Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: This is an entry to the 30dogpile challenge in LiveJournal, the theme being Youth. Threesome.

Parental Advisory

Renji's father was convinced it was 'just a phase' and would be over with time once he grew up and got wiser. Of course, it might have been quite a bit more unusual than the 'phases' people usually had, but it was the only explanation his perfectly logical mind would accept. This was the only possible reason why his son would be willing to live in this kind of a relationship.

His mother was somewhat more reasonable than her husband, accepting the fact that yes, her son might actually be this twisted by nature and there was nothing she could do about it. It didn't mean she would stop trying to make Renji make up his mind and settle down with just one nice boy, of course.

Needless to say, Renji wasn't entirely happy about their attitudes.

"I can't believe this." Renji sighed as he walked into the kitchen, staring at his cell phone. "I do enjoy talking with my family every once in a while, but I wish they wouldn't ask such stupid questions every time."

"Oh?" Inui seemed vaguely interested. "What'd they say? Have some coffee."

"Thanks," Renji replied, taking the offered cup. "Just the usual, you know," he said after taking a sip. "My father asked whether I am still 'confused' and how it might be better for me to talk with a therapist or something to 'sort out my true feelings'. My mother, though... well, she asked me to visit my grandmother, but 'please take along only one of your boys if you really must; she's old and it'll be enough of a shock that you are living with a man, leave alone two.'"

Kaidoh hissed a bit, staring at his tea. "And what'd you say?" he asked after a moment's silence. Even after years of being in this relationship, there was still occasional uncertainty left between these two, especially on Kaidoh's part. It was like he couldn't bring himself to believe Renji might actually like him for himself, not just as an accessory of Inui's.

"I told her that I would go with the two of you or I wouldn't go at all," Renji replied, looking straight at Kaidoh as if to especially reassure him. "Oh, and then I said that if she really wanted me to lie about my living conditions, I could always take my whole old team along and tell grandmother that I am a part of Yukimura-buchou's harem."

At that, Inui chuckled aloud. "She probably didn't take very well at that," he guessed, smirking. Kaidoh simply snorted in amusement.

"I guess you could say so." Renji shrugged. "She started crying and accused me of driving the whole family apart and what did they do for me to turn out to be this horrible a person anyway. Now, I didn't mean to make her cry, but after all these years, she should know better."

"So, are we going to see your grandmother?" Inui asked then. "Or is she too likely to get a stroke if you show up with both of us?"

Renji shrugged again. "I thought I could call her first and see how it is," he said. "On one hand, I remember her being rather reasonable; on the other hand, my mother has to have got all those genes from somewhere..."

In the end, they did visit the said grandmother, who turned out to be quite a lively and energetic old lady without a single intention to be shocked to death by her grandson's choice. She told Renji that he had grown quite a bit, commented sharply on Inui's exceptional height, and pinched Kaidoh's cheek and called him cute.

Apparently not everybody in a family could be absolutely hopeless, they concluded.

Inui's parents, on the other hand, felt quite ambivalent about this situation. On one hand, they felt they should have disapproved; on the other hand, he was their only son and heir. Disowning him would have meant ending the family line -- not that he was very likely to carry it on, anyway. They also were quite fond of their son even if they rarely had any actual impact on his life. And, much though they hated to admit it, they simply couldn't bring themselves to hate the ever polite and respectful Kaidoh or the already familiar Renji, either.

As a result of this dilemma, they ended up behaving rather irrationally at times. The boys didn't mind. They had been accepted, in a very strange way, and even if Inui's parents complained about their 'unnatural ways' at least they had never made a single attempt to force them apart.

For that, they would endure quite a lot.

"Well?" Kaidoh raised his eyebrows as Inui ended the call. Whenever Inui called his parents, the results were... interesting.

Inui's expression didn't waver the slightest bit. "We are all unnatural abominations and should never have been allowed to come to existence at the first place," he informed his lovers with a neutral tone. "Oh, and we're expected to go over for dinner on Sunday."

"I'm not sure if we should," Renji mused, a smile on his lips. "Whenever I eat something made by your mother I have to wonder whether she's trying to feed me or poison me."

"Oh, come on now, Renji." Inui smirked now. "There's only a 7 percent chance she would actually try to poison any of us. She hasn't even once in all these years, has she?"

Kaidoh hissed. "It's about the damn time, then," he commented.

Neither of the dataplayers could say much to that.

The ones they had been most worried about beforehand were Kaidoh's parents. They were quite old-fashioned and traditional, enough so that Kaidoh hadn't even dared tell them that he preferred men.

The more surprised the three were, then, as following their courageous declaration the only reactions had been a brilliant smile and invitation for dinner from Kaidoh's mother and a short comment of 'finally' from his father. It was perfectly all right, they were informed. Kaoru was happy and that was all that mattered. As long as they didn't hurt their little boy, they were welcome to call them parents.

It might have been just because she was preparing a salad for the aforementioned dinner, but as she mentioned hurting Kaidoh, his mother was holding a very sharp knife she seemed to use expertly. Whether or not it was a coincidence, Inui and Renji made a silent vow never to upset her.

"May I have some more?" asked a polite voice.

"But of course, Hazue. It's nice to see you like it," Kaidoh's mother said, smiling at his younger son. Hazue was a fine young man now, and dating a very cute girl -- which meant she would hopefully get grandchildren at one point, too. Therefore, everything was perfect.

"I do not wonder about that," Inui said, smiling at her. "Indeed, I believe this was 15 better than the last time, and even then it was heavenly. I can definitely see where Kaoru gets his cooking skills from. We're honoured to get to enjoy them."

"Oh, you flatter me, Sadaharu-kun." She smiled. "It's just some basic cookery, nothing special. Besides, the least I can do for everything you have done for Kaoru is feeding you every now and then. Really, I wish you came over more often!"

The dinners at the Kaidoh household were always like this -- relaxed chatter, polite tones, even the occasional burst of laughter. At the same time it was incredibly reserved in a way that didn't leave any uncertainty as to where Kaidoh had learnt his for the most part rather quiet manners. Where he had managed to get his temper from remained a mystery, though Inui was willing to calculate some figures whenever he saw Kaidoh's mother with her knife.

Kaidoh handed his little brother the spices when asked to, somewhat uncharacteristically smiling silently to himself as he looked at the five people who made his life worth living.

Of course, his mother's cooking was not something to be ignored, either.

All in all, the young men decided, their parents weren't that bad in the end. At the very least, they could survive -- even with the occasional fear of poisoning.