do enjoy the night. But nowadays, I can't help but cry. You only show you love me when you're drunk in lust or alcohol. It's not fair. It's just not fair.

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Day 2

Shuichi. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I even sent you outside in the cold. I knew you had a problem. I have problems myself. Why can't I help you? Damn, I wish you never met me. I wish you just ran off with your Hiro. You'd have a better life with him. But… at the same time… I can't let you go. I can't cause… I love you. There. …Those 3 words… the 3 words that can say it all… yet the 3 words I can't say. How ironic. I am a living irony. I'm a love story novelist but can't even write my own love story. I have stories with happy endings but my love story feels like a tragedy. It's so me…

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Day 3

Today, I think it's a bit more peaceful. You're away and I'll have the house for myself. Hmm… I wonder what you're doing now… you're probably having a blast since I'm miles away from you. No Shuichi to bother you and scream around like some bozo…

I can't believe you wasted your precious time and called me. That's a good thing. But I can't push aside this time the pain I have inside. I can't ignore it any longer. There's just one thing to do now I guess. It'd be better for the both of us… so many times that I wished you'd hear what I am not saying… so many time that I lost count of it. But up until now… you still don't hear it. I guess it's my fault to that you never knew of how much pain I'm feeling… but can't you sense it?

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Day 3

I miss you so much Shuichi… I'm so glad I had the guts to call you. You seemed a bit lonely… I tried my best to not sound too harsh or anything… It's so… quiet… I don't know how I stand the silence of my home… if it's a home. When I met you, the silence was broken. And it feels as if you're already the air that I breathe. That I'd die without you… But I push you away…  I've treated you like shit all the time and I don't know how you can stand it… but I sure can't. Shuichi… I… I can't tell you what… what I want to say… please… hear what I'm not saying… please…?

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Yuki came home that night. He opened the door and entered his home. It was seemingly odd that the lights were out. Also, it was quiet. "Hn…" He dropped his bag and preceded to the living room, hoping he'd find his lover… he wasn't there. He felt quite annoyed of his situation but assumed that Shuichi was probably in the bedroom. He entered the room to find that he wasn't there. A bit of panic came up to him as he searched his mind for some answers to his question… /Where the heck is Shuichi?!/ "Dammit…" He resumed to his study where he found a little notebook. He randomly opened the notebook to some pages and found that the owner only used 3 pages. /Just like Shuichi. What a waste…/ He dropped the notebook to the table, it fell backwards and saw that the notebook had a letter stuck to it. It says:

Hey! What's up? Hmmm, sorry if I can't be there to welcome you home. I'm practically far away now by the time you read my note. Anyway, if you're reading this, I suppose you wouldn't mind me using this to say goodbye. I've actually had enough of your stupid little games. It's just right that I change that and say stupid BIG games… or maybe not cause you'd say I'm so stupid. Well then, have a nice life Yuki! Maybe we'll see each other someday. I dunnow! Geeez, this is getting long isn't it? I wish you luck in your work! Bye 'til whenever! Oh yea, take your time reading this. It's very important!

-Shuichi shindig, bad luck vocals

/Wha…What the heck… Shuichi…/

"No… you didn't hear me didn't you…"

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Meanwhile… in Hiroshi Nakano's place…

"Shu… Will you be fine?"

Shuichi managed to smile a bit at Hiro.

/Hmm… this is for the best./

"Hmm… Yeah. I guess… Thanks! I owe you a lot!"

/Shuichi… you torture yourself too much. But I'm here…/

"Don't mention it. So, what about that song you…"

Shuichi can't hear what Hiroshi was blabbering about. He knew he's trying to cheer him up so he smiled at times… but in his mind…

/Yuki… You… didn't hear me… didn't you?/

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Iceladys: At last! Chapter one is done! I cannot buhlieve this… Well, actually, I could, but I won't but it's here so why not?!

Rukawa: …do'aho…

Iceladys: Hey! Kitsune, what are YOU doing here?! You're 80 Anime titles away from Gravitation you know!

Rukawa: …it was noisy there.

Iceladys: Here. *tosses a basketball to Rukawa* Wanna play a game before the 2nd chapter?

Rukawa: You'll lose to me.

Iceladys: *sweatdrops* Ano… it'll be fun! Practice! Practice! Practice!

Rukawa: …Where's the ring?

Iceladys: *snaps fingers and a whole basketball court appears* Over there!

Rukawa: …Nice… I'm sleepy.

Iceladys: But we're gonna play a game!!! *tears welling up on her eyes, cheeks red in super chibi figure*

Rukawa: /No! Not the teary eyes again!/ …let me sleep and I'll think about it.

Iceladys: ONE KING SIZE BED COMING UP! *snaps fingers again* Tada!

Rukawa: *walks over to the bed and sits* …Soft, hm?

Iceladys: /How would it feel to… Baah! Nevermind! Bad for kiddies!/  Goodnight, Rukawa-san!

Rukawa: Yea… Zzzzzz…

Iceladys: Oh well! I'll be writing the 2nd chapter while Rukawa here sleeps! Next chapter, we might have more guest! Chaos! Chaos! Chaos! Ja!

Rukawa: *stops snoring* …

Iceladys: …

Rukawa: …are they gone?

super chibi mode! ^_^

Iceladys: GYAAAAAHHH!!!! *nerves popping out of her forehead* I thought you'd gone asleep!

Rukawa: *pats the space beside him on the bed*

Iceladys: *blushes* Urgent! Gotta go! Back in a flash!

---end of transmission---