It had been four months since the end of her relationship. Since they had decided it was best to end it before Maggie took a job in New York. Alex had mostly gone along with it because she didn't want to be the one to take such an amazing opportunity away from Maggie. She couldn't handle the thought of Maggie resenting her. So, she had pretended it was a good idea to put their relationship on hold because "long distance never works." Like they had meant nothing, they took off their rings and said goodbye, all while Alex's heart was shattering.

From what Alex could gather from stalking Maggie through social media and some other not so legal means, Maggie was flourishing in her new life. Her vast knowledge of aliens and her innate instincts meant she was already in line for a promotion. The fastest one for anyone in her new precinct apparently.

For Alex however, everything was falling apart around her. A month after Maggie left, Alex had been called to a scene. It had been a mass grave of sorts. Human bodies, as well as alien bodies all, discarded like someone's garbage. Among the bodies had been Jeremiah Danvers. The autopsy and tests had determined he had been dead since a couple of days after Alex had infiltrated the Cadmus facility. She knew without a doubt she was the reason they had killed him. Most of the bodies had signs of experimentation and his was no exception. His "bionic" arm had been missing and there were signs of failed attempts to turn him into another Hank Henshaw.

She had been able to convince Kara and the others not to contact Maggie. Convince them that she wasn't completely broken. She now simply spent most of her time alone in her apartment, in the dark, drunk out of her mind. At this point, the only time she wasn't drunk was at work. She had finally gotten used to an ever-present headache.

The very same as the one she was sporting now. She was pretending to be diligently going over the file in front of her when in reality, she was fighting down the nausea turning her stomach.

"Are you still with us agent Danvers?" J'onn asked, his tone brusque and annoyed.

Alex straightened, trying not to wince, "Yes, sir."

She had decided to get out of her apartment last night, ending up in some bar she had never been to before. She didn't remember much after arriving. But she remembers very vividly waking up in an unfamiliar apartment next to a very curvy blonde. It didn't take her long to deduce what had happened the night before. It had taken her ten minutes to find her clothes and slink out of the apartment, blessedly undetected by the still sleeping blonde. If Kara had noticed that Alex was wearing the same clothes as the day before, she had kept it to herself.

"Everyone be careful out there. These guys are unpredictable and won't hesitate to kill," J'onn was saying as Alex tuned back into the conversation. "Any questions?" he asked looking pointedly at Alex.

"No, sir," the group answered together.

After grabbing their gear everyone loaded into the SUV's and they were on their way. Alex avoided J'onn's gaze by needlessly rechecking her gear for the fourth time.

It was a short ride to their destination and Supergirl was already on site, hovering above the target building gathering what intel she could for the strike team.

"There are at least thirty targets in the building. All armed," Supergirl announced over the coms. "They have prisoners locked in a room in the back. I can count fifteen but there may be more. They're packed awfully tight in there."

"We read you Supergirl. Wait for my word," J'onn instructed, before turning and commanding the others.

Alex stood toward the back, willing the shaking in her hands to go away. She had been doing this job long enough to know the shaking wasn't from nerves. She needed a drink.

Alex knew her job by heart so she just instinctively fell into place at the door. Always one of the first to breach. As J'onn gave the word they all rushed forward yelling for the suspects to drop their weapons. Of course, that didn't happen and all hell broke loose. Alex raised her gun and easily took out three men standing the closest to her.

She saw two of her own go down but ignored it and advanced further into the building. She could see Kara to her left easily handling the ones brave enough to go against Supergirl. Alex's attention was drawn to five men standing off to the side talking before they finally took off toward the back of the building. The prisoners.

Alex had seen it before. Killing all the prisoners because a dead prisoner can't talk. Alex looked around for backup, but everyone was preoccupied. It was against protocol, but she made an executive decision and pursued without telling anyone what she was doing.

She stayed low and moved quickly. When she caught up to them they were standing outside a door that looked like a giant bank vault. There was a big panel on the outside that one of the men was punching a sequence of numbers into.

"DEO, Freeze!" she yelled, exposing herself.

Without hesitation, the men turned and fired on her. She fired too and took down two of the men but she was knocked back by a hit to her bulletproof vest. Experience and the adrenaline kept her on her feet and she kept shooting, finally taking out one more. Leaving just the two, before she dived for cover behind a large shipping crate. Focusing in on the sounds of the suspects she could hear one moving closer to her position, while electronic beeps filled the air as the other man continued his own task.

Controlling her breathing she tried to judge how close her pursuer was. Going by instinct she jumped up, her gun aimed and pulled the trigger. However, she had misjudged and the man had time to fire two shots before she adjusted and fired again. She felt a bullet rip through her shoulder and another just below her vest at her hip.

She cried out in, the pain intense, but she still had work to do. Using the adrenaline and pure rage at being shot, she advanced on the man, "Turn around and get on the ground," she managed to get out through gritted teeth.

The man froze and raised his arms turning slowly, "You're too late," he smirked and then with an impressive speed he pulled a gun from his belt and shot himself in the head. Alex barely flinched.

Fighting to keep her feet she rushed to the door. She could hear what sounded like high pressured air and as she looked around she noticed pipes going into the room holding the prisoners, on the ceiling, "Kara I need you in the back. Hurry," she called over the coms.

The edges of her vision were starting to darken and she could feel herself fading. Knowing she needed to get out of the way before she passed out she moved against the wall.

"Alex!" Kara's panicked voice filled the room.

"He's poisoning them," Alex was barely able to get out.

Kara looked at the door, "Hold on, I'll be back."

Alex doesn't know if she responded. She's suddenly on the floor and the sounds of Kara straining are just faint echoes in her mind. She vaguely aware of someone cradling her before everything fades away.

There was a beeping sound that just wouldn't stop and it was driving Alex insane. She keeps trying to complain but nothing is happening. She can't open her eyes, she can't talk.

She does eventually get her eyes to open. The light is blinding and she can only manage a moan in protest.

"Alex?" its Kara's voice and thankfully the light is dimmed and she manages to fully open her eyes.

"Why won't the beeping stop?" Alex manages to grate out through her raw throat.

"We need to get a reading on your vitals and then we'll turn it off," an unfamiliar voice says. Then after a few minutes, the beeping is finally gone.

"Where am I?" Alex was finally able to focus on Kara who was leaning over her, a worried expression, marring her features.

"You're in the DEO med bay. You were shot," Kara's voice faltered on the word. She looked away, but not before Alex saw the tears.

"I'm OK. It doesn't even hurt."

"That's because you're full of pain meds," Eliza Danvers pointed out as she entered the room.

"What happened?" Alex asked no one in particular. She couldn't quite remember. But as Kara explained what happened it all came flooding back, "Did the prisoners make it?" she interrupted.

Kara hesitated before finally shaking her head, "The poison they were pumping in worked too fast. They were gone before I got the door open."

More people she couldn't save. Alex closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay, not wanting to cry in front of Kara and her mom.

"It wasn't your fault Alex," Kara tried to comfort her, holding her hand.

But the words meant nothing when Alex knew the truth.

Everything hurt. Alex was finally at home after two days in the med bay. She had lucked out and both bullets hadn't hit anything major. Even the shot to her hip had been high enough to not cause any permanent damage. The only reason she had stayed in the med bay so long was she lost a lot of blood and she had problems with her blood pressure.

She had been home for only a couple of hours and Kara had been hovering the whole time. Asking every couple of minutes if she was OK or if she needed anything. And Alex loved her for it but she just wanted to be left alone.

"Kara?"

Kara looked up from where she was fussing with getting the pillows laying around Alex just right, "Yeah?"

"I know you have other things to be doing." When Kara started to interrupt she beat her to it, "I'm just going to sleep. I'll be OK." She smiled as Kara looked contemplative.

"You're just going to sleep?"

"Yes."

After another couple of minutes, Kara seemed to come to a decision, "I can be right back here if you need me. Call me when you wake up though. OK?"

"Yeah, I will," Alex promised and then after several more minutes of fussing from Kara and a gentle hug. Kara was gone and Alex was finally alone.

Everything hurt. Not just physically. She lay on the bed, images flashing through her mind of all the people she had failed. Maggie, her father, the faceless people she hadn't been able to save. J'onn for not being a good enough agent. She needed a drink. She knew that mixing pain meds and alcohol was stupid, but she just didn't remotely care.

It took her nearly ten minutes just to make her way to the kitchen and back to her bed with her glass. Even though it wasn't time yet she shook out two pills into her palm and popped them into her mouth before she could think too hard about it.

The ringing of the phone pulled her out of a deep sleep. She wasn't sure how long she slept, but the apartment was completely dark except for the light from her phone. Squinting at the blinding screen she gave up on trying to see who it was and answered, "Danvers."

"Hey, it's me." It was Maggie.

"Hey, what's going on?" They had shared several phone conversations but they were starting to become less frequent. Distancing her from Maggie even more.

"James called me and told me what happened."

Alex rolled her eyes. Of course, "Yeah, I'm home now. Everything's good," she was saying the words and wasn't convinced.

"You sound strange," Maggie had always been too observant.

"I just woke up. And the painkillers really pack a punch."

"Is Kara with you? You shouldn't be alone."

The concern she could hear in Maggie's voice hurt. She didn't deserve it, "I'm supposed to call her now that I'm awake."

There was silence on the line before, "I worry about you, Alex."

"I know you do. I promise I'm OK." She wasn't. But she had become very good at keeping others from knowing that.

"I don't believe you."

The words caused an irrational flash of anger to course through her body, "It doesn't really matter does it, Maggie. You're not a part of my life anymore, are you?" The words were harsh and she almost instantly regretted them, but there was truth to them.

Maggie was silent again but Alex could still hear her breathing. After a considerable amount of time, Maggie quietly spoke. "You're right. Sorry to bother you. Take care of yourself, Danvers," and then she was gone.

Alex threw the phone across the room, angry at herself. And then cried out as pain coursed through her body from her wounds. And of course, that was the exact moment that Kara flew in through the open balcony door.

She was at Alex's side in a flash, "Hey, hey, it's OK." She helped Alex calm down. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Maggie called and I was a bitch to her," Alex got out between deep breaths to control the pain. It finally eased. "James told her about what happened, so she was calling to check on me."

"Why were you a bitch?" Kara asked, getting right to the point.

Alex laughed humorlessly, "Because I am one."

Alex knew she was entering a new stage of self-loathing. She had become an expert at self-loathing as a child whenever she wasn't quite good enough at protecting Kara or her secret. Whenever she couldn't quite understand a subject or project in school. The major difference now was she just didn't care. She was a screw-up and would always be a screw-up, so why even care anymore. The acceptance of one's failure at life was easier than expected.