Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and never will. This is just a somewhat of a Mary-Sue parody that me and my friend wrote when we were tired and hyped up on sugar. All we own from this story are Marissa Jenkins, Kristine Daniels, Michael Daniels, and Snape's teddy. Flames are welcomed, by the way. )
"Welcome back, Sir!" Kristine said as Professor Snape came back into the classroom. He had to leave the classroom for a few minutes after being summoned by one of the other Professors.
"Thank you Miss Daniels, now take a seat and 100 points from Gryffindor!" Snape said.
"But, Professor! It's my brother's fault!" Kristine argued.
"Hey!" said Michael from across the room.
"How is it your brother's fault? You know what, I don't care. Detention for your brother! Bwahahahahahahaha…cough… hahahahaha!"
"But Professor! He has an important Quidditch practice coming up!" Kristine protested.
"Why should I care? He's not a Slytherin. Now TAKE A SEAT!" Snape snapped.
"Ok, sir. But maybe I should go tell Professor McGonagall he won't be there." Kristine said starting to head for the door.
"Miss Daniels sit down! Potter! Go and inform Professor McGonagall that Kristine's brother will not be able to make it to his Quidditch practice. Miss Daniels, an additional 20 points will be taken from Gryffindor for your insolence!" Snape said. If you looked closely, you could see tears starting to form in his eyes.
"You're a meannie head, Professor!" Kristine yelled.
"That's it! That. Is. It! I quit! I can't take this anymore! Class dismissed! Now if you excuse me I have to go wash my hair for the first time in 30 years and go snuggle with my teddy bear! Miss Daniels, it is you who is the meannie head!" Snape said bursting into tears. At that moment, Dumbledore walked in. "What is all this commotion? I could hear you from my office!"
"Kristine Daniels IS MEAN!" Snape yelled falling to the floor sobbing.
"What crazy thing did Miss Daniels do this time?" Dumbledore asked with a twinkle in his eyes.
"She called me a meannie head, and made me admit that I sleep-ahem, never mind Professor."
"Miss Daniels?"
"Yes?" Kristine said innocently.
"Exactly what happened?" Dumbledore asked.
"Why are you asking her? All that happened was that she welcomed me back into my classroom, I told her to sit down and took 100 points off Gryffindor for something I can't remember, and then she called me a meannie head, and I got upset, because underneath this tough exterior, I am more sensitive than Barney the scary Muggle dinosaur, and I dismissed the class!" Snape said petulantly.
"I did not! He gave Michael detention and he always makes me say crazy things! Besides, you said not to give Quidditch kids detention and Professor McGonagall is scary when she's mad!" Kristine argued.
"Headmaster, who are you going to believe? This insolent child or a faithful teacher of 15 years?" Snape asked. "I miss my teddy; I hope she's okay by herself." He thought worriedly.
"Well, she has never given me a reason to doubt her, but neither has you Severus...my, what a hard choice! Lemon Drop anyone?"
At that moment, Marissa Jenkins, Kristine's best friend burst through the door prepared to defend her. Marissa had originally left with the rest of the class but felt bad for abandoning Kristine.
"Oh, me! Me! I want one!" she said excitedly spotting the Lemon drops in Dumbledore's hand.
"Excuse me Miss Jenkins, but I believe this is none of your affair! Professor Dumbledore!" Snape cried.
"She is in her right place, Severus. She was in the class after all." Dumbledore said.
Snape looked as if James Potter came back from the dead.
"Thank you Professor Dumbledore. May I now give my side of the story?" Marissa asked sweetly.
"Yes, go ahead."
"Ahem, it all started when Kristine graciously welcomed Professor Snape into the classroom. It was then that he yelled at her, took points off Gryffindor, and gave Michael detention when he knows full well Michael has a Quidditch practice coming up. He then sent Harry out of the class room to tell Professor McGonagall that Mike will not be able to attend. Obviously Kristine was upset and asked Professor Snape not to be so mean. He then proceeded to lose it, saying how much he wants to quit his job, wash his hair and cuddle with his teddy bear!" Marissa said, snickering as she said this last part.
"I see." Dumbledore said coughing to cover up a laugh.
"She's lying Headmaster! These girls are liars! That's not how it happened!" Snape said bursting into tears again. He fell to the floor in a tantrum whimpering and crying and occasionally muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, 'teddy, want my teddy'.
Marissa, Dumbledore, and Kristine looked down at Snape not sure how to act.
"Professor Dumbledore, I think Snape needs to go see Madam Pomfrey, or receive a very powerful memory charm, as clearly he's been the victim of one to many Crucio's and it's starting to scramble his brains more than they already were." Marissa finally said.
"Yes, he does need to see Madam Pomfrey." Dumbledore agreed.
"So, is Michael still going to get detention?" Kristine asked.
"First, let me hear what Miss Granger has to say about it." Dumbledore replied.
"I'll get her!" Marissa offered pulling out her wand. After casting the Sonorus spell, she took a deep breath.
"HHEEEEERRRRRRRMMMMMMIIIIIOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE!"
A few minutes later, Hermione burst into the room scared to death by Marissa's yell.
"What!?" she asked breathlessly looking around the room for some kind of trouble.
"Miss Granger, I have already heard Miss Daniel's side, and Miss Jenkin's side but I would like to hear your side, so I can get to the very bottom of things. Lemon drop?"
"Um, no thank you sir." said Hermione.
"They always refuse." Dumbledore muttered. "Well, Miss Granger, are you going to give your side?"
After Hermione told Dumbledore everything, the three girls, excluding Snape since he fell asleep on the floor with his thumb in his mouth, waited as Dumbledore made up his mind.
"Well, I have come to the conclusion that Professor Snape is under a lot of stress, and shall take a very long vacation! Miss Daniels, Miss Jenkins, and Miss Granger, thank you!" Dumbledore said brightly after a few minutes.
"You're welcome!" Hermione, Marissa, and Kristine said in unison.
They all carefully stepped over Snape and were almost to the door when Dumbledore called them back.
"Yes Professor?" they all asked.
"You forgot to take some Lemon drops!"
Okay, so I know it's bad but it was freaking hilarious when my friend and I were tired. So anyways, review or flame if you want.