"Love make us liars."
The phrase keeps bouncing in my head, the phrase Jace repeated from the queen. I have not been lying to myself, have I? I look closely at Jace, trying to feel anything for him but brotherly affection. It's not working.
So, Jace sees something that I have not known myself. That I just use him as an excuse, and nothing more. The image of Magnus pops into my head. Now, he, he's the one that gives me butterflies. Not Jace.
But, I am too scared to admit it. It's a double no-no: being gay and in love with a downworlder. I was raised well, but I still want something that I shouldn't want. I give a slight smile. But, people always say that you can't choose who you fall in love with.
Just like clary and Jace. The heartbreak of those two, being actual siblings. And I know that Jace will forever love Clary, until his last breath. That's true love, not the kind of feelings that I have for Jace. You know when you find your true love when you come alive.
And I'm alive with Magnus. He makes me come out of my comfort zone, and experience new things. He makes me be more risky instead of the mother hen. He makes the adrenaline rush through my veins, when there is no danger. He makes me feel alive.
And that's exactly what I need, not protecting Jace. But having someone there to protect me, no matter what. No matter against who, or where I am. And me protecting them, as well. Magnus has already done that, casting a spell on me when I was going to tell the truth about myself to my parents. He knew that I would be horrified later when the fearless ruin faded.
So, now is the time to be fearless again. Only I will have no ruin to help me along the way. I have to do this myself, if I ever want to find happiness. I need to tell the truth, instead of being a coward and living like someone else.
Yes, love does make us liars. To ourselves and to everyone else who loves us. It's about time that changes. I take a deep breath and release it, already nervous. I can do this.