Meh. Mega writer's block, and I just kind of wrote words down.
Useless words. Hooray!
Kay, review for meee!
And yes, I know it's all over the place and god awful, but if I didn't have such awesome ((note the sarcasm)) writer's block, I'd probably make a million changes.
I may rewrite this later so it's way better.
Idk...
But yeah. I love the quote in the beginning. That's what gave me the idea. (:
Kay loves, bye!
"What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now."
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She knew that her past wasn't important anymore, but she found it in her mind much too often. It came in quick snapshots, as if she had held a camera the day each memory occurred.
Those memories- the ones that saved her from worrying about her future- only came when she thought of him. Of how lucky she was. Her past had formed her into the girl he loved, and for that, she was thankful.
There were only six memories she truly thanked. A promise, a late night conversation, a break up, a run-in, a first fight, and a new beginning. They hadn't all been beloved memories, but they had changed her. They had molded her into a better version of herself. The version he met.
The version he loved.
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A Promise
/
Clare wasn't quite sure what she'd done to have earned such stares. Such loving comments.
She'd done exactly what her parents had asked of her- make a promise to God. It was a promise she understood, respected, and planned to follow. But did such a simple promise really mean so much?
Clare ran to her room before her parents could congratulate her once more. Darcy had already found her way up there, so Clare sat next to her on the floor. Darcy had her thumb nail pressed between her teeth as she chewed, and only looked from her text book to acknowledge Clare's presence.
"You did a good thing today, Clare." Darcy said through her painted nail. Clare didn't bother to say thank you, because she knew the words would sound- and taste- sour. Honestly, Clare was thankful. She knew this promise was an important one, but she didn't need to be reminded that it was.
Darcy looked up again. This time, she set her book aside before grabbing her baby sister's left hand. Her eyes skimmed the piece of jewelry on Clare's delicate finger, "You know, your ring is really pretty." Her voice was much softer now. Darcy knew what Clare was feeling. She'd felt it herself when she made her vow to God.
The silence was cut short by Clare's giggles, "I think so, too."
"Well, if you're going to be stuck with it for a while…" Darcy trailed off as a smile took place on her face.
"It may as well be beautiful." Clare piped in. Darcy nodded, grabbing her text book again.
"Now let me study." Darcy murmured out. Clare stood, but not before catching her older sister's glance.
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A Late Night Conversation
/
Clare had gone to 'The Dot' with KC. Alone. Only two weeks earlier, Clare had told KC that she wasn't ready for a relationship, and now she was practically in one with him. She was disappointed in herself.
She'd made a promise to herself that high school would be all about the grades, not boys. KC had made such a promise nearly impossible to follow, though. Clare grabbed her cell phone and pushed the '3' button.
Calling Alli.
Alli's face popped up onto the screen just as her voice bubbled out a 'hello'.
"I need advice." Clare said quietly. She snuck a glance towards her door to make sure it was shut.
"Shoot." Was Alli's response.
Clare fell onto her bed before beginning the story of her study time with KC. She made sure to explain the way his face dropped when he smiled, and the way he watched her when she read the instructions for math problems.
"Just tell him you're totally in love with him and get it over with." Alli squealed before telling Clare that she had to go. Something about sneaking out to see Johnny.
When Clare got off the phone, she realized that it was already eleven. Had she really spent nearly two hours telling Alli about KC's smile and his laugh?
Maybe dating one boy wouldn't be a bad idea…
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A Break Up
/
Clare rushed to her room before her parents could see the tears blotched along her cheeks. How could KC do that? How could he like another girl while they were dating? It wasn't fair! He was hers, not Jenna's.
She called Alli to inform her that she wouldn't be going to see KC win an award. Alli got the small detail of 'broken up' before telling her that she'd come over on Friday with a bucket of ice cream.
Of course, her mother found her before her eyes were clear of water, and she had to explain that she had had a boyfriend. So instead of ranting to Alli in Media Immersion the next day, she was ranting to her mother.
"He likes Jenna."
That was the only clear thing her mother could pick up, but Mrs. Edwards was sure that wasn't all that was said on the topic of Jenna.
"I thought he understood how uneasy I was with the idea of having a boyfriend. How breakable I was."
That was the last thing Clare slurred out before shuffling off into a deep sleep. In her slumber, she only found black and white.
It was as dull as KC's heart.
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A Run-In
/
It was barely summer. Clare and Alli were having a sleepover to celebrate being drama free, boy free girls. They rushed to the grocery store in nothing but their pajamas. Alli had taken nearly fifteen minutes to convince Clare to do so, but in her opinion, it was worth it.
They sprinted down the frozen section until they slid to a stop in front of a fridge filled with ice cream.
"What kind?" Alli asked. Clare shrugged. They had just enough money to buy a large carton, so Clare plunged for a vanilla bean. Alli agreed and they headed off for the check out counter.
They were laughing about something that a cover of a magazine said until they heard a familiar voice.
"Is that," Clare paused as she examined her outfit, "KC?"
No. Not only was her ex-boyfriend only feet away, but she was in her rabbit and duck covered pajamas with her hair in lopsided dog ears.
She was a walking petting zoo. Great.
Alli quickly snatched the money from Clare and paid for the carton. They began to jog away from the store when they heard a voice call out their names.
Stupid Dave.
"Hey ladies." Dave said casually. The two girls nodded slightly.
Clare caught the way KC watched her shift uncomfortably. He'd looked at her like that before; when they were dating. But now, it felt wrong. Alli grabbed onto Clare's hand and dragged her across the street.
Now, Clare was certain of two things. One, she needed new pajamas.
And two, she was completely, and one-hundred percent, over KC.
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A First Fight
/
They'd only been home from church for five minutes, and her dad was already headed towards the door.
"Honey, where are you going?" Helen asked without turning from Clare. She was currently helping Clare untangle a strand of hair from her necklace.
"The office. I'll be back in an hour or two." He responded. The way his voice growled near the end made Clare's head snap up. Her mother pushed her head back down, though, so she could finish untangling her hair.
"But today's Sunday." Helen said in a darker voice. Randall shrugged before throwing the door open and shuffling out.
Three hours later, he was back. Clare couldn't quite remember why they began yelling, but she found herself on the phone with Alli. She began talking as loud as she could to cover up the sobs that came from the opened door after her father stormed down the stairs.
She spent the rest of the day pulling her hair from her necklace. To distract herself from the crying across the hall, Clare started to map out a much shorter- and much more stylish- haircut. One that wouldn't get caught in her necklace while her parents fight.
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A New Beginning
/
Clare felt as though this memory- of all of them- was the shortest. Only a quick moment of peace.
The moment she hopped from the bus to see Alli's smiling face. The moment Alli's hand flung up into her best friend's hair in surprise.
That moment changed her the most.
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All of the moments- the memories- were just snapshots. They were the past, and she hated that she so often found herself there. But honestly, if the moments she kept running through her mind had really changed her that much, maybe it was alright to think of them. Maybe the past was a good thing.
Maybe it was a great thing.